16

Astrid and I walked through the dark, quiet streets. I was supposed to be scared. I was supposed to be anxious that anytime that moment, the same person who stabbed three girls including my best friend could do the same thing to Astrid and me.

But I wasn't scared.

Not at all.

In fact, I was calm. Was it because of Astrid's gentle footsteps being in sync with mine? Was it the scent of the arriving dawn? I had no idea, but the fact that I wanted to have a longer street to walk through so I could be with her more was something I never expected I would feel.

"What was that about?" I asked. "Why did you ask me something like that?"

"The question should be . . . why was that your answer?"

She stopped walking. The moon was bright so I was able to see her face clearly.

"I-I was messing around," I said.

"Then I was messing around, too."

"Even the kiss?"

"We didn't kiss."

"But if Douglas didn't knock, we would have, right?"

I don't know why I was insisting. Perhaps I really wanted us to kiss? Maybe it was just the liquor. Maybe it was because she's the only thing I'd felt ever since I lost Maisie and I didn't want to let go of it.

I needed something strong to feel. I needed Astrid.

"Yes," she said. "Of course we would have kissed."

"W-What?"

"Don't what me," she said, laughing, before she continued to walk again. I saw her tap her pant pockets. "Oh, man. A single cigarette stick left."

"Astrid—"

"I don't want you to come back to that house party anymore."

That was out of nowhere, which made me confused. "Why, all of a sudden? You're acting weird."

"Because!"

"Because what?"

"On Monday, let's meet again." She turned around to face me. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "We're gonna have a house party, but just the two of us."

I couldn't help but smile. "How would that work?"

"We will . . ." She paused. She looked at me. "We'll probably sit inside the bathroom again while we talk about nonsense. I mean . . . that's fun. Right?"

I was supposed to be finding out the truth behind Maisie's death, but there I was, standing in front of a girl I found so amazing and beautiful and cool, blushing. Then I realized that finding out about the truth wasn't my responsibility anyway. Maybe it was a chance for me to be happy again.

"Right."

"Okay," Astrid said. She sighed. "I'll go then."

That startled me. "Where are you going?"

"Somewhere, Clover. To do some business."

"I'll come with you."

"You can't. This is a me thing."

"Then let's make it an us thing."

"It can't be an us thing," she said with a laugh. "Just listen to me and go home, okay?"

It was so pathetic, but I asked, "will I see you on Monday?"

There was a slight shift in the look of her eyes that moment when I asked her that.

"Yes," she said. "Of course, dumbo."

"Are you sure?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Just answer me."

She sighed. "Yes, you'll see me on Monday."

"Okay."

"See you, then."

"S-See you."

"Did you just stutter?!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Alright," she said with a laugh again, and a few seconds later we were laughing together. "Alright, enough."

"Okay."

"Bye, for real this time."

I smiled. "Bye, Astrid."

I stood there as I watched the image of her walk away. Her other hand was inside her pocket, and the other was on her hair. I watched her in the dark long enough to see that she looked up the stars thrice, and she put her nose up in the air twice, as though trying to smell the moon. But as she said, the moon doesn't have a smell. It isn't anything special.

But at least the moon watched over her.

I don't know to what extent Astrid's for real in her goodbye meant, but I guess it's true enough that I never saw her again. 

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