Hard times affect everyone...

Trigger Warning for this chapter, this chapter has possible mentions of depression, self harm, alcohol consumption, fighting and adult language. If any of this may affect you, please skip into the next one 🫶🏻

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Word Count: 1.8k

"Fuck you brain" you cursed while grabbing some wine from the fridge as it's the only thing that seems to make you feel numb in your darkest times. Depression has consumed you for years and you never seem to be able to shake it. Obviously it's not something you can just drop and never have again, though you wish it was..Mark wishes it as well. When you have hard days or even weeks, Mark struggles just as much even if you don't see it. He doesn't and can't drink alcohol so it honestly doesn't stay in his house at all unless a friend brings it over and leaves it. He knows that you drink but has always asked you not to keep hard liquor around..or any at all. You always respected that but for some reason..it was different.

You and Mark didn't live together yet as you both were a year into the relationship and hadn't lived with anyone since moving out of y 'all's parents house. So the separate thing was working for you both. You sat down at the table with a full bottle of wine, you stared at it, knowing you shouldn't drink in the way that you want too. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you let all the bad thoughts swarm your head like shadows. You gripped the neck of the bottle tighter as your brain worked hard to make you hate yourself, your vision getting blurry with more tears.

"Stop..." You squeaked out to yourself. You hated everything about what was happening, it was not enjoyable on any account. You glanced down and your arms that were scarred up, a few covered by a few tattoos. Slight attempts to cover your past experiences. You pushed the bottle back, fighting the craving to mute out your thoughts. You needed something..or someone. You stood up quickly, which was a mistake as you felt slightly dizzy. You went to the living room where your phone sat and you called Mark, your boyfriend.

After a few rings, he picks up.

"Hello y/n" he croaks sounding half asleep, you look over at the time it was close to midnight. How you didn't notice the time sooner or even that it was dark outside, you have no idea but at this point you were glad that Mark picked up his phone. You took a deep a breath before speaking but before any words came you just sobbed.

"Baby..talk to me" Mark said more alarmed after you not responding to him, he goes "I'll be right there" and hangs up.

You dropped your phone on to the couch and walked back towards the kitchen. You eyed down the bottle that sits on the table..you started towards it.

"Just one glass is okay" you whispered and poured a glass. You took a sip and coughed, remembering you really don't enjoy the taste of alcohol. But..oh well.

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It was a little while later and you were now wrapped into a blanket on the floor because that's as far as you got. You heard the door click and open, footsteps sounded from the front entry.

"Y/n!" Mark called, he sounded panicked which was valid. You have had episodes in the past, not as much as you used to but he's been there before.

You still laying on the floor, made a small sound for him to find you. The footsteps got heavier as they approached. His shoes coming into view as he drops to one knee while touching you softly. You had been crying and were definitely not in a good head space. The moment he touched you, anger spiked in you. Why? You had no idea but how dare he touch you. You flew back from your position on the floor, spooking Mark in the process.

"Don't touch me" you sneered at him, your head feeling a little woozy from the sudden movement and alcohol still in your system.

Mark sighed heavily as he sat back on his heels. He was dressed in his pajama pants and a white t shirt. His hair was very messy as he drove straight to you, not thinking about anything else. He had dark circles under his eyes, showing that he's hardly slept the last few days.

"Y/n.. baby talk to me" he said looking at you. His soft brown eyes slicing into your heart. You saw his nose twitch as he looked around. He pushed up from his position and stood up. You moved to a chair as he looked around your apartment. It wasn't that rough but this episode you were having has lasted for about a week..not something you enjoy telling anyone. Your eyes followed Mark as he walked around picking up some things and moving stuff around. He then made contact with your now half empty bottle of wine. A frown crossed against his face as he grabbed it and looked at you. Pink and red tinted your cheeks as those soft eyes turned dark. He turned away from you and dumped the bottle down the drain.

Your brain launched into dread, as he drained your bottle and another that you had. You wanted to just to your feet and punch on him to stop. He didn't know how it felt to deal with everything, that's all you had. But..you didn't..you sat very still, watching him. The tension in the room grew as Mark threw away the bottles and gripped the counter top. His muscles pulsing out as he squeezed harder, no doubt trying to calm himself down before turning to you. You could hear his deep breaths, each one he took, the last sounding shaky as he turned to face you. His eyes were red with pain as he walked up to you. Your head was still spinning as he grabbed you by the arms and hoisted you up right.

"You need to go lay down" he said and swooped you off your feet. You looked towards him, seeing his anger being masked. You felt more hot tears run down your cheeks as you leaned into him.

"Mark, I'm sorry" you spoke softly as he laid you gently on the bed. He didn't say anything as he just grabbed a blanket and laid it on you.

"Mark-" you squeaked, your voice was more horse now. He sat on the other side of the bed and looked at you.

"You need to stop drinking" he said with a little too much venom in his tone. You were taken back by his words and tone. You sat up, using the headboard as support.

"Excuse me?" You said back, the only words you could muster up.

"You heard me" he replies, with much mood tone than before. It was like he spat on you.

"Mark, sometimes I don't have a choice" you argue with him. He rolls his eyes and you could tell he was preparing to argue back.

"Oh bullshit" he starts and you can tell that this was a mistake. " You made the choice to drink, you made the choice to bring alcohol into your home and honestly it's your life and I don't care but the reason that you drink? I definitely CARE about that!"

You wanted to shrink back but you doubled down. "I understand that you care for me Mark but you aren't always with me and I can't afford some of the luxuries you have!"

Mark scoffed "Luxuries?! What? Like Therapy!"

"Obviously!" You yelled back and crossed your arms. You might have your own job and apartment but with how the world was, not everything was affordable.

"Then I'll pay for it!!" Mark shouted back which made you scoff and roll your eyes.

" You don't need to pay for everything for me! I can manage on my own!" You stated

Mark stood up and ran his hand through this hair and started to pace the room. You could tell he was biting back his words.

"You can not though!" Mark said back, his voice cracking slightly. He rubbed his face and took a few deep breaths. "You don't see it...."

"See what?" You said softly, looking at how hurt Mark was..it changed something in you.

"You are hurting ME for fuck sake!" he pointed to his chest and let a small tear roll down his cheek. You stood up from the bed and walked over to him. You placed your hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes.

"Mark i'm sorry.." You squeaked out, you really didn't realize how much you were hurting him. He never showed it but something made him saying it. Maybe his last straw or maybe because it was getting close to 3:00am.

"I know y/n but..please let me help you..let me do something besides be your phone call when you've already hit rock bottom" He said it response while taking your hands into his and looking deep into your eyes. Your eyes shifted to the ground as you didn't like eye contact that much and sighed.

"ok..but I want to move in together" you said not looking up once.

"w-what?" Mark stuttered, dropping your hands. You covered your face now wanting to respond but maybe the living on your own isn't what you wanted as much as you thought. "y/n?" Mark lifted your chin up to look at him.

You hummed in response, not having the words to respond to him. He searched your eyes to make sure he heard what he thought he did.

"You want to move in together?" He asked, just double checking he heard everything correctly.

You nodded and pulled away from him to go sit on the bed. You sat down and sighed heavily, you had been thinking of it here and there but you both had lived alone for so long that moving in together didn't mean right yet but something deep down made you feel like you ready. Mark joined you on the bed and wrapped his arms around you.

"okay" he said while holding you tight.

"are you sure?" you questioned and leaned into his touch because what if this was the last touch as you just scared him away with that question.

"I think we should talk more once we get some sleep" He said and pulled you both more onto the bed and wrapped a blanket over you both. You nodded and closed your eyes, hopefully he won't leave you by morning. That was the last thing you needed but..I guess you would see by morning as you drifted off to sleep in the comfort of Mark's arms.

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Not gonna lie, this was a tough one to write..If anyone has any ideas for more Imagines. I would greatly appreciate it.