1st of November

I woke up at the sound of my alarm.
I sat up, grunting at the sudden pain in my temples. Realisation hit so hard, making me slump into shame.
I got drunk, I never get drunk.
The journal was on my nightstand, I opened it and flipped the pages, seeing that I managed to write down what happened once I came back. I would have ripped that out, but this strange feeling came over me and I left it as it was.

What if one day this will be my only proof of the feelings I have for Marcy? What if one day, I'll give her the journal and let her see everything from my perspective?
I shook my head, I was letting myself get engulfed in my weird thoughts once again, so I placed the journal in the first drawer and then checked my phone.
The screen lit up with a sea of notifications, I scrolled through a bunch of missed calls and texts, Chester's message caught my eye first.

"Bro, I walked you back to the dorm. Saw you making out with some chick in a cat costume, totally wasted. Hope you're good, man."
I groaned, rubbing my forehead.
A cat costume? I vaguely remembered the sensation of lips, the taste of cheap alcohol still lingering in my mouth.
The phone buzzed in my hand again— more missed calls from Bogdan.
"Where the hell are you? You're late for lectures."
The last message from him was more forgiving though— "Forget it. You got wrecked last night. Just skip class today."
I dropped the phone onto the bed beside me, contemplating for a moment.
Skipping class? Normally, that'd sound like the right thing to do after a night like that, but I couldn't miss the lectures today.
They were important, I was behind with one essay. Marcy was going to be there, I couldn't miss my chance.
Maybe some divine miracle would bring her to me out of nowhere, I couldn't just say no to the opportunity.

With a groan, I forced myself up, each movement slow and deliberate. My head still pounded, but I had to hurry up to the lessons. I was already late.
I waited outside of the theatre as there were only a few minutes left before the lunch break, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed up to my chest.
When students began walking out of there, I first hoped to see Marcy.
Of course I'd want that, it's probably the only reason I'm doing my best to keep up with university work too.
If she's smart, I have to be smart.
"You made it!" Bogdan came to me smiling, giving me a friendly hug and then checking over me.
"You alright? Why didn't you stay at the dorm? Sleep it off."
"Where is she?" I asked him, staring at every student that came out of there after him. She wasn't there.
Bogdan sighed, I could sense he was getting sick of my obsession.
"Kethan, really, just leave it for once in your life. You're acting crazy."

I am crazy, that's the thing. Not in the worst, violent ways others think crazy people are.
I am slowly going insane by myself, in the shadows, and only the closest ones to me would notice it through the cracks.
Although, I changed my mind right away. I didn't want her to see me in those conditions, whiter than ever and tired.
I think I'm bipolar, changing my mind from a moment to another.
"My head hurts." I said, and my friend led me away from the hallway and into the loud cafeteria.
We sat at a table, he pulled out another of his countless phones. I think he has one for every day of the week, from old Nokias to the newest iPhone.
His hair was less like a disco ball today.
"Did you finish your gel?" I asked, and he blinked at me for a second, confused.
I pointed at his hair, and he chuckled.
"Erika likes it more simple, so I stopped using it."
"Where even is she?" I then said, briefly looking around as if she would've showed up suddenly.
"The library, with Andrew. Helping him get a membership card."

I froze. The library?
Marcy was supposed to be there, and it's a Thursday. She has Criminology after the break. I forgot I wouldn't see her, how ignorant of me.
"Did you know about his friendship with Marcy?"
"Not really, I wasn't sure before. Properly found out last night, just like you." He answered, adjusting his shirt.
"I don't get how they're friends. He studies engineering, and she's in class with us. How the hell have I never seen them talk?" It pissed me off so much.
"You can't know everyone she does, quit acting jealous. She never even talks to anyone more than a few minutes, in class." Bogdan was right.
But again, I didn't know enough about her if she's been friends with Andrew ever since we started our first year of University, and I had no idea.
"She doesn't follow him on socials." I was speaking to myself, but my friend glared at me.
"Are you for real, right now? At least take it as a good sign, she's too kind for an imbecile like Andrew." He was right again.

I didn't feel safe with Andrew. Like he was a danger, one awaiting for the right moment to destroy everything in his way.
I didn't want him around her, maybe because I was jealous, but mostly because I knew him.
I've seen him with others, he never has girls as just friends.
I'm sure he's tried flirting with everyone he's ever met, and Marcy must have been no exception.
Without another word, I got up and left towards the library. Bogdan called after me, but he didn't bother following, knowing I wouldn't have stopped.
Walking in, the loud chatting from outside faded until it was completely gone.