CHAPTER 26

THE NOT SO LOVE POEM

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When I got into Elec's car, she gave me a weird look. "What?" I asked, pulling the seatbelt.

"What's with the raincoat and the umbrella?" She laughed, "I know you are weird, Walker but this is in another level."

"You never know when it would rain and the umbrella's Aiden's."

"Come on. It isn't going to rain. Look at the sky." She rolled her eyes.

Yeah. She was right. The sky was in the clear. I mean crystal clear and I still carried it with me.

"I am trying to be cautious. I don't want to catch cold again."

She nodded away. I loved her hair down and that white tank top of hers with a long cotton shrug. She was silent. Okay. I admit. I was silent too. That was because I didn't know how to ask her about Miles. I sighed and then she sighed and then I couldn't take it anymore and I asked, "what are you not telling me?"

"Do you think I am going to let you off the hook if you ask me that first?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you mean what I mean? I mean you are not telling me something, Walker. What is it?" she asked, taking her eyes off the road for a brief second.

Oh God! How could I lie to her? I was thinking jumping out the car would be better. We came to a halt at Irsia's. I took a deep breath and I was about to tell her that I wasn't hiding anything. Technically, she knew what I wasn't telling her. So, that wasn't hiding, right?

"I am not hiding anything if that's what you mean. But what are you not telling me? Have you changed your phone number or something?"

"Not yet." She paused. "Is everything okay with you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Nothing." She gave me a nice long look running her tongue over her lower lip for swift second and asked, "are you okay finishing the essay with Aiden? I mean we could ask Irsia to finish the essay with him. There is no pressure in that. We could easily lie to Mrs. Moore about partnering with old partners and get away. I'm only saying this because I saw how he lashed out on you at lunch that day...," she dragged.

"We're fine, Elec. Besides how long am I going to avoid him like that. Don't worry. I'm fine."

She nodded assertively. "You are right. Come over after you finish the essay."

We got out the car. I waved her and walked toward Aiden's home. Elec was so worried about me. I wondered if she could read my mind without having to be a PSB. I had a pencil, eraser and two pens and two notebooks in my bag, raincoat and the umbrella in my hand. As I walked through the gates, I found that the door was open. I stepped in cautiously.

I called out, "Mrs. Wilder." No answer. "Mrs. Wilder...." I dragged. I was very unsure if I should just go to his room.

"I thought you were going to finish the essay with me." came Aiden's voice from my left; from above the fleet of stairs. Again, with the mocking. I rolled my eyes and turned to him. There he stood; taller than usual in a burgundy t-shirt. His hair covering his forehead and he ran his fingers through his hair and asked, "are you just gonna stand there?" I realized he must have just come out of the shower.

And I realized that I wasn't replying him. Without responding, I climbed the stairs with my wobbly legs. Something wasn't right. There was some nagging feeling behind my mind. I shook it out. As I reached his room, he walked past me outside his room, slightly brushing me.

"I'll get another chair. Do you want some tea?" he asked.

"No..." I blurted. A little annoyed.

I sat in the chair that was already there in his room. That was the one I used last time. I dragged it a bit further to the right; toward the cupboard; so, he would have room for his chair. I took out my notebook – the one that I used for writing hints for essays. I still had that nagging feeling at the back of my brain. I had to stop it and finish the essay first.

He came back with the chair walking toward me. "I know you hate tea. I just asked to annoy you." He chuckled.

I scoffed. That's when I realized what the nagging feeling was. He didn't yet tell me why he asked me a poem.

"Hey..." I turned to him. "Who is that poem for?"

"Margo, let go off that." He smiled, nodding away as he turned on the computer.

I stared. And stared until he realized that I was staring.

"I'll tell you that after we finish the essay." His voice was serious but he didn't face me.

"No... Reason first. Assignment next."

"No, if I tell you why I don't think we would finish the assignment." He was typing in the password and still didn't look at me.

"Why?" I frowned. "At least tell me who it is for?" Maybe it could give me peace. 

"Would you believe if I say it's for me?" He finally turned to me tilting his head in a way to mock me.

I clicked my tongue. "I can't believe I wrote a poem wasting time just because you asked." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Actually..." He again looked at me this time all serious. Something behind his eyes were beyond my deciphering skills. "I wrote a poem for your poem." 

I laughed at the sound of that, "a poem for my poem? That's interesting. In that case poem first, assignment next."

"No..." He nodded his head sideways. "Assignment first." His voice was firm suddenly.

"WHY????" I didn't budge for his firm voice. I never annoyed people but with Aiden I loved pushing him. 

"Because if you hear my poem, I'm afraid you will leave." He paused for a nice long second looking at me, holding me in that frown and that deep look. Before I came up with a response for his statement and that scorching look of his, he continued, "trust me you will laugh at it. It's not a fully evolved poem. It's a Neanderthal of poems."

He just made me more curious by saying that. "You make it sound more interesting. Come on. It can't be that bad," I pleaded.

"No... assignment first." This time he was way too serious and he looked away.

"Fineeee..." I dragged, trying to ignore the fact that he was obviously hiding something.

As we discussed the essay and we typed it, there were these moments that his long legs met mine. The space where the table was, was too cramped for both of us. I noticed that he had to fold his legs so uncomfortably and yet he was so cool. He didn't seem to care about it. There was again something at the back of my head trying to make it to the surface. I let it sink and drowned it because assignment first. It took us two hours and two glasses of water to finish one freaking essay and we had another one to go. We were a bit late in finishing the essay because I wanted to make it perfect. So, we typed and retyped and finished one essay finally.

"uhhhhhh...." I groaned and rested my head with my forehead on the table.

"We have until Wednesday to complete the essay," he reminded, tilting his head to angle his head with mine.

I turned my head and rested on my right temple to face him. "Yeah... but I thought I would finish it today because it is getting so hard for me to ask my mom to let me out of the house and add that to the lies that I have been telling my mom that I am finishing the essays with Irsia," I groaned again.

"Oh!!!" he said with a realization. "Okay... then we could finish the other essay now." He offered graciously.

"I can't. I'm so tired. My poor brain's so tired," I explained, still resting my head; pushing my lower lip out trying to make a cry baby face.

"Don't do that," he said firm and turned away like it annoyed him.

"Hey... show me the poem you wrote." I got up swiftly remembering the poem.

He chuckled, looking straight at me with that abysmal look. "Fine, promise me you won't laugh."

"Cross my heart and hope to die." I was sincere.

"But first you have to read me yours..."

"Why do you keep beating around the bush? You read mine yesterday." I was so infuriated by now.

"Still, I want you to read the poem once for me." He gave the table a slight tap with his knuckles.

"God! You are so demanding." I was frustrated. I took out the notebook from my bag in which I scribble my so-called poems.

As I turned the pages to reach the page in which I wrote the poem, I knew that his curious eyes looked into the other poems I had written in that notebook.

He gestured using his hand to begin reading my poem and so I read.

"I fell in love

I fell in love

It was deep

It was sweet

Or so I thought

I thought we'd fish stars together

I thought we'd shop over rainbows together

That's all it was

Something that would fade and disappear

Like stars and rainbows do

I realized only when I saw

How he held hands with another

The depth of love I felt

Out of my reasons and logic

Was the depth that I had fell

I've let me heal

By putting my heart on seal

Love to me - didn't grow

Love to me - didn't shrink

Love to me - just faded

Love to me - was slow poisoning."

I knew that until I finished reading the last line of my poem, his eyes were glued on me with that mocking kind of smile. I was not sure what to call that smile anymore because it kept confusing me and that look of his had spikes. 

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