Title: Your fault

Pairing: James Potter x Reader and James Potter x Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew x Reader

Word count: 3.3K

Published: September, 2020

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Notes: As I am not really comfortable writing now, thanks to my stupid assignments, here is a fic I wrote back in like July. I'm sorry that I have disappeared a bit, but university is my priority now and I need all the time to finish my essay by Monday

They were sitting across you, under a large tree, by the Great Lake, cuddling into each other's side. You watched them as you sat beside Peter across the field, your chest feeling heavy. You felt the tears pricking your eyes, but you kept them in just as always.

Lily was playing with James' hair, curling his black locks around her finger, feeling the softness under her touch. It's been three months since they started going out and it's been the worst three months of your life. You have tried to forget the Quidditch captain, you have tried to avoid him whenever you could. You even attempted to speak to him like before at some point, but Lily showing up each time didn't help your situation.

Watching her giggle at his stupid jokes, caressing his biceps while lovingly gazing at the boy, made you want to run far away. Made you want to be just gone.

You wanted to feel his arms around your shoulders. You wanted him to whisper promises of forever into your ears. You wished to feel his plump lips on yours, curling up into a proud smirk. But you couldn't have any of that. Lily had them all for herself.

You heaved a deep sigh, concluding for months in a row how utterly heartbroken you have been. Sleepless nights, heartache, sorrow took over your days. 

"Why don't you try to date?" You heard Peter's voice and you immediately shot up. You looked at the boy with questioning eyes, trying to determine if he meant what he said. He seemed genuinely interested.

"I wish I could, but I honestly can't imagine anyone beside me right now. Anyone except..." You cut yourself off, feeling your chest heavier at the thought.

"Go out with me then." He said and your eyes grew wide in surprise. You could hear Sirius and Remus gasp in shock from beside you.

"Excuse me?" You asked with a bewildered look. You weren't sure you heard him well.

"Why don't you go on a date with me?" He asked once again, feeling as if you have been transported into a different universe.

"Look Peter, you are a really good friend of mine, but I never thought about you in such way." You tried to reject him in the nicest way possible.

"I know you didn't and I also know that my question came to you as a surprise. But why don't we just enjoy a date and if we want to stay friends, we just stay friends at the end." He offered with a kind smile, but you were utterly confused. Your head was filled with James and Lily, trying to forget about their loving gaze towards one another. Also Peter got to you with that stupid little idea of his, which you didn't necessarily find stupid, feeling some kind of a distraction behind it.

"I mean..." You didn't really know what to say at first. "I guess, okay." You replied with a frown, but you couldn't fight the small smile threatening to force itself across your face. You could hear Sirius and Remus gasp once again, but you just shook it off. It was a good enough distraction.

"Yes!" Peter jumped up with a victorious fist pump, making you giggle slightly.

"What's going on there, guys?" James turned to your group with a big smile spreading across his lips.

"Y/N said yes. We are going on a date." Peter shouted as he twirled around happily. You had to admit, he was adorable.

"What?" James' voice was cold and heavy, his previously happy expression nowhere to be found. You tilted your head involuntarily, frowning at his chilly tone.

"She agreed to go out with me." Peter replied with the same, cheerful grin. James stood up from beside Lily and walked over to your group, his steps hurried, before he stopped in front of you.

"What the hell?" He questioned you in an attacking tone. You were beyond confused, unable to understand his behaviour.

"What is your problem?" You asked.

"Why did you say yes? You don't even like him." He was almost interrogating you and you certainly didn't like his attitude.

"How would you know?" You raised a brow questioningly.

"You are my friend, I think I know you." He replied with a sceptical look across his face.

"Do you? We haven't been talking much recently." You shrugged, your features turning cold, emotionless. You deserved to be happy too and you surely expected him to be happy for you, knowing you didn't go out with random idiots, but someone who you all knew and loved.

"And whose fault is that? You have been avoiding me." He threw his arms in the air in frustration.

"I mean, both of us really." You shrugged nonchalantly and stood up. "If you don't mind, I am done with this conversation, because I certainly don't like your behaviour." Before he could have even replied, you were already out of their sight.

You walked up to the common room, searching for Marlene, wanting to tell her everything, but she was nowhere to be found. You checked the Great Hall, the kitchen, the dormitory. You went through all the available places from the Owlery to the dungeons, but she disappeared.

As you walked back towards the Gryffindor common room, you saw James standing in front of the entrance portrait. You wanted to turn around and quickly disappear, but he caught your form just in time.

"Y/N!" He called, but you ignored his voice and hurried to the other side of the castle, hoping that he wouldn't follow you. Just as you were about to take a turn by a corner, James appeared in front of you, making you halt abruptly. "Can you stop for a second?" He asked, standing firmly in front of you.

"What do you want?" You asked, wearing your emotionless facade once again.

"Answers." He tilted his head waiting.

"For what?" You crossed your arms in front of your chest, knowing exactly what he meant, but not wanting to make it easier for him.

"Why are you doing this? You will break Peter's heart." He opened his arms, as if the answer was obvious.

"You know I would never do that. I love Peter, he is a good friend of mine and I am not planning on hurting him." You explained in a calmer tone.

"But that is what you will do." He raised his voice in an annoyed tone.

"He asked me out, why don't you talk to him?" You raised a questioning brow.

"Because you were the one who agreed. You should have known better that it would hurt him, if you are not being sincere." He retorted.

"What if I am being serious. I want to be happy. I want to be loved too. Why can't I be?" You raised your voice this time, matching his volume.

"Noone said you can't be, but not with him, or Remus or Sirius for that matter. Not with my friends." He shook his head with a deep frown.

"They are my friends too and if I like someone, you can't tell me to just stop." You hissed in anger.

"I don't want to see you with them. Not with them!" He shook his head, his voice lowering, almost defeated.

"Why?" You asked, confusion lacing in your voice.

"I-" He heaved a deep sigh, but didn't continue. He was looking down at the ground, hundreds of thoughts running through his mind. He didn't understand himself either. "I don't know." He said and turned around, leaving you with a bewildered look across your face.

You had no idea what just happened. You needed Marlene to think things through. It took you a good hour to find her and after explaining to her what happened, you were still no closer to getting an answer. Your head was a mess and you were certainly interested in what caused James to behave in such an unusual way.

Days passed by and James was avoiding you. At first it was less obvious, he was needed somewhere else, he had quidditch things to take care of. In the last couple of days however he simply turned around when he saw you in a corridor. You knew him to be a confident and cocky idiot, but here he was behaving like a child, getting on your nerves.

You sat down in the common room with a huffing sound, arms folded in front of your chest. You felt your friends' gaze on you, but you didn't look at them. You were plain pissed and tired of James Potter.

"Is everything okay?" Peter asked beside you.

"No! Nothing is okay. What the hell happened to, Potter?" You asked with a deep frown.

"Oh, you didn't hear the news?" Remus gave you an amused expression.

"What are you talking about?" You tilted your head, waiting for a reply curiously.

"He broke up with Evans." Sirius chirped happily. You wanted to celebrate, you wanted to feel relief, but it didn't come. You felt as if your heart just broke at the thought, knowing how much James adored the red headed prefect.

"What?" You breathed with a defeated sigh.

"That was not the reaction I expected." Sirius gave you a shocked look. "If anything I thought you would be happy." He continued.

"How can I be?" You grimaced as his harsh words. "He has been in love with Lily since forever. Why are you not beside him anyway? Don't you have a bit of empathy at least?" You scolded him, then looked around all of your friends, giving them each a disapproving glare. Sirius snorted at your speech with a hidden grin in the corner of his lips.

"If you want, you can go and comfort him. He is at the quidditch pitch, practicing. Alone." He emphasised his last word, which earned an annoyed eye roll from you.

You stood up, leaving your antipathetic friends behind. You were upset about their half-hearted, ignorant behaviour. You expected more than that. You knew they were on your side all along, they supported you, but James loved Lily and they should have understood what he was going through. Still, not even one of his friends were beside him.

As you arrived at the quidditch pitch, you watched as James flew around, swinging his bat, hitting the bludger farther and farther. You knew he was emotional. Whether he was upset, pissed off or just needed to let out his frustration, he took on the role of a beater, pounding the ball heavily.

You walked up to the spectator stands, taking a seat for yourself as you watched his red and golden robe following him around relentlessly, almost blurring him out. You didn't want to interrupt him, you knew he needed his alone time, especially when he was trying to have closure deep inside him. You got yourself comfortable, lying down on the bench, closing your eyes to relax.

You didn't even realise when you fell asleep, your eyes only shot up, when you felt a hand on your shoulder, gently shaking you and calling your name.

"Y/N." He whispered. You suddenly sat up, getting yourself into a more comfortable position, stretching your numb body parts. You looked up to see James standing in front of you, his hazel eyes fixed on your face.

"Hey." You spoke silently as you patted the space beside you. "Don't you want to sit down?" You asked as he stood firmly, debating what to do. He heaved a deep sigh, looking around as if he was searching for something, before he decided to take the seat next to you. "I heard what happened. I am so sorry James." You placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"What did you hear exactly?" He asked with a frown across his brows.

"That you and Lily broke up." You replied in a gentle tone, knowing that it was hard for him to talk about it. He nodded, but didn't even attempt to reply. "I'm really sorry James. If you want to talk about it or you just need someone to be beside you, you know you can come to me." You smiled lightly.

"I'm good." He said nonchalantly and stood up.

"Hey, is everything okay?" You asked as you followed his movements, standing up from your seat and getting hold of his wrist.

"No, nothing is okay. Can't you see that I don't want to talk to you? I have been trying to avoid you, but you just keep magically appearing everywhere." He huffed in an annoyed tone.

"I am just trying to help, James." You tried to keep yourself calm, but it was quite difficult as you tried to deal with his agitated mood.

"Well, you are clearly not helping. If anything, it is your fault to begin with." Your eyes grew wide, your hand dropped to your side. You felt like you have missed a piece of the story that apparently you have been a part of.

"Excuse me? You haven't really been talking to me, how is it my fault in any way?" You groaned in annoyance, gritting your teeth.

"If that stupid idea of yours didn't come up with Peter, then I would be perfectly fine." He growled in anger and you felt like you were quite close to losing against your rage trying to fight its way onto the surface.

"Don't try to blame your break up on my love life. You have nothing to do with it." You argued.

"No, I don't. You are right indeed. Still it bothered me so much that I couldn't concentrate on anything but you. I couldn't care for Lily as I was supposed to. Every thought I had was filled with you, driving me crazy." Your eyes widened at his revelation, your mouth hung open.

"What are you saying?" His words confused you and if you didn't know better, you might have misunderstood. But in your mind that was impossible.

"I am saying I was jealous. I was head over heels for Lily, or at least I thought. And then you came up with this stupid idea of going out with Peter and I was fuming. I couldn't imagine you with him, let alone any other guys. It makes me go nuts." His words were rushed, his hands tugged firmly on the end of his messy locks as if he was trying to pull them out in frustration.

"You started to like me?" You breathed as you felt a slight hope lit up in your chest. He kept avoiding your gaze, not wanting to see your reactions.

"I think so." He whispered. "I keep looking at you when we have classes and you sit in front of me. I keep trying to search for you when I can't see you, but I didn't want you to know. I tried to avoid you, so you wouldn't realise the change. I am so screwed." He groaned heavily.

"You deserve it." You said as a petty version of your personality surfaced. His eyes grew wide as he looked up at you, not expecting your sudden outburst. "I have been suffering through your stories of how amazing Lily has been. I have been trying to put a fake smile on, pretending as if watching you cuddling her didn't mean anything to me. Well, it hurt like hell, Potter." Your anger grew greater as you finally let out all the emotions you have been harbouring. "I was suffering in silence, acting as if I was happy for you and yes, a part of me was. I wanted you to be loved, but I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest each time I saw you with her, giving her all your attention." You huffed as you finally finished your rushed words.

"You like me?" This time it was his turn to feel like a fool. He didn't believe his words.

"Wasn't I clear enough?" You retorted in a calmer tone. "Are you sure you don't like Lily anymore?" You asked, feeling your chest tighten at the thought.

"I don't know. I'm not sure about her, that's why I broke it off. But what I know is that I can't get you out of my stupid head." His voice was defeated, almost pained.

"What do you want to do about it?" You asked, hoping for an answer that included you getting even closer to him. You played with the hem of your shirt nervously, trying to calm your quickly beating heart.

"What if we try this? You and me?" He asked, unsure of himself.

"Isn't it a bit too soon?" You questioned, scolding yourself. Of course, you wanted it, but Lily was still too fresh in both of your memories.

"Maybe, you are right. We could take things slow. Just to see how things go." He nodded to his own words and you copied his movements.

"I guess that would work." You smiled softly and for the first time in a while, he mirrored your expression, his hazel eyes looking right into yours, a sweet smile sitting across his lips. "Let's go back to the common room, you have been out here for too long." You suggested and he responded with a firm nod.

You walked through the corridors, the back of his hand grazing your own, making you feel giddy at the slight touch. You wished he would try to hold your hand. Just to test it. Just to see how it would feel. You wanted your hand to feel lost in James Potter's strong hold. As if your wish came true, you felt his fingers finding their way between your digits, interlocking them, before gently squeezing them.

You looked up at the boy, who just kept his gaze on the ground, his usually confident personality far gone. You smiled happily, loving the feeling of his warmth radiating through his touch. A simple touch meant more to you than you have ever imagined, making you feel a sudden hope that things would work out just fine.

He turned to you as you arrived at the entrance of the common room. You wanted to remove your hand from his hold, but he kept you firm in his grasp. He shook his head, reassuring you that he didn't want to let you go just yet.

The portrait door opened and you stepped into the common room, slightly standing behind James to cover your hands, fearing the over all happiness bursting out of your chest.

"What in Godric's name happened?" Marlene asked with a dumbfounded expression as she realised your interlocking hands. "What did I miss?" She chuckled playfully.

"Finally!" You heard Sirius exclaim with a deep sigh. "Well done, mate." He gave a high five to Peter, causing you to frown.

"What was that about?" You asked suspiciously stepping beside James.

"It was Peter's idea, you see. James was pinning after you back in the day, but he was an idiot and didn't know what to do about it. Then he found Lily and you were out of the picture. When you fell for him, it was just too much to handle. Honestly." Sirius explained with a bored expression. "Peter thought it would be a good idea to test James' feelings. I mean, if they were really gone." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"I don't know if I hate you, guys right now or I'm glad that it turned out well." You shook your head in disbelief. You looked up at James who had a small, kind smile spread across his face. He pulled you closer into his side, kissing the top of your head, making you feel giddy once again. It was warm and nice to be in his embrace and for now, it was more than you thought you would ever get.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the chapter or leave a comment. Thank you :)