Title: Your decision, yours only

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word count: 1748

Published: 29 May, 2020

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Notes: This idea came, while I was listening to Justin Timberlake's song 'What goes around'. I really don't understand how that song and this story is in any connection, because the lyrics couldn't be any more different, but for some reason, I got these feelings in me. Also I am rather unhappy with this chapter, but I feel bad throwing any of my writings away, even if on quite a few occasions I have done so. So here we are. Enjoy!

Sirius Black was a strong man. He was funny and sarcastic with a powerful aura around him. People were attracted to him not just because of his looks, but because of the confidence he naturally projected. Although he was mischievous and detention became his middle name, he never backed down, making sure to enjoy his years as much as he could in Hogwarts. Most people didn't know him and only saw a side that showed confidence and strength, a side that made people want to get close to him. However those who were close to him knew another side. He wasn't always as strong as he pretended to be. Sometimes it wasn't genuine. There were days when he was down, when he was hurt, when he wanted to just give it all up.

Even though he was a playful teenager - who always got in trouble -, the professors loved him. He was naturally smart and when he actually decided to pay attention in class, even for just a second, he did better than anyone. Students admired him for his confidence and girls swooned over his looks and quick witted comments. But once again, that was only one side to Sirius Black.

He was also a bully, when he didn't like someone, but he was the most loyal person, when he felt the need to protect his loved ones. He would have gone and gave his life up for preventing something bad happening to those who he cared about. But this time it was him who needed protection.

You were sitting at the end of the sofa in the common room reading a book, while James was lazily laying across an armchair. Sirius was sitting on the other side of the same sofa you were seated at. He was hunched forward, his neck hiding between his shoulders, his face hidden behind his palms as his elbows rested on his thighs.

You heard his deep sighs every once in a while. Each time you looked up at him, but he didn't say anything, just hid himself and kept sighing. Looking at James, you realised he was trying to figure his friend out too, unsuccessfully. By the hundredth times, you couldn't cope anymore, you needed to do something.

"Sirius..." You called gently as you folded the corner of your book and closed it. You scooted closer to Sirius, but he didn't acknowledge you though. "You need to talk to us." You put your hand on his shoulder, but he didn't even move. James followed your movements and walked up to the couch and squatted down in front of Sirius.

"Padfoot.." James called him, but he still didn't react. "It will be better if you tell us what's bothering you. We know something is wrong, but we can't help you, if you don't talk to us." He explained reassuringly, while you kept stroking Sirius's shoulder, occasionally going up at the back of his neck and hair soothingly.

"Please talk to us. You can trust us." You hinted a soft kiss on his shoulder. He finally raised his head from his palm. His eyes seemed blank, his face was expressionless. He looked like a lifeless doll. You waited for quite a while, but he didn't say anything. He was looking at the flames of the fire with emptiness in his gaze. You wanted to help, you wanted to comfort him, but you didn't know how. "Babe, please." You were almost begging him, but he didn't react, other than with an occasional blink.

"Sirius, please." James softly asked him as well, but he didn't find an answer either. He stood up and put his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "I will leave you to it, but trust me, it's better if you talk it out. It doesn't help to keep it inside." He patted Sirius' shoulder a couple of times, before leaving for the stairs to the dormitory. He looked back for a second, before he decided to leave with a worried sigh escaping his lungs.

"Babe, is there anything we can do? If you don't want to talk about it, it's fine, just tell us how we can help." You stroked his spine comfortingly. You were out of ideas.

"You can't help me." He said shortly, but it was enough for you to push it. He finally decided not to ignore you and that was enough of a starting point for you.

"Of course, we can. You have to know that we would do anything for you." A gentle smile spread across your face.

"Not with this." He slowly shook his head.

"Try us." You took his hand in yours and ran your thumbs over and over the back of his hand soothingly.

"Even I don't know what to do. I can't do this anymore." He sighed deeply and you could see his eyes watering.

"What can't you do anymore?" You pushed to make him talk.

"My parents, my family, all the expectations. I can't do this any longer." He growled out of anger. "I don't know how long I can keep fighting them." He squeezed your hand and you felt the desperation for a way out.

"What are they doing to you?" You asked.

"I am just not the perfect son they wanted. I am not a muggle-hater, I don't agree with their opinions, I despise all that they stand for. I can't even imagine myself standing on their side when it comes to the war. I'd rather dig my own grave and kill myself." You groaned at the though. You could feel his frustration and tension built up in his body. "They basically force Regulus into this person who jumps as soon as they ask something of him. I can't handle the fights anymore, I can't keep watching Regulus destroy himself. I can't handle the beatings and curses, when I dare to talk back, because their views are bull." You could see a tear escaping his eyes, but he roughly got rid of it, not wanting to show weakness.

"If you can't handle it anymore, rely on us. We are here for you." You whispered and gave a kiss on his temple. You wanted comfort him, you wanted to tell him, how everything will be okay. But even you didn't know what to think.

"And what am I supposed to do? Leave Regulus behind? I can't do that." He shook his head not even believing his own thoughts.

"I want to say no, but Regulus made his own decision. If he wants to follow your parents, you can't force him to change his mind." His eyes widened at your answer. "The same way they can't force you to be a good, little boy who does everything as they expect from you. You have your own opinions and you are right about them. Your parents can't force you to think like they do and you can't force your bother either. Sometimes you just have to look out for yourself." He took his hand out of yours and jumped up from the couch.

"Are you seriously telling me to leave my brother behind? What kind of a person are you?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe that even crossed your mind." He scoffed and you stood up to be almost in the same level.

"I didn't say to leave him behind, but if we are at it, then let's go about it this way. Would you like to stay with your parents any longer, because as far as I just heard, you said you can't do this anymore." He didn't answer. "Answer me!" You asked with a slightly harsher tone.

"No." He said briefly.

"Can you handle all the brainwashing, cursing and beating that they have been doing to torture you into an obeying son?" You continued.

"No." He replied.

"Do you think Regulus thinks the same way you do?" You questioned and you knew you hit a nerve.

"No, he doesn't, but I can't leave him behind. I love my brother, even if I'm not the best brother to him." He answered, his voice hitching.

"I know you love him and I know you don't want to leave him behind. You have to act the way you feel right, but you have to know that if you ever come to a decision and you leave, we are always here for you." You stepped closer and placed your palm on his face. He didn't hesitate and leaned against your hand, craving for the care you provided. "Noone is forcing you to do anything. It's a decision you have to make. You only. And when you make that decision, you have to think about yourself only. It sounds awful, but you have to be selfish sometimes. You can't go on about it until you go mad." You kissed his other cheek.

"I don't know what to do." He shook his head slowly.

"You will know in time. Just please talk to us, so we can help." You smiled gently. His eyes finally decided to look into yours and you could see all the pain he has been harbouring.

"Thank you." He whispered hinting a soft kiss on the top of your head. You caressed his cheeks carefully with your thumbs to try to sooth his problems even for a second.

"Always."

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the chapter. Thank you :) I am also taking requests. If you have any, please just let me know.

I do not accept requests with suicide, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I'm sorry, but those are subjects, that I do not cover for personal reasons. Anything else, let me know.