Title: Unprotected experience

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader

Word count: 3189

Published: 5 July, 2020

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Notes: I got this requested by an Anonymous reader of mine on Tumblr a couple of days ago. To be honest, it made me struggle at first, because if anything I am all about the USE PROTECTION! monologue. However I tried to put my personal feelings aside and I am hoping that I have done well enough for dear Anon to be happy with what I have created for them.

Request:

You were walking along one of the corridors of Hogwarts, holding onto your churning stomach, heaving deep sighs as if it was helping the uncomfortable feeling. You were barely over your breakfast, which consisted of nothing but buttered toast and tea, but you had a feeling that it would soon want to leave your tummy backwards.

You didn't even look around when you bumped into something and you were waiting for the moment your body would collide with the hard flooring of the castle. However it never came. You slowly realised the arms wrapped around your waist as they steadied you into a standing position once again.

"Are you okay?" His voice sounded deep and welcomingly warm. You knew who he was without looking at his face. After all you have been in love with him for years. The owner of the grey eyes gently reached for your chin to turn your head towards his direction. Meeting his grey orbs felt like you were sucked into them as if he could read you.

"Yeah..." You breathed powerless. He had effects on you that you never knew anyone could have. He made you feel weak in your knees and he wasn't even aware of it.

"You look a bit pale." He stated as he studied your face. His words woke you up from your daze and you felt your stomach churn again, this time however it started coming up to your throat. You didn't have time think twice. You covered your mouth with your palm and started running towards the second floor girls' lavatory, ignoring Sirius' shouts from behind you.

You barely stepped into one of the toilet cubicles, you fell onto your knees and let out your stomach's contents. The retching sound leaving your lips scared Sirius, making him worry even more. He walked into the bathroom following you, before stopping behind you, helping you getting hold of your hair.

"Go away." You moaned as your finally felt like you could speak again. You never wanted him to see you in such situation, feeling weak and vulnerable.

"I'm not going anywhere... Are you okay?" He asked as he offered you a napkin, which you assumed he stole from breakfast. You nodded silently as you wiped your mouth and leaned back against the wall of the cubicle, after flashing the content of the toilet, before your stomach decided to flip again.

"I think I have got food poisoning or something. My stomach has been funny since breakfast." You explained, taking deep breaths to clam yourself.

"Are you sure? Shouldn't you visit Madam Pomfrey, just to make sure you are okay?" He asked, worry clear in his voice. You just shook your head in reply. "You might be sicker than you think." He tried to press you, but you just repeated your movements.

"I'm fine, Sirius." You smiled weakly as you stood up from the floor. He reached out for you, but you didn't let him help you. You didn't want to look any weaker than you already were. You walked up to the sink and washed your mouth as thoroughly as you could, before wiping your mouth in your robe.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked in a soft tone you have never heard from him before.

"I'm all good." You smiled at him, reassuring him that he had nothing to worry about.

Both of you have already missed your first class, so you headed to your second period, walking by each other's side in complete silence. That is until Sirius decided to speak up.

"Look, about what happened a couple of weeks ago..." He started to say, but you cut him off.

"Already forgot it, don't worry." You replied without even looking at him. It hurt to think that a few weeks ago you were lying in his arms, kissing his lips, enjoying the feeling of belonging, while he was only looking at you as an occasional sexual partner.

"That's... forget it." He heaved a deep sigh and you nodded as you gulped loudly.

Sirius wasn't your boyfriend, nor did you have any kind of romantic relationship with him. However you were young adults with needs and sexual tension, which you found to be helpful to release with each other. It didn't happen often, maybe 2-3 times a month, but it was enough for your feelings to grow and your sadness to become greater.

Being in love with someone who only needed you for a quick release was anything but easy. He was amazing in bed and he cared for you deeply when you were together, but you knew it was only when he needed you physically. There was no emotional connection between you and you knew he would never feel more than physical connection. It hurt you deeply, but that couple of hours of attention was all you needed to forget how much it pained you to be the only one with feelings for the other.

But then he broke that off too. He didn't really gave you an explanation, he simply told you that he didn't think what you were doing was okay. He told you he wanted to stop seeing you. So he did. You wanted to oppose, but you had nothing to say to keep him back. You stood in front of him that night with a broken heart, but agreeing words. You were a nobody to him after all.

Days have passed and your sick state didn't get better, if anything it worsened. Your stomach acted funny each and every morning. You felt weaker than ever and you couldn't get yourself to eat a proper meal without it attempting to come out, mostly successfully.

As a week passed you decided to go to the hospital wing. You weren't sure what was happening to you, but you wanted answers. You couldn't handle feeling helpless with no explanation to back it up.

As you walked into the Hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was organising a batch of potions in the cabinet of her office.

"Good afternoon, Madam Pomfrey." You greeted her, which made her jump. She quickly breathed in and out, one of her palms against her chest, while the other steadied her against the table.

"Child, next time try not to scare me to death." She scolded you, but there was no seriousness in her voice.

"I'm sorry." You apologised as you walked to the bed next to her office and sat down.

"What seems to be the problem, Miss Y/L/N?" She asked as she focused all her attention to you finally.

"I... I don't really know what's happening to me. Everyday I feel unwell, I keep throwing up and I feel dizzy and weak. I think I might have gotten some kind of a virus." You explained to her, which caused her to frown deeply, but didn't say a word. She brought out some potions that she made you drink, but none of them have done anything to you. You looked at her questioningly, but she didn't stop. She took out her wand and pointed at your torso, chanting a spell that you didn't recognise. As she finished she looked at you with round eyes, before she took a seat beside you.

"Miss Y/L/N, you haven't been exposed to any viruses, you are perfectly healthy." She spoke, making your brows furrow.

"But I was sick, numerous times." You tried to convince her, which she simply nodded at.

"Indeed you have been sick as a result of your condition." She replied, making you lean back as if you were trying to tell her that she spoke a different language you didn't understand.

"What condition would that be?" You asked with a shaky voice.

"Miss Y/L/N... you are pregnant." She breathed out, making your eyes grow wide.

"What? That's impossible." A high pitched, squeaking sound left your lungs in surprise. "That can't be." You tried to convince yourself and Madam Pomfrey.

"The spell doesn't lie. You are 4 weeks pregnant." She spoke again. You heaved a deep sigh, your eyes filling up with tears. You hunched your back forward, hiding your face behind your palms, trying to keep your tears back. "Only a couple of weeks left from school, noone will suspect anything. You will be able to hide it just fine." She tried to reassure you, which you nodded at. But your problem wasn't about people finding out. You were having issues with the father of your baby. You knew Sirius would have never wanted this, but you had to tell him. You were already feeling your chest tighten, thinking about the hard rejection you knew he would give you.

"Thank you." You said simply as you jumped off the bed.

"Just come back for check ups." She got hold of your shoulder reassuringly. You nodded in a diligent manner, before you left the Hospital wing.

A couple of days have gone by, but you couldn't get yourself to tell Sirius. You decided to keep a safe distance for a while. You were both young and you didn't want to ruin his chances to live his life the way he wanted to. It was hard enough for you to realise that you would be left alone with a baby, but it was even harder to know that he would reject you straight away. You knew, or so you thought you knew how he felt and you were sure if you decided to tell him, he would walk out of your life without a second glance. You were even considering not to tell him, but he had the right to know and you knew even if he decided to walk out of your life, it would be his decision and not yours.

You were standing in the common room, way past midnight, looking into the fireplace. You had no thoughts. You were so exhausted of thinking day after day, you just looked into the fire and gazed at the warm jet of flames trying to get higher and higher.

You didn't even hear when someone came down from the dormitory, but you soon realised it as two strong arms wrapped themselves around your waist. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, hinting a kiss on your soft skin.

"Just go away, Sirius." You told him as you removed his arms from your waist. You stepped on the side, while he was looking for an eye contact, but you didn't give it to him. You kept your gaze on the fire, not wanting to see his face.

"What's going on with you? You have been distant." You could see the frown across his forehead from your peripheral vision, but you just shook your head in a reply. You didn't feel ready to talk to him just yet. You understood his worry, you were some type of friends after all, but for you that ended the night he broke of your arrangements. "Come on, Y/N. I can see that something is bothering you. Talk to me." He asked in a softer tone. You didn't react, however. You stayed motionless, eyes fixed on the fireplace, its flames reflecting in your eyes. "Talk to me, please." He tried once again, but you just shook your head. Without a word you decided to walk away, but his hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sirius." You told him, your voice weaker than ever.

"I think I deserve an explanation. You just keep ignoring me. I tried to talk to you so many times, but you keep pushing me away. What have I done?" He asked desperately, making you heave a deep sigh. You knew you had to tell him and you couldn't handle this uncertain feeling in your chest.

"Sit down." You told him firmly with a pinch of softness in your tone. He followed your request and so you took a seat beside him. "Do you want the short or the long version?" You asked, which caused him to furrow his brows as if he didn't understand the situation. Which, let's be honest, he didn't. He couldn't have.

"Just tell me what's happening." He replied, not knowing what the right answer was. You didn't want to waste time, but you didn't want to jump right into it either.

"You remember when we were together a couple fo weeks ago?" You asked, leaving time for him to nod, before you continued. "We didn't use protection." You stated, which didn't seem to register in him immediately. After a couple of seconds however you could see his eyes slowly widen, his lips part involuntarily. You knew that expression. You were wearing the same one when you found out.

"Do you mean...?" He wanted to ask after a couple of minutes, but he couldn't finish the sentence, as if it had stuck in his throat.

"Yes, I am pregnant." You nodded slowly, confirming his thoughts. He didn't say anything, nor did he look at you. His gaze was glued to the fireplace as if he was searching for the right words, the right thoughts. He was thinking long and the heavy grasp around your chest tightened, the lump in your throat grew and the tears pricking in your eyes became more painful.

You knew what it meant. Just as you predicted it, he was rejecting you. You stood up from beside him, but you didn't move just yet. You looked at his tensed body, sitting on the couch, his eyes empty as he was looking away from you. You could feel a tear running down your face, the lump in your throat growing wider. You abruptly removed the escaped tear and with a last glance you started walking to your dormitory.

You could barely step onto the first stair when you felt a hand on your wrist pulling you back. Sirius stood in front of you with a determined expression as he cupped your face softly and seconds later his lips attached to yours.

You eyes widened at the sudden attack and you didn't know how to react. You tried to push him away as gently as you could, but he didn't let you. Your brain soon gave up rejecting him and you melted into his arms, placing your hands around his waist, pulling him even closer. As you broke apart, he gently rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs, while looking into your eyes.

"I don't think you understand how happy I am." He smiled with adoration in his voice.

"What?" You asked with the widest eyes you could manage.

"I know we are young and it could have come later, but you are the mother of my child, I am going to be a dad and I have always wanted a little family." He smirked happily, but your expression didn't change.

"What?" You tried once again, your mind a mess of confusion.

"I love you, we will be the best parents ever." He chuckled as he kept caressing your cheeks.

"What?" You attempted to understand once again. He finally realised that something was wrong.

"Wait, you want to keep the baby, right?" He asked with the most desperate eyes you have ever seen from him.

"I'm going to faint." You replied weakly, but you didn't feel unwell. You were simply overwhelmed with his words. He put his arm around your waist and guided you to the sofa to sit down.

"Are you okay?" He asked, this time his happy tone hidden behind his worry.

"I'm... I... What's wrong with you?" You asked almost in a warning tone, which made him heave a deep sigh.

"I wanted to tell you long before, that I had feelings for you. Why do you think I wanted to spend the nights with you? I was scared of telling you how I felt and I thought, maybe this could turn into more from your side too." He explained, making you even more surprised. "I didn't expect you to get pregnant. We did make a mistake, but I want you to keep the baby and I want to be by your side. I don't want to lose you." The desperate tone of his voice, made you tear up, but you kept it back. You felt so overwhelmed, but happy. Your heart was full and even though you were worried about the future, you felt easier, knowing he didn't want to leave you.

"So you want the baby?" You asked with a shaky voice.

"Yes!" He nodded with a sweet smile.

"And you want to be in the baby's life?" You spoke again.

"Of course." He replied enthusiastically.

"It's not going to be easy." You tried to convince him, if he wanted to change his mind.

"I don't care." He shook his head.

"A baby needs a lot of care, time, patience." You attempted to give him another opportunity to run if he wanted, but he just shook his head with a smile.

"I want to be there for the baby, whatever it takes." He whispered, but you could just hear it fine.

"And you want me too?" Your question sounded weaker than any of your previous words, but he let the biggest smile spread across his face as he cupped your cheeks in his hands.

"More than anything." He gently kissed your forehead. "I love you." He whispered against your skin.

"I love you too." You finally let your lips curve into a smile and pulled him closer to you, attaching your lips to his, marking the first day of you, officially belonging together. As he broke the kiss, he stood up, pulling you closer and engulfed you in the biggest hug you have ever received, hinting a kiss on the top of your head. You were young indeed, but you were happy that the person you loved, loved you back and was ready to help you along each and every hurdle that came in your way as a tiny little family.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the chapter. Thank you :) I am also taking requests. If you have any, please just let me know.

I do not accept requests with suicide, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I'm sorry, but those are subjects, that I do not cover for personal reasons. Anything else, let me know.