Title: Bitter past

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word count: 3856

Published: 10 June, 2020

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

"Just say Yes, already." Sirius huffed. "I told you, I would take you anywhere you wish, even Madam Padifoot's, although that place creeps me out. I would even become a gentleman, which I usually don't tend to be." He grimaced and you stopped your steps.

"Do you really think if I ever was to say yes out of a mental breakdown or brain decease, I would want you to act like a different person?" You asked in disbelief. "If I ever decided to say yes and you dared to act any different from how you usually are, I would turn around and leave you there. You will not get me to go on a date with you, just because you act like someone you are not." You scoffed, but Sirius' spreading grin confused you. 

"So you would go on a date with the real me, not the one that acts all gentlemanly?" He asked winking.

"No, I wouldn't go on a date with you in any circumstances, but if - hypothetically saying - I had a brain damage, and decided against my better judgment, then I wouldn't want to go on a date with someone who pretends to be someone else." 

"But - hypothetically speaking - if you were to go on a date with me, you would want to get to know the real me, am I correct?" He asked with a cheeky smirk.

"I mean, with an enormous if, but yes, that is about what I've have just said." You furrowed your brows.

"Brilliant. So do you want to go out with me then?" He tried again and you just rolled your eyes in a reply.

"Still a no and it will forever stay a big fat No." You huffed, annoyed.

"Think about it this way... if you say yes, I will stop asking you, which you have been begging me for. It's a win win situation. I get a date, you get me off your back." You stopped again and looked at him with thoughtful eyes.

"If I say yes, will you promise me that you will never ask me to go out with you again?" You asked and his eyes grew wide as he started nodding heavily. "Fine, one date. No more." You shook your head and left the dumbfounded boy, heading back to your common room. 

You had an evil smile spreading across your face. You said yes, sure and you did plan to go with him on that date, but first and foremost, you wanted to make sure that he had the worst ever date experience. 

You walked up to your common room, where Lily was seated on one of the armchairs, with a book in her hand. You sat across her on the sofa, studying her expressions. She seemed way to invested in her book and she certainly had a rather aggressive side to her when her reading sessions got interrupted, making you shuffle uncomfortably at the thought. 

"How long are you planning on staring at me?" She asked, pulling you out of your thoughts. 

"As long as it takes to get your attention without having a mental breakdown from your side, I guess?" You smirked which caused her to roll her eyes.

"I don't need enemies with friends like you." She huffed, but closed her book to pay attention to you. "What could be so important, that it couldn't wait?" She asked.

"I might have just said yes to Black." You spoke casually, but Lily's eyes widened at your comment.

"Wait, what?" You nodded at her surprised reaction to confirm. "Why would you do that, after all that happened?" 

"Let's just say, he had a very reasonable point." You replied.

"Black? As in Sirius Black? Reasonable? How can those two, possible appear in the same sentence?" She huffed, annoyed, her eyebrow raised in doubt. 

"You are being very much on point. They most likely can't, but he said, he would stop nagging me about a date and would never ask again if I said yes." You nodded more to yourself. "And let's be honest, I could make it just about the worst date, he has ever had." Your lips curved into a devilish smile. 

"It seems that you already have a plan." She grinned, placing her chin in her palm, resting her elbow on the arm of her chair, focusing her complete attention to you. 

"I mean, there is nothing worse, than a girl who is just a tad bit over the top. Maybe a bit loud, maybe a bit critical, maybe unhappy with anything he does." You explained with an even bigger smile on your face.

"I am so proud of you." She giggled. "Why didn't I think of that, when James was running after me?" She sighed, leaning back against the chair.

"Because you were already hopelessly in love." You chuckled as she nodded along.

"That boy is a curse to my heart." A light smile appeared on her face. 

*

Saturday came quicker than you expected, but you didn't mind. You wanted revenge. You wanted to see him suffer, just like he did to you. 

You chose your best outfit, which was both comfortable and sexy. You wanted him to want you. You wanted him to feel that you were out of his league. You wanted him to realise, what he has lost back then. 

You walked down to the entrance of the Hogwarts castle, where Sirius was already waiting for you, with his back to the door. He was wearing a black leather jacket, giving him the typical bad boyish vibe he was always going for. He wore black jeans and a pair of combat boots of the same colour. As he turned around, a huge grin appeared on his dashingly handsome face, with a playful glint in his grey orbs as his gaze lingered on your body. He was still as good looking as ever and you hated him for it. You hated him for even being born. 

You smiled at him, which honestly came easier than you thought it would. He offered a hand to you and you linked your arm with his, feeling his body-heat radiating through you. You gazed at his profile, just as he turned towards you to look down, searching for your eyes. You quickly looked away, concentrating on the road, but you could just about see that cheeky smirk appearing on his lips. 

"So where do you want to go?" He asked.

"Where do you want to go?" You returned the question. 

"What about Three Broomsticks?" He questioned.

"Hmm..." You stopped to think for a second. "Let's just go to Madam Puddifoot's." You replied, looking at him with the most innocent smile you could master.

"Didn't you say..." He started, but then stopped midway. "Nevermind. Madam Puddifoot's it is." He nodded with a sweet smile, nowhere near the usual smug expression he was harbouring. 

"You don't even want to ask me why?" You questioned, annoyed. That was not the reaction you wanted and it got you frustrated. 

"If you want to go there, we will go there." He shrugged, but you stopped, forcing him to halt as well.

"Didn't you say, you didn't want to go there, that you wouldn't act different?" You desperately tried to force out a reaction that satisfied your revenge, but he acted too sweet, making you want to hate him even more. 

"And I have also told you numerous times, that I want to go on a date with you. I don't even care where we are, I just want to take you out." He smiled, causing you to let out an annoyed huffing sound. "You are acting strange." 

"If you don't like it, we can still turn back." You spit in anger, but that soft smile across his face, made you feel guilty. You didn't just hate him, you hated yourself for agreeing to his stupid date idea. 

"Not a chance. I finally got you and I don't plan on letting you go?" He chuckled. You looked up at him trying to shake the inappropriate thoughts in your head. You were there for revenge, not to fall in love with him again. You got hold of his wrist and started dragging him after yourself, towards Madam Puddifoot's. 

"Are you this wild in the bedroom as well?" A playful laugh left his lungs. You heaved a sigh, before turning around and giving him the deadliest look you could manage. 

"Wouldn't you want to know?" You smirked, but before you could have continued your fast pace,  he pulled you back into his embrace, holding you captive in his arms around your waist. You tried to force your arms out of his hold, but it was useless.

"Actually I would." He leaned closer, placing his forehead on yours. Your eyes involuntarily met his, unable to look anywhere but him. After all that time, his presence still greatly affected you and he very well knew it. His smile wasn't playful or smug, it was rather sweet and loving. "But only after I got to know you." You furrowed at his reply, him being completely out of his character. 

"As if, Black. Your only mission is to get into someone's pants." You huffed, trying to pry your eyes away from his, but you were unsuccessful. 

"You are not wrong. I was like that. But not with you." He spoke with a serious expression, his smile disappearing slowly. 

"Did this line ever work on any of them?" You scoffed. 

"If I have ever used it, it probably would have. But I haven't." He stepped back, letting to of you. "Can we go?" He asked, putting his hand on your lower back, leading you to the cafe. 

It took you about 5 minutes, before you saw the shop appear in its pink glory. As you stepped in, a grimace took over your facial expression, but you quickly hid it. You had to get over your hate for the flowery wallpapers, tawdry tablecloths and disgustingly pink design of the place. You were there for revenge, and as much as you hated the place, Sirius hated it even more. 

You sat down in a dark pink booth, at the back of the shop, while Sirius went to get a drink for both of you. You looked down at the white tablecloth, decorated with pink bows around it and flowers embroidered on top of it. You weren't sure if you were able to keep your disgust hidden for long, you had to make this date a short one. 

As Sirius arrived back, he was holding a silver tray, with flower carvings on the side of it. He ordered a tea, placing it on the table in front of you and a black coffee for himself. You could smell it was english breakfast tea with just enough milk and sugar in it. However making him feel like he was doing well, was not part of your plan. You took a sip of your tea and grimaced, even though it tasted exactly the way you loved it.

"What is this?" You asked trying to act disgusted. "This is horrible." You shook your head as if it was the worst thing you have ever tasted. Sirius pulled it closer to him and smelled your cup's content. 

"Well, it seems okay to me." He looked up at you, placing the cup back on it's plate. 

"It's English breakfast tea, Black." You scoffed. "I don't like it." You crossed your arms, protesting against drinking it.

"Really?" A playful smirk appeared on his face. "As far as I know, you are drinking this every single night in the common room." He raised an eyebrow, knowing he was about to bust you. For a second you wanted to just hide under the table and disappear, but then you took  deep sigh and straightened yourself.

"I think, I know better what I like, don't you think?" You asked. He looked at you, clearly annoyed, but stood up, lifting your cup with him.

"What would you like to drink?" He asked with a clearly fake smile across his face. You could actually see the side of his lips twitch out of frustration. 

"A small hot chocolate." You spoke as he started towards the cashier. "With marshmallows." You spoke again as he walked farther. "And whipped cream on top." You finished, chuckling. You knew he did not hear the last part, making you eagerly wait for your wrongly made order. It didn't take him more than 3-4 minutes, before he was walking back to your table, with a white cup with golden rim around it and flowers on its side. As he placed it down, you waited for him to sit down, before heaving a deep sigh in disappointment, playing with the rim of your cup.

"What is it now?" He asked, not even hiding his annoyed expression anymore.

"Nothing." You spoke as if you tried to be less bothersome, but it was all just an act. A carefully designed and implemented plan.

"It doesn't seem like that." He tried again, making you sigh in disappointment again. "What is the problem this time?" He asked.

"It's nothing." You sighed again, taking a sip of your hot chocolate, hissing at its warmth. 

"Well, there clearly is something." He cleared his throat, trying to keep himself composed.

"Why would I tell you, when you are already acting mean?" You asked, leaning back against the booth, pouting. You could hear Sirius taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything you want instead of your hot chocolate?" He asked in a calmer tone, but you just shook your head. "Then how can I help?" He tried again.

"I asked for whipping cream on the top." You shrugged, still looking as innocent as ever, opening your eyes as big as you could, trying to look at him with the most saddened gaze.

"I will ask for it." He stood up, leaving for the barista again. You could not have hid the devilish grin spread across your face as you were looking at his fading back. You felt as if your acting was brilliant, almost award winning. Soon enough he returned again with the same cup, now topped up with whipping cream. You took a sip and this time, you let yourself enjoy it. You smiled at your delicious beverage, before turning to Sirius. 

He looked at you with his lips turning into a sweet smile, before he raised his hand, placing it on your cheek. He bit his bottom lip as it curved into a playful smirk, before proceeding to run his thumb across your lips, gently. As he removed his finger, he placed his thumb in between his lips and licked off the whipping cream.

"There was something on your lips." He teased and you could feel your heart hammering against your chest rapidly as your face heated up at his actions. You were speechless. You looked into those grey eyes which were linked to yours, searching for something. You didn't even know what that something was. You felt flustered, cheated on, played with. You took your jacket from the side of the booth and abruptly stood up, rushing towards the exit of the cafe.

As you stepped outside, the cold air hit you, but you didn't care. You walked in a fast pace, impatiently trying to pull the coat over your body as it fought hard against you. When you finally pulled it over your arms, a hand grabbed your waist, pulling your back into his chest, wrapping his arms around your stomach. You could feel his breath behind your ears, causing goosebumps to appear on your skin. His smell of coffee and aftershave, forced its way into your nostrils. 

"Why are you running away?" He asked in a soft tone, almost as if he was begging you. 

"Are you enjoying it?" You asked turning around in his hold, anger clear across your face. "Are you?" You raised your voice, your brows furrowed. 

"Am I enjoying what?" He asked returning your expression.

"This... this game of yours. Running after me for months, acting all sweet and kind, the exact opposite of what you are." You hissed in frustration. 

"Says you, who has been trying to sabotage the date from the very beginning? Do you think I am dumb enough to believe that all this little act of yours wasn't on purpose? I know you more than you think, princess." He smirked and you wished for nothing, but the ground to open up under you. 

"Why is it so important to you to go on a date with me? Why can't you just accept a no? Is it your pride that's hurting? Finally you know how it feels when someone says no and it hurts, isn't it?" You scoffed, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes. 

"I knew it." He spoke with a bitter tone. "I knew it would come up. Let's talk about it." 

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you." You forced your way out of his hold finally, your anger fuelling your adrenaline and strength. 

"I think we should talk about it." He tried again calmly, taking your hand into his as you turned around, but you pulled it out immediately. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just a child. I didn't even know what I was doing." He spoke again, but for you they were just excuses. 

"Right, laughing at my confession with your friends, is in no way hurting me." You smiled bitterly. You felt like you had a huge lump in your throat while you eyes burned from the tears you were hindering. 

"I am so sorry for that, love. I never meant to hurt you. I was teased for always hanging out with you. I was teased about having feelings for you. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted the teasing to stop." You didn't even realise when the first tear rolled down your face. Sirius stepped closer, lifting his hand to remove it, but you pushed it away. You heaved a sigh, before looking into his eyes with the most painful expression, even though you thought you hid it well. Sirius tried to get close to you again, but you didn't let him. 

"Well, aren't you lucky it stopped?! Enjoy your flawless little life." You spit with the most hatred you could project, but it didn't scare Sirius away. As he stepped closer, and you backed away, you felt a wall behind you, caging you in.  

"It never has. You want to know why?" He asked, but didn't wait for a reply. His expression was serious, his gaze intense as he looked into your eyes. "Because my feelings have never stopped. I liked you back then and I still like you. Before they teased me for having feelings for you and the teasing has stopped indeed. It turned into nagging about not having enough courage to tell you that I still liked you and I couldn't forget about you. It turned into constant harassment from my friends, trying force me to walk up to the girl I like, each and every day to ask her out, even though every rejection felt like I was stabbed on the chest." Your tears were rolling down your face. You wanted to believe him. You wanted to jump into his embrace and just forgive him, but was he honest this time? He placed his palms on your cheeks, removing the tear stains as gently as he could. 

"Why did you never tell me?" You heaved a sigh.

"Because I was a coward. It was easier to ignore my feelings than to face you. I knew I hurt you, but it was easier to just step aside than to walk up to you and apologise. To walk up to you and tell you how I felt. That meant opening up, being vulnerable and I was scared of that." 

"Why are you telling me this now?" You didn't want to make it any easier for him. You wanted him to feel vulnerable just as much as you did, even if it was mean of you.

"Because I like you more than I thought. Because you finally said yes and I honestly felt like I finally got a second chance. I knew from the very moment you said you wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot's that you were sabotaging the date. I saw through it, but I didn't care. If you feel better doing that, than I will let you. I just want to be with you." His words crawled deep under your skin and you just couldn't stand being mad at him. You let a small smile appear on your face, looking at the ground, not being able to keep eye contact with him anymore. 

"Madam Puddifoot's was a bad idea. I hate that place." You confessed, causing him to chuckle.

"I know, but it was fun seeing you trying to hide your disgust." You looked up at his smirking face with a raised eyebrow. 

"Mr. Black, do you always feel the need to be right?" You tried to stop your smile from growing any bigger.

"Only when I know that it will make you smile." He pulled you closer into his arms and this time you didn't protest. You wanted that to happen for as long as you could remember and being there, even if it took years, just felt right. 

He stepped forward, pushing you into the wall, placing his lips on yours. You felt the little butterflies waking up in your stomach as you kissed back, wrapping your hands around the side of his hips, pulling him closer. It just felt right. It just felt perfect. You didn't want to let him go, you wanted to stay kissing him. 

"Will you go out on a real date with me?" He asked chuckling as he placed his forehead against yours. 

"I'm not sure I'm done with my revenge." You flashed a devilish smile.

"Punish me however you want..." His tone changed more sweet. "...just stay beside me." You tilted your head to the side, placing a hand on his cheek, caressing his lower lip with your thumb.

"I guess that sounds like a beneficial deal." You giggled, pulling him closer and kissing him again.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the chapter. Thank you :) I am also taking requests. If you have any, please just let me know.

I do not accept requests with suicide, suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I'm sorry, but those are subjects, that I do not cover for personal reasons. Anything else, let me know.