Title: Beyond Friendship

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader

Word count: 8.3k

Published: 1 November 2022

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Warnings: Swear words, making out, mention of food, mention of sleeping potion

Notes: If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it's completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3 [ ko-fi.com/heloisedaphnebrightmore ]

Notes 2: It's been a while since I posted and I'm not sure when I'll post again, but this fic has been sitting in my drafts for almost a year so I decided to post it :)

A nervous bundle settled in the pit of your stomach as you fidgeted with your hands under the table, wrinkling your skirt in the process of opening and closing your fist around the material. The situation didn't feel any easier once Sirius squeezed your hip and offered you a confident grin that made you want to punch him. He enjoyed the situation more than you and he made it as obvious as he could. You couldn't decide if it was an act and he just did as you asked, pretending to be your boyfriend, and becoming overly touchy with you or he simply used the opportunity to be able to touch you without your hand connecting with that smug face of his.

"Okay, I think it was a bad idea," you heaved a heavy sigh, shoulders slumping forward.

"I think it's quite fun, if you ask me," he snorted with a smug grin across his face. "Also, need I remind you it was your idea to begin with? You dragged me along," he huffed, but his smile didn't falter.

"You didn't need much convincing if I recall correctly," you frowned as you debated to remove that irritating grin from his face with the palm of your hand in a smooth swing. Over and over again you had to remind yourself that it was only an act, but it didn't make you feel better.

"Let's be honest, pissing your dumb ex off sounds like something I'd enjoy. Besides, how could I refuse my company from you," he arched a brow as if challenging you to oppose him, but you simply rolled your eyes and dug into your food.

Years of friendship had taught you not to let Sirius get under your skin, but even after all these years, a simple word, a wrong move was enough to make you want to pull all your hair out. Whilst you loved him and he was a dear, reliable friend at times, mostly you wanted to suffocate him with a pillow to shut him up for a mere moment. Besides, he enjoyed your frustration and used all his free time to get on your nervous.

"Remind me, why did I choose you to begin with?" You asked with a grimace spread across your face, but it only earned you a loud chuckle from Sirius.

"'Cause I'm the complete package. Tall, dark, and handsome. Also, talented, smart, and funny. You'd be a fool not to choose me. We both know if anyone can get under your dear ex's skin, it's gonna be," he huffed as if he stated the obvious, a certain pride shining vividly in those grey eyes.

"Yeah, I'm regretting it," you mumbled as you shoved another piece of your breakfast in your mouth.

"Come on, don't look so gloomy," he said as he squeezed your hip once again and leaned closer, burying his face in your neck. "Think of it like improvising a play. We are the actors, and we are preparing for a grand finale," he said with a silent chuckle muffled by your skin, making you slightly shiver.

"Right," you said as you ignored his rambling and looked around the room only to meet those blue pair of eyes you wished to never see again. He was watching you with a deadly glare that made you feel like a little mouse caged into a corner by a wild cat. Before you could have continued squeezing yourself smaller under his intense gaze, two fingers caught your chin and turned your face to meet Sirius' questioning expression.

"Keep looking at him and he will think you want him back," he said as he leaned closer as if to show the whole Great Hall how intimate you two were with each other. "He dumped you hard. He was a shitty boyfriend and he played with you like a toy. He doesn't deserve you, okay?" He asked and you nodded to show you were listening. "You wanted to get back at him and I'm here to help you with that, but you need to act the part, or it looks like you are only with me to make him jealous, okay?" His eyes seemed to bore into yours, each word giving you confidence to further play this silly little game. You nodded once again as Sirius' lips curved into a playful grin. "Good, try to keep those eyes on me and I'll have one eye on your good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend then," he reassured you.

"Thank you," you said as you returned his smile. "But could you please let go of my face?" You arched a brow as a fit of laughter escaped Sirius' lungs.

"Of course," he nodded with an innocent look across his face as he leaned closer to your ear. "Anything for you, sweetheart," he added with a cheeky grin, before continuing his breakfast. You simply rolled your eyes at his flirtatious antics you've seen so much of already. Though Sirius had a fair share of relationships— some only as long as a few hours, some even going beyond a month— he wasn't the playboy everyone made him out to be, rather he let the gossip to spread, not caring about his reputation.

*

As the day went by, classes had your stomach in a knot. Whilst your relationship with Sirius was only a faux act, a part of you felt he was your safety net. Not having him around in some of your classes that you shared with your ex left you in an anxious state. Though you tried to get rid of the feeling by telling yourself it was going to be okay, your intuitions seemed to be right. Your ex-boyfriend, Jason stood up from his table as the bell rang and walked over to you with a grimace across his face.

"Really? You had to choose that guy?" He asked with clear disgust painted across his face. The face that once belong to the most beautiful man you've ever met, now seemed somehow ugly.

"It's none of your business, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't meddle," you said as you packed up your quill and parchment, shoving them into your back, trying to get out of the situation as fast you could manage.

"Well, it is. What does that say about me, huh? My ex is dating with that fuck-boy," he huffed at you as he leaned against your table, your movements halting.

Collecting all your courage, you heaved a heavy sigh and met his stern gaze. "I guess it shows I'm into shitty people," you said as you scoffed and turned around to leave, but before you could have taken a step further, his bony fingers wrapped around your wrist.

"What did you just say?" He hissed the words through gritted teeth. Your heart sped up, fluttering nervously under your ribs, your palms sweating as your anxiety rose. But you didn't let it get to you. Slowly you exhaled and turned around, meeting his eyes that held anger and hatred, ugly and vicious emotions swirling inside him.

"I said what I said," you huffed as if to intensify each word you spoke. "You treated me like I was nothing but an object. I had done everything you wanted me to because I was so blindly in love with you. But I was just a fool who followed you around, loving you even though you didn't deserve even an inch of me," you hissed with a newfound determination in your voice. "So, if my choice of partner is not to your liking, that's not my problem. If I want to be with Sirius, then guess what— I will be with him. It's none of your damn business who I'm dating, nor does it say anything about you. If anything, it shows I have a better taste now in men." It seemed to be the last blow his ego could handle. His fingers tightened around your wrist, and he harshly pulled you back against him, grabbing your chin, nails digging into your skin.

"You—," he started.

"If I were you, I'd let her go!" The stern voice coming from the door made him freeze. You didn't need to see the stranger to recognise his voice, after all Sirius has been beside you for years and even half-asleep you could have recognised the smooth sound of his voice. "Would you like me to repeat myself?" He asked stepping in the classroom and closing in on your pair.

At last, Jason let go of your chin and took a step back, but his face wore the same disgusted look as before and his eyes held even more hatred that seemed to have been rooting deeper than you could see. "We are not done yet," his voice was more of a growl.

"I think you are," Sirius scoffed as Jason grimaced at him and strutted out of the classroom. Finally, alone, regardless of Sirius' presence, you let out a heavy sigh you didn't even realise you've been holding in.

"I had the situation under control," you said in a firm tone, though your sorry attempt to convince Sirius was more to yourself.

"I didn't doubt that—" he lifted his hands in the air as if to say he was innocent and he didn't need to be accused of anything, "but it doesn't mean I will wait around and watch him treat you that way, okay?" He arched a questioning brow, but you didn't respond. "I know you can handle him, but don't expect me to do nothing because I can't do that," he shrugged nonchalantly and started heading out of the classroom before he realised you weren't around. He looked back over his shoulder, his lips curving up into a cheeky grin as his gaze met yours. "Did my coolness moved your heart? Because if that's the reason you can't take your eyes of me I can always show you a couple of ways to thank me properly," he chuckled, earning himself a middle finger from you.

"You are insufferable," you huffed as you passed by him and left the classroom. You were only ahead of him a few inches, but at least you slowed down to wait for him, your frustration subsiding. "Thank you," you whispered, hoping he didn't hear you.

"Oh my, was that what I think it was?" He asked, taunting you and you already regretted your words.

"Insufferable," you groaned and once again left him, rolling your eyes at the loud laughter that seemed to follow you, corridor after corridor.

*

Days passed by as you played the part of a woman foolishly in love, letting Sirius guide your little act as he pleased. Of course, when he seemed to enjoy himself a little too much, you pulled in the reins, but you had to admit it was fun being around him and Jason's fuming only added to the fun of it.

You were seated on a couch in the Gryffindor common room with a book in your hand, Sirius on one side of yours, James on the other whilst the boys fell into a conversation with Remus and Peter each occupying an armchair for themselves. The door to the common room opened, to reveal no other than Jason himself. A loud sigh left your lungs as you caught sight of him, but then you turned away and continued reading your book. Though the boys' conversation ceased for a moment, they soon resumed as well and continued whatever ridiculous prank they were planning once again.

Trying to focus on the book, you shifted deeper into the soft couch, only to realise Sirius hand sliding higher on your thigh. Stunned, you looked up at the boy, but his eyes were on his friends, heavily gesturing as if he was in a disagreement. You arched a brow and tilted your head, trying to catch his attention, but it seemed useless, so you poked his shoulder to turn his focus on you. He finished his last sentence before he finally turned to you with an arched brow, silently asking you what you wanted, but you didn't answer. Your gaze shifted to your thigh; his hand still wrapped around your leg. Once you looked back at him, you saw his eyes widen in surprise before a silent chuckle escaped his lips.

"Sorry, I didn't even realise," he said, but didn't remove his hand.

"Would you mind?" You asked, but he only gave you a single nod and continued his conversation with the boys. "Excuse me," you leaned closer, trying to catch his attention. "Can you remove your hand?" Though you knew you could have removed it yourself, you were highly aware of Jason's eyes occasionally staring daggers at the side of your face.

"Nope, not really," he said, not even turning to you as he spoke. "Your bastard of an ex keeps giving us deadly glares, so I apologise, but I won't be removing my hand. Unless you want him to grow suspicious, but then all this was for nothing," he shrugged, finally turning to you with a questioning look. An incredulous scoff let your lungs, but you gave in after a moment of consideration. Whilst Sirius tactics were sometimes over the top, you had to agree with him.

Once again burying yourself in your book, you closed out your surroundings and immersed in a world of fantasy that you wished would whisk you away. It could have been minutes, could have been hours before Sirius started chuckling and his shaking pulled you out of your daze. Looking up at him, his eyes focused on you, holding mischief and some sort of pride that made you confused.

"Am I comfortable?" He asked with a smug grin and that is when you realised you laid your head on his shoulder. Quickly you moved away and cleared your throat.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," you said, feeling your cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"It's fine, it's not like you haven't used me as a pillow before," he shrugged nonchalantly. You knew he was right, after all you often fell asleep on his shoulder, but that was back when you were in first or second grade. Since then, you have grown up and it just didn't feel right anymore to use him as your personal cushion.

"Yeah well, we were kids back then," you said with an awkward cough and stood up from the couch.

"Where are you going?" He asked, straining himself in his spot.

"I have some reading to get through so I'll be going to the library," you said as you attempted to pick up your bag from the floor, but before you could have caught the strap, Sirius pulled you down, making you land in his lap. Your eyes widened at the sudden turn of events, but instead of a stunned expression, Sirius only laughed the situation. "What are you doing?" You asked through gritted teeth, but he simply warped his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, leaning closer to your ear.

"First of all, that wasn't my plan, but it certainly ended up being better than I expected," he chuckled silently, but before you could have scolded him, he continued. "Secondly, I told you Jason was watching. Leaving me without a kiss would only make him suspicious." Though you tried to concentrate on his words, his lips brushing against your ear seemed to cloud a reasonable part of your mind, speeding up your already hammering heart. "Thirdly, he was about to stand up when you did. Now, I might be overreacting, but I certainly didn't like the look on his face, and I rather not risk him going after you when I'm not there," he stated in a firm tone, waking you from your momentary trance.

"I can protect myself," you said as you squirmed in his lap and his hand squeezed your waste tighter.

"I didn't say you couldn't," he replied, his voice strained, making you frown. "But— but I'd rather be cautious, than sorry," he said as if struggling for words, his breathing uneven. Giving him a questioning look, you arched a brow, but he only shook his head and focused his attention back on his friend. Your frowned in confusion, not knowing if you should have stayed in his lap or stood up and sit beside him.

A nervous feeling settled in the pit of your stomach, and you wriggled in Sirius' lap. A silent groan escaped his lungs, and he fixed his gaze on you. "If I were you, I'd stop squirming," he growled in a low tone, his breathing heavy. You weren't sure if you did it on purpose or if it was an accident, but once again you moved a little, feeling his hand squeeze harder on your flash. "We might be acting, but I'm still a man," his voice dropped an octave as he licked across his lips, immediately catching your attention with his movements.

As if his words finally found their way, your eyes widened, and your lips parted in surprise. "Maybe I should just sit on the couch," you suggested as you finally found your voice and attempted to calm your racing heart, already ignoring the burning sensation in your cheeks.

Sirius chuckled at the awkwardness emitting from you, but he didn't move his tight hold around you. "Nah, it's fine, just stop moving around," he shook his head with a smug grin. "Besides, this much intimacy should be expected since we are "dating", isn't that right?" He asked in a playful tone.

"I mean— yeah, but if it makes you uncomfortable—," you started but Sirius cut you off.

"It doesn't," he shook his head, but instead of turning back to the boys and concluding the conversation, his gaze stayed on you, watching you as if he was studying your reactions, your movements. Your cheeks burned even hotter under his intense gaze, and you found it hard to keep eye contact with him.

"Are we interrupting?" James asked with a knowing grin across his face.

"Actually, yes," Sirius replied, earning himself a gentle punch on his chest from you.

"Of course not," you corrected him, but James only lifted a brow in response.

"Mhmm," was all he said as he stood up and studied the pair of you before continuing. "We were about to grab something to eat. You coming?" He asked, his gaze still attached to you as if he was trying to read your mind.

"Sure," you said without hesitation and jumped up from Sirius' lap.

"Way to ruin the mood, Prongs," Sirius whined, but you only rolled your eyes in response.

"Take your mood to the bedroom next time then," he scoffed as if he was offended.

"Even if we did, you'd find a way to ruin it," he chuckled and punched his friend on the arm. James groaned and caught Sirius' head under his arm, trapping him as he started messing up his hair. "You little shit," he groaned and started punching James' side just strong enough for him to escape.

"Kids," you sighed, and Remus offered you a wide grin.

*

The library was silent regardless of the bunch of students occupying the room. The only sounds came from the pages of the books being flipped and quills scraping letters on parchments as students worked hard on their homework. As one of them, you dug yourself deep in your essay, trying to list all the advantages and disadvantages of animagi, before drawing a conclusion on why the Ministry of Magic required complete transparency over the usage of such magic. It has always been a subject that interested you, so working on your essay filled you with excitement for the first time.

"Can I sit?" The voice coming from beside you made you jump and as you looked up, you found yourself face to face with Jason.

"What do you want?" You asked in a hushed tone.

"Sit? And talk, of course," he added and rolled his eyes as if it was obvious.

"I'm studying. I don't want to talk now. And to be honest, I don't want to talk to you at all," you replied as you turned back to you essay and tried to ignore his presence. But to your surprise, he took the seat beside you anyway. A silent groan left your lungs as you lifted your gaze and looked at him. "What do you want?"

"I want you to break up with him," he said as he reached for you and wrapped his fingers around your hand. You shook off his hold and grimaced at the feeling.

"I won't break up with him," you scoffed and stood up to pack up your things. "Even if I wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't want anything from you." His jaw clenched at your words.

"Even you can't possibly believe that," he shot up from his seat with an incredulous look across his face.

"But I do, because I like him," you spat the words. But as soon as you realised what you said, it downed on you how easy it was for you to say them. Your hands stopped mid-air as you recalled the fake relationship you have created and for some reason it wasn't hard to realise how happy you were beside him, how excited you grew each time you met him, how hard it was to act irritated when indeed you enjoyed his teasing and taunting. "I like him," you breathed the words, and a silent chuckle left your lungs as if a heavy weight left your shoulders.

"Yeah, so I've heard," he groaned and assessed you as if you've gone mental.

"Sorry, I have to run," you said with a child-like excitement across your face, giggling as you shoved the last of your things in your bag and headed towards the Gryffindor common room, leaving Jason behind with a dumbfounded expression.

Your steps were loud against the echoing corridors, but you didn't pay much attention to it. Rather picked up your speed and almost started off in a run to get to him faster. You weren't sure if you were going there to confess or to chicken out last minute, but you knew you had to see him, you wanted to see him.

As you opened the entrance to the common room, Sirius' voice rang through the room, a bitter laughter leaving his lungs. The sounds made you frown, so instead of interrupting, you hid beside the wall, trying to stay out of his sight.

"Prongs, I'm telling you, you have gone mad," he chuckled.

"No, I haven't. Nor have I become blind," his voice seemed to hold a great deal of frustration. "I can see it has gone beyond acting. None of you are pretending anymore," he tried to convince his friend and you didn't need to be a genius to understand the conversation you accidentally stepped into. "She doesn't look at you as a friend anymore and you must be out of your mind if you can't realise your own feelings." Your tummy flipped nervously at the thought of Sirius returning your feelings and even though you heard him deny it in a way, you couldn't ignore that James knew his friend more than anyone and it awakened hope deep inside you, bringing a small smile across your face. "Padfoot, I've known you since we were little kids. Years if that makes it easier for that thick head of yours to understand. I know the way you look when you have feelings for someone and that is the exact look you are giving her," he attempted to persuade his friend, but Sirius didn't reply. There was a momentary silence before he simply scoffed.

"She and I have been friends for years," he said in a sceptical tone. "Of course, I have feelings for her. It's called friendship." His words felt like a stab in the chest and your stomach dropped as you finally fully understood your feelings were unrequited. "I know you want to see more into it because I haven't been with anyone for a while and you are trying to act like a fairy god-mother, but I think I know my feelings better than anyone. After all, I'm the one living with them," he let out an incredulous scoff.

"Or you just can't realise your own feelings because you make yourself believe that it's nothing more," Remus added, joining in on the conversation, but it only earned him a frustrated huff from Sirius.

"You too, Moony? What is this, an intervention? I have no feelings for her beyond friendship nor will I ever have. She is a good friend of mine, but that's all it has been," his words seemed to find just the right spot and your felt your chest tighten. You didn't even have the opportunity to tell him how you felt, and you have already been rejected. If it wasn't for your hiding, you would've let out the bitter chuckle that you kept at bay for the moment. "I wish I could say I had feelings for her. I'm not blind after all. She is an amazing girl. But we are only friends, and you need to stop seeing things that are not there."

You couldn't listen to their conversation any longer and you hurried out of the common room, trying to stay in hiding not to reveal that you've been eavesdropping. Once you were out, you hurried along the corridors and headed towards the hospital wing. You didn't feel like going to your room, nor did you want to reside with one of your friends, being bombarded with question after questions about your gloomy mood.

Once you arrived at the Hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey appeared in front of you, asking about your well-being. You simply told her that you weren't feeling well and found it hard to sleep, so she led you to a creaky, old bed and offered you a sleeping potion before heading back to her office. You didn't mean to deceive her, after all you've been struggling with sleep, but regardless, you couldn't go to your room and your only option was the Hospital wing. Your thoughts were a mess, and you couldn't make sense of most of what you were thinking. Even with the potion in your system it took you hours to finally find yourself exhausted enough to fall asleep.

*

The following morning you woke to someone very gently shaking you. Bright lights poured through the gigantic windows of the hospital wing, making it even more difficult to open your eyes. Waking up was never easy, but even after consuming enough sleeping potion, you still felt tired and didn't feel like getting out of bed. With a loud groan, you swatted away the hand that shook your shoulder and snuggled deeper in your duvet. Unfortunately, the shaking didn't stop. At last, you opened your eyes with a grimace across your face and sat up on your bed.

"What?" You hissed, but soon your eyes widened regardless of the bright rays of the sun burning your pupils.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked with concern painted across his face. "We heard you were in the hospital wing and came to check on you," he continued, studying you as if searching for physical proof that you were okay.

"I'm fine," was all you said as you looked around the room, meeting James, Remus, and Peter's worried gaze.

"What happened?" James asked as he took a seat beside your bed on a small stool.

"Nothing. Really," you tried to reassure him. "I haven't been sleeping well, so I asked Madam Pomfrey for a sleeping potion and slept here for the night," you added, avoiding the real reason behind your presence in the Hospital wing.

"Are you sure? You seem a bit sickly," he continued, and you offered him a sceptical look.

"Are you trying to tell me that I look bad?" You arched a questioning brow, daring him to repeat it.

"He didn't mean it like that," Remus interrupted. You scoffed at the lie, but instead of nagging him about it, you simply let go of the subject and laid back on your bed.

As you looked around the boys, you couldn't miss Sirius' knuckles covered in a thin line of crimson blood. A deep frown spread across your brows as you looked up at him. He swiftly shoved his hand behind his back, but he wasn't quick enough for you to miss the fresh injury.

"What happened?" You asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. Though you didn't know what happened, you had a bad feeling about it.

"Nothing," he said, but he wasn't convincing enough.

"Try again," you scoffed as if to remind him that after years of friendship he needed to put more effort into lying.

A heavy sigh left his lungs, but at last he decided to talk. "Lily woke up early and started looking for you since apparently you were supposed to meet in the library. When she met Madam Pomfrey, she told her that you've been in the hospital wing last night and— well, she obviously told us about it. I didn't mean to, okay— but I kind of lost my mind and went after Jason. I thought he did something to you," he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

"You hurt him?" You asked with an incredulous look across your face.

"It was only a punch," he lifted his hands in the air as if to say he was innocent.

"Thanks to us," Peter murmured, earning himself a deadly glare from Sirius.

You shook your head and pinched the bridge of your nose with an exasperated sigh leaving your lungs. "You are an idiot," you scoffed as you pushed yourself up in your bed. "I told you I can protect myself and besides, you can't go around beating people up," you hissed, feeling your anger bubble up inside you. "Stop acting like some sort of a bodyguard!"

"Okay, I'm not saying what I did was fair, but I thought he hurt you," he tried to convince you, but you were having none of it. Not after what he had said yesterday. Friends or more, it didn't matter. You didn't want him beating up people for you.

"You know what? I don't care. Things are getting out of hands so let's stop. I'm tired of acting with you and I'm tired of caring about getting back at Jason. I just want this to be over with," you heaved a heavy sigh and pulled the cover from yourself to stand up.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked as if none of what you said came through to him.

"I mean I want this pretend-relationship to be over with," you emphasised each word as if to ensure he understood you this time. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll be going back to my room," you said as you pulled your bathrobe over your pyjama and after a quick thank you to Madam Pomfrey, you headed to your dormitory to continue sleeping for as long as that deep exhaustion disappeared.

*

Though it's been 2 weeks since you stopped that non-sense of a fake relationship you and Sirius had created, you couldn't get over the fact that your feelings for him didn't seem to dispense, rather grew if possible.

You knew you had to take measures into your hands and that started with going on dates again, trying to find someone to get over Sirius. It seemed to be more difficult than you imagine though. It wasn't dating that caused difficulty, rather choosing the right partner. You unconsciously looked for someone who resembled Sirius, but noone came even remotely close to what you were looking for.

Some were too touchy-feely, some were too pushy. Others were way too shy for your liking, whilst the rest seemed to be too boring. But the issue wasn't with your partners rather it was with you. Each and every person you went on a date with had both negative and positive traits, but you unconsciously looked for their worst traits only to find something in them that would make it easier to reject them in the end.

With a heavy sigh you dropped yourself on the couch of the Gryffindor common room and buried your face in your hands.

"Are you going to talk to me about it? Or are you planning to leave me in the dark forever?" Lily raised a questioning brow as she nudged you with her shoulder. "Dates after dates. When have you become a serial dater? What happened between you and Sirius? You've been friends for so long and now you are avoiding him. I'm trying to put the puzzles together, but you definitely don't make it easy," she scoffed as she leaned against the back of the couch.

Another sigh escaped your lips as you leaned back and met her curious gaze. Sigh after sigh, your frustration grew, and you felt like a silly little kid for letting something so insignificant get to you. At last, you opened your mouth to talk. "I like Sirius," you whispered, hoping she didn't hear you.

"What did you just say?" She exclaimed with a wide grin across her face, and you wished to burry yourself deeper in that couch.

"You heard me," you replied in a dejected tone. "I know I shouldn't have grown feelings for him, but somehow— through this stupid fake relationship or whatever— I just started to without even realising it," another heavy sigh left your lungs, and you started to debate where on earth they were coming from.

"But that's brilliant," she said, her enthusiasm confusing you. "When are you going to tell him?" She asked as if confessing your love for one of your best friends was a natural occurrence.

"Never?" You questioned, furrowing at the absurd thought.

"Why not?" She asked, wearing the same, confused expression.

"Because he doesn't feel the same way," you shrugged nonchalantly. As you played with the hem of your sweater.

"You can't possibly know that if you—," Lily started.

"He said so," you interrupted her, and she didn't seem to want to finish her sentence anymore.

"He— he specifically said he didn't like you," Lily stated, though it sounded more of a question.

"He specifically said he had no feelings for me beyond friendship. And that I was an amazing woman, and he wasn't blind to it, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't have romantic interest in me," you explained matter-of-factly.

"Ouch," Lily grimaced at your words.

"Yep," you popped the 'p'.

"Well, that's a bit harsh," she stated with pity in her eyes, and you nodded in response.

"Tough I have to add, he didn't know I was listening. I overheard it whilst he was talking to the boys. But at least it saved me from embarrassment," you shrugged, trying to play off the bitter feeling settling in the pit of your stomach.

"Maybe he only said it to get the boys off his back," Lily tried to excuse his words, but you shook your head.

"That's beside the point. I really don't care why he said it. He did and that's what matters. I don't want to get my hopes up Lily, so let's not talk about it," you concluded the conversation and stood up. "We have a match to attend to. Are you coming?" You asked and after a moment of debate, Lilt shot up and followed you to towards the Quidditch pitch.

*

After the match, students from all 4 houses gathered in the Gryffindor common room to party. Noone really cared who won in that moment, people just wanted to get drunk and dance to their heart's content. You watched as people stumbled around, spilling drinks, flirting shamelessly, butchering songs with the voice of a cat in heat. It was certainly entertaining and as you sat in an armchair beside the fireplace, you couldn't stop yourself giggling at the sight.

"Do you want something to drink?" A deep voice rang from behind you, only to find yourself face to face with a boy who you recalled going on a date with but couldn't remember his name.

"Erm— yeah, sure," you replied after a moment of hesitation. You followed him to the little table at the corner of the room and held up two glasses whilst he poured the drinks.

"Let me guess, you don't remember my name," he said with a smile that reassured you he wasn't mad at you.

"I'm sorry," you just felt the need to apologise.

"It's fine, you did seem distracted to be fair," he added and took one of the glasses from you. "Aaron, by the way," he said with a shy smile.

"Aaron. I will remember that now," you mirrored his expression. "To be honest, I've had a lot of things on my mind, but it's not an excuse to ignore you," you offered him an apologetic smile.

"You know, I kind of expected you to be distant. You and Sirius looked really happy together and even when I asked you out, I could tell you weren't over him yet," he stated, and you frowned at his words.

"I was over him," you replied with an awkward chuckle.

"Well, even if you were, he definitely wasn't. I was planning to ask you out again, but I didn't want to be getting in the middle of something," he chuckled awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, completely oblivious to his words.

"Erm— well— let's just say that I'm not your typical bad boy," he scoffed with a comical tone, "so I'm not one to like confrontations. And the killing glares I received from Sirius reassured me to keep a healthy distance," he added, and your confusion only grew deeper, but then a bitter chuckle left your lungs, stunning the boy in front of you.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh," you finally spoke as you calmed your laughter. "We broke up because he didn't like me like that," you lied, hoping maybe you could get over Sirius and date someone genuine and nice. It was attractive enough that he dared to come to you again after what he had experienced and still managed to talk to you normally.

"And is he aware of not liking you? Because I'm getting a bit terrified over here," he said as sweat started rolling down his cheeks and he nodded towards the side. Turning to your left, you found Sirius leaning against a wall, arms folded over his chest, lips pulled tight, almost as if he was trying to threaten Aaron with his mere existence.

"I think he is just being overprotective. We've been friends since we were little, so regardless of our dating history, I guess he will always feel protective over me," you chuckled sweetly to reassure him, though Sirius' deadly stare did irritate you and certainly didn't help the situation. Friends or not, apparently, he was scaring people away from you and you certainly didn't like that. "Look, can you just excuse me? I think I'll have to talk to him and sort this out with him, if you don't mind," you smiled at him as you patted his shoulder and turned to head to the boy whose glare seemed to focus on Aaron so vigorously, he couldn't even see your arrival.

Tapping his shoulder, he shook off the terrifying aura and turned to you with a stunned expression. "What's up?" He asked as his lips formed a tight smile.

"Don't 'what's up' me!" You glared at him, trying to be as intimidating as he was, but somehow it didn't feel right. "Stop threatening people, okay?" You asked, but he only arched a brow in response, as if he didn't know what you were talking about. "Don't look at me like that. You look at people I'm talking to as if you were about to murder them with a simple look. I just caught you, so don't try to deny it," you huffed in frustration.

"I wasn't trying to murder anyone," he shook his head.

"I didn't say you tried, I said you looked like you were about to," you threw your hands in the air. "Just stop it, okay?"

"And what if I don't?" He asked as if all you've said went in one ear and left through the other. "I don't like that little boy hanging around you. He is the type who'd apologise for his own existence," he grimaced.

"It's none of your business," you slightly raised your voice as you felt your anger get to you. "Maybe I want to date a guy like that. Maybe I'm fed up with the loud, self-righteous assholes," you huffed in frustration. "Maybe I'm tired of people like you and Jason who keep thinking they know better what I want."

"Don't you dare compare me to that moron," he furrowed, anger building up inside him. "And I'm sorry if I feel the need to look out for you. And don't—," he put his hand in the air, right in front of you, "don't even try to object. I know you can protect yourself, but as a friend, I do have to look out for you," he added with a certain pride that didn't sit well with you.

"Look out for me, not scaring people away from me, you arsehole," you pushed at his arm to emphasise your words. "You know what, screw you Black," you huffed as you turned around and headed out of the common room, trying to calm yourself.

"Where are you going?" Sirius voice rang through the empty corridor, his heavy steps echoing.

"None of your business, just leave me alone," you groaned as you took a turn, but Sirius didn't seem to want to give up and it didn't help your fury. Your steps suddenly halted, and you turned around with a deadly glare directed at the boy. "Which part of leave me alone did you not understand?"

"I won't let you wonder around the castle alone at night," he huffed as if the thought on its own was absurd.

"I will suffocate you," you replied through gritted teeth, but instead of anger or surprise, Sirius' lips twitched. "Do— do you find the situation amusing?" You raised your voice as you felt your anger rise.

"Well, it's not really the situation," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "You just look adorable when you are angry," he grinned at you and by the time the last words left his lips, you were debating if smoke was coming out of your ears, because Sirius' behaviour irritated you to the very edge of your patience.

"I'm not adorable, the situation is not funny, and you are an insufferable bastard, Sirius Black," you shouted at him as you walked back to him and hit his chest with the side of your fist, not being able to control your anger anymore. Sirius however didn't stop you. He took your blows with the same smug grin across his face that you knew too well. "Stop grinning, stop scaring people away, stop being overprotective, stop acting like you care when you don't," you shouted as you kept hitting him and it finally seemed to do the trick as the grin disappeared from his face and confused frown took over its place.

"I do care, I do care about you," he said as he caught your wrists before you could have delivered the next blow.

"Not the way I want!" Your breath hitched as you felt your tears collect in your eyes, blurring your vision, your cheeks burning under his intense gaze. But you didn't dare lift your head and look at him. You stared at his chest, hoping to disappear as realisation hit you and the words you uttered made you want to dig your own grave in that very spot.

"In what way exactly?" He asked.

"It doesn't matter," you shook your head and tried to pull your wrist out of his hold, but he didn't let you. "Just let go of me and go back to the party," you said weakly, feeling tired of your previous outburst.

"I'm not going anywhere. You can forget about trying to get rid of me. Tell me, what way!" His tone was demanding, and you couldn't stop yourself from lifting your gaze and meeting his eyes, almost blurting out your feelings as their hold around you left you captive. You couldn't find it in you to turn your head, let alone walk away from him. As if you were under a spell that didn't let you move. His gaze wondered to your lips and stayed longer than you expected. Your breath hitched at the anticipation bubbling up inside you, but he didn't move any closer. "What way?" He asked again as his eyes met yours again, searching for the answer you denied from him.

A shaky sigh left your lungs and you found it hard to swallow or breathe as you contemplated your options. "Beyond friendship," was all you said and as if a rope snapped, Sirius pressed his lips against yours, wrapping an arm around your waist, the other traveling up to your neck and pulling you closer. His actions stunned you, almost forgetting to kiss him back. But soon you overcame your initial shock and returned his feverish kiss, grabbing his shirt in a tight fist to pull him even closer and immersing in the feeling of his warm lips pressed against yours, his strong arm holding you safely against him.

"What was that for?" You whispered, trying to organise your breathing. An anxious feeling settled in the pit of your stomach, creating a knot that made you think of the worst-case scenarios before he could even reply. In your head you already concluded the kiss to be a mistake and you imagined his face filling with guilt as he realised what he had done. You didn't need an answer, you already anticipated his response, but you still couldn't find it in you to move away and save yourself from further heartbreak.

"Because I've been dying to kiss you already," he said with a cheeky grin, clearly unaware of the turmoil deep inside you.

"But— but you said you didn't like me," you furrowed at his unexpected words and he mirrored your expression.

"What are you talking about?" He tilted his head innocently, as if it helped him think better. "I've never said I didn't like you."

"I heard you. I heard when you said to James that you didn't feel anything for me. I mean that you do, but only as a friend," you explained, but he seemed even more lost. The crease between his brows deepened as he searched for the memory, but he didn't seem successful. "I overheard it a couple of weeks ago. You were talking in Gryffindor common room," you tried to help him and as if lighting hit him, his eyes widened.

"That's— no," he sighed and shook his head. "I wasn't sure about my feelings. I knew I liked you, but I couldn't differentiate between liking you as a friend or beyond. I was confused and I was still trying to convince myself that I felt nothing out of the ordinary. But it wasn't true," his voice sounded panicked as if he was scared, he screwed up already. "Deep down I knew I liked you even before. Jason irritated me from the moment you started dating, so when you asked me to play along, I was the happiest person. At the time I thought it was only because it seemed fun, but in reality, I was glad to be closer to you. I might not have handled it well, I accept that, but I liked you before I even realised my own feelings. It was just easier to deny them because I couldn't explain them. I couldn't understand after all this time how it was possible for me to feel something different for you, something that I didn't anticipate. So, please just forget about that conversation because I promise nothing of that was remotely close to the truth." By the time he finished talking, he was almost out of breath. You could see a side of him that you'd never been able to before.

"Take a deep breath and calm down," you smiled at him sweetly, trying to reassure him as you caressed his cheeks. The nervous knot in the pit of your stomach seemed to settle and as ridiculous as it sounded, you felt you needed to be the one to keep a cool head. "Are you feeling better," you asked, but he simply shook his head.

"Not unless you say something," he said in a dejected tone.

"But I already did," you chuckled, but Sirius didn't find the situation funny. So, you rose on your tiptoes and kissed him. It was only a light kiss, but it cooled Sirius down as you felt the tension leave his body. "I can't say I'll forget about it, because I'm physically incapable of doing so, but I understand why you said it. My own feelings hit me unexpectedly too, so I can't blame you for it. Besides, I was the one eavesdropping," you shrugged with a playful grin and slowly but steadily Sirius mirrored your expression.

"Yeah, you should not have done that," he scoffed, but his smile never faltered.

"Don't you give me a lecture now, you still acted like you wanted to murder everyone around me," you poked his chest.

"Only a handful of people," he chuckled and wrapped his arms around you, burying his head in the curve of your neck. You giggled as you lifted is face and sneaked your arms around his neck, kissing him as you sunk deeper in his warm hold around you.

Notes : If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don't forget to leave a like and/or comment. Thank you ^^