Title: Alone? Together! 

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Word count: 1.5k

Published: 8 July 2021

Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore

Notes: Post-Azkaban era (kind of fix it fic)

Request: [Tumblr]

#14 - "Hugging with head on shoulder" | #21 - "we'll face this together" kisses

Notes: If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it's completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3 [ ko-fi.com/heloisedaphnebrightmore ]

Wars have always had a big impact on people's lives. Whether it be a yearlong fight or a decade, it took a toll on those who were affected by it. Lives have been lost, people have gone missing, meanwhile others were driven into madness. It was draining, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Wars were dark times, making everyone suffer, regardless of the side they decided to support. And for what? Power? Greed? People fought for their lives and their loved ones', for their independence and freedom. But the sacrifices wars have demanded were endless and heart-wrenching.

Sirius laid down in his room, limbs thrown across his bed, saddened eyes staring at the ceiling. Grimmauld Place was unusually calm. Sirius hated silence; it made his mind wander to places he never wished to go back to. Not only Azkaban and the years he had spent in silence beating himself up about entrusting Peter with their friend's lives, his friend's greediness and his own judgement in people causing nothing but grief. But the death of his friends, Lily and James, who had done nothing but good, fighting against those whose hunger for power demanded innocent lives. And Harry. Little Harry's upbringing, who thought he had no one left in this damned world, but his half-wit aunt whose mere presence was poisonous and her family who hated Harry from the moment they set eyes on him.

Sirius cursed under his breath, the memories flooding through his mind, vividly replaying every horrible moment he wished he could forget. But a part of him wanted to remember, He wanted to remember the memories, the rage that dwelled within him. Wanted to be angry and hate Voldemort and all his lap dogs, wanted to make them suffer. But he thought about it twice. His rage was endless indeed and he could have gone reckless and wild, he would have done so if he had nothing to lose. But he couldn't do as he wished, not as he heard your loud chuckle from downstairs, breaking the deadly silence. Not as Harry's loud steps were heard from the corridor as he scoffed at something. Sirius could practically sense his reaction, a frustrated eye roll, just like James had done so many times before.

He couldn't get himself to risk losing you, Harry or Remus and Tonks. He would have never forgiven himself for putting his loved ones in danger, regardless of how angry he was, how much he wanted to forget everything and slaughter everyone who thought starting this nonsense of a fight was worth something. He, Voldemort, deserved a long and painful death, one that would have made him suffer as much as each and every death his meaningless war demanded. But Sirius couldn't do it. Not with so many lives at stake. A heavy sigh left his lungs as he rubbed his eyes, feeling useless in his situation, in his own body.

"Hello, handsome," you opened the door to his room, a sweet smile painted across your face. Sirius couldn't stop himself from mirroring your expression, he couldn't stop smiling whenever you were around. You were the light in his darkness, the one that made him feel at ease even in the midst of his swirling thoughts, ones that made him feel incapable of doing anything. But your mere presence, a tiny smile of yours made him feel like times would be better, that it was not the end, that one day you would wake up to a better world. You were his hope, his light, his power. He had you and he couldn't imagine waking up in a world where you weren't beside him. The thought made his skin crawl.

His arms reached for you as he sat up on the edge of the bed, wanting to feel you, needing to remind himself that you were real. With a silent giggle you walked up to him and sat down on his lap, hinting a kiss on his forehead, his nose, his cheek before finally pressing your lips against his. His arms sneaked around your waist as you wrapped yours around his shoulders, letting him lean into your warm embrace, his head buried in the curve of your shoulder. "What's bothering you, love?" You asked, placing a finger under his chin, lifting his gaze to meet yours.

"Nothing," he shook his head, earning an incredulous scoff from you.

"You are going to have to try harder than that if you want me to believe you," you placed a hand on his cheek, caressing his jaw, the subtle stubble pricking your thumb. Your other arm still rested around him reassuringly, knowing he needed you more than he let on.

"I'm just thinking," he shrugged nonchalantly, not wanting to worry you.

"Oh, is that so? Now I understand why you seem down. It's been a long time since you used that smart little head of yours, huh?" You tilted your head innocently, a slight smile hidden in the corner of your lips. Sirius offered you a deadpan expression, but he couldn't stop himself from letting out a humorous scoff. He knew you were trying to lighten the mood, encouraging him to be more positive. And he needed that.

"Your humour is still questionable, darling," he shook his head, but regardless of your silliness, the smile you longed to see was back on his handsome face.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" You shrugged. "So, are you going to tell me what's troubling you or am I going to have to play a guessing game?" You arched a brow, earning a heavy sigh from him. Sirius knew you wouldn't let it go, but he didn't mind. It was a silent understanding between the two of you, as though you both felt when the other needed to talk something out, and when a subject had to be left alone.

"I've just been thinking about the war, all of those lives we lost, all the grieving and rebuilding and destruction. It feels like it will never end, like a vicious cycle. I just wish I could do something, be useful, but instead I'm stuck here in this hell hole like a ghost," a heavy sigh escaped his lungs as he ran his hand through his long locks, messing them up. "I want to be out there and fight. I want to be able to protect those I love. But if the Ministry catches me, I won't be able to do a damn thing, so instead I'm just sitting here being utterly useless," he groaned in frustration, closing his eyes as a heavy scoff left his lungs. "I feel like I just want to go wild and slaughter everyone that caused all of this mess, but I know if I even attempted it, I would hurt those I love. I would hurt you and Harry and then Remus and Tonks and I can't have that," he shook his head as he buried his head in your shoulder again.

"I can't possibly understand the frustration you must feel. Though I know if I was stuck here, I would certainly have a mental breakdown in the best-case scenario. But Sirius—," you reached for his cheek, signalling him to lift his head, "when you left to the Ministry to help Harry and you almost died—," you could feel the tears collect in your eyes, throat drying out at the memory, "there wasn't a single moment I didn't think about finding them all and slaughtering them like the animals they are," you clenched your teeth in anger. "So, I know how it feels to be useless, but I can not and I will not let you go out there and risk your life again unless it's a necessity. The final war is upon us, everyone knows, everyone can feel it and then you can do whatever you want. I just need you not to die on me, because if you do, I will revive you and murder you all over again," you let out a sharp exhale, earning a silent chuckle from Sirius. "I wasn't kidding."

"I know, love. I know," he pressed a kiss to your lips.

"You know you don't have to deal with these feelings alone, right? You can talk to me," you squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. "I stand by your side, whatever happens in this damned war. When I said I loved you, I meant I loved you in every possible way. And I'm still true to my feelings. I'm here for you the same way you are here for me. We can and we will face this together," you said as you brushed his hair behind his ear and cupped his jaw, pressing a long, reassuring kiss to his forehead. "Together," you said with a soft smile as Sirius involuntarily mirrored your expression.

"Together," he nodded, hope slowly but reassuringly flooding his heart. With you beside him, he was a man full of love and hope, ready to do whatever it took to protect those he loved. All because of your endless strength, the power your mere presence projected. You made him feel like he was capable of anything. 

Notes : If you enjoyed reading this little piece, please don't forget to leave a like and/or comment. Thank you ^^

If you enjoy my stories, please consider donating and supporting me on Ko-fi. Of course, it's completely your choice, I will continue updating for free anyway :) Thank you <3 [ ko-fi.com/heloisedaphnebrightmore ]