"....You should care enough to WONDER!"

"I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU BY MAKING YOU RELIVE SHIT YOU PUT IN YOUR PAST!"

"YOU HURT ME BY NOT CARING ENOUGH TO ASK!"

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. Tears threatened his eyes and he looked down at his feet, taking deep breaths, trying to steady himself. "Sirius," he said when he'd leveled off, "You never ask me this sort of stuff either. You don't know where the Pack House is in Iceland because YOU NEVER ASKED. Not in 1980 and not now. You could've known where to find me ages ago. But you were too busy coming up with convoluted theories and calling me the fucking traitor when all the gods-damned time it was --" Remus stopped mid sentence.

Sirius glared.

Remus glared back.

"It wasn't me. It wasn't me, Remus, it wasn't me. I don't know how many ways I can tell that to you, how many ways I can prove it. I didn't fucking betray you. I'D RATHER DIE THAN BETRAY YOU."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU COME TO ICELAND?"

Sirius scowled, "You didn't want me there then... and I don't believe you want me there now. I'm not --"

A firm knock on the door interrupted him.

"Housekeeping!"

Remus stared at Sirius, several long beats passed, and he swore and spun on the spot, grabbing the door and wrenching it open. Outside in the corridor was a short, roundish woman with dark hair and blue eyes that were wide, terrified-looking, holding two pillows on outstretched arms. She looked a bit lost, like she might've stumbled out of one of the other rooms - wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt with a My Little Pony on it that said Made in the 80s on it, she very well could've been in pyjamas for the state of her.

"What do you want?" Remus asked.

Sirius was frozen, petrified, heart racing. For a moment - for a moment he'd been sure that it was going to be the Ministry at the door, there to capture him and drag him away back to Azkaban. He brought his hands up to his chest, knotting his fingers with nervous energy as he stared in disbelief at the woman that had been at the door, at her ridiculous outfit, at her messy ponytail and bewildered expression.

What if she recognized him and reported him to the Aurors?

Sirius stared down her nose at her - daring her to do it. Go on and alert them, he thought bitterly.

She looked dazed up at him and at Remus and her entire body seemed to tremble.

"What do you want?" Remus repeated, more firmly.

Spencer and Storm would have recognized the tone as his Alpha voice.

The girl seemed to snap out of whatever shock-and-awe had frozen her in the first place. "S-sorry, just offering turn down services - for you - for the um - to turn down - your bed," she stammered.

"Now?" Remus glowered at her and looked at his watch, "Do you realize what time it is?"

The nervous woman glanced back over her shoulder. "Sorry it's late," she said, "Yes, but um, I got... caught up... doing other stuff." She stepped inside, then, carrying the pillows, and went over to the second bed - the none not occupied by Spencer Stewart - and started folding back the blankets and patting out the pillows carefully as Remus, Sirius, Spencer, and Storm stared at her.

Remus saw Sirius's face as he stared at her back and then turned to look at him and mouth the words What the actual fuck? to him.

"Thank you!" Remus said, as the girl made to straighten the blanket for the hundred and eleventy-third time. "Thank you very much. I really appreciate your - the service, but we're - a bit in the middle of something and --"

"Sorry," she said, voice shaking.

It occurred to Remus that the girl had an American accent.

She moved slower than slow and Remus stood there, holding the door open, gritting his teeth as she stepped back across the room toward the exit he was impatiently holding open for her.

"I hope your stay is delightful," she said miserably.

"It's really fucking great," muttered Sirius, shaking his head and pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, opening it up and taking one out, he shoved it into his mouth and started patting himself down for a lighter.

Remus looked over at Sirius as Sirius looked up at him.

Sirius didn't have his old lighter. That struck Remus - hard.

Sirius had dropped that lighter on the floor in the Lupin house on the first of November, 1981. He was shouting about blood, shouting about James and Lily, about the Dark Lord, about explosions, about killing curses and shooting stars and staring blank eyes that were unblinking. Dramatics in Sirius's eloquent and irreverent way of wording things, describing a scene too vividly for Remus to comprehend. And in the midst of it all, stressed and shaking, Sirius had dropped the silver lighter onto the floor.

For some reason, that detail flashed in Remus's mind now as he watched Sirius repeat the desperate search for the cigarette lighter now, just the way he'd done then. Sirius's nails were bitten, chewed nearly to the quick, the skin around his nails yellowed from nicotine. He looked up at Remus, and his bloodshot eyes were damp and there was a tiredness in them, so bone-deep that Remus couldn't fathom how ingrained it would go.

Sirius had lost the light as well as the lighter.

"Okay, yes, um y'all have a - a very good - a great night- and I'll um - just - go -now, so - yes. Goodnight." The girl ran through the door and Remus closed it hurriedly behind her.

"Ferfucksake," Sirius cursed, annoyed, reaching in every one of his pockets for a lighter.

Remus hesitated, then shook out his cane so that it returned to being a wand, and motioned for Sirius to hold out the cigarette. "Here, let me, love," Remus said, voice quiet and gentle.

Sirius looked surprised at Remus, and then carefully took the cigarette from between his teeth and held it out with a limp wrist. Remus stepped closer and used his wand to light the cigarette, gently cupping one hand over Sirius's, their eyes locked the entire time.

"Thank you," Sirius's voice was softened, too, now.

Remus nodded and drew back his wand as Sirius raised the cigarette to his mouth and took a long drag, the tip lighting up orange as he inhaled. His hands, still shaking, lowered the cigarette from his mouth, and he turned away, facing the window in silence.

Remus glanced at Storm, still on highly tense alert, and Spencer, who was looking nervously between Remus and Sirius, still half lay on the bed. He addressed Spencer, "Take my coin purse and go and get a second room for yourself and Storm," he said, "I wish to be alone with my husband."

Spencer nodded, slid off the bed, and grabbed the money purse from Remus's pile of things on the night stand. Storm hesitated.

"I am more than safe, Storm," Remus reassured him.

Storm nodded and followed Spencer out the door.

When it had closed, Remus flicked his wand, soundproofing the room and locking the door. Sirius didn't move through any of it, just stood, staring out through a semi-sheer curtain at the square below, silent and blue from the night. Smoke streamed through his nose as he leaned against the window frame.

Remus drew a deep breath and walked over, stopping just behind Sirius. He reached out a hand and lay it on Sirius's shoulder.

"I am sorry," he said quietly, "I should not have minimized what you have been through, what you still go through. It was wrong of me."

Sirius closed his eyes.

"You have always been through more than I know, as I have been through more than you." Remus paused, looking down at his feet. "Ever since we were young, we have seen one another, known one another. James and Lily were a part of that, too, a part of us. But - for me, at least - the world revolved around you. It doesn't occur to me to ask because I assume that you will tell me the things that pain you... so that I can help you in any way I can... so that we can see each other."

Sirius blinked, but didn't move.

"I am a monster to everyone in this world except you, Sirius," Remus whispered, "And I am sincerely sorry for acting like one toward you when we fight. You are my light, Sirius, and you always have been."

Sirius turned then, his eyes filled with tears, and he whispered, "You could cut me to a thousand pieces and I'd not see you as a monster, Remus."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Remus's neck desperately, and Remus hugged him, pressing his face into Sirius's shoulder, exactly where he knew the tattoo had been inked into his skin. His freckles, his constellation... his true home. The only true home he had.

"I'm sorry," Sirius sobbed into Remus's neck.

"As am I," Remus breathed.

Sirius closed his eyes and just clung onto Remus.

They stayed there like that, holding on for dear life, for some time before Remus's touch against Sirius's back moved slowly, stroking Sirius's spine in a gently rhythmic way, and Sirius hung on all the tighter, even as Remus slowly moved them toward his bed, freshly turned down and pillowed, and they fell onto the mattress, Sirius letting out a grunt as Remus's weight landed on top of him, his fingers tightening around the jumpers on Remus's back. And Remus was kissing him, mouth against Sirius's Adam's apple and his hand was sliding the thin material of his shirt up, running over his abdomen and up his chest. Sirius groaned into Remus's ear, feeling his husband pressed against him like that as Remus climbed onto the bed, kneeling between Sirius's legs, Sirius's knees on either side of Remus's hips, their torsos pressed to one another.

"I love you, Sirius," Remus panted. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, Moony," Sirius gasped, "So fucking much..."

Their mouths met, tongues colliding, bodies pushing against one another. They tore at one another's clothes, and held on long into the night, their touches and kisses constant, and even when they were finished with everything, they lay close together, Sirius tucked into Remus's torso, which enveloped him, safe and firm and there. Sirius hadn't felt so safe as he felt in that bed since Costa Rica and before that... late 70s? Early 1980? A long while, at any rate... and the last time had been right here, in these very same arms.

Of course it was. It's where I belong, he thought.

The sun was starting to come up, the window warming with the light. They were still awake, neither daring to sleep, afraid to wake up and find the other had been a dream. But now the night was ending and time was coming up to figure out what came next.

Remus drew a deep breath, his hand running over Sirius's shoulder. "You really can come with us to Iceland, Sirius," he said quietly. "I do want you there. I do. It could be - it could be really good, you and I..."

"What about Harry?" Sirius asked.

"Iceland isn't that far away... We are wizards after all, we could get your motorbike, perhaps, Hagrid's got it still... and there's Buckbeak... Where is Buckbeak, by the way?"

"There's a few caves over the village --"

"Like Ned's cave?"

There was a long silence, but finally Sirius nodded.

Remus shook his head. "See, he could -- well the Pack House is in a muggle town in Iceland, but could figure out a way to cloak him or something so he'd be safe, and --"

Sirius shook his head, "I can't leave here knowing Harry is in danger with this Triwizard thing. I know I can't do so much, really,  but I can't just leave him..."

"We went to Costa Rica," Remus said. "That's a lot further than Iceland. We can floo and disapparate from there."

Sirius said, "But he needs me here. Here, as close as I can be. I - I wasn't close enough to save James and Lily... Remus, I'll be damned if I'm not close enough to save Harry if he needs me."

Remus was quiet. His heart was already breaking. He wondered if Sirius could hear it.

"You could stay with me," Sirius said.

Remus whispered, "The pack needs their Alpha, Sirius. They rely on me. The family leaders don't listen to one another and there's a lot of stuff going on they need help with. They need me."

"Can't you disapparate and floo back and forth? Like you said, it's not that far and we are wizards."

"Once I have things settled a bit more," Remus nodded. "Right now, there's a lot to do, a lot to fix... They need me there. But once I have it all running smoothly again, I can -- come back." He paused. Come back to what? To live where? Where would they go? He couldn't set foot in those caves again - ever again - any of them. The one Ned Veigler had died in was gone, of course, having collapsed, but the series of caves that lined that mountain pass - there was no undoing those memories. And he, Remus, couldn't transform at will the way Sirius could... Sirius, in his dog form, could feasibly live in the woods or in the caves or sneak in and out of the Shrieking Shack unnoticed... but Remus couldn't do that... So what would he come back to? He and Sirius couldn't very well get a house in Hogsmeade - a werewolf and an escaped convict. He stared at the wall across the room and felt... empty.

Sirius lay his head back down against Remus's chest, his ear listening to Remus's heart beating. He closed his eyes.

Remus's arms snaked around Sirius a little tighter.

They lay there like that, listening to the suddenly over-loud sound of Remus's watch ticking away the time they had left.