7. Fear of love
Hlo darlings
ENJOY READING 💖💖💖
________________________
Life of a girl is so tricky. She borns at one place, gives love and gets love and then, a day comes when she has to go to another place. It doesn't matter how much her family, her parents and her siblings love her, she has to leave.
Anika looked at Shivaay who had tears in his eyes after doing Priyanka's Kanyadan as per Prinku's wish. Anika's eyes teared up as her heart craved to be loved the way Priyanka is loved by her family, especially by her brothers. She was so unlucky. She had to leave her family even without getting married, without having to see their love and care during her wedding.
Shivaay left from there towards their room and she followed him, understanding his feelings at the moment. She knew it was difficult for her to face him after whole two days.
Shivaay and Anika were ignoring each other since two days and both were unknown that the other was actually ignoring them. For them, it was one sided.
Anika was ignoring him because she didn't want to show it to him that she was weak, that she loves him. She knew she had confessed her love to him and he had kept quiet. He was intoxicated and he didn't speak after her confession. That broke her heart. She knew he had no reason to love her. But her heart was too fragile to understand that.
She looked at Shivaay sitting on the bed with his head buried in his palms. She knew he was crying because he didn't want to show his vulnerable side to anyone. She went towards him and caressed his hair, only to be engulfed in a hug.
Shivaay had ignored her because he wanted to suppress his feelings. He still remembers that he was about to confess his feelings to her. It was a relief that she had slept otherwise he would have confessed and then, it would have been impossible for him to suppress his growing feelings. But he couldn't deny the fact that he felt the happiest person alive with her in his embrace that morning. Although it was a different matter that he had pretended to be asleep when she woke up.
He let his tears flow. Unknown to his own self, out of all the people of the world he showed his vulnerable side to her simply because he wanted to do that. She patted his back and let him cry. A few minutes later he broke the hug and turned to go from there.
"Prinku is in safe hands. Samar won't let her cry, never ever. Though it's hard for you to believe as you are a protective brother but still, I would say, bid her a farewell full of smiles. If you would be vulnerable infront of her, it would be more difficult for Prinku." Anika said and he looked at her, as if saying a thank you through his eyes.
Letting the beloved daughter of the house go wasn't easy for anyone. So after Priyanka's bidaayi everyone retired to their respective rooms. They didn't want to have dinner as well but Anika didn't let them step ahead without giving their meal.
"You can sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the couch." Shivaay spoke as soon as she tried to take the pillow and duvet to go and sleep on couch. He wanted to start a conversation with her but he had no idea from where to start and how ?
"No it's ok. I'll be fine Your back will ache by sleeping on the couch." Anika spoke and sat on the couch without listening his reply.
"H..ow do you know that ?" He asked, not able to come up with something else to say.
"Actually, Pinky aunty told me that you get back pain easily." Anika answered. She looked at him as he parted his lips to say something but said nothing and laid down on the bed.
Days passed, equations changed and some equations became better. Six months passed after Shivaay and Anika’s marriage and their relationship changed. They started talking normally, sharing each other’s routines, problems and suggestion solutions to each other. Neither of them wanted to acknowledge the fact that they had signed the Divorce papers the day they had married each other. It was almost a forgotten incident for both of them until today.
Anika, Pinky and Janvi were in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for everyone. But Pinky’s whole concentration was on Anika. Due to lack of attention, she was about to burn her hands but Anika saved her. In this process Anika’s hand was burnt.
“What are you doing, Anika . You burnt your hand. What was the need to jump in to save me ?” Pinky was blowing air on Anika’s hand and Janvi filled ice cubes in a bowl and asked Anika to dip her hand in it.
“Pinky aunty, I’m fine. It’s ok. It’s just a burn, it’ll be fine.” Anika spoke but Janvi forcefully put her hand in the bowl.
“Stop being so careless. And what’s this aunty and all. Stop calling us aunty. Call us Ma and Badi Ma, the way Shivaay does.” Janvi scolded Anika but Anika’s mind was stuck at the one word, ‘Ma’.
“I can’t.. can’t do this. I just can not..” Anika blabbered and ran from there towards her room. Shivaay, who had come to kitchen heard Anika denying to call Pinky and Janvi as Ma and Badi Ma. He failed to notice the fear in her voice, the same fear that Pinky and Janvi could feel buy couldn’t understand and left from there.
“I want to talk to her today. I can’t see her like this. I know she cannot be wrong. She’s my Mihu’s (Mihika) daughter. I’ve seen Mihika’s moral values in her, when she talks to elders, when she helps those who are younger to her, who need her. I’ve seen her when she doesn’t care about herself but others. Then how can we judge her on the basis on that one inauspicious day ?” Pinky spoke making herself and Janvi cry remembering their best friend after so many years.
“Give her some time Pinky. We will talk to her but now, looking at her emotional state I don’t think it is the right time.” Janvi tried to make Pinky understand.
“Ok. I won’t talk to her about that day. But I want to know why she cannot call me Ma. In childhood she used to stay with us all the time. She used to sit in my lap and eat. She used to sit in your lap to listen stories. She used to recognise us even when she was a four years old kid. I will talk to her and that too now.” Pinky said with determination and left from there, followed by Janvi.
Anika was sitting on the floor burying her head in her palms and sobbing. She felt a hand on her head, caressing her hair. A loud sob escaped her mouth ad she felt a gentle, lovable and full of care touch on her head after so much of time, after so much of struggle. She feared to look up so that this doesn’t turn out to be a dream.
“What’s bothering you so much, Anika ? Why are you not accepting us ?” Janvi asked as she and Pinky settled beside Anika on the floor.
“I..I’m scared. I’ve never got a anything, only lost, Be it my parents, my childhood, or my loved ones. I’m tired now. I fear love, I fear care. I fear of getting accustomed to all of these. What if I got used to it and lost it again ? I don’t have it in me to tolerate it. So isn’t it better for me to stay away from all of this ?” Anika finally looked up and let out what was in her mind.
“That’s completely wrong. You will never loose what is yours. There are some hurdles in life, some problems that make us feel like, like we won’t be able to live again. But what is meant to be ours will come to us.” Pinky said and Anika stopped sobbing, trying to understand what she said.
“Raaste mushkil ho sakte hain, Anika. Par Jiski jo manzil hoti hai voh vahan tak pohanch hi jata hai. Par, sirf tab jab voh koshish kare. (A path can be difficult, Anika. But a lesson reaches his destination, only if he tries.)” Janvi said making Anika chuckle.
“I’m tired, of trying. I’m tired, of fighting alone. I’m tired of being betrayed by those who I love the most. Now I can’t.” Anika cried as she rested her head in Pinky’s lap.
“Not each finger of our hand is equal Anika. Similarly, not all the people are same.” Janvi said and wiped Anika’s tears.
“I know Janvi aunty. That’s why I tried. In these six months I tried to let go of my fears. But when I see your care, your love that fear comes back with double intensity. Everytime you call me with love, I fear, what if I get up next day and you also start hating me like...” Anika was sobbing send telling her fears but stopped abruptly as she realised that she was going to speak more than needed.
“But I promise, I’ll try.” Anika said and wiped her tears with determination, giving a smile to Pinky and Janvi. Both of them noticed Anika’s sudden consciousness while speaking but for now they had to give her some time so they got up to leave.
“Ma, Badi Ma, I’ll try to be that four years old Anika again, who used to stick with you like glue all the time.” Anika said, only to be taken in a hug by the other two ladies.
“We are waiting for our Cutee.” Janvi and Pinky said in unison and left the room.
Shivaay returned from office late at night and saw Anika waiting for him. He didn’t talk to her the way he usually does.
“Shivaay, I’ve packed your bags. You said to me right, that you are going to pune for an important work and..” She tried to initiate a conversation but he stopped her.
“Did you pack your bags ?” Shivaay asked, making her confused. “For what ?” Anika asked.
“You’re also leaving after two days. Six months are over and we don’t need to stay in this unwanted relationship, isn’t it ?” Shivaay said as a matter of fact but he had no idea what effect it had on Anika.
She had feared this. She didn’t want to acknowledge the family’s love and when she did, her nightmare came true.
"Shivaay do you..you seriously want this ?" Anika managed to ask this question from Shivaay.
"Yes. And why would I not ? Wait a minute, did you think anything could change between us ?" Shivaay asked and the hatred in his voice made her cry.
"What..what happened suddenly, Shivaay ? Everything was fine but.." Anika still asked thinking it to be a prank. But she knew that thinking like this would be giving false hopes to her heart.
"I talked to you sweetly, it doesn't make any difference. It was your mistake for assuming things." Shivaay said and stormed out of the room. Who could make her understand that he couldn't see her vulnerability that's why he left the room.
She couldn't breathe properly. Her body refuses to stand but still he ran towards the cupboard and opened a drawer to take her tablets. The distance between her and the glass of the water seemed to be so long that she felt she would die.
Her breathing became normal when she gulped the tablet and sat down on the floor crying. She touched the locket she was wearing as if, it was her relief. She removed it and caressed the slightly damaged moon shaped locket.
The damage to the locket brought a fearful memory back. She opened the locket and her mother and father smiled at her. She caressed those smiling faces of her parents and hugged them to her chest.
"Itni buri hun mai, Ma, Papa ? Kyun koi mujhe samajh nahi sakta ? Mai kitni bhi koshish karun par kisi ke dil mein, kisi ki zindagi mein kyun meri koi jagah nahi hai ? Kabhi kabhi toh aap donon par bhi gussa aata hai. Shayad aap donon ko bhi zaroorat nahi thi meri, Isi liye chhod ke chale gaye. (Am I so bad ? Why I don't have a place in anyone's life ? Sometimes I feel, you both too, didn't need me, may be that's why you both left me.)" She cried and lied on the floor.
If she opened her eyes, Shivaay and her own memories haunted her and if she closed her eyes, that dreadful incident played in her mind. That day, she had died for the world, for her family. That incident made her a living dead, who was neither dead nor alive. That one incident led her to die every second. That one incident made her feel like a burden on herself. She didn't realise exactly when did she close her eyes getting tired of crying.
___________________________
Should I reveal the truth ?
Do tell me how the update was and don't forget to vote and give your reviews about it. IF I'M SATISFIED WITH THE RESPONSE ONLY THEN YOU WILL GET AN UPDATE.
Love you all a lot 💖💖💖
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: Truyen247.Pro