MOandLANA By KhoisanK

Thank you for requesting a review. I've read your first few chapters and will give you a critique. In this case, there is no inline edit or proofread because this was a review request.

Firstly, I want to start off by saying that me stopping during the read is definitely a 'me' issue. When I first encountered this book, I wasn't sure what to expect. The first chapter came out swinging and my interest was instantly piqued.

Here are the things I really enjoyed.

THE MYSTERY. You were able to tease at more without making it frustrating. I was curious to find out about the MC and the people in the first chapter. The setting was also a nice touch as it isn't one we are always used to.

THE MAIN CHARACTER. I like the moxy of the main character. The nonsense attitude was very convincing and made it very easy to root for the MC's success.

THE PACING/FLOW. Not too long, not too short. Easy to sneak in between a busy schedule and still feel all right.

I read to the end of chapter 3. So why did I stop?

This is simply a matter of taste. The story is a slow burn. And not a 'slow, slow' burn but a regular-paced story with a slower buildup. By the end of chapter 3, they were still in the planning phase. Things didn't fall apart or show wear as much as I'd expected for the MC. But my biggest concern was that while I liked the MC, I did not like Rachel. Her behavior was saved by the MC calling her out for her moody responses. But in chapter 3, they were pretty stark and erratic. She went from weepy to pensive to crazed to docile all in a matter of sentences. Even if she was more 'leveled out,' the MC's disdain for her carried over to me. Lana is annoyed with Rachel for the decisions she's made, so I became annoyed too, but that annoyance never left. It compounded. In the end, because the 'conflict' became RACHEL'S and not Lana's, I wasn't invested in seeing it solved.

It felt like poor Lana was just getting dragged deeper and deeper into Rachel's mess (and let's not forget how ungrateful Rachel's been thus far). Lana's taken a beating, a PROPER beating trying to rescue the girl and gotten almost nothing but misery for it.

A good story evokes emotions in the readers. Yours has done just that. Unfortunately, it's not a pleasant feeling for me to follow a character who seems to be wrecking the life of a character I grew close to. So then I realized this is simply a matter of taste and nothing more.

Many readers LOVE these types of stories and characters similar to Rachel. On top of that, contemporary isn't my genre, so for me to get swept away initially is already a pretty nice treat for me.

The writing was good and there weren't any real grammar or punctuation errors that I could pin-point. I wouldn't mind trying something of yours in the future.

Here are some things that did concern me, however.

THE LACK OF DIALOGUE TAGS. Many authors don't like using 'said' or 'asked' or something of that nature. But in this case, there was NO action to follow it. We'd get back and forth with no indication of who spoke and sometimes I had to start the entire section over again to track who was saying what. Also, towards the end of chapter 3, I felt Lana got a bit preachy (I still prefer Lana to Rachel so I could overlook it, but I still want to mention that).

Because this is your style, I hesitate to bring it up, especially since it wasn't a deal breaker. But in case you wanted to know if anything was confusing, then yes, the dialogue was sometimes hard to follow.

I will add this to the 'Learn from these authors' page, if you don't mind. Thank you for a good read. The writing was smooth and I enjoyed the flow.

Every book has an optimal audience. This time it wasn't me, but I'm sure you'll find it. Good luck and I hope our paths meet again in the future.

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