Sunsets on the East By anticlimactic (anticlimactic)

CHAPTER 1 (Chapter Title)
Science Fiction / Post-Apocalypse (Genre)
Humans vs. Nature (Themes)
Third Person Omniscient (appears to be Third Person Limited)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.06.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (sci-fi)
- clear time period (future)
- clear MC (check; Sam)
- few characters introduced (A few too many: Sam, Pete, Maia, Singh, prof. Whitman, prof. James)
- tension / suspense (low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (no (maybe attempt to cure the Corrupted??))

Putting the 'science' in Science Fiction is never a bad thing and you do this in spades. It feels very real that we follow the characters from class to class. The dialogue is real, the situation is real, the way the class is conducted is equally as real. It reads like a well-polished machine.

But

To what end? Every chapter has a function--to feed that plot. But as of now, I am uncertain what your plot is. There is a lot of mystery (mostly intentional, I suspect) and the reader tries to piece things together. But I wonder if that mystery isn't a bit too strong. Instead of presenting us with a bag and then showing us the TIP of something in an attempt to entice us to come closer to see what is inside, the bag is kept closed and with each passing minute, the reader could decide that it's okay not to know what's in there after all.

What is this book about? What is it that the MC wants? How does she intend to get it? If she wants to cure the Corrupted, then how about letting us know just what they look like and where they are now? Is there a gate or a fence keeping them out? Did it all feel surreal because while they try to go to school like nothing's wrong, there is a wasteland of killers at their border??  And if there is such a gate and it does its job well enough (obviously, because they are able to carry on without a care) then is there someone she's trying to save? Are we allowed to know who and or why?

Getting this information, so we can be motivated WITH the character, would go a long way to draw the reader in, in my opinion. Also, though I think it's a good idea to give us this information via lectures, keep in mind that the character lamenting how boring it might be isn't just slacking off. Remaining stationary for an extended period of time does bring an atrophy to the pacing. I think you avoid that here but once or twice, I worried.

You balance it well and your characters feel very real. Other than some dialogue tag issues, the grammar was good also. I'd be mindful of the prose and the patterns you reach for. We all have our habits. Of course, I will let you know that I did not read the prologue. I only read one chapter. Either the prologue or the first chapter. So perhaps some of my questions are answered in the prologue. Okay. But if that is the case, what is the function of the first chapter? It should still be feeding into that plot.

Thank you for letting me read your first chapter.

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Science Fiction (LynaForge)