Losing Grip by Ravenclaw_Pride02_

Chapter 1➷ Blank-faced Loser (Chapter Title)
Teen Romance (Genre)
Grief vs. Acceptance (Themes)
First Person Past(consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌚🌚🌚)
Second chapter read is available upon your request

---------------- 10.03.2020 -----------

Hello

Thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Teen Romance)
- clear time period (modern?)
- clear MC (Avery)
- few characters introduced (few: Avery, Avan, Arson, Riley)
- tension / suspense (somewhat low)
- a life-changing event / decision (Yes/No)

Wow. This is an incredibly big topic for this genre. I don't think I've encountered it before. Let me start off by applauding your great writing. Your prose was good, your grammar and punctuation (muah) great, and more importantly, that delivery. SMOOTH from start to finish. I could easily see myself eating this book up if the following chapters are written in the same vein.

I love the subject matter you chose. And no. I definitely DON'T enjoy stories of grief but you presented it in such a way that I felt compelled to hear what the MC's got to say. Her unsurety is real and her feelings of confusing mixed in with the sadness is palpable. And the mature way it's written still lends itself well to the genre. I really tip my hat to you.

It's hard to critique something this polished but as a multiple-times divorcee, finding something to complain about is sorta my thing. 😉

The only thing I could critique was that I didn't know right away WHAT the genre was. Now. I assumed teen romance but that might be totally wrong. There was no hint as to where she hoped to take this. I suppose her focus is now saving Avan, but I'm not 100% sure. I'd still at least give chapter 2 a try (as a casual reader) to see if the plot would show itself. If it's about Avery overcoming this loss, then that's fine. But she makes no statements or indication that this is the path she's set out for herself. If it's about her and Avan coming to some sort of understanding, then is there ANY line or hint you could give the reader to help establish that? I am sure most people will go to chapter 2 to find it. But personally, I would not venture further without some indication as to what this book is aiming towards.

Regardless, I'd be more than happy to go to your chapter 2 if you'd like. Story-wise, I love the premise. I think this is brave and it's certainly something unexpected. I consider myself fortunate for having read it. Thank you for allowing me that chance.

P.S. I think the cover you have now is good but you might want to consider something a bit more eye-catching. Maybe the same concept but with real hands?? Maybe a water theme? Not sure.

If you found this critique useful at all, please consider giving it a shout out. Also, please check out the FIRST DATES chapter in this book. Help the first dates out there. For help formatting and editing, check out the TUTORIAL pages and FREE RESOURCES for more information.

Science Fiction & Fantasy (LynaForge)