The Last Philosopher By NickfEast

On the outskirts of Huom's galaxy (Chapter Title)
Satire| Science Fiction (Genre)
Chaos vs. Order (Themes)
Third Person past (inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.28.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Romance)
- clear time period (N/A)
- clear MC (check: Huom / Dick)
- few characters introduced (few: Huom, Dick)
- tension / suspense (low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes, but it's not clearly stated)

Wow. This critique will be a challenge for me. I want to be certain that I'm using a broad and fair lens. Many comments on this chapter compared it to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  I've never finished that book. In fact, when it comes to this style of writing, Sir Terry Pratchett is as far as I go. And as a staunch Terry Pratchett fan, I felt the only story of his that failed to live up to the rest was Good Omens, his collaboration with Neil Gaiman--I'm a purist. Take from that what you will.

Many aspects of your writing did remind me of the late Sr. Terry Pratchett's style. Humor is a big factor, another is giving consciousness to objects. The start of your story threw me. Not in a bad way. It definitely made me 'wake up' and pay attention because this wasn't going to be like other stories. I liked that. The rest continues to paint a very interesting world that I also appreciated. But then that stops.

Here is what made your style different from that of Sir Terry Pratchett, the human element. Pratchett would go on for PAGES about the universe and all in it and we could eat it up, because ultimately, he would ground the reader with a human element that ties perfectly into it and we can follow it from there.

Your chapter, though ending on a poignant bang, did not introduce a human element to take us along. Because of this, I did not know if this was a one-time instance of learning about Dick or something else. The human factor, which also ties into the supernatural or philosophical factor would be equivalent to the hitchhiker and his robot.

The way an author chooses to introduce his/her world is entirely up to him/her. However, I suggest that if there is a lesser being akin to a human that will come in a later chapter, it might be best to combine his/her story with that of Dick's now. The current opening is fine, I think. But maybe that ending should be a scene break (or perhaps not even a break but a lead in to the main character we'll be following for the majority of the book). Just a thought.

I did not find many problems with the grammar. Some things felt inconsistent, whether Dick is a god or a demi-god, for example. But with a story like this, I cannot say without a doubt that those so-called inconsistencies aren't intentional.

Asking your reader to think outside of their sphere or plane of existence is fine, but when you cast us out there, maybe we need to know that we're still tethered to our own reality. Otherwise, the vastness of the universe feels overwhelming and is likely to swallow us up.

(end) If you found this critique useful, please give it a shout out. Also, please check out the FIRST DATES sections of this book. Help out those first dates out there.