Thanks for letting me read your story. It started off as a review but has turned into a critique instead. I'll explain why. Though the pacing wasn't too much of an concern, there really were just too many punctuation issues. I think someone who is not so strict about punctuation can still enjoy your chapter. There was another thing about--the genre. I could not tell the genre just by reading it. So by the end of chapter 1, usually, the reader can get a hint of what's to come. Is there going to magic, or science fiction, or aliens, or romance, etc. etc.?

This did not include the typical elements we'd find in a first chapter. Here are some things to look for in a first chapter:

- clear genre (I'm not sure, Teen fiction?)
- clear time period (Maybe present time)
- clear MC (Lavi)
- few characters introduced (quite a few: Lavi, Saphy, Ruby, Luna, teacher, Timmy, mother)
- tension / suspense (low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (no)

As you can see, some things from this list are missing from your chapter. Let's talk about the genre. If it's romance, we'd expect to hear it. If it's magic, we'd expect to see it. etc. etc Then there's the name. Lavi and Saphy, except for Luna, they all end in the 'i' sound. Was that intentional? And finally, the life-changing decision or event. There wasn't one that I could pinpoint. Maybe her mother's situation but she was so causal about it that the reader doesn't have enough emotional attachment to her. I'd suggest starting with the problem.

What is wrong? How do you fix it? What's stopping her from fixing it? What does she plan to do about it? Once those factors are in play and the MC tries to overcome those obstacles, that'll streamline the first chapter and identify key components. Please feel free to sign up for a critique and I will edit the chapter as well.

Thanks again.

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