The Last By MitsunaAiri

Chapter One | I (Chapter Title)
Teen / YA ?? (Genre)
Power vs. Responsibility (Themes)
Third Person Omniscient (it feels like head-hopping)
Suspense level (🌝🌚🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.12.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (Teen / YA?? MAYBE)
- clear time period (present/past?? MAYBE)
- clear MC (check; William? Maybe Richard?)
- few characters introduced (quite a few too many: William, Yulia, Richard, Charlton)
- tension / suspense (low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (yes/no MAYBE)

This chapter touches on a lot of themes I haven't seen before. Themes that are pretty neat in the big scheme of things. We start with William who is a royal prince (I think), who will take on the title of prime minister. The big issue is that he isn't being  VOTED into this role, but instead, it'll be handed to him by the king, his father. What's even more remarkable is that William isn't the second in line for the thrown, he's the third son.

Shortly after, we are introduced to Richard who is concerned about William's decision. It seems like he wants to talk him out of it, or interfere but eventually he backs down and wishes his brother well, all the while fearing his brother will turn into a monster.

Now, this starts off in William's dressing room, passes to the hallway, then Richard's dressing room, before ending in Richard's limo. I think overall, I've gotten the basic pace and gist of the story, and yet, when you look up at my readings such as 'genre' and time period, etc, all of those are marked with 'MAYBE' because nothing is definitive.

Everything is HINTED. Too much so. William's bad personality is HINTED, Richard's want to take William down is HINTED. This rise of power being a bad thing is HINTED. We don't go into any real reason as to why. We spend more time on the scenery than on the people themselves. I know what the hall looks like, I know what they are wearing, but I don't know where they live or if there are protesters because a innate royal is now seizing power by becoming prime minster.  We don't know the consequences of that decision, either. And we don't know WHO the main character is. Is it William? Is it Richard? It maybe be both but because we follow both around, there's nothing definitive.

I would rather Richard come out and say what he wanted to say. I would rather William came out and SHOWED that he was a bad guy, not just tell us. Because as of right now, it's all 'maybe' and that leaves me feeling unsteady as I read.

Who is the main character?
What does he/she want?
What will he/she do to get it?
What/who is standing in the way?
What are the consequences if he/she doesn't get it?
What are the consequences if he/she DOES get it?

Overall, it's an interesting idea for a story, one that I would like to revisit at a later date. I just wish everything was a lot clearer.

あいりと言う名前は日本語ですが本当に日本人かしら？？もうし日本人だったら英語で本を書くのは凄いと思います。逆に私は日本語で本を書けません。頑張って下さい！

(end)