The Time of Your Life By christy477

Chapter 1 (Chapter Title)
Coping / Science Fiction / Paranormal / AU (Genre)
Dealing with loss (Themes)
First Person Past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 8.11.2020 -----------

Hello

thank you for letting me read your first chapter. Things to look for in a first chapter.

- clear genre (sci-fi / paranormal)
- clear time period (present/past?)
- clear MC (check; Harper)
- few characters introduced (few: Harper, Gail, Robert, Mom)
- tension / suspense (somewhat low)
- a life-changing event/ decision (Yes)

This is a very powerful topic to tackle--dealing with loss and especially with suddenly being thrust into single-motherhood. It's a lot to take in and we see the MC's real anguish throughout. In my opinion, this is approached pretty well.

For the most part, the grammar is solid. However, there are several instances of 'I' and other single words repeated throughout.  But it wasn't difficult to read as the pacing was good.

My one concern is the MC's character voice. It's all about her. She's generous enough to consider her late husband and her baby for a moment or two, but 90% of the chapter focuses on HER and how she feels. And yes, it should to a point because she's the MC. For me, though, it concerned me rather than pulled me in. At one instance, I wondered if she was truly lamenting the death of her husband or instead lamenting how it made 'HER' feel.

Perhaps my perspective is different from yours and if that's the case, then please ignore me. But if others mention any concern about her seeming self-centered or in anyway experiencing 'tunnel' vision, then you might want to consider shifting her focus to be less about what SHE can no longer do, and rather what her child will never do growing up without a father. Maybe even have her focus on Robert's last days. How he looked, did he have her pray to him? Did he clutch her hand on the final day and admit, "I'm scared." Or something of that nature? Because we spend quite a bit of time hearing very similar narratives back to back.  How will she go on and so forth. Again, that's not terrible but she's not the only one who's lost him.

The ending was a lovely twist I hadn't seen coming. It's a great hook and a great cliff-hanger that'll bring readers back again. Count on it.

Good job.

(end)