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Trailblazers by______________

Chapter I (Chapter Title)
Contemporary (Genre)
Style vs. the People (Themes)
Third Person Omniscient (inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 4.08.2021 -----------

I hesitated to write this review. A better person wouldn't. And a better person would at least keep things totally professional and stoic.

That's not me.

I won't go into any of the critiques you've more than likely already heard, and instead will be upfront with you in a language you seem to understand. To achieve this, I need to use not-so-subtle metaphors and such.

(I advise young readers to skip this review.)

So here goes.

Over the past few months, I've made the attempt to fulfill my hire. Even when you'd given me that insufficient payment, I HAD read your chapter, or I'd started to, but stopped part way and decided it was all right if I did not force myself to go on.

You came back and paid and I appreciate that. And no, I was not fast in getting your review to you, and there are a few good excuses for that, none of which matter to you at the end of the day.

Therefore, I would be remiss to skimp on my feedback to you—you've more than waited patiently for it.

As I read your story, one word came to me again and again. I will convey this word at the end of this review, so I hope you will hang on for it.

So far your book has 11 chapters (I think) and each one is above 1 hour long. How long exactly? I am unsure. I believe you said one chapter was roughly 12k. I believe this. To date, the longest chapter I've ever read was 44 minutes. Yours was over an hour.

If I put this into a common language, I'd liken a 1 hour chapter to a man who made a wish on a fairy to have the biggest penis in the world and woke up the next day with a three-ft long dick.

Bear with me. I have a point to make.

Now, it is impressive, and it is newsworthy. In fact, he gets instant notoriety for it. Some people are intrigued, some curious, some worried, and others unimpressed. Anyone having something negative to say could be labeled right away as jealous. And why not? It's a three-ft-long penis, after all. And nobody else has that.

So right away, all criticism falls on deaf ears. This man doesn't want to hear it. In fact, he now finds it hilarious when people attack him over it. But here's the thing about something that big that requires stimulus to function at peak levels, it takes a LONG time to get to where it needs to go. It's a long, sometimes grueling process for it to get off the ground.

And when it's up, it's finally up, there's still the issue of the length.

But I don't think that man cares. He's hired me to appraise his new god-gift to mankind, and I'm making the valiant attempt.

Problem is...it's physically impossible.

As with all things in life, size has a specific function.

Human beings aren't asked to roll up their three-ft-long phallus and tape it to their inner thigh just to run away from a bear attack.

So, too, is the human brain limited in how much it can absorb at any given time.

But this man doesn't care. As he's shoving this abnormally long thing down my throat, he's having a great time, not giving ONE thought or care to what the person on the other end is going through, not at all concerned with how it's being received. Not giving ANY consideration to how things are done usually.

And he'll keep on having his way with even my dead corpse because why not? It's what he paid for. Just so long as he gets his way, that's all that is paramount to him.

There's a limit to how often he can get away with this. And yes, he might stumble upon an eager nymphomaniac who's tired of bedding her brother-cousin and might be interested in seeing what a three-ft-long member can do, but those are few and far between.

Length has a purpose.

And ONE purpose, the consumer's enjoyment.

Even if you are enjoying something, be it food, movie, game, ride, etc. there's a limit to how much you can take in one sitting. And that limit may differ for everyone but there's a STANDARD limit.

But it doesn't matter what I say, because you'll continue to take pleasure in seeing everyone gag and die.

Which brings us to the word, the one word that stood out while reading this story.

Notice how I haven't said it was a bad story, because it's not a bad story. Notice how I haven't said it was without merit, because it has merit. And notice how that no longer matters. Good story, bad story, either one, two days non-stop on the roller coaster is no longer a pleasing thing; it's something else entirely and eventually the body (and brain) is going to start rejecting it.

Your story is not bad. Your prose is one of your best assets. You do have a casual narrative voice that works well, but that is overshadowed by the size.

Chapter endings and/or breaks are meant to rest the mind and reset the story. You literally have two starts. One with Bill and one with the unnamed girl. That is where the cut should have been and the new chapter should start.

But you didn't. Because you felt there wasn't enough 'umph' to get the reader to chapter two so you kept on.

And here's that word: Insecure.

The only reason someone would wish for a three-ft-long penis is insecurity. That is what I take away from this story as well. Because you know it's too long. You've been told it's too long, and yet, you still flop it into a sack, sling it over your shoulder, and saunter around the city.

But you don't need that sort of notoriety. Your story can attract readers, dedicated readers at that, based on its story alone. You don't have to have it this big to make it 'special' when you can do so with some simple tweaks and nothing more.

So I've read your chapter until there was thirty-seven minutes left, and then my mind broke and each time I clicked on the link, I had a physical reaction and it was not a positive one.

Should you laugh at that, as I suspect you might, then perhaps you simply should remain alone, admiring your masterpiece all on your own. I've got a feeling you're the only one who can truly appreciate it anyway. But is that truly what you're after? Because you have a story you obviously want to share with others, and with as many people as possible, so why not consider how you do it?

Prologue?
None.

Does this need an edit?
Yes. Dialogue tags are well done and the punctuation is a strong point, however, it still requires an edit. The plot needs to be established.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. Without a clear idea of...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC
...then I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

If you found this review useful, please give this book a shout-out. It brings more eyes to it and goes a long way. Please consider adding your book to the "Speed-Dating Books" version of this book where others can get a sample of your work quickly. That service is also FREE.

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