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48. NEW FEELINGS!

I was feeling so overwhelmed with so many conflicting emotions. I don’t know why, suddenly I found  it very hard to even speak to Hussain, couldn’t even look at him…. why everything got so strange all at once… just a signature and…. And everything changed between us, my heart was throbbing hard.

 I was clenching my seat belt in my lap and with the other hand I was holding those marriage papers… my marriage papers. I was simply looking out of the window, Hussain was so quiet not talking at all… but I could feel his gaze upon me on and off.

He was my… my husband? It sounded so… well, it sounded beautiful but scary at the same time. Slowly I looked at the front and glanced side ways at Hussain….he was looking at the road, his grip on the steering tight, I could feel his muscles tense. Was he… was he regretting it? I felt pain deep down somewhere and looked out of the window.

I didn’t know where he was taking me? to my apartment or his home…. His home? Or our home? Oh God! I thought I would puke, my tummy was hurting now. I let go of the seat belt and wrapped my arm around my torso, Ahhh! The pain was increasing…. It was anxiety or nervousness or dunno what but I didn’t like that a bit. Hussain was regretting his decision? Why the hell he is so silent?

I started looking out of the window, my eyes shifted to the side mirror and I could see a black porche behind us… I thought I saw it at the marriage registrar building as well…..and wasn’t it the same car we saw in our building parking today? I narrowed my eyes… oh! Mannat! there would be so many black porches here in NY, stop assuming things. Already there was a lot of mess in my head… I shook away the thoughts and closed my eyes.

HUSSAIN’S POV

I wish I was that seat belt and her hands clenching me that tightly… I looked side ways at her and sighed inside. But I knew it wasn’t the time of cracking silly jokes… i-have-a-lot-of-mess-in-my-mind… it was clearly written on her innocent face and I seriously didn’t want to freak her out any further.

It was a big… no the biggest step of our lives that we had just taken, she was no more any girl sitting next to me, she was my wife now… my biggest responsibility. And yes I was  scared inside…. what if she got hurt? what if my decision brings more misery in her life? I wont be able to bare that God! Please take care of her and make me that strong to stand with my wife through every thick and thin.

I was happy there was no doubt in that…..I did not have any regrets, it was my decision and I knew pretty well what and why I decided that. I wish I could tell her right now… I could calm her down, her tension, that anxiety she was going through…

I looked at my right and found her resting her head on the head rest closing her eyes…. I just stared at her face, she was going back tomorrow… Ahh! This is painful even the thought of it is painful, I looked back on the road.

Instead of taking her to my home… which was officially our home now, I took her to her own apartment and parked the car inside in the shed, her eyes still closed. Oh! She slept…. I turned a bit to my right unbuckled my seatbelt and bent down a bit towards her. she was sleeping still had those restless feelings on her face.

I looked out, it was almost dark by now…. I took hold of the papers and put it in the dashboard of my car, coming out of the car I went to her side and opened the door. I bent a little down and unbuckled her seat belt… I could feel her heart beats… calm and smooth. My eyes shifted to her face, slowly I snaked my hands under her and felt her heartbeat quickened…. Ahhh! She just feels my presence around her…. I picked her up in my arms and she opened her eyes looking at me… flushed, I smiled down at her while she just stared into my eyes.

“hey! Beautiful…. You dozed off… sleepy head!” I said smiling and she tried to smile back … but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“I… I can walk, its okay Hussain” she said once I kicked the door closed and headed towards the building.

“yeah! but aj to bridal style carry kerna banta hea tumhen” I said winking down at her and she looked away hurriedly.. oh! Hussain calm down.

I looked up and stepped into the building.

“you have to press the button” I looked at the call button of the lift and she pressed it still not looking at my face, we stepped inside and she again pressed 8. I just stood there carrying her in my arms…

“Hussain! its… its okay put me down” she said and I could sense the discomfort in her tone, reluctantly I put her down.

We headed to her apartment and she took out the keys from her pocket…. I just stood there, looking at her… opening the door she looked at me and I smiled.

“ander aao” she said and I shook my head.

“nops! You go… am going back” I said smiling and she looked down… uffff! Why the hell we were feeling so awkward?strange feelings… nai! Feelings strange nai theen unhen control kerna ajeeb mushkil mein dal raha tha.

She gulped down as she looked up at my face all crimson… as if something going on in her mind, something I was dying to know…. I took a step towards her and nervousness spread all over her face again.

“I could give away anything…. Just to know what you are thinking right now” I whispered and she looked into my eyes…. her breath heavy and face blushing.

She rolled her tongue slightly over her dry lips and then started biting her lower lip….Aaarrrghhh! don’t do this my gaze fixed on her lips as I raised my hand and with my thumb I pulled it out of her teeth.

“Don’t do this…..” I whispered, my eyes still on her lips… “you don’t know when you bite your lip” I stopped in the mid and looked up into her eyes… “you give me feelings that… that I don’t want to describe right now at the door” I added almost in a whisper and she gulped down, my thumb still feeling the softness of her lips.

“Mannata! I… I want to

“Hussain!” I bent a little down when she whispered back, stopping me to approach any further and I looked up into her eyes, nervous, tensed… scared!... scared? Oh! Hussain hold your horses man! I mentally slapped myself and hurriedly took a step back.

“Am… am sorry! I must leave now” I said looking away and turned to leave… didn’t look at my back, I knew I would cross my limits if I will stay there a bit more, she has that kind of effect on me.

MANNAT’S POV

A part of me wanted to stop him… a part of me trying to run away and hide somewhere, and I decided to listen to the first one.

“ander aao” I said, he was still standing outside looking at me with his hands in his jeans pockets.

“nops! … you go am going back” he shook his head and suddenly I felt bad, the part of me wanting him to stay went sad, I felt heat emitting from my body as his gaze fixed upon me and I looked down.

‘I could give away anything… just to know what you are thinking right now” he stepped inside, too close to me and whispered looking into my eyes…. Ahhh! Don’t do this Hussain, am not good at controlling my feelings… it has been proved up till now. I looked down, suddenly my mouth went dry… and I bit my lips.

“Don’t do this…..” he whispered, his eyes travelled from my lips to my eyes…. I could see a darker shade in them  and gulped down the lump in my throat…..

 “you don’t know when you bite your lip” he stopped in the mid and looked back to my lips… “you give me feelings that… that I don’t want to describe right now at the door” he added almost in a whisper and I  gasped ,I could feel his warm thumb still on my lip which was numb now.

“Mannat! I… I want to… “he bent down a little giving me electric shocks as his nose touched mine and I hurriedly put my hands over his chest… right where his heart was throbbing.

“Hussain!” he looked up into my eyes and realization struck him, he suddenly took a step back and I could see that flush on his face….

“am sorry… I must leave now” he said looking away and turned to leave…. I closed the door shut and just stood there leaning with it covering my mouth with my hand. Why was I so scared? He… he wasn’t doing anything, I freaked him out!

I went to my room and closed the door at my back…. I just want to sleep and shook off all the thoughts away, next day was going to be a big day of my life. I had to face Shehroz! Oh God! Please make me strong enough to face him alone….

I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower…. Changing into my vest and shalwar I came out of the bathroom and almost fell on the bed, without even drying up my hair. I don’t know why I was… I was feeling so tired.

I was feeling restless all of a sudden, was missing Hussain already, I wish he was there with me right now…. and I could hug him and could sleep peacefully with my head resting on his chest and ear listening to his heartbeats.

I got up from the bed and went up to my dressing table when I heard knock on the door, with heavy steps I headed to it and opened the door. Rida was eyeing me up and down.

“what? Ghoor q rai ho lerkiii?” I asked and she stepped inside.

“Mannat! you okay?” she asked and I nodded looking away.

“Hey! Are you sure?” she inquired and I rolled my eyes.

“Aunty called a few hours back” she said and I literally jumped up, shitt! I forgot my phone at home. I smacked my forehead.

“What did she say?how is Baba now?” I asked and hurriedly took out my mobile phone.

“hey! Wait…” Rida stopped me and I looked at her face… “Aunty was leaving for the hospital, uncle is shifted to PIMS today” she added then stopped.

“let me talk to her” I said and started dialling the numbers.

“Mannat its curfue there in Islamabad… koi call nai ho sakti” Rida said and I looked at my phone which was actually silent… oh!

I threw my phone on the bed and fell on it myself, Rida sat near me putting her hand on my knee, I looked at her face.

“Mannat! Aunty said that… that you have to come with Shehroz” Rida said and I looked away, an unknown fear engulfed me once again. Once again I missed Hussain!... najane q mujhe lagne laga tha… Hussain sath ho ga to kuch ghalat nai ho ga, wo sab theek ker de ga.

“Mannat!...” she hesitated for a moment and I looked questioningly at her face.

“I know….. about… about your marriage” she said looking into my eyes and mine went wide in shock, I just forgot to breath for a while.

“I heard you two in the noon, actually not my fault I just came to put back my plater and Hussain was…. Well, I heard that” she tried to explain, while I just looked at her in shock.

“Rida! I… I

“its okay! Mannat! he was right… koi or rasta nai tha, bus I seriously pray now that this way gonna work” She cut me in the middle and held my face in her palms as tears rolled down my face…. oh! I cant just explain how relieved I was feeling at the moment, I don’t know why I felt all was fine.

“Rida! Do you… do you really think we didn’t do anything wrong?” I asked in disbelief and she smiled at me.

“Mannat! buhat so k liye ye ghalat ho ga, I know… but you know what you two had to do this. This is what I thought earlier but…but just couldn’t share the idea with you two…. You are his wife now Mannat! just trust him and dekhna wo sab theek ker de ga” Rida said assuringly and I smiled, oh! After a whole day I could smile.

“its.. its so strange and… and awkward Rida! I mean, am married… or wo bhi Hussain… oh! I am so messed up inside” I held my head in my hands and she chuckled… chuckled? seriously?

“whats so amusing girl?” I asked looking up and she got up from the bed heading towards my cupboard.

“this is what you have always dreamt of Mannat! you should be happy… no matter all this happened in a way bit awkwardly but still you are MRS HUSSAIN ASIF now” she said dramatically and I smiled….. “I mean seriously? Mrs Hussain Asif? Wow! It sounds romantic girl” she winked at me and I knew I was damn blushing.

“what are you doing in my cup board?” I got up from the bed and she took out that red embroidered duppatta from the hanger I just looked at her, what the hell was she up to. She came back to me and holding the edges of the duppatta wide in her hands she flapped it back and draped it over my head…. I just gasped at what she did.

“what the efff girl?”

“shut up! And look!” she hushed me eyeing me angrily and turned me to face the mirror….

‘a bride should look like a bride” she whispered at my back and I just looked down

“but… am not a bride Rida!” I said, I don’t know why I felt really sad at the moment

“Shadi Nikah se hoti hea Mannat! barat ya waleema ya mehndi se nai” she looked into my eeys and I looked down, holding the duppatta in my hands, it just kept on slipping down.

“and I so wish… Hussain yahan hota” She added and I looked up at her face in shock

“No way girl… please!”

“Shut up! You want him to be here…believe me, I know you want to be with him right now” She said firmly and my heart just skipped a beat… yes! this is what I want but… but NO! let him be away… let him be far from me, its good for both of us I guess.

“I couldn’t believe Mannat! you got married today…”she said looking at me and I jumped out of my thoughts…..

“me too Rida!” I whispered and she smiled, stepping closer to me she pecked on my cheek and then hugged me tight, Ahhh! I so needed a hug at the moment.

“I love you girl” I whispered in the hug and she chuckled.

“don’t say it in front of jija ji….he would get all J” she said and I chuckled back.

“I love you more girl….. but HE loves you the most” she said holding my chin in her hand and I smiled warmly.

“I know” I winked and she chuckled, she turned to leave and I just stood there in front of the mirror looking at my reflection…. I was a bride… but I wasn't looking like a bride. I put the duppatta off my head and placed it on the bed.

Lying down on the bed I closed my eyes, holding the duppatta in my fist.

SHEHRY’S POV

“ae lo gi! Dulhey mian……. Aa gaya tuawada staaap”I heard Shehry saying and the car stopped, I opened my eyes at once…

“my stop? What do you mean? We were going to have….gol gap…what? Why are we here?” Hussain looked out of the window and stared back at us…..“are you guys serious?.... God! You cant do that” he groaned irritated.

“bro! tonight, its your first…. I mean…Aaho! You know what” Waqas put his arm around Hussain’s neck and he shot a look at him making him pull his arm back.

“guys! Lets go have gol gapey and back to home…” he said sternly and I rolled my eyes while Minahil just tried to hide her amusement.

“I told you….wo nai mane ga’ she whispered in my ear and her breath tickled my skin, I shut my eyes and chuckled.

“and I told you as well k saley ko le ja ker rahoon ga” I whispered back and she giggled.

“guys! Come on drive now” Hussain kicked the back of my seat and I looked back.

“Dulhey mian! You have to be here tonight… not eating gol gapey! Budhu” I glared at him and he rolled his eyes.

“I guess I did a mistake… telling you all” he mouthed irritated and I laughed.

“oye chal! Uter…Shehry! Bhabi! Come on get out of the car. Ye aese nai mane ga” Atif suddenly said and opening the door jumped out of the car.

“hey! Wait… guys” Hussain tried to protest but in vain.

We all got out of the car and Waqas opened Hussain’s door…..

“chal! Uter” he kind of ordered him and he crossed his arms, still sticking to the seat.

“move your butt out of the car….” Atif growled and Hussain rolled his eyes, saying nothing.

“vekh! Aje aje te tera viyah hoya hea… te aj he chitrol, changii ni lagdi” I looked at his face as he ignored me…. “per je tu aram nal bahir ni aaya na te…firrrr….. chiter mar mar tenu kamla ker dewan gi..” I jerked my head and found a slight smile at the corner of his lips…. “chal thaley uter” I said and he looked at my face.

“guys! She doesn’t want all this” Hussain came out and said almost yelling and Waqas and Atif put fingers in their ears while Minahil chuckled.

“All this? All what?.....” I put my arm around his neck.

“see! we just did a paper marriage, why don’t you people understand? She doesn’t want this” he said frustrated and I controlled my laughter.

“so, you want this?” I asked looking at his face which turned a bit red at once.

“oye hoye! Dever ji… sherma rae ho?” Minahil asked smiling and Hussain rolled his eyes.

“Bhabi at least you should not make fun of me” he said and Minahil looked at me with a let-me-handle-him kind of a look and I pulled my arm back.

We three started moving towards her building and Minahil remained there with Hussain.

HUSSAIN’S POV

I just couldn’t believe my eyes…. Shehry stopped in front of Mannat’s building, why? I mean… they want to embarrass me in front of her? idiots! All of them. I regret I tell them…. Mein kia soch rat ha k saley! Bherken ge mujh per…. Ye to ludiyan dal rae hen. ek number k nautanki dramebaaz hen saley!

“Minahil! There is no way am going inside” I said firmly looking at her as the three idiots walked ahead of us to the building.

“Acha! Chalo to sahee” she said and I shook my head.

“Hussain! nobody is asking you to do something you don’t want to do… or something Mannat dosent want” she started saying, leaning with car near me… “I know you are right, koi bhi hota tumhari jaga to yei sochta”

“but.... you know what! I am a girl and I can feel what she must be going through right now” Minahil said looking at her front and I looked at her face….

“she must be needing you at the moment Hussain” she looked at my face and I just kept quiet.

“go to her and spend some time with her…. not because its your… your wedding night or something” she said a bit hesitantly and I chuckled mentally…. “but because of the terrible fact that she is leaving for Pakistan, Hussain! Shehroz aa raha hea kal…. Or tum se behter kisey pata hoga k Mannat kia feel ker rai hea us k aane se” she added and I nodded slowly, she was right maybe I freaked out. It was just about spending time….

“So, its just about spending time together…. Not about how you spend it” she said and I chuckled.

“maybe you are right” I said looking down and she sighed deep.

“ahhh! Finally….. chalen ub?” she said smiling and I nodded.

We headed into the building and going up to her apartment we found those idiots dancing free style in front of the door. My jaw literally fell down, seriously? Minahil started laughing.

“tum log waqai pagal ho” I said going closer to them as they stopped dancing but still Waqas’s hands were making waves in the air.

“mere veer da viyah…. Te mein nachan vi na? chal bulaya to nai tu ne apni shadi per….. atleast nach to lene de… Khoteyyyy!” Shehry smacked my head and I groaned inside. Literally around them I still feel am 18.

“okay! Ub tum sab jao” I said stepping to the door and Atif suddenly held my arm

“oye! What do you mean jao?” he shot an eyebrow.

“hum mubarakbad diye bagher nai jane wale…..bhabi ji ko” Waqas said shaking his head and I rolled my eyes… then looked at Minahil for help and she smiled.

“umm guys I guess he is right….. or mujhe gol gape khane hen Shehry! Lets go na” She said holding shehry’s arm.

“yeah! bhabi ko golgapey khilao… and then pick me up while going back home samjhey” I said looking at Shehry and he rolled his eyes.

“alright alright… bhaga de humein beech se saley! Sab samjhta hoon mein” Atif said pointing his finger at me.

“aja phir tub hi chal sath” I said holding his arm and he chuckled.

“oye tu to gussa he ker gaya” Atif said cheekily and I let go off his arm.

“okay! Hussain mein kia soch ra tha…. That you should give her a surprise” Waqas said and I could feel something hidden in his tone…. “so, don’t ring the bell…” he said slowly and I raised my eyebrows at his stupidity.

“nai te bacha sada spider man hea ga? urr k jae ga ander? Khotey! Khoti baten kerta hea tu” Shehry kicked his bum and he showed him a punch….

“guys! I mean… I mean just call someone from the house and ask to open the door” Waqas explained and we all exchanged glances while he just looked here and there acting oblivious.

“ohoooooo!” we all chimed together and Waqas turned a bit red.

“bari cheez hea tu bhi bhai…..” I put my arm around his neck while Shehry and Atif smirked at him.

“Minahil! Yar samjhao in ko…. I said in your favour bro!” Waqas hurriedly went and stood with her who smiled at him shaking her head.

“koi bat nai Waqas bhai hota hea… hota hea” She said and Shehry laughed giving her a high 5

“she is our team now” Atif said and I took out my phone, I called Rida and she hurriedly picked it up….. oye hoye! Rat k 12 baje….. neenden urri hui hen lagta hea madam ki

I handed the phone to Waqas who just tried to give it back to me shaking his head but I crossed my arms….. smirking at him.

“um… hello!” he sighed then put the phone to his ear. We all just stared him… freaking him out and he rolled his eyes.

“yeah! Waqas speaking…. Umm Rida can you come out for a second?” Waqas said, hesitating.

“no no no…  I mean out of the main door, Hussain is there” he winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“yeah! waiting” he said and almost threw the phone at me.

“oye! My iphone” I caught it and glared at him.

Just in a minute the door slowly opened and I saw her standing there….. she looked at me, then popping out her head stared all of them, Minahil waved a hi to her and she smiled.

“Wow! Pleasant surprise han!... but” She looked confused.

“yeah actually they all are going to have some golgappey…. So, Waqas thought to pick you as well” I said calmly and Waqas suddenly chocked up. Rida turned red and looked sideways at him who was literally cursing me inside.

“umm this time?” she looked at Waqas who just smiled cheekily.

“yeah! come on we will have fun Rida!... aa jao” Minahil said excitedly and she smiled back.

“okay…. Am coming! Tum log ander to aao” she said getting a side.

“nops! Hum sab nai siraf Hussain ander jae ga… and Aap bahir aaen gi” Shehry said pushing me inside and I glared back at him.

“Oooooo’ Rida smirked at me and I smacked her haed.

“what ooooo?” I mimicked her and she chuckled.

“well, you call me intelligent, remember? So its difficult to hide stuff  like that from intelligent people” Rida flaunted and I sighed…. She knew as well. Isi ki kami thi.

“Chalo jao! But… no hanky panky” She said pointing a finger at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Sali sahiba! Am allowed to do hanky panky now” I winked, bending down a bit and she chuckled slapping my arm.

Rida ran inside bringing her clutch back, her hair were tied up in a ponytail and she stepped out of the door.

“Seleena is in her room” she turned and said, I shot an eyebrow at her.

“no, I mean… I felt I should warn you… you people are not alone” She said and I literally felt my face emitting a strange kind of heat. Those idiots smirked at me and I looked away.

“okay! Bye… jao ub” I said and closed the door, I could hear their chatters and chuckles….. God! They are too much. I sighed and looked at the door of her room…. Slowly I stepped towards it and stopped right in front of the door.

I took a deep breath and slowly turned the knob….. the door opened slowly, as I pushed it and stepped inside. It was dark in the room but a dim kind of a light was coming from the balcony, I closed the door at my back and safe side locked it…. I mean just in case Seleena would come and freak herself out… not in any other way.

I stepped closer to her bed, and found her lying there…. the same red duppatta was spread over her face, which she wore in Shehry’s mehndi. She was looking beautiful…. That dim moonlight was making her look so angelic… like someone from the heaven it self. I just stood there staring her, couldn’t take my eyes off…. Her face was partially visible from that see through fabric

For the first time in my life I felt a bride is a bride… doesn't matter she is wearing all those jewellery and make up and those heavy embellished costumes. Maybe it was just connected to the feelings one has in the heart, and I was having those strange ticklish feelings right now looking at her.

She was my bride… my wife, my life!

I slowly rest my knee on the far end of the bed and sat down, carefully not to wake her up… I knew she would freak out! But there was that feeling in me with which I couldn’t fight any more, so I slowly raised my hand and holding the edge of her duppatta I pulled it from her face.

My eyes couldn't get off…. Her face was shinning in the moonlight, she slowly sighed in sleep and turned on her right…. Facing me. I bent down a bit and touched her cheek, suddenly I found something wet…. I trailed my fingers to her temple and found moisture… she was crying! My heart skipped a beat.

“ I shouldn't have left you alone… am sorry!” I said to myself, feeling bad for her. Minahil was right she needed me…. “am sorry I let them come in your eyes again” I wiped away the moisture from her temple.

“I so wish we could spend this night the way I thought…. The way you thought” I caressed her cheek and felt her breath got heavier…. I mentally chuckled.

“I love it how you just feel my presence around you…. always” a smile spread across my face… “you are amazing! you never cease to amaze me”

“I love you so much Mannat!” I whispered bending down and kissed her temple softly, trying hard to contain myself… trying hard not to wake her up, i felt her body shivered a bit at my touch... 

I slolwy held her hand and intervine my fingers with hers softly... and laid there with her, feeling her skin, her warmth... her heartbeat.

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