chapter 43

1 MONTH LATER

Shimamura bit down on a pencil, swiveling in a spinny chair at a desk. Her eyebrows creased as she tried to concentrate on her math homework, trying to envision the 2D figure in 3D for no apparent reason. Maybe it'd help her solve the problem! She severely doubted it... but it didn't hurt to try.

She leaned back in the chair and sighed heavily. She held the pencil in her mouth with her teeth but brought her hand away from the hilt of it. Her eyes closed as she listened to the distant music playing behind her. Some sort of rock band she assumed with how loud it was, but muffled. Screaming at the top of their lungs on the track. She smiled a bit and scoffed at the music. It wasn't exactly her tastes, but she didn't mind.

That was why he was wearing headphones, after all. He knew she didn't like it as much as he did.

"Focus, Whitey," Bakugou said from behind her.

She spun around in the chair to face him as he was sitting on his bed. She glared at him playfully and took the pencil from her teeth. "I am oh-so focused."

Bakugou raised an unamused eyebrow at her. He had one hand on one of his headphones, pulling it away from his ear so he could hear her. She could hear the rock music blaring even louder now. Somehow, with all that noise, he had a comic book open in his lap which he was apparently reading.

"You're not. If you were focused you would've finished your work an hour ago."

Shimamura puffed out her lip, shrinking in her seat. "You know I'm no good at math."

He glared at her, not even twitching at her cute reaction. Ah, but she spoke too soon. The corner of his mouth twitched up into a half smile and he looked away, smiling with a shaking of his head.

"I know. You're a dumbass."

Shimamura giggled and swiveled back around in her chair so she was facing her work again. She bit down on the pencil, trying to think.

It had been a month since she'd confronted her aunt, but only a week (give or take a few days) off of her meds completely. She wasn't an idiot when it came to quitting her medication. Rather than cutting it off completely like she did accidentally when she was kidnapped, she went to Recovery Girl for assistance.

It would be an understatement to say that Recovery Girl was elated to hear that Shimamura was cutting herself off from Irisa Arima. She thought she'd never see the day.

Recovery Girl advised Shimamura with waning herself off of the lithium carbonate pills slowly but surely—taking less and less of the dosage until it was finally a healthy time for her to stop taking it all together. This was to limit withdrawal symptoms and ensure that Shimamura didn't get too sick after dramatically stopping her pill intake twice within the same two month period.

Since she's been off her meds, she's felt better... as "better" as she can be in any case.

It became clear after a few days of being off of the lithium carbonate that the pills weren't the sole cause of her bipolar disorder, which made sense. But it also didn't limit the number of times she switched mental states from manic to depression in a day. In actuality, it just affected to what state she was shifting to periodically.

Rather than remaining in low states most of the day like she was on the lithium carbonate, she was now shifting more fluidly from high states to low states. Most days she stretched within the range of a 3 to an 8–covering all the bases rather than only the 1-4 range. This was manageable. More manageable than before anyway.

Even as she was lessening her dosage of the pills, she had her struggles over the last month or so. She would dip into depressive or manic episodes for hours at a time, struggling to even function properly.

In her depressive episodes she would've stayed in bed, refusing to leave or even feed herself. In her manic episodes, she might start busying herself with homework or cleaning or working on her temple covers without realizing her own basic needs of sleep and hunger. She used to look so skinny and gaunt after such episodes. She used to be so broken.

But for once, she wasn't so helpless. Coaxing her through it all was the one and only Katsuki Bakugou. He stayed by her side when she was detoxing from her medication and in her episodes because he knew her secret and what she might be going through.

But above all else, he cared for her. He watched her crumble and shatter but he was there to help her put her pieces back together when she needed him the most.

—That and they found that him holding her helped her down from her episodes surprisingly. A trigger that not even Shimamura knew existed.

Current bipolar level: 7

"Kats?" Shimamura turned around in her chair again, playing with her pencil in her hands.

"What?" He said, without looking up at her. His headphones were around his neck now but were still playing the loud rock music.

"I have a question."

"'Bout math? Spit it out then."

Shimamura pursed her lips, thinking over her ask. She glanced to the side, staring at a small piece of lint floating through the air. In her higher state, she was more easily distracted by other stimuli. He waited for her to respond, nonetheless.

"What are 'we' called?"

Bakugou finally looked up from his comic book, giving her a glazed over look. He quirked his eyebrow at her. "What?"

"I'm serious. Us, you and me, whatever."

He shook his head and looked back down at his comic book. "Shima, focus."

Shimamura sighed and spun back in her chair. "Right, right..." She wasn't exactly disappointed he didn't answer her. She didn't expect him to. Maybe he'd give her an answer once she finished her work.

She bent over the desk again, tapping the end of her pencil on her nose as she stared at the problem—not read, stared. The words didn't exactly form coherent sentences in her brain. Then again, she was looking at a number equation so... yeah, that was probably why.

65x^2 + 4x + 34 = y ... nope.

She let out an exaggerated sigh and put her head down on the table, closing her eyes. She couldn't focus.

"But really? What are 'we' called?"

She could hear him sigh quietly and stand up from where he sat on the bed. He walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, pulling her up from her laying position on the desk and having her lean back on the chair. She frowned and opened her eyes, tipping her head back so she was staring directly up at him.

He looked down at her with a smirk, finding the way she couldn't focus slightly humorous. She glared at him.

"I'm serious!" she repeated.

He rolled his eyes and leaned forward, leaning his elbows on her shoulders. She tilted her head back down, leaning her cheek on his forearm. He scoffed and nuzzled his head into her hair, getting dangerously close to her ear.

"The top students in Class 1-A, obviously. If anyone questions it I'll beat their asses," he mumbled into her hair, finally answering her question.

She groaned and let out a hot breath against his arm. "You know what I mean."

She could feel him shrug behind her.

In response to his shrug she rambled on, "Sayuri and Kirishima are starting to get suspicious. You do realize we've been spending a lot more time together, right? Midoriya's asking questions again too and we both know how that usually ends up."

He shrugged again. "Don't worry about it. They'll knock it off."

Shimamura's crystal blue eyes widened and she cleared her throat. She took his arms in her hands and pushed him off of her. Before he had the chance to argue with her and wrap his arms back around her, she spun around in the chair and pushed him in the gut so he fell back onto the ground. He groaned as his butt hit the ground and he looked up at her, almost offended. But the look she gave him told him to shut up.

Her eyes were almost as blazing as his normally were when he was mad—even though hers were blue and his were crimson red. Although, blue fire can be pretty damn terrifying.

She gave him that look of 'no sir, you listen to me' sort of vibe. Yeah. He definitely knew when to shut up.

"'They'll knock it off?' What planet are you living on where that's true? Sayuri is concerned about my well-being 110% of the time—well, to be fair I'm concerned about her 120% of the time but that's an argument for another time—but she definitely won't stop looking into my business until I give her an answer. She already knows something's up, she just doesn't know what. And you know I can't lie to her. It physically hurts and it's not fun to lie to my best friend.

"And don't get me started on Kirishima. He might glaze over an answer if I give him some bullshit story to his question and he won't really care—but the more and more we hang out without him the more he gets all butthurt and looks like a crying puppy. And then there's Midoriya."

She tilted her head to the side, raising her eyebrows. "We know how he is. C'mon. It's been a month of whatever this is and we need to tell them something!"

Bakugou, at some point during her schpeel, had moved back onto his bed so he was sitting criss crossed on it. She talked a lot more when she was in her higher states. It was almost shocking.

"Hey, relax." He put his hand up and she huffed. "We don't need to say anything to those jackasses."

"You mean our friends?"

"Same difference."

"Ugh... You're impossible."

Bakugou frowned at her. "Do your math."

Shimamura glared at him and narrowed her eyes before throwing her pencil back on the desk with her unfinished math homework. "Mhmm, we both know I'm not gonna be able to finish that right now."

He scoffed and shook his head with a smirk. He laid back on his bed and put his arms behind his head, closing his eyes. It took only a few seconds before he heard Shimamura get up from his desk chair and he felt the bed shift slightly as she crawled onto it. He peeked one eye open, watching her situate herself next to him, wrapping her arms around his middle and putting her chin against his chest.

She saw his eye open at her and she smiled. There was a certain gleam in her bright blue eyes that he didn't usually see from her. But now that she was off the medication... maybe things were changing.

He rolled his eyes. "You're such a dumbass in math."

"Good thing I have such a good math tutor to help me."

"I can't even get you to do your homework."

"Meh, same difference," she said, mocking his previous comment.

She turned and pressed her cheek to his chest, warming up against him. He twirled one of her long strands extending from her bun within his fingers, combing through her white hair.

"Fine..." She murmured against his shirt, "We won't tell them anything. But don't blame me when they start sticking their noses in our business. That's on you."

He scoffed lowly. "Sure, Whitey. If it gets to that point I'll make sure they shove their noses up their—"

"Shh, sleeping," she mumbled, censoring him and silencing him.

He rolled his eyes but closed them as well, continuing to twirl her hair between his fingers. Might as well savor the moment while it lasted.