chapter 35

THE NEXT MORNING

Shimamura sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the ground. Tears had stained her cheeks and her eyes were all puffy from a night of crying... but she had to look presentable for the day. She still had class to attend.

It was a dream. It had to be.

Shimamura shook her head. She refused to believe that Midoriya knew her secret. She knew it was true but... she just couldn't fathom it. Denial was far easier to accept.

Convince him he made a mistake. That's all.

She took a deep breath and stood from her slouch. Her feet carried her across her room as she began getting ready for the day ahead.

Shimamura decided there and now that she would act as if her confrontation with Midoriya never happened. As if he didn't know the one thing she feared the most to be revealed.

Shimamura walked down the wide hallway of the dorm, heading towards the kitchen and living room to grab breakfast before leaving for school. Most of the class was already there. Some were just rolling out of bed in these early hours of the morning.

Ding

She turned to the sound of the elevator doors opening and closing slowly. The figure that had exited the little box of the elevator stopped dead in their tracks upon seeing Shimamura. The white haired girl waved with a small smile, but the figure stood as still as a pole.

"Sayuri..." Shimamura greeted.

The student with the dark blue hair smiled meekly and walked slowly towards her friend, as if treading on ice that might crack at any moment. Her hands were sweaty and her eyes were brimming with tears before she even started talking to Shimamura.

In truth, it had been a few days since Uchiha last spoke to Shimamura. Actually, they hadn't had a real conversation since before Shimamura was kidnapped. Any interaction the two had since then was just Uchiha talking to a wall. Shimamura barely even gave her the slightest glance. But it wasn't her fault... Uchiha knew that.

Just like Todoroki said. She needed to give Shimamura time.

"Teeks. Hey!" Sayuri donned a brighter smile, trying to conceal her emotions.

Shimamura squinted at her and cocked her head to the side. In an instant, Shimamura recognized there was something wrong with her best friend. It hardly took words to convey it.

"Are you ok?" She asked kindly.

Sayuri held her eyes open for as long as possible—but she couldn't help it anymore. She blinked and let crocodile tears stream like rivers from her sad eyes. Shimamura almost jumped in alarm.

"I'm so sorry!" Uchiha lamented. "I should have been there for you! I wasn't watchful enough! I should've known that you were gone gone and not just gone, or sick... or anything normal! I should've been the one to find you and get you out of that scum bucket of a hideout! I should've—"

She choked on her words, sobbing into her hands. Shimamura's expression saddened as she watched her best friend crack at her expense. She bit her lip and immediately drew Uchiha into a hug, letting her sob into her shoulder.

"You shouldn't have done anything... It's ok. I'm ok."

Uchiha sniffled against her uniform shoulder. "But you could've died..."

Shimamura laughed a bit. "So I keep being told."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong."

Uchiha stayed silent for a moment. Her arms wrapped around Shimamura finally and hugged her as if holding on for dear life.

"I don't know what I would've done if I lost you for good."

Shimamura sighed. "Let's not find out anytime soon, ok?"

Uchiha smiled against Shimamura's uniform. But Shimamura held a steady frown as she stared up at the nauseating ceiling lights. There was an ounce of fear in her comment... it wasn't just for jokes.

Bakugou helped her for a moment. He brought her into a better place. But the terrors of the League and the memories she held from it were beginning to seep back into her mind...

Current bipolar level: 4

Why...?

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Hi friends! : )

It is I, Jiin! This is the first real Author's Note that I've had in this book surprisingly... and in that case:

I hope you are enjoying reading MANIA as much as I enjoy writing it! I hope I didn't lose you with the whole kidnapping arc—now that was some twists and turns, amirite? ;)

However, fair warning, the twists and turns are just beginning >:3 MUAHAHA—

Anyway. This chapter and this book in general is of course dedicated to bIxssm who is one of my favorite human beings ever and you should DEFINITELY go read her amazing BNHA fanfics if you haven't. (Although I'm sure many of you have come from there anyway if you've read Brat.) ily bub

Now, let me explain what this Author's Note is really about. As you might have read, Tikki was just revealed to have bipolar disorder a few chapters prior. Which should have been shocking—if you weren't paying attention.

(Please if anyone actually caught onto that before it was revealed let me know. It's for science. — Jaey, not you.)

I'm here to give you a list of a few major clues that might've keyed you into the secret if you saw them clearly! : ) Enjoy!

Jiin presents... the most prominent details that foreshadowed Tikki Shimamura's disorder! (Not listed one any particular order, just out of convenience for me because I'm too lazy to organize them.)

"A switch flipped." (chapter 1: sensima)
From alllll the way back in chapter 1, there is a small line which says "A switch flipped." Now this is figurative... but also it's kind of (read: intentionally) not. A switch flipped is literally in regards to Shimamura's state of mind actually switching from a high/moderate state to a drastically lower state. Her bipolar level shifting from a 7 to a 3 in which her focus becomes unsteady and often her emotions take the better of her.

Quirk Activation Difference (chapter 1: sensima)
This is also from the first chapter. If you remember, Sensima (Shimamura) activates her quirk on two different people: a young girl and the reporter. The young girl is soothed by her mental quirk when Shimamura was in a better state of mind. While the reporter literally fainted from the grief and distress Shima's quirk caused in her depressive state.

Hyposensitivity and Hypersensitivity
This is littered throughout the book. But a notable line to pinpoint when she is hyposensitive would be whenever she hears "static" or "white noise." This is literally Shima being unable to hear most things going on around her because her thoughts are louder than reality. When in a lower state, she can only focus on one thing if she can focus at all. When she is in a higher state, she is more hypersensitive and will be more attentive to her surroundings.

The doctor's visit (chapter 29: appointment)
Ok! So this is the chapter almost directly before the reveal! In this chapter Shimamura goes to a mental hospital to be checked up on by a doctor (hence the woman that passes her by muttering to herself—she has a form of schizophrenia). This is a checkup for Shimamura on her bipolar disorder. But there's not much else I can say about this chapter other than that :) it's a kinda important chapter

Lithium carbonate (chapter 18: the pill bottle / chapter 30: taken)
The first occurrence of Shima's medication is in this earlier chapter but it's not very easy to pinpoint what these pills actually were until much later when Aizawa labels them. Lithium carbonate pills are a real medication that bipolar patients take to reduce their manic states, or their highs. Please also note that Shimamura's bipolar disorder is a much more drastic example of any natural bipolar disorder when it comes to switching between highs and lows. It's highly recommended to not use her as a baseline for your information on the topic :)

Recovery Girl (chapter 12: following orders / chapter 26: questions)
Shimamura actually has frequenting visits to Recovery Girl whenever she is having a bipolar episode or needs some sort of treatment. Recovery Girl's familiarity with Shimamura details this and shows how protective she is over the student. Recovery Girl knows her secret and knows that only Shima can be the one to reveal it... and she also has ties with Arima. Whether or not Recovery Girl likes Shimamura's guardian is questionable. *shrug*

And the most important detail of all... Shimamura's eye color
Shima's eye color shifts ALL THE TIME in this book. Sometimes she has a brilliant bright blue or diamond-like eyes. Other times she has clouded blue or even nearly white eyes, glazed and misted. Her eye color actually signifies what state Shimamura is in (bright blue for highs, cloudy blue for lows). Every time her eye color is mentioned, is a clue into how Shima is feeling.
Ever changing ocean eyes.

Don't believe me? Go back and look yourself! With context, it all makes sense :)

Little announcement! The rest of the plot will be back on the nonlinear organization—basically hopping back and forth between past and present. Additionally, the plot will also diverge more from the natural plot of the BNHA anime/manga. Thank you for reading! : )