real life

MATH was stupid. What was even the point in the subject? In fact, why was Sol still taking the ugly subject? It's not like she'll ever need it in her many years of being a Korean News Anchor - right? It's whatever, really, Sol can totally nail this maths exam that's in two days. She's not distracted! Like, no way in hell is she distracted! Sure, Sena's with her right now in her shitty apartment, giggling as she stuffs potato chips into her mouth - so much for her ballerina diet, or whatever the fuck it's called. Sol sighs heavily, slumping futher into her shitty couch.

Sol was not distracted. Namjoon was totally non existent to her right now. It's only been a few days, but Sol can't get Namjoon out of her head as the world moves on. Sol can't fucking move on. Namjoon was. . . Different that night. His demeanour, the way he looked at Sol, his words, everything about Namjoon was different that night and it made Sol's heart flutter and her toes curl. His face is tattooed into Sol's brain forevermore. God, she was so smitten by the older man. Honest to God, Sol would do anything for Namjoon. That's the way her heart works.

Rain batters Sol's shitty window panes. It was a dark and gloomy day, something to match Sol's mood. She needs to be happy right now, but having Sena eat in her ear wasn't something that makes Sol happy. Pushing herself off the shitty couch, Sol grabs the bag of chips away from Sena, who glares up at the younger girl. "Hey!" Sena cries, swiping the air for the bag.

"Get your ugly ass off my shitty couch, we're going to annoy Jungkook."

"Not before you tell me what happened with Namjoon. You've refused to talk to me about it over text. Sit your ugly ass down on the shitty couch, fuckface." Sena's very demanding when she wants to be.

"That night. . . Everything was different," Sol starts, her mind focusing on Namjoon, "he was different. He looked at me like I was a diamond. Like I was the only one in the room. I got chills whenever I saw him," Sol sighs thoughtfully, her gaze drifiting to the gloomy outside, watching rain land on her shitty apartment window. "It made me think about my life. My future. And. . . Sena, I can't imagine anyone else but him when I think of my family. I want him to be the father to my kids. I want to hug him whenever I want to. Fuck I need to stop thinking this way. . . What if he doesn't like me back?"

"Blah, blah, blah. Feelings are dumb. Were there any kisses?" Sena presses, her eyes wide and hungry.

Sol gives Sena the middle finger, "yeah, we kissed."

Sena squeals, reaching for Sol's hands, "you've kissed twice! True love! I haven't even kissed Taehyung once. My life sucks."

"Oh yeah, I always forget Jimin was your first kiss." Sol mentions absentmindly.

Sena frowns, "I've never told you that."

"Jimin did. But, Sena, what the fuck should I do? I'm down bad for Namjoon."

"Move back to America," Sena responds shrugging, "I'm sure we'll last without you - actually, everyone but Jungkook will."

Sol flicks Sena on the forehead, "be serious, you stupid bitch."

"Fine. Look, with everything you've said - yes including your feelings speech - you're in love with Namjoon. Like, it's really bad. And he loves you back, so just confess and kiss the fuck out of that man. He needs to settle down and you're the perfect girl for him to crush with his body mass."

"You know, that was a weird way of explaining that we're in love with each other, but it's enough to give me motivation to confess to Namjoon."

"I am God-like." Sena proclaims.

Grabbing Sena's hand, Sol pulls the girl off her shitty couch and stalks out of her shitty apartment with a mission. A mission that will quite possibly change her life, and for once, Sol's okay with change. She's okay with change, as long as it includes Namjoon permanently in her life. But, what if this confession goes horribly wrong? Sol halts and turns around to look at Sena with wide eyes.

Sena puts her hands on Sol's shoulders. "You are doing this, stupid bitch."

There was no room for argument. Sol nods her head and carries on walking over to Sena's car, getting into the passengers seat, waiting for Sena to drive Sol to her impending doom. She can't stand the tension, she can't stand her boiling emotions. Sol's either shivering with delight or nervousness. She can't differentiate between the two emotions. She's never needed someone this badly before.

Her heart is finally getting what it's longed for. Sol's giving into the pull. She can't stand being away from Namjoon anymore; he needs to know how Sol feels before it's too late. Sol's sure Namjoon will accept her confession, Sol's sure her future would change for the better, I mean, why else would've they kissed twice? Surely he's feeling something too?

Sol remembers her mother's words from ages ago. Sol was only fourteen at the time of her first heartbreak. Some stupid boy with a stupid name - Sol doesn't care to recall his name. Jungkook sat beside Sol, an arm around her shoulder. Jungkook was always there for Sol - Sol can't name a time where Jungkook wasn't there for her.

Sol sat on the porch with Jungkook. She had finally finished crying. Sol wiped away the last of her tears and stared at her feet, assessing the poorly painted toe nails. Green wasn't really her color. "That's the last time I'm crying over a stupid boy," sniffled Sol, "I swear to it. JK, if you see me crying over another boy, slap me, alright?"

"Um. . . Sure?" Jungkook was hestiant to agree to Sol's terms and conditions that night.

"Thanks," Sol murmured, shuffling closer to her best friend.

Sol's front door opened and her mother walked out, her feet soft and light on the ground. "Jungkook sweetheart, your mother called, it's time for you to go home." Jungkook nodded, kissing Sol's cheek and raced off into the night, his denim jacket flying behind him as he went. Jungkook's spot was left open, but Sol's other side was taken up by Sol's mother.

Sol rested against her mother's shoulder, staring at nothing. Sol had never felt emptier, it was like her heart had been ripped from her chest and stomped on. Sol was never going to be happy again - Sol was very dramatic at fourteen. But nothing's changed. "He broke up with me because of Jungkook," Sol chuckles bemusedly, "how stupid is that?"

"Everyone's jealous of someone, dear." Was Sol's mother's answer.

"What if I never fall in love again?" Sol whispered into the darkness. It was her biggest fear at fourteen - how was she ever going to love someone else other than her (now) ex-boyfriend?

Sol's mother had laughed, "baby, are you sure that was love?"

At fourteen, Sol had never been more offended. "Mom, I love him. How was that not love?"

Sol's mother hugs her daughter tightly, "Sol, my love, I can't tell you what love is like. Love has a way of creeping up on us and entering our lives unexpectedly. I can't tell you how to feel, I can't tell you when you'll fall in love, but what you had with that boy wasn't love. Love is an intangible feeling. It means something different for everyone."

"Great explanation, thanks, but it still doesn't mean I didn't love him. You just said love is different for everyone, so why are you telling me it wasn't love? You didn't know what I was feeling with him," Sol muttered bitterly.

"Well, what did you feel with him?"

Sol shrugs. She hates it when her mother is right. "It felt fine, I guess."

Sol's mother smiles knowingly, "see? It wasn't love."

"Well, how will I ever know when I'm in love?" Sol asked, very against the idea of love right now.

"You'll just. . . . Know."

"Helpful," Sol groaned, "so? Are you in love with father?"

Her mother's smile fades away and squeezes Sol's cheeks, "that's a story for another day, let's head inside, it's a bit cold."

Sol now knows what love feels like. She feels like flying. She feels like she's floating, she won't ever touch the ground. She's better than that, she can walk on air, on water. Nothing can stop Sol now. There's no more fences in her way. No more walls. It's just her and the open roads. It's just her, on a roadtrip with her friends, her feet kicked up on the dashboard, the windows are down and music is blasting through the speakers. The wind is whipping through their hair and laughter is carried out through the windows. Love has no boundaries, Sol's willing to test the no boundary rule with Namjoon. She's ready to truly face the world now. Being twenty-three, she's no longer naive to the world.

The car stops and Sol gets out, flying into the house, Sena close behind. "Jiminie!" Sena exclaims happily, vaulting over the back of the couch and into Jimin's arms. "My favorite Jeong!" Jimin exclaims back, embracing Sena tightly. Sol ignores them and approaches Jin, throwing her arms around the older boy, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Hey, my favorite member of BTS."

"Did you mistake me for Jungkook?" Jin responds dryly.

"Fuck off, where's Namjoon at?"

"Yoongi pulled him into a room a couple minutes ago, you can find him yourself because I'm too comfortable." Jin answers.

"Awesome, thanks Jin, you're the best!" Sol kisses his cheek and waltzes off, futher into the house, searching for Namjoon and Yoongi.

Here's why Yoongi dragged Namjoon into an empty room within their house; Namjoon has not spoken a word about the gala with Sol and Yoongi was determined to get to the bottom of it because Jin and Hoseok were growing desperate each day he refuses to talk about it. Namjoon stood in the center of the room as Yoongi sat on the only chair in the room, legs and arms crossed.

"Spill," Yoongi demands.

And Namjoon does.

And it just so happened, Sol overhears voices coming from a room. It was Yoongi's voice. The door was cracked open slightly, enough for Sol to hear their voices clearer than crystal. And then it was Namjoon's voice. Sol freezes in front of the door, staring into the room through the crack. Namjoon was standing as Yoongi sat - he had a clear view of Sol if he ever looked her way.

"I'm just. . . . Unsure. I've never felt like this before." Namjoon says, his back to Sol.

"I've never seen you this worked up over someone, before, Joon," muses Yoongi, somehow amused by this whole situation, "so she must be worth it."

The silence was to harsh for Sol to bear. God, it made her want to fall into the depths of hell and never return. The silence was so tense, Sol almost breaks out into hives.

"So, going back to the Gala -" if it was possible, Sol freezes even more, her chest no longer moved. Everything was put on pause. "-how did you exactly feel? Don't beat around the bush, this time."

More silence.

"It was. . ." Namjoon trails off. God, he was a mess inside. On the night of the gala, Namjoon was sure about Sol being his future. His everything, but now he's back to reality and nothing feels the same. Okay, so he dates Sol? What's next? He has to break up with her because it's too much for Sol to bear? What if his love for her was just a facade? God, Namjoon's conflicted. He wants Sol to stay in his life forever. He wants her so badly, but at the same time, he can't give Sol the world. Not like how Taehyung can give Sena the world just by the click of his fingers. Namjoon's a boy with too much love. That love could easily cause the world he gives to Sol to split into too. What if it can't be repaired with glue?

That night was so perfect. Angelic. Ethereal. Tangible.

But now, Namjoon realizes he's not good enough for her. He never was. He can't express his love for Sol in the ways he so desperately wants to. Everything was a mess. Maybe in another life - right? Namjoon never though he would give up on a girl who is worth it. Sol's so worth it, but Namjoon's just too afraid. Afraid of everything that will come after.

"It was fine. Nothing happened, the kiss didn't really mean much to me."

Sol gasps, it wasn't loud enough for Namjoon or Yoongi to notice though. Time starts again and pain riccochets through Sol's body. She flinches back, tripping over her own feet and landing on her butt. This time, Yoongi hears it. He could tell it was Sol straight away, so as her footsteps fly away, Yoongi rises out of his set, his eyes alight with fire.

"Sol just heard what you said. It's now or never, Namjoon. If you don't chase after her, she'll never be yours - she'll be gone forever. If you do chase after her. . . Who knows?"

Fear floods through Namjoon. His fight or flight kicks in. He's left scrambling for the door, his heart pulsing as he dashes through his house and into the pouring rain. Great, look where his ignorance got him. "SOL!" He shouts, identifying Sol running to Sena's car. He watches the girl freeze in the rain, her hair already drenched along with her clothes. She was shivering as Namjoon got closer, but so was he.

"Sol," he says more softly, reaching for her. Sol flinches away and Namjoon's heart drops.

Sol sniffles and Namjoon can't take it anymore. He can't take this. All he's doing is ruining Sol's happiness. God, why should he be so afraid of what comes after? Why should he be trying to keep Sol safe, when he's only hurting her? Sol will never be happy if he shoves away his feelings for her like it's nothing, when, in reality, his feelings for her fill up the entire world. He's a boy with love. A boy with love for Lee Sol.

"It all meant nothing to you?" Sol's voice was incredulous. She was torn and heartbroken. Sol was so sure this was love she felt for Namjoon, but now she thinks it's something else. Her mother was wrong. She'll never fall in love again. Sol holds in her sobs, wanting to cry alone. "Just leave me alone. I know where we stand now, I know those kisses were nothing but pleasure and enjoyment for you."

Her words were harsh. Namjoon wants Sol back.

"Sol, please, listen to me," Namjoon was getting colder by the second, but for Sol, he'd stand in the rain until he was blue, "I said that because I was scard."

Sol scoffs, "scared? Of what?"

"That I won't be able to give you the world you're deserving off. I was scared that I wasn't good enough for you."

Sol was confused, "huh? You're not good enough for me? Are you even hearing yourself right now? I'm the one that's not good enough for you."

"Sol, you're more than just 'good enough' to me," Namjoon's words were pleads, like he was trying to justify what he had said moments ago.

"Namjoon, just go away. I can't deal with this. I- I can't believe I was about to tell you the truth," Sol's voice had dropped. Namjoon knew the girl was drifting further away from him as time went on. How was he going to repair this? His brain wasn't working - it was too cold and wet for Namjoon to think properly. Wait, Namjoon should stop making excuses for everything. He can think straight, who gives a fuck about the cold rain.

"Tell me the truth about what?" Namjoon asks, pressing for Sol to spill the beans.

"It's doesn't matter," Sol shrugs off Namjoon.

"It should matter. Sol, you matter to me."

Sol scoffs.

"I mean, I did run after you, did I not?"

"Correct. . . But- but that doesn't prove anything," Sol blurts, really wanted to get away from Namjoon, to save herself from the embarrassment.

"Sol, you asked me why I was nice to you in New York," Namjoon was taking a leap of faith, he was putting his heart on the line, because, as the end of the day, Sol's always been worth it. Namjoon's just been a pussy. He's been pussyfooting around the topic of love, and safety, and what's best for Sol, that he didn't what was truly best for Sol; having Sol beside Namjoon forever was the best for Sol.

"Namjoon -"

"I didn't know it then, but I'm sure of it now. I was falling for you in New York."

Time stops.

"In New York, when it was just us, your smile was probably bright than all of Times Square. I loved your smile, how it squeezed your cheeks, how your eyes were brighter when you smiled. I wanted to keep you smiling, beause it made me want to smile. I felt warm and sticky whenever I saw you smile that night. New York made me realize how angelic you were, Sol. You're priceless, you can't be bought with simple things. You're like a diamond; something most people want, but can never get."

Sol never thought she would be living a romcom, but here she was, getting a love - is it a love confession?? - out of Kim Namjoon. In the fucking rain.

"Sol, I want you. You're all I see when I think of my future."

So, is this a love confession?

Namjoon inhales sharply, rocking back on his heels. "Sol, I want to protect you from the world. I want to keep you safe, but I keep on forgetting you're this big, bold, and fierce girl, only being what - five foot four? You can protect yourself, I saw it in New York, I see it most days when you threaten to kick or punch someone like Jimin, or Jungkook, or Sena. You can handle yourself, but being your small size, I just want to keep you in my pocket and take you out when it's safe, y'know?"

"Calling me short isn't helping your case, Namjoon," Sol tells him.

"Right, sorry," Namjoon was. . . Blushing? Oh God, Sol feels faint.

"Sol, I meant what I said that night at the gala. I'd never cage you if we ended up together. You're an untameable force - in a good way, don't look at me like that - you're spontaneous and wild. . . And I - Sol I -"

Why the fuck can't Namjoon say it? He can fucking saying, so he should say it. Why is his throat closing up? Why has his heart stopped beating?

"Sol, I want to give you the world, and it might crack, but that's okay because I can repair it with glue, right?"

"Is that a Rhetorical question or?"

"Sol, I love you. I'm in love with you."

Sol's dead, unfortunately. She can't move anymore. She can't breathe anymore. She can't feel her pulse anymore. She's a zombie now, she's gone up to heaven. She died happily, knowing Kim Namjoon loves her back.

"Sol, please ignore what I said back there. I forgot how capable you were, you would totally throat punch some bitch who threatens your life because you're in a relationship with me. I love you, Sol."

God, Namjoon never wants to stop saying that.

"Hold on, who said anything about a relationship?" Sol wants to watch Namjoon squirm, now that she's come back to life - heaven wasn't for her, it was too strict and Sol needs some spice in her life, so, she decided to come back to life and tease Namjoon.

"Oh- Sol I mean -"

"Namjoon, just because you love me doesn't mean I love you, you're so silly sometimes."

"I mean, I just assumed you loved me with everything you've said about me and how you've acted around me, and how you acted like, literal minutes ago when I kinda fucked up our relationship for a bet, and then you became unresponsive when I said I love you, Sol - see, there you go again - so, sorry for just assuming you love me too."

Sol scowls, "you're a bitch, you know that?"

Namjoon laughs, "so, does that mean you love me too?"

Sol nods her head.

"Well? Are you going to say it?"

Sol doesn't want to. She doesn't want to. She's not going to tell Namjoon she loves him back, he can just keep on fucking assuming because that's what this stupid bitch deserves -

"Namjoon, I love you." What the fuck. Her mouth just moved on her own accord. Even her body is like Sena, ugly and uses peer pressure to get her way.

Namjoon's back in front of Sol, his hands cupping her face. Sol forgot about the rain, but now she can feel the cold seeping into her blood vessels - or whatever the fuck was under her skin. "It's raining," Namjoon says gently, his eyes look through Sol. He can see her soul, he can see her love for him pouring out of every pore in Sol's body.

"Yeah, we should get inside," Sol tells Namjoon, her heart quickening it's pace.

Namjoon shrugs, "alright."

Sol's dumbfounded as she watches Namjoon walk away. She so thought he was going to kiss her. Sol really wants a kiss in the rain.

Ah, fuck it.

Sol grabs Namjoon's hand and pulls him around, "can you kiss me?"

Namjoon grins, his hands coming back up to Sol's face, "I thought you'd never ask."

Finally, Sol gets her rain kiss. But the rain doesn't matter anymore. Her heart bursts, her toes curl and her body presses into Namjoon. It's just them against the world now. Namjoon's given Sol the world, and now Sol's going to protect that world with her life. Namjoon's the most precious thing to Sol, she doesn't want him to slip through her fingers ever again.

For the first time, Sol and Namjoon's heart sync. They're beating to the same tune now.