i was seating on swing..reminding my best part of my life..trying to bring smile upon my face..but ended up with tears..the people gave so much to remember, just became a memory, now i'm here in manali, where snow is falling outside my small house..life as changed..i had letter in my hand, which hold my destination which i dreamt of my every cell..it was letter from london university for my higher studies..i was in top list of selection..if situation were different i would celebrated the same with whole mumbai..but today i didn't had anything to celebrate, where i should think to get 1 time meal for a day..i had been too weak..i was 5 months pregnant..its been 3 months i left mumbai...life is mess, where people look me like a bitch..men's filthy eyes were on my nervous..i was thrown out of my job in flower shop, where was i working, since two months..to earn basic things for myself..do u the know reason why the threw me out of my job, its same..because i was pregnant without marriage..is it so important to a girl to have man beside her, to carry her own womb..i disgust the thought of society..i really do..

snow were falling heavily..but there came a car to my gate..i could clearly didn't knew who it was? i walked to my door, when my doorbell rang..there stood the couple, and man suppose to be JOHAN, who was recent customer at my job place..i had gave plan to him for his wedding, as he couldn't find anyone at that time..i had personally took the charge of his wedding, as he requested same from me, hearing my ideas for his marriage..he was so happy with my work..he gave a huge bundle to my owner..who even didn't gave a penny to me..

hello murthy..he greeted me with a broad smile..i welcomed both newly wedded couple to my smallest home..which is never equivalent to his mansions bathroom..but he was humble man..he had beautiful wife..truly they were made for each other..

hello sir..i greeted with a hand shake..and small hug to the lady beside him..she was sweetest women i ever meet..

how is ur baby? he said with a smile, as he lowered his eyes on my womb..if someone respected me with my child, he was the first person..he never judged me..he welcomed me the way i'm..

baby is fine,sir..i said with smile..someone cared about my little bundle other than me, made my heart little happy..

and i'm here to share something with u..i don't want to bit around the bush..so, i will come to the main point, why i'm here...he said in british accent, saying that he is professionalism..i just nodded as i served them coffee..

nancy..i have an offer letter for u, for a job..in london..it is job for event planner..i want u to think about it..as i saw ur way of working and ur ideas..i'm pretty impressed about..i have recommended ur name in my friend's firm..i want u to think about it..as i heard u were fired for no reason..he stated looking at my womb..i could only suppress my lump..

nancy, think about it..u don't deserve to live in a place where u won't get respect for ur work, for a foolish reason..u deserve best..ur bundle deserve something better darling think about it..he patted my head in affectionate way..the girl who didn't got drop of concern from her parents got this from him..he thought about me..that made my heart happy..i felt someone is there to care about me..he kept offer letter with london tickets on coffee table, he walked out..his wife assured me with a smile as she followed him..

i will take this job, sir..when should i leave? i asked him..he turned and smiled at me...he made my life paradise..his favour on my life which something i could never forget and unpayable..thanks aiyyappa..thanku..he just reminded me of abhimanyu..a friend, when u needed at 2 am at ur door, when u say, u are badly screwed up..

and there was no looking back to my past..i left my country, leaving every bit of my own..and london welcomed me with open hands..the way i'm..

^^

i was sleeping on bed in doctor's cabin, as i was in tears of happiness..there i saw my kids, yes heard it right, i was mother of two kids..i was having twins in my womb..the feeling was out of world..if  i needed someone beside me, then it was manik..i badly missed him..where i dreamt of him having tears of happiness of having twins..seating beside me feeling it with me..but whatever it is, i ended with up tears again..as his words just replayed in my ears..i regret second of thinking about him..i hate u  for making me alone..i got kick at very movement..i saw the screen, it was one of my kid, who did it..where i heard dr.angel's chuckle...it happens whenever i say i hate u manik..they will kick me to remind me that i only love him and i still do, u know foolish heart..his kids are just like him, reminds him in every bit of him, whom i won't to forget..for what he did with me and my kids..he hates his kids, where as his children's love him to no end..

hmm, how it feels nancy? she asked me, as she helped me to get down..i smiled at her saying my answer in it..

it feels awesome to be mother..angela...i said she smiled back..she made me seat on couch..i was too weak to handle two babies, on top of it, i was pregnant at small age, added more complications and weakness to me..JOHAN made sure i will get everything in my new place, where i'm going to give birth to my children..he is lives in sydney with his family..but calls in a week to know about me and my kids..he never asked about my past, he was there if i need anything..my work was going on good note.. i was happy with my work, but it couldn't ever take place of my passion, of becoming scientist..

i don't know about it, as i never been mother till now..she answered with smile..she passed me orange juice..and said in eyes to have them..she herself sat on her knees..said with smile..

nancy, u need to take care of urself, it is necessary for ur kids..ur weak to handle them, take proper diet, eat food b/w every two hours..she said like friend..i smiled to have her..everytime i come here she makes me feel better..she assures me, when i'm scared to shit, whenever i get pain in my womb..she continued her do's and don't s..i heard each word..as i had no one to take care of me, i need take care of myself..i walked out with my belly..they look cute, but i become fat..when say, i'm..i look like big hippo..and this kids neither helping me..they start fighting for space, giving me kicks..that reminds me my first kick..wow! that showed there existence in my life at my weak moment, when i completely broke down in church remembering my past..they showed there presence by that kick..i felt i'm alive, and i have best reason to live and they are my kids..

$$

i didn't have enough of money to purchase my medicines, because i had spent whole on bringing grocery, i was seating idle not knowing what to do, this pregnancy taught me about craving of food very badly..i'm become foodie, trust me it made me eat meat too, that was a horrible incident, i nandini murthy ate non veg, i washed my mouth thousands,,i puked everything..my kids i tell u..they are giving hard time for me..and about med, they are compulsory for my kids..i don't have idea to do what..i closed my eyes..when JOHAN knocked my desk..he smiled and placed two letters before me..i looked him..and he turned back..and some man entered my cabin..he gave warm smile..which i tried to give back, getting up from my chair holding my eight month womb of mine..both men's made me seat..

nancy meet my brother, DAVID..he introduced me his brother..i smiled back at him..

nandini murthy..i gave my hand for shack, which he readily gave one..

i heard about u, nancy..u are one fab event planner, i have very good feedback from ur service, i'm very much impressed by u..he said in beautiful accent, as he seat infront of me with JOHAN..

thanks david..i said with a smile..he passed me both letters..said me to read and decide what i want i my life..johan just patted my shoulders..

one letter was promotion letter, and other was my dream itself..my passion, i had got admission in best college for my studies..but the thing is its price tag and my time..which currently i don't have both..it was most crucial time of mine..one side i have my kids..other side my dream..i walked to big window of my cabin..i could see sun was setting in sky..reminding i'm falling down..getting my passion was out of question because i didn't had penny for my med, how can think about that huge amount..taking up my course needs lot of time, which basically i don't have..because i have delivery day in next month.. i take up also, i could never be able to concentrate on my kids..and i compromising about them is the last thing, I will do..i held my belly from down..as i saw sun setting fully with my tears down to my cheeks...i gave up something, which i wanted to have, which i carved of becoming one..life showed me what is unfair..i learnt it, very nicely..u know I'm good learner..

johan came back with his brother..and stood infront of me..i took my admission letter..tore them into pieces, it was not a paper, but my passion was tore by me..i remember each promise of both men's will tearing them..i tore them vigorously and threw them in bin..i sat simply closing my eyes..i made a choice, i won't regret it for my life..i will never..because it is upon my kids, whom i love to no extent..

u won't regret nancy..david patted my back, as he walked with johan...i lost everything today..i lost it..

***

yummy...aiyyappa, this are yummy in the whole world..as i licked my fav. chocolate ice cream with chico chips in my bare fingers, while the waiters gave me looks of admiration with a smile..as i continued to lick my ice cream..it was mid night 3, i was badly carving to eat ice cream..i really wonder, i'm big fan of ice cream or my babies..whatever it i'm enjoying it..i ordered a bucket full of them for me..which waiter gave me with smile..this is my death..something which can keep nandini murthy sane is just ice creams..i have been mid night customer of this restaurant since I came to London...

I'll seat for hours to complete my ice cream as i feel eating them more..because in nights my past haunts me like no one..i could ever sleep without a bad dream..so, end up in restaurant, u may ask, why i can't i store buckets together in my home, i kept them..but i can't control seeing them..and i will start eating and there will be no end, until all the boxes are empty..so, i'm here finishing other ice cream,, soon i saw muffins..i groaned to have them..perks of being kids of foodie..that's manik malhotra.. they want everything and anything, if it muffins its must and should..urgg..my babies reminds him in every second..

==

it was chilly day in London, everything was glooming in red, why won't it? its valiant day..14th feb..i breathed air..it felt good..but the fear once again enclosed me, i don't know the reason again,why? is it anything left to lose also, i don't know...

i was standing near london bridge seeing the beauty of river..everything was twinkling except me..the day every lover celebrates this day with their love..here i'm standing all alone without him..there was no minute, which i didn't missed him..i missed him, in every happiness and tears of mine...i don't have anyone to share my feelings rather than sheets of paper..there was blast in night sky of london..and manik have concert today at this time, as i read the same in newspaper and it is in dubai..he had dedicated his songs to me, even today.. but i didn't dared to hear him..because his words replayed in my ears again and again, whenever i try to hear them..i closed my eyes..when i heard his voice, 

i love u jaanu..my heart reminded his words, it was always fro his soulful voice with all love..i smiled hearing them..tears rolled from my eyes...its mere a imagination again..and i don't expect one..i don't have any hopes left..ouch! i got a kick..i tell u..this kids...urggg..manik malhotra..i will kill u..

nandu..i heard a voice from behind..i knew who it was..i turned to see, my friend was standing there with tears..he opened his arms..all i could do was run to him..he held me tightly..as i cried my heart out..where i can be myself...my only friend, abhi..

shshh..nandu, shanth baba..he pulled me out of hug, as he wiped my tears, where my tears have no stop..something stuck my heart badly, yes, something bad as happened..i could feel it..manik was the only name strike in my heart and mind..he was in trouble, he was in..i'm feeling like he was calling me..all i could do was hold my womb, and sat on my knees..

ahhhh...my water had broken...the pain was unbearable..abhi immedaitely held me..he sensed i got my labour pain..he immediately called up his driver, somehow i was settled down..i was feeling like i'm losing something..first thing i did was to take out my phone, and dail one no..manii..

nandini kisko call kar rahi ho? he asked as he settled next to me..i was yelling in pain..but i'm feeling he is need of me..the phone was ringing but he wasn't picking my call..my phone was about to slip, but i held them..manik needed me..i could feel in my heart..the call got disconnected..i tried and tried..but all my calls went unanswered..something bad is happening, my heart is feeling his pain..abhi pulled phone from my hand and saw dail to manik..he was shocked..i could hardly seat , he supported me, by saying sweet things..

abhi, please manik ko call karo, something as happened to him..please, call him..i stammered each word i said, the pain was unbearable to me..but the pain my heart was showing equal what i'm going through..he did the same, sensing my tension..i was sweating badly..i could hardly breath..

nandini, call are getting unaswered, he must be busy in concert dear..he said, making sure that it includes mock in his tone..but I'm cent percent sure, its definitely concert..its not..

no..he isn't busy abhi..please call karo..us kuch huwa hai..i'm sure..please...i said..as tears rolled from my eyes..it was not only my pain it was his pain, which i was going through..my pain was unbearable..he tried everything but he couldn't connect with any..as every no. gave the same answer to him..his eyes held helplessness..i closed my eyes..as tear rolled from my cheek..

thud..

i could hear faint voice of someone who was trying to wake me up..i opened my eyes..it went immediate blur, because my head was wounded..that reminds me that our car hit the truck..i looked around..i saw a man, who was pulling me out of car..he lifted me in his arms, like i'm baby..i held my stomach, this time my pain was doubled than before..i tried to figure out abhi..he was pulled by other men's..the boy carried me to his car, u suppose..he made me settle in back seat, as my breathing became uneven..if felt i'm dying..i shouted with pain...he asked driver to pull the car to his hospital..he was trying to get my conciousness but i was weak to handle this pain..i wanted my kids for whom i living, if they leave my hand like others, i won't able to live next second also...

please save my babies..i pleaded him..he patted my cheeks..

i'm there buddy , ur babies will be okay..trust me..he said...all i could i do was trust him..a mere stranger, who called me buddy, for no reason..

###

i was yelling in pain..my tears flew..i was in labour ward..the mere stranger, who helped me to get in hospital, walked with his doctor clothes..he smiled at me..told others to give my report to him...

hey, buddy..don't worry everything is in under control..ur babies are fine..he assured me as he held my hands within his.. i don't know why, but i trusted this man..

what's ur name? he asked me..as i still had time for my labour..my whole body was giving up..he held my hands..as he ruffled my hairs softly i like brother does..i took breath as i said my name..

nandini..nandini murthy..i said..still in pain..i never expected this much pain..being mother is not easy..its not..

and where is ur man? he asked me, only to remind me of my manik..i closed my eyes to say again..that i wasn't married ..but still going to be mother..

neither i'm married nor i have that man with me..i said with great difficulty, my tears were evident of my every pain..it include both physical and mental pain of mine..i had enough, my heart was aching badly..mom..i need my mother..i needed her..

oh! that's fine buddy...it doesn't matters until it matters to u..so, relax ur in safe hands..he soothed me, by ruffling my hairs, his answer made me bit relaxed, as he didn't passed any cheap comments like others did..

he was trying to distract me..so, that i don't lose my consciousness..he was asking my like and dislikes..but everything my heart was yelling manik's name..he needed me..but i couldn't do anything..

abhi? i asked him..still trying to catch my breath..

oh! that guy, he is taken to OT, he will be fine dear..he said with his assuring words..i could only trust his word..

and maine sab batha diya..but forgot to say whom i'm? i'm viren.. VIREN MALHOTRA..he said and continued his talks..my world went around hearing his surname..again one more MALHOTRA..didn't i had enough with one?

buddy, its time...please try to push..he said as he held my hand..i was breathing badly..i couldn't able to take pain..he was trying his best to calm me, but everything was going in vain..he had smoothly gave first aid to my head, while talking with me..while i was feeling dizziness ..

buddy don't lose..u need to do this for ur babies for ur only lifelines..c'mon u can do it...he was encouraging me..all i could remember was all the events that happened with me in this 9 months..the journey of this months played like reel in my heart and mind...the ultimate reason i'm living for is to gain my babies, i had struggled each day to get them..its final day..

for the first in this 9 months i was able to remember best memories of my life with my parents and my manik..my whole childhood played in front of my eyes..my parents love..pride of my parents..just played, i smiled as tears went with each memory..

and then life with manik..it was blissful year of my life..his care..his love..his fight against his parents and friends, flash of those days went on..and ended with his smile ..ahh...i yelled loud enough, because i gave birth to my first child..i felt i'm going to darkness, i had lost my engery..

buddy open ur eyes, c'mon baby open ur eyes see ur child, ur flesh..he said as i opened my eyes slowly with great difficulty..he showed me my baby, i could hardly do anything but shed tears of happiness...baby was crying, seeing me..i looked viren..he smiled..

its boy baby nandini..my world of darkness got glimpse of light..i asked for baby by extending my hands, he was about to do give my baby..but i yelled again in pain..

its time for another baby, dr.malhotra , some lady doctor said..he gave baby to nurse to clean up..he held my hand again..i needed my manik beside me...i badly needed him..i wanted to see his reaction..but in vain, he left me with no other option..i wanted manik..i needed u manii..i cried as i remembered his love for me...his over care and possessiveness...

ahhh..i yelled with utmost pain..i felt like all my bones were broken, the pain was unimaginable..their i heard baby's sound..i fell on bed..with viren taking that baby, he smiled profusely..and showed me the baby..the smile baby carried was so pure..i couldn't help but smile at my cutest bundle of joy..my life's smile...

i looked viren..he kissed my forehead affectionately..and announced another best news of my life..the best news any mother would always love to hear...

its girl baby buddy..mamo bandiya muje..he said as he chuckled at his own sentence..i smiled seeing my girl baby..i kissed her forehead, when viren passed me the baby,I felt inexpressible joy by holding her, I felt warmth in her..and i took my first baby..i looked at him..i kissed my another baby of mine...the boy baby just remembers me of one person manik..i looked him..as everyone smiled seeing my kids..i was mother of two kids..i'm proud about it..i don't have any shame, i don't gave damn to world what they think and what they said to me, I will never regret my decision..never..

i will give everything and anything to my kids, which they deserves..i will give them all luxury of world..i will show a single mother can deal in this cruel world, for her kids...i will show each one..i love my kids..i promise to give all the love they deserve..i promise myself to keep them above me..i promise to give all care and concern they deserve..i promise to give myself to my babies..i promise..nandini promise..

i closed my eyes, my body was exhausted to no extent..the moment i closed my eyes, i saw manik, with a smile..i smiled and slipped to darkness because i knew manik wasn't fine, he wasn't?

%%%

flashback ends with nandini's pov..

&&&

manik' pov

(last page of the dairy)

i traced the pic of my babies,as tears rolled from my eyes..the smile on avni's face didn't left..and i wish to see my daughter's smile throughout her whole life..and the other..the little abhay still had frowns in his head, in tried to tress them..as if it will go..the guilt i had just reach to infinity..there was no page, which didn't been crumbled with tears..every word she had written made me feel her pain..that just showed the depth of her pain, which i gave for her, where i became i responsible for her each tear..that last page took away my heart..trust me, i really yelled her name like manic on that day...i badly needed her..but not more than her..i never knew she could hear me, when i'm so far from her..she truly loved me, i can't ever reach that heights of love, infront of her..i lost my precious girl..badly..i stabbed her heart badly,, but till date she didn't complained a single word to me..i can never imagine the humiliation she had gone through..i could never make it up to her..i could never..

i silently walked to bed, where all my three lifelines were sleeping peacefully..i sat down on my knees..i cried my heart out..i cried..i held her hand, kissed them, i kept them near my heart..i kept looking her..i wanted be there when she was in labour, i wanted to held her hand like this, Whenever she yelled in pain..but it was event which passed way..where i could never erase her pain..nor can give her something which she lost with time.. i wished to see the glimpse of my new born babies, how it will feel..i don't know..i bloody jerk lost most precious moment of being father, which every man craves to have one, his fatherhood..i lost that moment badly..i took out the guitar strike(hope u remember, which i showed in previous part), nandini had kept for me..i only use this strike till date, i carry them in my pocket, where were I go..i traced them.." SOON TO BE DAD" ..Tears just rolled from my eyes..i failed her, in every inch...i betrayed her trust..do i deserve to have her or my kids? and the answer both my heart and mind also know..and it is hell 'NO'.. I DON'T DESERVE THEM..

Something stopped my world when I read a name and it was SMITHA PATEL..yes.. that one name took away my breath...

i'm 1000% sure abhay haven't read dairy..if it happens he would set my whole family in fire.. especially mukthi and my parents
..he haven't read this dairy..yes...haven't..i walked to abhay side..to yell myself that i deserve his all hatred for me.. i deserve his every action..i cried silently..i walked back to nandini sat on her side..caressed her hairs..she smiled little..held my hand, near her heart and slept..i tried to remove them...but nothing worked..i looked my pumpkin she was sleeping on back of abhay..i smiled little..true that she is smile of our life..i kissed all the three foreheads..as i slipped next to nandini..i needed a break..or else manik malhotra will be more broken..

as i slept next to her, she nuzzled herself to my front, i held her securely by her tummy..tears were still flowing from my eyes..i thought my life without her, is painful but trust me, she had beaded more pain than me, for trusting me..even at this second she is paying for my deeds..for my sins..she turned around in sleep as she kept her head on my chest. i looked her...she can give me solace, by her small gesture..it put my heart in peace...i kissed her forehead, and slipped into deep sleep..where i tired to be away from every mess i had done..my heart was broken, millions to billions..but i need to fix them..i really need to.. for my kids.. for my jaanu..

$$$

manik malhotra, u ass get up..i heard someone yelling at me..i made baby face but nuzzled more into something warmth, i don't want to lose that warmth again..its something called mother's warmth, which i missed from years together..i could hear giggle sound of a boy..as someone climbed my back..i smiled knowing who it was..

manik, get up..i held my ears..it badly hurts man...i opened my eyes, only to see abhay, who was giving teasing smirk to me..i frowned and looked up maintaining my balance, as my pumpkin was having her precious ride behind me..there i saw huffing nandini murthy..and i realised that i was sleeping on her chest..shit! that was crap, infront of ur kids, bcz I was sleeping like them..i pulled my daughter before me..as i slept properly on bed on my back..i could hear huge giggle of my son..telling me he won't leave me for sure..both of them jumped upon me from either side..nandini gave disbelief to us..i couldn't help but to smile seeing her red face...i was brought back to reality of my life by my kids..

++

it was landing time..i saw abhay seating alone on bed with his guitar, nandini and avni have went to freshen up as we were thrown out to washroom to get fresh first, so we were ready its now only girly time..as I saw him, I smiled evily, its time for dad and son..i sat next to him..he looked me..and he raised his eyebrows like asking me, what? i asked simple question, which got shock ing reply from him, it shook me to core..

abhay, do u know smitha patel? i asked him..as i took guitar from his hand, to tight the strings..he casually answered me without thinking..

ya, she is ur pa..right? he said..and i looked him in horror..didn't i say, he didn't read nandini's dairy..look my doubt was clear...

and how do u know? i asked him...realisation hit ABHAY MALHOTRA, that he was caught by me..his eyes went wider..

voh..voh...he looked every where but me..he was badly finding difficult to findout an answer..he never thought he will be in mess, when he tries to lie his dad..

i will wait for ur explanations abhay..i said to him..as i patted his shoulder..he surely didn't excepted calm action from my side, when he knows i badly hate lies..even i don't know, how i behaved so calm with the fact, but why the hell he lied me? was my question..

i'm sorry..i will tell when time comes..trust me i will tell everything..he said as he walking out..with sad pout..i pulled him..took him in my arms, kissed his cheek..he smiled like me...and my own smile was back.. seeing his twinkling eyes like stars..

i will wait baby, and i will trust u..i said, as he hugged me , by throwing himself on me..yes, we both had past, that doesn't mean i'm gonna spoil present and future of my family..the past is gone, i can never bring them back..but i can give my all love to them in my present and future..i will give them what they deserve..i will..

My son is aware of my everything about me.. he knows me more..or maybe he knows everything about my side story..

Writer's pov- if Manik Malhotra is smart, never ever forget Abhay Malhotra is smartest..

yup finally maine lik diya..kaisa laga guyss..please do say..please press star button on each part..i would love to read each comment..i gave u three big parts don't i deserve a big comment..rather than single word comment..

writer's pov

trust me, this is the toughest parts i ever written in my whole life..i was myself wiping while writing it, since from three days..i wrote nandini's pov with great difficulty, keeping myself in that place..my mood is already gone, thinking about the situation only..uff stop..i'm just thinking how single mother deals with this cruel world alone..don't she get tired? i don't know...this three part literally made my heart churn..i really disgust the society, who makes women's life living hell..try to give respect to a girl..because each girls deserves a respect, whether if she is young or old.. married or unmarried..virgin or not..every woman deserves respect..never forget ur mom and daughter is a girl..please mind ur tongue before u talk to a girl..

that's all for know..wish me luck..because i didn't know S any of subject this time..meri tho wat laggega es sem exam mai..aiyyappa bachalena apni bachi ko..finger crossed..

Lot's of love