i was setting the table, it was time for manik's arrival, the day i'm waiting for my monster, since two months with most happiest news any man could have..oops! manik malhotra is going to be father..i kept guitar strike near his guitar..i smiled broadly seeing it..

(ignore the date)

after tossing around the bed, i was determined to say best news to manik..my thoughts were completely changed after meeting smitha, i came to know how a mother feels..my heart swelled when she had that kid, i want feel every moment of being mother with manik..i didn't want to think about anything, if say, i mean it..even my studies was side tracked..i want baby of my own was my only thought..

i had prepared everything manik asked for..manik will be on door in few minutes..i can't wait to be in his arms..to say this words to him..i'm sure manik will celebrate this, like anything...the baby, which is symbol of our love..i sat in front of mirror caressed my tummy..where our flesh and blood was growing..our love was growing..i had mist of happiness in my eyes..i was ready for my baby..i was..the happiness never left my lips..but there was part of my heart, which was not responding to my happiness..i walked down to see everything..i had prepared many things extra to give surprise to manik..let him guess, the precious thing of our life..

i don't know why but i had made two cakes..i felt i should do it..i was waiting for him, to say my life's best news..and there rang the bell..and my wait was over..he was there..my manik was here..i ran to door, i just wanted to hid in his embrace that's it..i wanted my manik, in this moment of my life..i opened the door, there he was..i was so happy, i didn't saw his face..i threw myself on him..i had tears, it was mixture of my feelings..i cried in his arms, but i didn't noticed that he wasn't responding to my hug, until he broke the hug forcefully...

manik, i missed u so muc...my words went to vain seeing his furious face..i gulped my throat..i never saw him this flushed in anger..i took a step back..he pushed me aside walked inside without paying any heed to my voice..he entered to our room, he literally threw his guitar and luggage on bed and couch..then he turned to me..he held me tightly by my shoulders, i can see anger, hatred in his eyes...

are u pregnant? he asked me in anger, that was blast to me..i was shocked, I never expected such reaction from him but how did he got to know about it..he shook me to get his answer..

answer me to me damn it?he jerked me near him..suddenly my eyes went teary, my happiness was replaced by my fear..a fear which was horrible to even to imagine, this can't be my reality, yes, it is not..

nandini murthy answer my question, are u pregnant? he asked me, as he pushed me little back..no it was my reality , it wasn't any dream..i bobbed my head seeing in his eyes, i had no shame to admit the fact..

nandini if this is joke? please stop it now..he yelled at me..what's happening in my life..i was too numb to react to suitation..my vision went blur..doctor's last words echoed in my ears..no..please tell me he is joking or a prank..

manik, please don't joke..stop ur prank manii..i said as i rubbed my tears..yes, he is joking, i turst my man..no he can't.. do this to me or to our baby..

tum lagtha hai, this is my prank? if it is ur prank nandini, stop right now..i had enough for know, don't make my life more mess(he shouted in furious)..e paper, e sab jot haina, u aren't pregnant right? he asked showing me the reports of my pregnancy..i gave shot to paper and to manik, who wasn't believing the reports..he got to know about the news through this sheet of paper..

manik, i'm pregnant..why would i prank upon something which is precious for us..that's all i could say..then my ears were filled up with lines said by doctor..

"trust me, he gonna leave u or ask u to abort.. and worst news for u is ur two months pregnant without marriage and u know what people call u, a personal slut, u are"... No this will never happen, my Manik is a gem..he won't do such things...my rant on negative thoughts, came to an end..when I heard his words..which I couldn't ever digest in my entire existence..

"nandini, abort this baby, we don't want this shit in our life, are u getting me?", my whole was stopped very moment..it took hardly minutes digest the fact he said..that stabbed my heart to zillions..no, please anyone say he is not my manik, please..my manik can't be this heartless...no I can't take this pain..please don't do this manik..please..i was yelling in my mind..then my mind captured one word from his sentence that was 'SHIT'..Did he just called our baby as shit, how dare he? no bloody have right to call my baby as shit..it includes the man who is infront of mine also..i gave damn to the person..if it is manik malhotra also i don't care..i hate u manik malhotra i hate u..

he saying this because we were having kid before marriage..then what's problem in having a baby before marriage, when we know we both going tie knot in future..then what is making him to say such things..did really didn't want our symbol..did he said that lines? really? my whole world of fairy was destroyed..a dream of having family with him was destroying piece by piece..my world of happiness was collapsing bit by bit, that to infront of my eyes..without any mercy on me..the dream of manik having my baby coming to an end..i don't want to live with a person, who doesn't want my kid..

"u don't want this kid, manik  i asked as last attempt to save my kid, who is just shit for him... i was crying like this for the first time, I never cried like this in my entire life..i could see hatred in his eyes for my kid..this man can't be the person whom i loved the most in the world, he will never make me cry..my trust upon my manik, was losing its essence..with filling hatred for this man..i hate u bloody jerk..

"f*****g no",he yelled at anger.. his face was flushed,he literally threw his guitar next to me, i was shocked,i closed my ears with my soft and . hands... i opened my eyes, and only I felt at this moment for him was disgust,  he just played with my feelings, importantly he played with my kids future, who was still in womb..i loved a heartless man, who doesn't have love for his own kids..i really doubt whether he loved me or not..yes, he didn't, he never loved me..if he ever loved me, he would have been happiest person in this whole universe..he never loved me..he never..

"u don't want me also, like ur family said ?",i asked without any hope in my voice, he made me feel like one, it felt pain in asking such words to him, whom i loved like no one, my all emotions went blank, my voice felt alien to me..i could hardly with stand with his words till now..i so knew, he loved me , even my heart knows it but today my mind stopped my heart to say anything..my mind took place of heart today..it was needed..when ur heart is bleeding like hell..i needed a answer, where is there no hope for us..and where I stand in his life with my kid..

"i didn't meant it", he defend himself, but i felt there was no need of me, where my kid don't be needed , i was his life..i never doubt about it because even my both heart and mind know that i was his life..but i can't choice him over my kid..it was mother talking not his girl..the girl inside him was dead the moment he said to abort my kid..if anyone was still alive was a mother in me..i never in my dreams thought, it will happen to me..the person, whom i love like anthing leave my hand when i needed him most..i can't let him to destroy my kid..yes, i won't..if i will be here na, he will destroy my kid..my only reason of living next to him..i won't let that happened never..no one has right to take away my baby..no one..even if it is manik..a tear rolled my eyes..i closed my eyes..i should do this for my kid..i should do it..i hate u for this manik..u just disgust me..u pretty did for me?which i never thought u will do to me and for my kid in my worst dream also..

"but I don't want u", i said in determined tone, yes, i don't want a person, who didn't want his kid..its a mother speaking, and i gave full right of mine to speak up..its time, to end a fairy love story, who brutally betrayed me like no one..he destroyed my all feeling for him..he did it..and he bloody ash***le deserve it..he doesn't deserve me nor my baby..i was sure and confident to say it..yes, my heart broke into crores, but that doesn't matter to me..what matters is,this heartless doesn't deserve my love, who can't love his kid..he hated my kids before there birth only, what will happen if they are near him..he will kill my kids, he is devil...he is..which himself said to me..

he didn't had mere tear in his eyes when he talked about my kid , he had plain hatred for my kids..it killed a mother in me zillions, but when i said i don't wanted him, there flew his tears..it hurt me, he was broken which i can't even measure, i had promised him i won't leave him, but he made me do something which i never wanted to do,, not at the cost of my kids life..i was only his lifeline, but i can't live with a person, who will destroy my kids..i can't let happen..for a mother anything worse can happen is her child's death, if it is from ur partner, it will stab ur soul,which is happening to me..he was broken but not more than me, what was i going through only i know..he killed a girl within him..i hate myself for loving this cruel human..i hate manik, for everything u did..i hate u,manik malhotra..

"u can't leave me, for this shit", he said in anger, as he jerked me near to his heart...i could hear fear in his voice, the same fear which he had about me leaving him..but my heart went so deaf that it couldn't measure his pain or fear..he called it for himself..didn't he? i for once didn't bowed her head.. i was looking straight in his eyes, i was dignified girl with whatever it is, keeping my head high, like my pride..i'm not afraid of anything...trust me, i don't regret for my decision and i will never..he betrayed me, he wanted kill my kid..he just don't deserve my kid..my baby never deserve a father like him, yes..they don't..my all dreams of having him beside me till my breath, was destroyed .. but did i deserve him..a girl never deserve such jerks, never...he failed me, he broke my trust upon him..bohuth trust kiya manik tumse thanks for all the things u did for me..thanku so much...now its end of a fairy tale love story, which will never have a future..

"i can, its over between us", i said such intense , determine and anger tone, that made my whole body's blood dry..i never expected my story is gonna end at bad note... that to like this.. I never imagined...i pushed my life, as he his lost sanity,his grip on me also lost...i walked out of our house.. and even from his life, from my only love.. forever and ever..

"nandini"..i could hear his shout..but my heart was bleeding badly..i walked fast..i lost a beautiful fairy love story..it was just "fated- but it was never in my destiny"..

He let me walk away from him and he never came behind me...a small hope in my heart also destroyed badly..a girl, whom he loved dead the moment when he let me walk away from him and his life..and I loved person like him, and i deserve it for trusting this man..

I was badly shaken by entire encounter..that I forgot where was I walking.. I felt I'm dead at very moment..tears will be life partner of mine to this life..all the best Nandini Murthy..back up ur shoes..

###

I was standing in front of my parent's home the next day.. I wanted to be alone.. I spent entire my night and today morning near beach..which was isolated, where people doesn't go..I was reminding his each word.. his actions..life gave blew in such way that even my roots were loosened, and I was ready to die any moment.. the fear of losing someone flew in forum of tears..whole night i cried my heart out..my phone was ringing with constant no.. don't dare to think it's Manik Malhotra's calling bcz it isn't... It was my parents call who were waiting to give surprise for Manik, but they never no he have such amazing surprise to me, that I should remember for life..what will I say to my parents..if they react same way what will I do.. what will I say to my mom, when she asks about his son.. I don't know.. life was never this complicated to me.. I was badly shivering with the fact, how they gonna react.. when they will know that im pregnant but the man who is responsible for it.. doesn't need his baby... Sorry shit to him..huh! Its badly hurting me..as if someone threw me in fire..my heart is burning..it needs solace.. but he? Just forget it, it is something called out of the box, for him.. I knocked the door.. I gulped my throat..i was feeling dizzyness...I held support of wall...then door flung, there was my dad, with open arms... Where I can feel home..but I trembled.. and lastly I remember was a black out..I could hear faint voice of my parent's, which was worried to no end..

i opened my eyes, slowly..as i felt my whole body pain..i felt each cell and nerve of mine giving bad time to me..i looked around, only to meet darkness of my room..wow! such reality of my life(note of sarcasm)..my throat was dried, i needed water..i looked around and find water in my side table..i drank water..i could here some noise from outside..i walked out to see what was happening, i took support as i was drained out completely even to walk..i could hear some voices, my whole family members were standing there..my dad was continuously calling someone, i suppose.., my mom had sat there with head low..people threw nasty comments..it didn't took me time, they were talking about me..did they also got to know that i'm pregnant..oh! lord aiyyappa what are doing with me? nandini get grip of urself..i saw my dad and mom, for the first time they bowed their head out of shame, and i was responsible for it..suddenly my mom turned to see me, when she heard a comment from a lady, who suppose to be my mom's sis..

manik kha hai? mera manik kha hai nandini? she asked as she pulled me in middle of the hall..i was trembling as tears made my way...i didn't had answer for my mom, the love she have for manik was evident in her tone and words..then where was i?

maine manik ko..cho..chod...diya...i said with great difficulty, each word i said gave me pain..my mom eyes turned to hatred..i was just looking her eyes..it spoked volume that i failed my mom..but where was i wrong..i don't know?

nandini murthy are u pregnant? my dad's brother asked me, pulling from my mom's grip..i looked my dad, he didn't said a word, he never let anyone to raise anyone's voice in present of him..today someone was questioning me, he didn't took my side..was i became so stranger to him..

yes..i lowered my head..seeing my dad's bowing his head..i wanted make my dad proud one day but never in my dream i thought, i will make him bow head, he was man who built his own self respect..where today, i failed my parents...there were paying for my mistake..aiyyappa? what i did?my thoughts were broken by my uncle..who threw me on floor..

ghar ki izzad nikal diya tune...already us ladke ke sath raheke hamra nak katvadiya tune..par ajj haad par kar diya tune..he yelled at me, as my head hit the floor..blood started oozing out from my head..i looked for my parents..they didn't reacted a bit..maybe i deserve this..but thanks to my aiyyappa my baby was safe..he again pulled me..i was manhandled in front of my whole family but no one stopped him..i was silent because it is my part of punishment, which life as thrown on me..

this is the outcome, of ur freedom, supriya and surya..now see she is pregnant without marriage, and she left that boy, who was responsible for it..and that unwanted kid will be called as 'illegitimate'.. and hamra ghar pe dabba rehagaya..it was turn of my mami..but my soul pinched when i heard that word for my baby, who was nowhere wrong..my child never deserve that..everyone added comment for my state..they all called what not..i heard each word..my stamina of hearing was losing..i was carving someone to hold me..tell that it is just nightmare..my beautiful family, who used love me, showed there real face..where i stood mum..it was hurting me to no end..i faced a huge humiliation, where no was supporting me..

manik ne kya kha? my mom finally asked me..when she saw me all mute without any tear..i could hear only hatred for me and concern for manik..didn't i deserve that concern from my own mother? she just was making me stranger..i didn't wanted hurt a mother, who had faith in her son, if i becoming a criminal also i don't mind..

bas maine us chodiya, mom..i said in determination, i was looking just floor..i didn't had guts to see her eyes..i was ashamed of myself..i felt let the earth open and take me..i didn't wanted to live..i surely didn't want to..

supriya...i heard my dad's voice..then i lift my eyes, only to see my mom collapsing on floor..i was about held her..but my dad pushed me aside..i didn't knew, what just happened..did it really happened with me, was it my dad? i questioned myself for thousand times..

%%

it was next day evening, i was seating outside the hosiptal..my mom, had major brain stroke..i was broken, because i was responsible for it...doctor had given time of 24 hours, but she didn't made up..and she ended with coma, or u can say living yet dead...the news just added huge layer of guilt..no one let me to see my mom, i got the information through doctor..he gave me details , when i pleaded him..i wanted to be with my dad's side, to console him..my whole family's look showed where i stood..they literally considered me like a bitch or slut..i deserve every bit of it..i just wanted to see my mom once..just once..i was walking in corridor, with slow steps..i was feeling too weak to handle..its been 3 days i had something..nor i felt like eating..there was no one to take of me..where a pregnant girl needs the most..i stood out side the icu, giving myself courage to see my mom..who gave birth to me..she hates me core..because i left manik, but no one asked why i left my only life..tears slipped my eyes..i pushed the door..but only to pulled back from someone from my shoulder in a force..there stood my furious dad..i gulped my throat..nandini murthy be ready for another heart break...i said to my heart, who trying to see how much my heart was broken..

what are trying u to do? huh! what are u trying to do here? he yelled as whole my family came running, stood next to my dad, as if i'm villan..i looked door, i wanted my mother to stop this..take me in her lap and console me..and nothing such happend..

muje ek bar mom ko dekna hai dad..please..i beg u..i asked him, maybe my please will melt his heart..but nothing such happened..next his words killed me other time..the two precious men's killed me..

kyu? to kill her? why jithna tune kiya woh kafi nai hai? u want to kill my wife also..he asked me in pain of losing his wife..it was evident in his eyes, and hatred to me..for my mom's condition..i closed my eyes as i heard such words..but he forgot i was his daughter..he forgot that..

dad..what are u saying? why will i think like that? please dad, don't do this to me, just for once let me see mom, please..i begged him..as i sat on my knees..that's the extreme any girl could handle..my all hope on life was coming down..my hopes on relationships were forgotten business..

she isn't ur mom..she is just my wife, get that straight..and i won't let anyone like u to see my wife..he said as he pulled me without thinking i'm pregnant..he was dragging me away from the icu..i was trying my best to get rid of his hold, while i was saying please to get glimpse of my mom..i can't held that pain...he pushed me..in corridor, which was connected to main door of hospital..

where are her bags? my dad asked like a army officer to his under team member..(don't forget nandini's dad is army officer, and he is lieutenant), he passed bag to me..i was surrounded by the hospital security..everyone were looking me only, some people were giving sympathy look to me..but somewhere i know what was coming..i closed my eyes..i was ready to deal with my life for my baby..

and u out of the hospital now and our life, never show up ur face again to us..he raised his voice..i felt numb, to react..only one word came from my mouth..

dad..

i'm not ur dad,samji... my daughter dead the second, when she became responsible for my wife's this condition..my daughter is dead...she is no more..margai voh...he shouted in hatred as he signalled guards to throw me out..i was looking back to see, was it actually happened to me..i was pushed out of the gate..everyone were seeing me..i became orphan who have everything but still nothing...i became foundling still having parents...

i walked and walked..there was limit for everything and anything..my limit was broken very back..yes, i'm responsible for my mom's condition..i was purely..my dad's act is valid..and i was wrong..very wrong..the wrong was trusting upon people blindly..my hero, my dad..just said i was dead for him..the person, who celebrated my birth like anything..just declared i'm dead..and my mom left my side, when she knew her daughter needed more..i just wanted to see her, just once..but i could never see her face in my entire existence..the women, who brought me to this cruel world...

i won't be able to stand in this place which, gave everything and pulled out and destroyed my every essence of my existence..i took cab..headed to my destination..where i gonna leave everything related to my past behind here..

&&

i was seating in mumbai airport.. tears just flew to no extent, 3 days of my life actually showed my life..the reality of life..i looked back, nothing good memories came in my mind..my phone battery was down..but there was no single call or message from the person, who i thought my life, i wanted him at this second very badly to hold me, from falling..but he didn't showed up..he never needed me..he just showed me what is heart break..i pretty badly learnt like obedient student..my ears stuck on the announcement of my flight to manali..i took my bag..i was about to go, but i heard tv reports voice..i looked back to see the news that fab5 have cancelled there concert, which was going to happen at 12 pm of next day....the fact was, in 15 minutes i will turn 20..it was my 20th birthday...where i became unwanted person for the whole world...where for some, i was dead..and for other..let it be..

but my tracks were stopped when..i heard name of mukthi from tv reports words..that reminds me, manik's and her fight..and reason was once again me..i pulled out a sheet from my dairy..wrote a letter to abhimanyu..who can solve the mess of fab5...and manik malhotra love his sister like his daughter..he can never see his daughter hating him..it will hurt him to no end, i could actually don't want it to happen to him because he needs his family at this moment of his life, it wasn't love, but concern of humanity to him..i wrote the whole matter and explained him..anything i could do for manik malhotra was just this..he will get his family..his friends..his fab5..for whom he can die...i gave the same letter to a girl, who was working in airport..she agreed to post immediately seeing my condition..wow! people still have humanity(note of sarcasm)..i took my bag as i heard announcement on my name..there stroke 12..smiling myself on my life..i welcomed my new birthday..i looked back..to see if there was someone to stop me..u know stupid heart always have small hope in it..i turned only to see non..there was no one stop me..it showed me a life, i had..which had nothing but my only reason of my existence was my child..i walked out from my life ..my love..my parents..who really didn't wanted me..nandini murthy happy birthday to u with ur baby, welcome to the world of loneliness..where no one is waiting for me..it was my fate..i deserve every bit of it..

Goodbye mumbai...goodbye dad and mom..goodbye manik malhotra..goodbye for me.. 

next part will be updated...just wait to read..as that's final part of flashback and it includes with present...please be patient and tell ur views..

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