I walked past nandini, she stopped at exist, avni's tears didn't stopped for a while also, driver stood perfectly infront of us, I didn't talked much, I asked him to get down, I will drive the car, he gave look to nandu, she simply nodded her head..i sat on driving seat with avni in my arms, nandini settled down with sleeping abhay, he looked too pale, it was unbearable to see him like this..i turned my face to road, because I didn't wanted see nandini's face, she was sobbing silently...

ma-hmm, way to home..i asked as I didn't knew where they stay..

na-avni will guide u..she said , as she relaxed her head , I pulled them more down, so she could rest peacefully with abhay, she didn't said a word, she closed her eyes, by making a tight grip with abhay..she has toiled so much from morning , and I  became extra stress to her.. she was not only phyisically exhausted but mentally also..and all the reason were we three..

av-just drive straight, and then left..i will tell u the direction ..she said clutching my sherwani, thanks to gods her sobs were ended..i started the car, hit the road, followed the directions given by avni..I think it is little outskirts , it was away from noisy world of London..

I looked nandini, she was now seeing outside the window, her eyes once again became blank, I so wanted her to take in a hug, I wanted cry in her arms, I wanted held her near my heart..where no one can take her away from her..i so wanted, but I couldn't not..

av-take left, and we are there..she said, as I took left turn , I saw beautiful home..it was home with all lights lit up..unlike my apartment, which is always dark, that apartment of mine, welcomes to darkness, but this home welcomes for light, in fact I was shocked and surprised to see such home, it was second Malhotra mansion.. no it is more beautiful home..with all liveliness in it...I  was shocked because nandini was owning such beautiful home, I was mesmerized by this home, it was luxurious home.. nandini in that day used leave in 1 bhk apartment with her parents, and today, she has villa of her own..and as I said, every person has his/her own time, the people who called her middle class girl that day, should see her today, she shut their mouth without speaking that day, because today, she shut everyone's mouth..by saying she is no more a middle class girl..even though it never mattered me...

I put the break, I looked nandini she struggling with abhay, I opened the door for avni, she got down immediately, I took abhay from nandini's lap and got down, followed by her..door of house, suddenly opened by lady of middle aged..avni ran to her..we both followed avni..

nancy, what's up with this rockstar..she asked as she saw abhay in my arms, she traced his face, which was pale..

na-marry, its just that abhay ate peanut without his knowledge and end up like this..she said to the lady, who become worried and sad for abhay..

mar-is he fine nancy? she asked ruffling his hairs..

na-yup he is..

and then only she noticed me, her face showed excitement, she suddenly jumped like kid..

mar-omg! manik Malhotra..u are same manik right..fab5's lead singer...i'm big fan of urs..she said as she pulled my cheeks..oh! I have another fan to meet..nandini was entirely tired for any more drama..she walked past ..

ma-thanku..I said in gratitude..she smiled at me..

mar-can I get ur autograph please ...

ma-sure, but if u don't mind, can I give them later..

mar-not problem sir..she said , walked inside..

I was bought to world by my daughter, when she saw I was still looking at home..she smiled at me weakly..

av-chale..she took my one hand, gestured me to walk along her..abhay just clung more to my neck, I kissed his hairs..and tightened my grip...I walked in with avni and abhay in my arms..

interiors

kitchen

I looked the interior of house, it was beautifully built..something got my attention was pics that were hanged in wall of frame..

(nandini with abhay)

(avni and abhay)

imagine-nandini and avni

nandini and abhay

I hope u didn't forgot abhay's face

avni..

when I saw the frames, I felt how much I missed being father, I missed nandini's pregnancy , I missed my kids birth, I missed my kids wails, I missed their first talk, I missed their first steps, I missed their tantrums, I missed that fatherhood, which every man wants to cherish..i so missed most precious relationship that any would wish, I missed my son's tantrum's, I missed my daughter's toddler talk..everything..it was just adding salt to my guilt..more than guilt it was pain, that I couldn't cherish that special moment with my kids..i missed that period..i missed them forever..if anyone gives me chance, I want erase that day from my life, then I would have been with nandini, with my kids..like perfect family..but..forget it..

na-marry, get two glass of milk to abhay's room..she said as she walked to stairs..avni dragged me with her..i climbed the stairs finally reached abhay's room...

(abhay's room)

I must say it was luxurious room, it was all tidy room, clean and simple, I guess seeing his room, I can say he loves to be simple and about tidy , maybe someone cleaned the room, maybe he is all like this..the room gave perfect view of the city, it had beautiful frame of his and nandini's..

I made him sleep on bed properly , avni just ran and sat beside him..

av-abhay, get up ..deko i'm sorry..she said..but he didn't woke up thanks to medicines..nandini pulled her..

na-avni let him sleep..u go and change..she said avni made grumpy face as she wanted ask him sorry..

av-are u angry with me? she asked still bowing her head, nandini lifted her head..

na-naa..i'm sorry avni , I shouldn't have shouted at u..she said politely like a mother..

av-i just forgot and made him eat..sorry mama...she hid in her chest, her eyes were still filled with tears, that can come at any moment..

na-its okay, chalo..get changed and sleep tight..she said...

av-naa..we all are sleeping here, i'm clear to u both..she said, in stern tone keeping her hand on her waist..i looked nandini, for any answer..she just nodded, because she saw same manik Malhotra in avni's body language..uff god..sab muje copy kar rahe..

av-i'll be back, till then u go and change..she said and walked away to her room with a glass of milk..i was still blinking my eyes..

ma-she talks just like me, I said without thinking about my surroundings..

na-off course, she is just like u ..she said with gritted teeths..here I was amused my daughter talks like me, but nandini should surely get annoyed because, she stayed away from me, but still my kids resembled me, on my behalf to her..

ma-esm mera kya galathi hai? I said helplessly..

na-aiyyappa..she stomped her legs walked out, I just followed her..she entered some room..i just walked behind her..

nandini's room

abhay, nandini , avni

I just saw another frame, which said its nandini's room, I smiled seeing her smile in frame, they looked perfect..i sat on bed without word, nandini didn't said a word, was searching something for me in closest..and u may ask how I'm so sure..because mam is taking more than required time, and mainly more irritated , and was very much busy blabbering with her aiyyappa..

and finally she got something for me, she walked back with vest and shots, showing how much angry she was, she threw cloths to my face, I dogged it, like always..

na-go and change..she sat next to me without any arguments..i sat down on floor immediately kept my head on her lap, she was shocked, I took her hand kept them on my hairs, I want feel her, yes I wanted to, but she jerked her hand, but didn't jerked my head..a lone tear escaped from eyes, so as she is..we both were in pain..and she was in more pain..

ma-I missed u nandini, tum idea bi nai kithna..I said as my tears flew, there was no end to it..i just nuzzled my head to her tummy, hugged her from waist, she for once didn't protested my act..i just want to freeze this moment..i felt water on my cheeks, I looked at her, she was in tears, she didn't said anything..

ma-nandini, please bath karo mujse..please don't give me ur silent treatment as my punishment..I know I shouldn't have said that, I regret every bit of it..i said with hiccup ..she looked at me..

na-jab bath karne ki liye kuch nai hai, u want me talk Malhotra..i walked far away from u..i mean very very far..ja hum kabi nai melenge..aur mele tho bi I don't want to live with u..she said her words..which directly hit my heart like storm..my heart was already broken, now it will go into few more pieces...our eyes were spiting pain, and I was the reason..

ma-ek chance bi nai dogge? I asked helplessly, she stared to my eyes, her eyes were talking with my eyes, and I got my answer from her eyes, its said its not easy to get that chance..its simply not easy..

na-manik..

ma-say that again..i cut her lines..i wanted to hear my name from her ..I badly craved for this..i was desperate to listen them..i made please face..which nandini murthy cannot ignore..

na-manik..she said in small smile...it had great emotions, my name was special I never knew until she came to my life..my name sounds perfectly from her mouth..

ma-I missed my name from ur mouth jaanu..I said as I clutched her tummy again for bear hug,, she just encircled her hands above my shoulders, I got peace which I craved for years, I got them in her arms..she is solace of mine..my soul..i cried with her..i cried..maybe we are hurt but we will be healed soon..my heart said to me..i just kissed her tummy were my kids grown up..she broke the hug immediately , I guess I crossed my limit..but when I heard avni's voice..

av- I didn't saw anything ..she said closing her eyes with her palm, I gave look to nandini, she looked me back, I rubbed her tears..

ma-our talk is pending..i said in whisper

na-its doesn't have any value..she said turning her face other side..i had hurt her, getting her back is not a easy task,, and the talk is definitely gonna happen and i'm sure about it..i walked to changing room changed myself, walked back only to see avni in same position, nandini came back from wash room, she gave disbelief look to her daughter..

na-avni what's that baby..why are u standing there? she asked , avni opened her eyes one by one, conforming that we weren't in any compromising seen, which we were before a minute..

av-maybe u people aren't embarrassed but I was, so just closed my eyes, till u get back to ur normal posture..she mocked both of us, no doubt she extremely like me, even I have son, who also asks me about checking out my girl..nothing can be more embrace for parents like us..

na-hogaya...sab es gun hai tum pe..she pointed out me, from nowhere, why i'm blamed every time, for my children's behavior..man tha hu, they act like me, doesn't mean I taught them..manik control..

av-stop, mom why do u shout always?

ma-exactly..i said out of happiness that my daughter shut nandini's mouth, only to get deadly glare from nandini, avni giggled at my answer..i immediately took her, walked out, before getting any smasher from nandu..we both reached abhay's room, he was sleeping on his stomach, just like me..i smiled..his face was less pale , much to my relief..nandini walked with another duvet glaring both of us, which we both gave cold shoulder..i can tell u , she was irritated to core.. she slept next to abhay..avni slept to his left..i was left alone..i glanced both for an answer..

av-u want an invitation..she asked me, I glanced nandini, she closed her eyes, giving me choice of doing anything, I sat beside avni, I ruffled her long yet silky hairs..she kept her head on my lap, I kissed her followed by abhay.. I looked nandini, she was asleep.. its been years I have seen her like this.. I sensed avni's even breath, which told me she went to sleep..i looked around the room, the side of wall was covered with many pics of abhay.. I kept avni on bed..went to that wall..

I slowly traced that pic, it was marvelous pic, if anyone asks for me, they look so cute, and their eyes, oh! god, they are angels..i kissed that pic..i traced that small legs and hands in my index figure..i couldn't hold my kids that time, I regret it..i want to pull avnis' cheek, that pink dress, she is just a human doll ..abhay, he used look more cute that time, but he was super dude, he is just like me..i mean in my child hood I used look like this only..i smiled seeing that photo , how long I don't know..i wanted to collect this memory of them in my heart for forever..

abhay and avni

I looked other pic of his, a little big one of his, he just looked like topri boy, he had spikes , silly boy yet his eyes held innocence and nave nature..

hmm..this pic , abhay ko pic click karne se pile kuch interesting deka hoga..to much of thinking is bad abhay..I traced his cheeks, he had little chubby like nandini..I smiled at my own talks..

this is definitely new one , I guess.. he had great smile, in another..it literally showed me in him..gussa tho mera se zada kartha hai.. yeah indian outfit kyu pe na hai..I questioned, I will ask him, when he and me have normal father and son relationship.. but whatever it is he looks handsome more than me..i traced his face, his eyes are just like nandini..I smiled and turned to my newly found family..

abhay was sleeping holding nandini's tummy , still sleeping flat on his stomach on bed..and avni was sleeping with some difficulty,, I walked to them..i first kissed nandini's forehead she smiled in sleep, she still knows my touch..i smiled because at least in sleep she was smiling for me..i kissed abhay's temple..ruffled his hairs..he just nuzzled more into nandini's chest..i went to other side of bed to get my darling daughter..i slept next to her, covered all of them with duvet..i kissed my daughter's cheeks..i lie down flat on my tummy, my daughter nuzzled to me, to get warm , which is not good going in London's weather..i looked around and saw heater's remote turned it on..i drifted into slept, without having any sleeping pills first time, after years together..when I closed my eyes, I had my family in my vision...

suddenly I felt someone was calling me at midnight,  opened my eyes...only to see abhay, who saying..

mama..papa..in his sleep..i looked around to see whether i'm dreaming or i'm awake, but I couldn't get up, where was avni, I tired to get up, I felt weight on my shoulders, I turned only to see my daughter was sleeping on my back, just like nandini used to do..she had clutched my vest real tight , I slowly pulled her down, as I heard abhay saying again mamma ..papa..

I made avni lie down on bed properly gave pillow to her , I walked abhay..he had frowns in his sleep, now he mainly needs healthy food and water..i looked nandini, she was sleeping peacefully..i took abhay in my arms, I kissed my son, his body rashes are come down..i kissed nandini..she again smiled..i covered her with duvet..saw avni snuggling to nandini..I smiled at my baby..i took abhay out.. I must say he looks really tall and handsome, but he doesn't weigh that much..

ab-papa..he said in his sleep, he never knows how much overwhelming state he is giving to me, I always wished to hear this but couldn't , when he muttered papa in morning I was in cloud nine, but now he is reciting my name loudly..i kissed his cheeks..i griped him tightly, I felt warm, I felt I need to protect him, I felt I need to remove his sorrow, I need to become his buddy, with whom he can share anything and everything..i need give him all love , care and affection to him..mainly I need to become his dad than his father..i need remove that hatred from his heart for me, I should fill his small part of heart with happiness from now on..i will join with his crazy ideas..i will become person he wants me to be...and I will become his fav. rockstar again..

ma-abhay, baby get up, look i'm here...I said fatherly , I patted his cheeks to making him wake up, as I found frowns on his forehead..he finally opened his eyes, I took a relief, his eyes met mine, he hugged me suddenly..

ab-u are here right, tum chod ke nai gai na? he started blabbering in horrifying way , I patted his back, he definitely had nightmare, i'm sure, where I must be leaving or something..i felt wet on my neck, I immediately pulled him, he was crying badly, in fact he was sweating like hell..

ma-abhay, baby calm down, look here i'm here with u..i said while I rubbed his eyes, I took him to kitchen , made him sit on kitchen slab, I gave him water, he gulped in go..he relaxed but his tears were still flowing from his eyes..i settled down next to him..i pulled him, in my lap..he looked me..his tears again started breaming..

av-u won't leave me right..he asked as a big fat tears kissed his cheeks , I couldn't help but to take him in hug, I was in tears, why he felt I will leave him..why? he cried more in my chest.. the  boy who never gives damn to anyone,was now crying like hell..he as two faces in this world..one is rude and other is broken soul..he kept rude behavior to avoid people, not to hurt him, he shows his rudeness that's why people don't like him..but if anyone enters that heart, it will settle for long time, I ruffled his hairs, I let him cry , how much ever he wants..i just patted his back with my another hand..

ma-I won't leave, if u happen to ask me to leave also..he looked me, still in tears..

av-nandu's promise..he asked me forwarding his hand...

ma-nandu's promise...(I kept my hand above his hand) and how come u know.. about nandu's promise ..I asked him..

av-ja pe voh apne feelings likthe hai vah pe...it didn't took me time, what he was talking about "nandini's dairy"..but how come he got that dairy, nandini is very conscious about her personl dairy..

ma-ek second , nandini keeps her dairy beyond reach, tum mai ka se mila..in fact muje be voh padne nai dethi thi..I said to him, I had been wondering where he got them, nandini giving by her will is out of question..

av-kabi chori nai ki??he asked in stern tone, back to mr. arrogant abhay mode..i tell u , this boy definitely as bipolar nature..

ma-hum mahir hai..I said proudly..lifting my imaginary collar..he gave disbelief look to me..

av-vai maine kiya? mom wasn't aware of it..till date.. she thinks i got to know about u, by school application..dumb she is ..he said i looked at him in horrified tone..he is same boy right, who i think is mamma's boy..he looked back..so basically he most have got to know about me and nandini from the dairy, maybe she as written that day in that dairy, finally I got from where he got to know, how he came to know, that I being his dad.. and my confusion is clear, why he hates me..he knows entire story of us through dairy...

av-don't be surprised..sometimes she acts like that..and top of that her shout god knows, unke aiyyappa ne sari voice box mamma ko dal diya hoga  bulkar..he said as he got done, he said as if it is matter of fact..i mean talking behind her is not good, but whatever he said was true..

ma-pet pich e sab kena galath bath hai..i tried to correct his manners (keyword-"tired")

av-as if u didn't did it? he raised his eye brows, i turned my face to avoid topic, because even i used scold behind her, not to anyone but to myself ..

ma-maine nai kiya? i said, he glared me back..

av-if u didn't had that, even i wouldn't had that pet pich vali bath..he said , he knows to shut my mouth also..alas, manik e den dekne padre hai tuje..tera beta tuj ko taunt kar raha hai..waha kya bath hai..i taunted myself..

ma-fine...tum beto , mai soup banatha hu..i said as i got down, i made him sit on counter again..

av-mai hospital tho admit nai hung na? he asked in horrified tone, hearing that i will cook soup..

ma-mai vuthna pathetic khana nai bantha hu..i yelled him..he kept quite for my volume..

i started opening cabinets of kitchen, it was placed in same manner, the way it is in my apartment, nandini is to arrange groceries i used seat on slab, i used observe how she keeps them, even today same arrangement is followed by me,, same was the case here, i easily figured out everything in minutes..abhay was surprised..

ab-app, pele bar ghar aye na? he asked, in doubt , i bobbed my head, started chopping veggies..

ab-then app ko kaise patha hai, i mean this ingridents, marry aunty ko doubt hotha hai..par look at u..he said in shock..

ma-well, let me tell u, e sab nandini ne arrange kiya hai..i'm right ..he bobbed his head positively, i smiled and said..

ma-even in my house, the arrangements are same, nandini jes jes rakthi thi hai ves main bi raktha aya hu..and i saw arrangements, it didn't took me time..i said as i put the veggies to boil..

ab-i'm impressed, but i'm damn hungry..i will fetch ice cream..he got down went to fridge bought ice cream bucket sat on slab again..he opened the box started licking it, while i added required masals to it..i smiled at him, when he started licking it..

ma-so, garm ma garm soup...i presented with garnish above it..he gave me, i'm impressed look..

ab-smell tho acchi arahe hai..he smelled and said to me..he started having them..

ma-did u liked it? i asked him..being impatient for his reply..

ab-tek tak hai..he said , but his eyes said how happy he was..

ma-anything more u wanna eat..

ab-how about popcorn? i'm not sleepy..lets' watch a movie..he said as he took another spoon of soup..

ma-even i'm not..i immediately searched popcorn packet, and i got it..i put them in cooker..

ma-ek second, are the rooms sound proof? i asked thinking that pressure cooker may sound, which makes sleeping beauties awake, which i certainly don't want, because i wanted spend my time with my son now..

ab-ya they are, why are u asking? i showed him cooker, he got to know immediately..

i prepared popcorn for the movie..while abhay completed his soup..and he bought juice ..we both walked to leaving area..

ma-which movie?

ab-civilian wars...he said immediately , as he kept the juice, did I say he had my fav. beer along his  juice..yes he did, but let me see what he will answer, i'm sure he knows about my likes and dislikes..

ma-beer?? I questioned innocently..

ab-its ur fav, right..he said in excitement and he regretted very next second..

ma-how come u know? nandini ne bathya?  I further asked me, with a grin plastered my face..his face was worth watching..

ab-nai..I will fetch dvd..u wait ..he just vanished in blink, I smiled, the way he avoided my question, somewhere down the line I know he love me most but his anger and my deeds masked that love for me..i wish I could see his love for me..

he came back..i took dvd..we were watching moving seating on same couch, empting whole popcorn , still trying to find popcorns in empty bowls, I gave glare to him, when he showed empty bowl to me, he then gave beer to me had his juice while we watched movie...we were fighting for popcorn in middle of the film, when it again got empty..after dreadful 2 hours are something film came to an end with me and abhay throwing pillows at each other for something to eat while movie was going on, I looked abhay..he just looked back..

ma-so, movie hogaya...

ab-hmm..

ma-so what's next..

ab- I don't know..he said as he rested his head on couch, facing me sideways..

ma-can I ask u something ..

ab-yaa..

ma-why u hate me so much? I asked the question, which was eating me since I saw him..he looked me, it showed me pain..he just looked other side..

ab-because u hated us..me and avni..so I need to reciprocate ur feelings right..yup so I hate u..he said, blankly their was no emotion in his voice, though his eyes were speaking volumes..i so wanted shout and say that I don't hate him..

ma-I don't u hate u abhay..I said as tears made its way..he looked me back, he had tears but he held them back, he can control his emotions very well..

ab-apne dil se bolo , u didn't hated us, when u heard that mom was pregnant .. he asked me, I saw same hatred for me in his eyes..

ma-yes..i said , what was true, he looked more worse now..he just averted his eyes..i pulled him to me , he didn't dared to see in my eyes..

ma-yes I accept it, I hated u people, but trust me it was haste feeling of mine, it was just momentary moment, I and nandini had heated argument , I was thinking no sense that time, I know I let  her and u people down, but please trust I regret every bit of it.. and I love u both from my heart...u both are new found happiness of mine...I said my words..he looked back..he didn't uttered a word..he was searching truth in my eyes..when he was done, he looked back to my face..

ma-will u give me chance abhay...this time I definitely not gonna let u down..nandu promise..

ab-muje barso nai karna tume.. I don't believe u though ur saying me to give a chance, i'm really scared to do that..i don't trust u..he said to my eyes..it broke me to zillions, and I deserve it, because if i'm broken he is no less, if any child has dad like me, then every child will say same thing to their dad's..

ma-I will earn ur trust..i said in hope..

ab-i know..he said..as he rested his head on my chest..his tears made his way with mine, I started patting his head..he calmed in minutes..but he didn't broke the hug, I myself slid more into couch so that I can rest with him..after a heavy emotionally doss I need sleep, and he also..he again looked me back...

ab-u won't leave us right..mom gonna give u tough time..avni ko math pocho voh already ap ke team pe hai.. he said directly it my eyes..

ma-I won't u leave u people..pakka promise...and i know nandini ko manana asan nai..pir bi I will try my best to get her.. and avni she is my doll and what about u? I raised my eye brows...I was okay and by fine now..

ab-i don't know, i'm confused.. mera dimag hamesha tume trust na karne ki lye bolega, aur dil he wants give u chance..i'm confused for now..so i'm going to sleep, bye now..he ended his speech , closed his eyes...in five minutes he was in deep slumber in my arms... unknown to his knowledge he gave me peace..though he was confused there was a hope that he will give me a chance, I held him tight kissed his forehead he snuggled more into him..he looks calm and cute when he sleeps, he is just a baby with full of innocence..i closed my eyes, I had day, it was just roller caster ..a day , which gave me everything still kept everything away , it made me cry, it made me smile, it made me feel guilty, it made me meet my two eyes, my kids..it was a day to remember...

I felt someone was covering me and abhay, I opened my eyes, only to see sleepy avni, who ready to pounce on little space of couch..i opened my left arm, she smiled in sleepy eyes..she cuddled to my arms..closed her eyes..i must say , she is too caring at the same time being naughtiest kid..i covered her with duvet..

ma-how did u wake up? I asked her..she just snuggled into me..she kept her hand over abhay..

av-i just woke..please nini...she was irritated..i kissed her..she smiled..

ma-gud night pumpkin..

av-gud night friend..she kissed my cheek, she drifted into sleep...

right at this moment I was in peace, I had my kids in my arms, with their own will.. I felt i'm really at home, after ages....

Finally being at home- a final destination , where someone is waiting for u..

a daughter became a friend.. a son became buddy..

kaisa laga yaaro log? please do tell me, what u liked the most

avni?

abhay?

nandu?

manik?

but I love abhay and avni.. I'm falling for them daily , whenever I write dude..

manan ki kuchi ko pasand aya..I know..i know..u all want manan..and they gonna come back soonish ..

please comment karke bathna..I would love to read them...yeah do vote for me

with lots of love