HANNAH'S POV

I round a corner up the familiar trail filled with shrubs and cacti picking up my speed as I try to beat yesterday's record. The morning sun is warm instead of scorching hot which makes it perfect to run to. Rocks and bare earth crunch beneath my running sneakers leaving a trail of dust behind me.

Beyonce blasting through my earpods is enough to keep me on course even though my legs are threatening to give out from under me. Anytime I run, I always push myself too hard but it's always with the aim to run faster and further everyday.

I feel the wind as it rushes against my skin, the fresh air in my lungs rejuvenating me from the inside. My heart is pounding hard but I refuse to slow down, as long as it's pumping, I'll keep going.

I love my morning runs, they are peaceful and serene allowing me to be out alone in nature with nothing but wild plants, chill desert air and my own thoughts.

Morning runs used to be something Darius and I did together. It helped us bond and of course keep fit. For a plus size girl, I am pretty fast and it's all thanks to Darius. He got me into working out when he joined the military. The gym didn't do it for me, too many people looking at me and judging me for my size. Yes I am confident in my body now but I wasn't back then. I fought Darius every step of the way until he suggested running.

I hated it at first and used all the excuses under the sun so as not to go.

My boobs are too big, they hurt when I run.

I'm allergic to my own sweat.

And my personal favourite; black people have been running for their lives since time immemorial and now you want me to run for fun?

It was a huge battle between Darius and I but eventually he won and after my body adjusted and I got used to it, I began to love it.

I stopped for a while after I lost him, it was, sometimes still is, painful to do an activity we both enjoyed together without him here. But over the past few weeks I've been reclaiming a lot of things including running. I refuse to put my whole life on pause just because my brother died. Yes we used to enjoy running together but it's something I love so in his memory and for my own health, I let myself start enjoying it again.

This morning my thoughts are filled with Santiago which they always are nowadays but today they aren't good thoughts. Santiago and I haven't communicated in weeks. After my last letter to him, we haven't spoken. He hasn't called or sent me a letter in reply. I was scared that I spooked him with my suggestion of going to visit him but then Diego called me two days ago to ask me if I had talked to him. Apparently Santiago hasn't communicated with him either. It's got us both worried because we have no idea if he is okay in there. Him being incarcerated is making communication tricky.

It's taking me back to the time when Darius was deployed. I was worried about him all the time especially during those times where he would go for weeks without calling with me. He always made it back but it never made the weeks of not knowing any easier.

Now I'm going through the same thing with Santiago but now there are romantic feelings involved. It makes the whole thing suck on a whole different level.

It's hard to believe that someone I've known for only a couple of months and talked to a bunch of times is affecting me so much. Yes we don't talk everyday but he has managed to burrow his way into my heart and refused to budge.

Diego is planning on visiting him over the weekend so I hope he comes back with good news. I just want to be sure that he is okay.

When I eventually make it back to my house, I am out of breath, my feet are burning, my skin is dripping with sweat and I am in desperate need of a shower but I feel good, much better than I did at the beginning of the run.

I'm about to let myself into the house when I hear a car behind me. I turn around to find Frank's familiar audi parked on my driveway.

"Not this early in the morning." I mumble under my breath.

I am in no state to entertain but Frank is the one showing up in my home unannounced so he'll have to accept me as I am. He gets out of his car, looking immaculate in a tan three piece suit and a familiar tie. As he gets closer I realize it's the one I gifted him for his birthday last year.

"What are you doing here Frank? I thought we both agreed that we are done." I ask the fine specimen of a man approaching me.

It's no secret that Frank is good looking but he just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Then who does?

A vague image of a tanned skin man with a teardrop tattoo under his eye, neck tattoos and a charming smile crosses my mind. Yeah that's exactly who does it for me nowadays.

"I miss when the first thing that came to mind anytime you saw me was to jump my bones." Franks replies taking a step closer to me.

"Yeah well, that's all in the past now. We broke up." I remind him.

I step back but that only leads me to be pinned against the door.

"We can at least try to be civil around each other. You look good by the way." He comments eyeing my cleavage that has been pushed up by my sports bra.

"Thank you." I reply politely weirded out by his random compliment.

I definitely do not look good, I am sweaty and out of breath. How is that attractive?

"What do you want Frank?" I ask not liking the lack of distance between us.

Instead of replying Frank takes me by surprise when he bridges the gap between us and kisses me. I am in shock at first so I stay glued to the spot unable to react. But then my mind catches onto what is happening and instead of pushing his away, I kiss him back.

I feel Frank smile against my lips as he deepens the kiss, his hands cupping my face gently. I let him kiss me for a minute before I pull back and look him in the eyes. He's smiling as if he has just won a gold medal.

"See, you still have feelings for me." He comments looking smug.

"Actually no I don't. I kissed you back to confirm what I've known for a very long time. I no longer feel anything for you anymore Frank. That kiss was as bland as stale bread." I reply.

The smile drops from his face as he looks at me like I've just slapped him.

"I already told you more than once Frank, you and I are over. Please accept that and try to move on. Let's leave things on good terms instead of creating a toxic break up." I plead.

Frank gives me one long searching look before he sighs and steps back.

"You're right, I just had to confirm it for myself one last time. Now I know that we really are done." He replies.

"We can't be friends but we can treasure the memories we shared together. They were beautiful and what we had was great while it lasted but it's over now." I console.

"I know. Anyway I just dropped by to give you back a bunch of your stuff and to make sure that we are really done." Franks sighs.

"We are." I confirm.

Franks nods and steps back walking back to his car. He retrieves a box from the back seat and approaches me.

"I've yet to pack up yours but I will get everything to you when I do." I say to him.

"No rush. Goodbye Hannah." He smiles sadly handing me the box.

"Bye Frank." I nod hugging it to my chest.

Frank leans in and I'm afraid that he's about to kiss me again which will force me to knee him in the balls but he avoids my lips and kisses me on the cheek.

"See you around beautiful." He whispers in my ear before turning around to walk away.

"Frank." I call out stopping him.

He turns to me with a sad smile that's breaking my heart more than it should.

"For what it's worth, you were a great boyfriend and I'm sure you'll make a lucky girl out there very happy." I say to him.

"Thanks, right back at you." He replies.

He gets into his car and drives away before we can make the goodbye more emotional than it needs to be. When his car disappears out of sight, I let myself into the house and drop the box into the coat closet. I knows it's a bunch of useless stuff like books, sunglasses, shoes and a couple of clothings but I don't have the energy to sift through them.

I get myself a glass of water to refresh and make my way to my room for a shower and a quick power nap. I am on shift later so I have the whole day to myself. I decide to spend it going through Darius stuff. It's going to be emotional but I've put it off long enough. I'm planning on donating most of his things but I'll keep the important memorabilia to honor him with and maybe tell my future husband and kids stories about the most wonderful brother in the world.

A couple of hours later I find myself seated in the middle of Darius bed. I am surrounded by his clothes with an open box of what I thought was junk when I opened it but it turned out to be photos of me and the letters I sent him when he was deployed.

Looks like I didn't begin this letter writing to the important men in my life trend with Santiago.

This is turning out harder than I thought it would be as I read the birthday card I sent Darius for his twentieth birthday. He was in Iraq then, a world away from me but the letter still managed to reach him. It's worn as if it was read lots of times as are the other letters I sent him. Darius used to tell me that my letters were his good luck charm, they gave him a purpose to fight and stay alive. When he finally left the military I was so happy but in shock so we slept in the same room for two weeks just so I could be sure he wouldn't leave me in the middle of the night. He didn't leave, instead he applied to Quantico to train to be a federal agent. The job was still dangerous but at least this time he came home everyday at the end of his shift instead of being in a different continent all together.

My phone rings interrupting my flashbacks and I have to fish it out under the layers of clothes that still smell like my brother. When I do find it, a huge grins breaks out on my face as I see the ID caller I've been anticipating for weeks. I pick up immediately longing to hear Santiago's voice.

"Mami."

There it is. That one endearment that alleviates most of my fear since it means that he is alive.

"What the hell Santiago? It's been weeks. Where have you been?" I scold letting the worry I've been bottling in, slip out.

"What happened to you calling me Cesar?" He teases with a laugh.

"It's not funny. I was really worried." I mumble.

"I know, I'm sorry for worrying you." He replies his voice dropping a few octaves.

"Are you okay? You sound tired?" I ask when I pick up on that from his voice. "You didn't get in trouble and get thrown into solitary confinement did you?" I ask him.

I might have googled reasons why inmates would cut off communication and that was the most probable one that Google gave me. The rest were too graphic for me to even fathom them.

"No I didn't. I'm okay I've just had a rough couple of weeks." He replies.

He sounds worn out, like he hasn't been getting much sleep.

"You wanna talk about it?" I ask hoping it's not something terrible.

He sighs loudly and my heart clenches in anticipation preparing myself for the worst.

"There's this kid, Julius. I've been sort of mentoring him ever since he arrived since he was having a hard time adjusting. He was doing good up until a couple of weeks ago when he got sexually assaulted. It's taken a toll on him and its taking a toll on me too." He explains.

My heart relaxes since I know it's nothing to do with Santiago directly but it still hurts for the boy who got hurt.

"Oh my God! How bad was it?" I inquire.

"I managed to get there in time but it still almost happened which is pretty bad." Santiago answers.

I've dealt with a couple of sexually abused victims in the emergency room so I know how bad it can be. It doesn't matter if the deed happened or not, as long as there was intent, the trauma exists and it's haunting.

"I can only imagine. I am so sorry." I whisper knowing my words aren't much but they are all I have.

"Thanks Hannah, he'll be okay, I'll make sure of it." Santiago says.

His words are more of a promise to Julius than they are to me and I know he means them. This kid must be really special to him considering Diego told me that Santiago is really antisocial in prison. It probably comes with the territory.

"I know you will." I say wishing there is more I can do but knowing there isn't.

"Enough sad talk about me. How have you been? I've missed you." Santiago confesses making me smile.

"I missed you too. I was really worried that something bad happened to you but I'm relieved to hear that you're good." I reply.

"I'm okay mami." He repeats for my benefit.

There's a stall in the conversation for a moment because there is so much I want to say but I feel like it's the wrong time. I want to address my last letter to him but instead I find myself blurting out something completely unrelated.

"I kissed my ex today."

Stupid Hannah, why the hell would you tell him that?

It's too late to take it back so I shut my eyes waiting for the outburst but it never comes.

"Frank?" Santiago asks surprising me.

I open my eyes in wonder. "You know about him?"

"Yes, Darius might have mentioned him in passing but he also said that the guy wasn't right for you and he didn't deserve you. He was surprised that you two lasted a year." He replies.

Seriously what didn't Darius tell this man about my life? It seems like he knows everything.

"Yeah well that's over." I reply.

"Then why did you kiss him?" Darius grits out and I know I've struck a nerve.

I was worried when he didn't react at first but it's evident now.

"He kissed me first and I kissed him back to confirm that I didn't have feelings for him anymore." I explain.

"And did you?"

"Yes, I felt nothing when I kissed him." I admit.

"Good for you then." Santiago mutters as if he has to force himself to say the words.

"Are you jealous?" I tease.

"Yes." Santiago replies.

A part of me expected him to deny it. Men rarely admit it when they are jealous so hearing Santiago say it so openly is a fresh breath of honesty. I quite like it.

"Well you have no reason to be. Frank is my past." I assure him.

"What about me?" Santiago asks.

"A very possible future." I grin returning his honest energy.

Of course I see a future with Santiago. I wouldn't be talking and flirting with him if I didn't. There's no need to lead us both on if there's nothing to look forward to.

"I like the sound of that." He says and I can tell that his voice has changed.

"I talked to my shrink about you." Santiago informs me.

Looks like we are both in a confessing mood.

"You have a therapist?" I exclaim.

"There's one here at the prison that I'm required to see every three months." He explains.

That makes more sense because Santiago doesn't seem like the kind of person to pay for a shrink.

"Oh yeah and what did he say about me?" I inquire curiously.

"I don't think I'm allowed to share that. Doctor-patient confidentiality." Santiago answers making me chuckle softly.

"That only applies to the doctor." I inform him.

"I don't think so." He challenges.

"I think I'm more equipped to know about that than you do." I reason.

"Yes you're right but I don't want to get into it." He asserts.

I don't want to cross boundaries by forcing him to talk about it when he isn't ready. I'm sure he'll tell me when he is and if never that's okay too. He's entitled to his privacy. At least I can take comfort in the fact that he thinks me worthy enough to discuss with his therapist. I only hope it's all good things.

"That's okay, I can respect that." I assure him.

"But I can tell you this. It was all good things. I promise." He says as if reading my mind.

"I was not worried." I reply trying to sound nonchalant.

If I'm being honest, I was worried but just a tiny bit.

Since we are talking about us, I decide to bring up the topic I wrote in the letter while I still have him on the phone.

"So what did you think about my last letter?" I being treading carefully.

I do not want to spook the man.

"I loved it, just like all the others." He replies.

"Cesar." I scold playfully because he knows exactly what I am talking about.

"I would love for you to come see me ..." He says after a moment of silence.

The way he phrases that sentence leaves me with more questions.

"But ..." I urge him on.

"Who says there's a but?" He challenges.

"You did with your voice." I reply.

It was not hard to miss the lack of enthusiasm in his voice.

"And I'm called the perceptive one." He laughs.

"Cesar." I scold because he's making jokes when I'm trying to be serious.

I've been thinking about this for a while now so it's not something I just blurted out. I want my first time seeing Santiago to be in person but only if he wants it as well.

"I don't want you to see me like this." He admits.

I don't have to ask him to explain because it's obvious. The man has an ego and he doesn't want me to see him in an orange jumpsuit.

"So I am not supposed to see you until after you are released." I challenge.

I have no idea why his rejection hurts me so much. I expected him to jump at the idea of seeing me in person but here he is saying no and it hurts.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just not ready." He expounds.

"Do you think you will ever be?" I whisper.

My voice is all clogged up with emotion and I know I am a second away from crying. I put myself out there for him and he rejected me. It hurts.

"Maybe, I don't know." He replies.

That's the final straw as a tear escapes my eyes, falling onto one of the envelopes in my lap followed by another, then another. I don't want Santiago to hear me cry, it will he too embarrassing so I know that I have to end the call.

"Okay, I've got to go. Bye Caesar, take care of yourself and Julius. I hope he gets better soon." I rush out before he can pick up on the change in my voice.

"Mami wait." He calls out desperately but I just can't.

I hang up and toss the phone away from me flopping back onto the bed on my back. Silent tears fall from my face as I suffer from the embarrassment of being rejected. My phone starts ringing again and I know it's him but I don't want to pick up so I ignore it. He calls me twice more and I'm about to get up to put it on silent when it stops.

It's not like I'll never talk to the man again, I just need to get over his rejection. It hurts now but I will be okay. I respect Santiago's unreadiness to see me, it will just take a moment for my hurt heart to catch up.