HANNAH'S POV

"Today I have the honor of awarding the FBI Medal of Valor to Special Agent Darius Erie Johnson. The award is presented in recognition of his exceptional act of heroism while investigating corruption at The Federal Correctional Institution right here in Phoenix. His courageous actions during the investigation, led to his unfortunate death when a riot broke out in the Institution. Fortunately Special Agent Johnson had collected enough evidence for us to have a successful case. On his behalf we invite his sister Hannah Claire Johnson to receive the award. Hannah please step forward and accept this medal for your brother." Special Agent In Charge, Patricia Wells, Darius' former boss calls out.

I manage a smile as I stand up promptly, straightening my dress to walk up the stage towards Patricia.

"Congratulations, nobody deserves this more than Darius did. It's unfortunate that he is not here to receive it himself." Patricia consoles shaking my hand.

"Thank you."I reply politely.

We pose for a couple of photos because even though I hate being on the spotlight I need to do it for Darius. I am so proud of him for getting the job done, so I can suck it up for the duration of the award ceremony.

I step off the stage once we are done, with the award in my hand and make my way back to my seat, careful not to trip as I am wearing heels.

"Good job Hannah, you did great." Tom praises giving me a side hug.

"Thank you for being here, I couldn't have done this alone." I reply smiling at him appreciatively.

"Just because Darius is not here anymore doesn't mean you are getting rid of me. We are family." Tom reassures making me smile.

I don't doubt his words, Darius cultivated a close brotherhood with Tom so I know he will always be there for me. Now that Darius is not with me anymore, Tom is taking his role as my big brother very seriously. Him being with me as we celebrate Darius' final achievement is testament to how close they were.

We have to stay for the rest of the ceremony but it's over in less than an hour, which is good as I feel tired and ready to call it a day.

"Did you get a new partner yet?" I ask Tom as we walk out of the events hall that the award ceremony was held.

"Patricia keeps pushing on it but I'm fighting her every step of the way. It feels wrong replacing Darius so soon. He's only been gone for a month." Tom protests.

"I know it's hard but you will have to move on at some point. Take your time but also the more you delay it, the harder it will be for you." I encourage.

"I'll try." Tom smiles at me.

He unlocks the car and opens the passenger side door for me, making sure I'm seated comfortably before going around to get behind the wheel.

"Ready to go home?" He asks.

"Yes please, I have a surgery tomorrow morning that I need to rest up for." I reply putting on my seatbelt.

Tom is about to respond when both our phones ping with incoming messages. We look at each other confused but it all makes sense when we see who the messages are from.

"Drinks at Ben's, we're all waiting." I read out loud the message Jada has sent in the group chat. "Your fiancé had no room for subtlety." I chuckle.

"She's your best friend as well. I will not bear this burden alone." Tom teases. "Do you want me to still drop you off at home? I can see that you're tired. I'll make up some excuse for you."

"And risk her wrath, no thank you. I'm still on thin ice after ghosting you guys for two weeks. Let's just go, I'll stay for one drink then get an uber home." I reply.

"Wise choice, I'll do the same. Good thing Jada is a lightweight, two beers and she will be ready to go home." Tom says as he starts the car.

"She will never admit that though." I laugh joining Tom in making fun of his fiancé.

Jada thinks she can handle her alcohol but she once passed out at brunch after having three mimosas. At least she's a cute drunk who doesn't give us any trouble when she is intoxicated.

The drive to Ben's bar takes forty five minutes due to traffic but Tom is good company and has me cracking me up the whole way. By the time we arrive, I am already over my sadness after the fact that Darius wasn't there to receive the medal for himself.

"Finally, we've been waiting for over an hour." Jada exclaims as soon as we walk up to the bar.

Renee and Ben are also present but baby Taylor is nowhere is sight. It's a packed night so she's probably at home with a babysitter.

"Sorry baby, we got stuck in traffic." Tom apologizes pulling her in for a kiss and a hug.

"Let's see the medal." Renee requests once we get the hellos out of the way.

I smile as I open it and hold it out for everyone.

"Wow, Darius did good." Ben declares.

"Yes he did and for that lets all celebrate. Ladies what will you be having?" Ben asks as he steps around the bar to get our drinks.

"I'll have one beer, Darius favorite. I have a surgery in the morning so I can't drink much." I reply.

I sit back as everyone else makes their orders as Darius' medal is passed around so they can admire it.

After Ben is done serving us, he asks one of the bartenders to cover for him as he joins us at a table so we can all sit and talk.

"Tom, any luck with a new partner?" Renee asks repeating the same question I had earlier.

"I don't want one." Tom replies taking a swig of his beer.

"Is that even allowed?" Ben inquires.

"Not really but they are cutting me some slack because of what happened to Darius. I have to chose soon though." Tom answers.

I can see how much Tom is struggling. Darius was his partner for seven years, they were practically brothers so asking him to replace that is hard on him. He needs more time but the department can only compromise so much.

"Maybe you should get a female partner this time." Ben suggests.

"Over my dead body." Jada protests.

"Jealous much." I scoff bumping her shoulder with mine.

"It's not jealousy, it's possessiveness. I trust my man, it's the woman I won't be able to trust. I already had to share him with Darius and he was a man, just imagine if it's a woman." Jada defends.

"I'm all yours baby." Tom consoles kissing her.

Jada melts into him and its obvious that she is smitten with him. I understand her reservation about Tom getting a female partner. Before Darius partnered with Tom, his partner was female and they did more than be partners on the job. It was all sex though and they were only partners for a year before she transferred to another state. Darius wasn't really a settling down kind of man but he wasn't a jerk either. He was just not ready to settle down and now that he is gone, he won't ever get there.

"How about a cute male partner? We can set him up with Hannah now that she is single and no longer dating that douchebag." Renee suggests.

Her words and the mention of my name pulls me out of my depressing thoughts.

"Huh?" I mumble confused.

"I know you just dumped his ass but you've been single for months and only needed to make it official. You need someone new, who is worthy of you." Jada adds.

"I'm not ready to get back into the dating scene guys." I express.

"Bulshit, I've seen how you've been eyeing that temp nurse. You are definitely ready." Jada scoffs.

"What temp nurse?" Renee asks.

"I haven't been eyeing anybody and he is twenty, cute yes but too young for me." I defend.

"Okay fine, then we'll set you up with Toms new partner. Make sure you chose someone cute babe." Jada demands.

"I don't even know how to respond to that but when I do finally cave and chose a partner, it will be someone reliable and capable. Hannah doesn't even like dating people in the service anyway, remember when we tried setting her her up two years ago." Tom reminded them.

"Oh my God. Guys please stop." I cry out taking a sip of my beer.

I feel embarrassed that my love life is all out there for my friends to dissect. Just because I am single now, does not mean I am ready to move on. I am enjoying being single again and I am not in a hurry to be in another relationship.

"Yes I remember, poor man was scarred for life after she kneed him in the balls for coping a feel." Jada snorts in laughter.

"He deserved it, the jerk thought that just because I wore a low cut top, I was easy."I scoff remembering that disgusting detail of my date from hell.

It was the first and last time Tom and Darius tried setting me up with one of their colleagues.

"I fully endorse what you did Hannah, he deserved it." Ben praises holding his beer bottle up.

I clink mine against his as we toast.

"Now can we can end this topic, I'm happy being single and when the time is right I will move on." I request politely.

"Or maybe you already have someone in mind." Jada smirks wriggling her eyebrows at me.

"Who?" I ask confused.

"A certain inmate you've been exchanging letters with." Jada grins.

"What inmate?" Renee asks.

"Say what now?" Tom exclaims while Ben looks at me his mouth agape in shock.

"I told you that in confidence." I grit out shooting daggers at my best friend.

There is a reason I haven't advertised about my correspondence with Santiago. I wanted our letters to remain private but that is already out the window now with Jada's big mouth.

"You know nothing remains secret for long in this group." Jada defends.

"I'll remember that next time." I say with an eye roll.

"So there is a next time? Who is this guy?" Renee asks.

"He is no one." I answer.

"He is not no one, his name is Santiago and he has a very beautiful handwriting." Jada inputs.

"Jada." I exclaim out loud.

"You have been exchanging letters with an inmate and didn't bother telling me. Who is this man? What if he is dangerous?" Tom asks his overprotectiveness showing.

"What if he is an old man or a serial killer?" Renee asks.

I look at all of them in shock because they are saying things about Santiago that are completely false. I realize that they will keep making things up about him until I tell them the truth even though I do not want to.

"He is neither of those things. His name is Santiago Cesar Delgado, he is twenty seven and is in for a drug charge. He was Darius' cellmate so he sent me a letter of condolence and we shared a couple more after that but that's over. Now that you know the truth, please drop it." I request.

"Oh no, there's more I need to know, like why you didn't mention this man until now." Tom demands.

I should have known that they won't drop it. I turn to Jada with a glare but she hides behind her wine glass as if it can keep me away from her.

"Maybe because I knew this is how you would react and like I said, our correspondence is over now, I got what I needed from him and so did he." I reply.

Deep down I missed getting letters from Santiago but we had nothing more to say to each other.

"Do you even know what he looks like?" Renee inquires.

"No, we've only exchanged a total of four letters. We didn't get to the photo exchange part." I answer completely draining my first beer.

I only intended to have one but at the rate our conversation is going I need more liquid courage. I wave to one of the waitresses and show her my empty better bottle wordlessly ordering another one.

"What was his name again?" Tom asks retrieving his phone.

"Why?" I challenge.

"I am going to look him up. There was no mention of such a man in any of Darius' reports." Tom replies.

"Maybe there was a reason for that, he wanted to protect him. Do you know what happens to snitches in prison?" I ask.

"Give me the name Hannah." Tom insists leaving no room for an argument.

"Argh! Okay fine but if he is who he told me, you owe me an apology." I retort.

"Name?" Tom says shortly.

"Santiago Cesar Delgado." I reply.

My second beer arrives and I drain half of it in one gulp. Why couldn't Jada just keep her mouth shut? Now Santiago is under scrutiny from all my friends.

"Here he is." Tom declares finally finding him wherever it was that he was looking. We all go silent for a minute as he reads through Santiago's file. "It looks like all he told you checks out. He was arrested three years ago for possession of a controlled substance with the intent to distribute." Tom declares.

"Told you." I said with a smug look on my face.

"Well he's still a criminal so you are not getting an apology from me." Tom replies.

I roll my eyes at him because I already expected that.

"Is there a picture on that report? I wanna know what Hannah's mystery man looks like." Jada requests.

Tom passes the phone to Jada who gets one look at Santiago's photo before whistling out loud.

"Let me see." Renee requests so Jada gives her the phone.

"That is one sexy mug shot." Renee exclaims and now my curiosity is piqued.

Renee shows the photo to Ben who nods in agreement.

"I'm a straight male and even I have to admit that he is one good looking man." Ben admits.

"Wanna see?" Renee asks but for some reason I hesitate.

There is mystery between Santiago and I which I kind of like. He knows what I look like because I know for a fact that Darius had a photo of me in prison but I don't know what he looks like. All it will take is to look at Tom's phone but I hold back.

"I'm good."I reply drinking more of my beer.

"Seriously? You won't regret it. He is hot, looks more like a model than a gangster." Renee encourages.

"Your husband is right here." Ben scolds.

Renee smiles and kissing his bearded chin to appease him and it works.

"I like the mystery and its not like we will ever talk again. I don't want the image I have of him in my head to be ruined, handsome or not." I admit.

Santiago will always be my guardian angel, perfect and untainted even though he is in prison so no matter how curious I am as to what he looks like, I want to keep it that way.

"Your loss." Jada says. "Setting you two up wouldn't work anwyay, he still has two years to his sentence so back to the first option I guess." She pouts giving Tom his phone back.

"I know you are all coming from a place of love but I don't want you guys setting me up with anyone. It sucks being the fifth wheel but I will find my person when the time is right." I assure them.

"We'll give you a couple of months and if we see no progress we are stepping in." Jada asserts.

I open my mouth to protest but then I remember that its of no use. When Jada sets her mind to something, it's rarely ever changed.

"Okay fine." I nod agreeing for the sake of it.

When they bring up the topic again, I will fight them on it like I just did. I am not going to let them bully me into something I'm not comfortable with.

The Santiago discussion dies down as we move on to other topics like Taylor finally being able to stand on her own.

"We might have to expedite the process of baby proofing the house. Maybe y'all can come over this Sunday to help." Renee requests.

"Sounds like fun, we'll be there." Jada agrees.

"I'm not that handsy but I will happily babysit while you guys take care of everything." I reply.

"We'll take it." Ben says with a nod.

We are still discussing baby proofing the house when the waitress comes over with a fresh beer for me.

"I didn't order this." I protest.

"He did." She replies pointing to someone at the bar.

We all look up and multiple groans are heard when we see the man responsible for my free beer.

"What is he doing here? It's a cop bar not a douche bar." Renee asks.

"I don't know. He's been trying to contact me ever since I dumped him but I've been ignoring him." I reply.

"Do you want me to get rid of him? Why am I even asking? Ben, back me up bro." Tom requests.

They move to get up but I stop them.

"Guys sit down, there's no need to attract unwanted attention. He's not doing anything wrong so let him be." I say but I've spoken too soon as we see Frank approach our table.

"Seriously can the guy not get a hint?" Jada mutters under her breath but we all manage to hear her.

"Apparently not." Renee mumbles just as Frank gets to us.

He is wearing a navy blue suit, looking impeccable as always meaning he came straight to the bar from work.

"Good evening everyone, Hannah." Franks greets us but nobody says anything in response.

"Hannah can we talk? Privately." He requests after a moment of awkward silence.

"She's not going anywhere with you." Tom answers on my behalf adjusting himself on his seat subtly enough to reveal his gun and badge.

I want to laugh at how obvious he is being but I hold back.

"I already said what I had to Frank, we are over. I never want to see you again." I answer.

I didn't realize it until he hurt me but I was never in love with Frank. Sure I loved him but I was not in love with him. I settled for the nice rich guy just because I wanted to be loved. Frank is not a bad guy, we are just a bad match and I feel bad that it took me so long to realize it.

"So you're throwing away our one year relationship over one bad moment? I already said I'm sorry for missing Darius' death." Frank argues.

"Actually you didn't apologize but it's fine, I don't hold it against you for missing it. Darius was important to me and not you but I can't be with you anymore Frank. Now please leave before this gets embarrassing for all of us. Tom looks like he is itching for fight so don't give it to him, you won't win." I express.

Frank looks like he is about to argue some more but Ben sits up and flexed his muscles. Frank is not a small guy by any means, he is 6'0 and works out everyday but Ben is a mountain of a man while Tom is not to be messed with especially since he is wielding a gun.

"Okay fine but you will never find anyone like me." Frank grits out.

"That's kind of the point, now get lost pretty boy." Jada barks fake lunging at him.

Franks steps back in fear at my 5'6 friend and scurries off leaving us all laughing.

"I have no idea what you saw in that guy." Renee comments.

"He's rich, handsome, treated me fairly well and the sex wasn't half bad." I answer with a shrug.

"You settled baby girl but never again, if you're not describing your next man with words like amazing and mind-blowing then he is following Frank out the door." Jada declares.

"Yes ma'am but Franks appearance has made me realize that I've been here longer than I needed to. I'm gonna go home if I'm to be fresh for my surgery tomorrow." I announce.

"We'll drop you off, we're gonna call it a night as well."Tom offers.

We all get up from the table, gather our stuff and say our goodbyes.

Tom drops me off at home and walks me to my door since Jada is already passed out in the front seat.

"Take care chica." He says hugging me.

"Goodnight Tom, thanks again for today."I smile at him.

"Anytime." He grins kissing my cheek.

I open the door and get in, locking the it behind me. A moment later, I hear Tom's car drive away so I turn on the lights. I kick off my shoes and walk up to the trophy shelf in the living room displaying Darius' medal next to all his other awards. A couple of mine are on there too but its mostly a shrine for Darius achievements.

I take a moment of silence to think about Darius before stepping away to go to the bedroom. I go through my night routine and twenty minutes later I am in bed after a quick shower. After putting on my bonet, I retrieve the letters from my bedside drawer and carefully read through both of them.

Reading Santiago's letters has become a nightly routine before I sleep.

Santiago has impacted my life significantly and even though we will never get to talk again, I am going hold onto the little pieces of him that I have for as long as I can.

It's not normal but I don't care. They help me sleep which happens quick as I begin to doze off in middle of the second letter. I switch off the bedside light, falling asleep in minutes.

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Guess who is back to typing on their phone 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Just as I was getting the hang of typing on my laptop.

I decided to be a geek to fix something on my laptop and ended up deleting everything so now it's practically useless. It doesn't even have Windows or Microsoft office on it. Any of you Kenyan readers know where I can get it installed cheap around Nairobi because I've been trying to do it myself with YouTube tutorials but I am not getting anywhere. Please if you can help, I am desperate.

Anyway happy new month guys, hopefully May will be better than the first four months of the year.