Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit

Trigger Warning: read if you aren't heavily affected by extreme feels.

~Alec's p.o.v.~

It has been three weeks since that day. Three weeks since he left me. Three weeks since my heart broke into a million tiny pieces, that only he can put back together.

It feels like a thousand tiny paper cuts everyday. I haven't come out of my room at all. I haven't eaten, I don't talk to anyone. The only thing I have done is lay in my bed and cry. Occasionally checking for missed calls or text messages from him. I get nothing every time.

Sometimes Jace, Izzy, Clary, or Simon come in to talk to me. Only to be responded with one worded answers.

I remembered his last words to me. 'Aku cinta kamu.' He told me he loved me, but that it would never work. And it was completely my fault. If I hadn't even talked to Camille, I would still have him. I shouldn't of even had to consider shortening his life. I should have refused as soon as she offered it to me.

Now I had lost the one thing I loved with my heart and soul. I had started sobbing again, and couldn't stop. I kept brooding on these thought while uncontrollably sobbing, until I fell asleep.

This is how most nights went, crying myself to sleep. I awoke to the sound of my door opening. It was Isabelle, she had no doubt come to help me. "Alec, please talk to me." she said with desperation in her voice.

"It hurts so much." I couldn't keep this to myself anymore. "It feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart every moment without him. I love him so much, but I had to ruin it. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. Why do I ruin everything good in my life?" I started sobbing again.

"Alec, you haven't ruined everything. You still have us, your family. You are beautiful, and the most selfless person I have ever met. And if Magnus can't see that, then he can fuck off. But Alec I can't stand seeing you like this, and neither can anybody else! You haven't eaten anything in three weeks, let alone slept!"

"I know, but I just can't get over him. He was the light to my dark, the one person I could call mine. And I ruined it by my stupid mistake. Now if you could just leave me alone. I don't feel like talking anymore." I said as I turned away from her and buried myself in the covers still sobbing.

When I stopped crying I just laid in bed for several hours thinking about Magnus. I trusted him with my life, then betrayed him. What kind of boyfriend does that?

Memories of him just kept on playing through my head. Like when he first kissed me and I fell down the stairs. Or when I first laid my eyes on him, he was in his underwear at one of his famous parties. Every time we cuddled in each others arms.

I couldn't take it anymore. Am I even good enough for him? No one will ever love me again. I am utterly and completely worthless.

Thought's like this just kept on going through my head, until I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and walked to my private bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw a despicable man that I hate more than anything.

I looked around searching for something. I found it in the cabinet and brought it to my wrist. The blade touched my wrist and I made several deep cuts along each arm.

I was loosing blood fast. But I didn't care, I felt too good to care. All of my worries washed away, and were lost in a sense of euphoria. I collapsed from blood loss and was sitting in a pool of my own blood.

Isabelle rushed into the bathroom then, but I was too far gone. "Alec!" Was the last thing I heard before I was overtaken by the darkness.

~Magnus' p.o.v.~

I was sitting on my couch surrounded by take-out containers and tissues. wearing one of Alec's sweaters that he left here, and some sweatpants. My hair was down, and I didn't have any make-up on.

The Chairman was laying on my stomach as I pet him. It had been three weeks since I broke up with him.

Who knew it would be this hard to forget him? I've never felt like this before for anyone. So why do I feel like this towards him? What makes him so special?

I couldn't forget about him when I was awake. And when I was asleep I was plagued by those blue eyes. I felt so guilty for breaking up with him. But it was his fault, wasn't it?

He was the one that was going to shorten my life. But by taking my immortality, he would have killed me. It's not like he knew that, but I still felt betrayed. It's not like I couldn't forgive him because I already have. I just don't know if I can trust him again.

As soon as I thought this, I started sobbing. I remembered how I broke up with him. It was cruel, and I cracked at the end and kissed him, telling him I loved him in my native tongue. I told him to get his stuff and leave his key here. And that I wouldn't be here when he picked up his stuff. Then I left him in a subway station, hearing faint sobbing in the background.

I remembered every memory I had of him. At the party, when I first met him. Our first kiss, even when he kissed me in front of the entire Shadowhunter population. How he came to me for comfort when Max died. Out of all the people that cared about him, he came to me.

And how did I repay him? I broke up with him. He destroyed my trust in him, and betrayed me. It was his fault. And yet here I am, crying over him. I loved him, and I still do.

I was interrupted by a loud knocking on the door. "Who Dare Interrupt The High Warlock Of Brooklyn!!"

"Magnus Bane, if you don't open this door right now, I will break it down instead!" Shouted Jace from the other side of the door. He sounded serious so I snapped the door open for him.

He walked in and looked at me with a murderous expression. "What do you want." I said bitterly.

"You look miserable." He stated.

"Well how did you expect me to look, happy!"

"Whatever" he said, and suddenly he was in my face. "What the hell is wrong with you! After you broke up with Alec he's been completely heart broken. He's been locked up in his room crying his eyes out. He doesn't eat, he doesn't talk to anyone. Alec blames himself for this whole thing, and you want to know what the worst part is?" He said. He didn't even give me a chance to answer before he started shouting again. "The worst part is he thinks he's completely worthless. He thinks that nobody will ever love him, and that no one will ever be able to trust him." He snarled in my face.

I was about to reply when his phone rang, interrupting me. He answered it and I could hear Isabelle's frantic cries on the other end. All the color drained from his face and he looked like he had just seen a ghost. "But why would he do that." "I'll be there as soon as I can!"

"What's happened? Is there something wrong with Alec?!" I asked frantically, as I jumped up on my feet.

"I'll need your help with this, as much as I don't want you near him right now. But Alec's hurt." That's all it took before I was running to the Institute. It took me about five minutes to get there at the pace I was going. But I knocked on the door and Isabelle opened it.

I rushed passed her towards the infirmary. And when I saw him tears started running down my cheeks. He looked horrible. Alec's eyes were all sunken in, and he was definitely thinner. But the worst part was his arms were all bandaged up with blood soaking through them.

I immediately took off the bandages and gasped at what I saw. Deep cuts went across both of his arms. My hands went down one of his arms as blue sparks came out of my fingers. My magic flowed through me as the cuts healed. I moved on to the other arm doing the same thing.

When I was done I pulled up a chair next to the bed and held his hand. "My sweet Alexander, what have you done?" And at that moment, I realized that I couldn't live without him. At some point I fell asleep with my hand in his, and my head resting on his bed.

~Alec's p.o.v.~

I woke up to a sleeping Magnus with his head laid down next to me. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't help myself. And I started running my fingers through his hair.

Magnus started to stir, but I kept playing with his hair. His eyes opened and he sprang up. "Alec!" He said with a surprised look on his face. But I was to busy staring at those green and gold cat eyes that I loved so much.

"How are you feeling?" Magnus questioned.

"Fine, why?" I asked genuinely confused.

"Well" he paused and had a pained expression on his face "You tried to commit suicide. But luckily Isabelle got to you in time." A tear started to fall from his eye, and Alec brushed it away with his thumb.

"It's okay, I'm okay now." I said as he started sobbing. I hugged him up to my chest moving him to the bed. As I started saying soothing words in his ear.

"I'm so sorry Alec, I shouldn't have left you the way I did." He said when his sobbing quieted and he was crying silently. "I just felt so betrayed. When I got the message from Camille, I didn't want to believe it. But when you actually got up and went to her, I didn't know what to think. To think that you would actually shorten my life just killed me inside. But these past few weeks made me realize that I can't live without you. I need you Alec. Our relationship is so much different than any other relationship I've had. You were all that was on my mind, no matter how much I tried to forget you, I just couldn't. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else.
"But when I found out that you were injured I was so scared that you would die. As soon as Jace got Izzy's call about it, I rushed over to the institute as fast as I could. When I saw you with all those cuts on your arms, my heart shattered into a million pieces all over again. Please never do anything like that again. You are so beautiful and caring, you are the love of my life. And if I ever saw you like that again it would kill me. You are worth all of my time, even if it doesn't seem like it."

"I'm so sorry Magnus, I promise never to do anything like this again." I promised. "But honestly I couldn't shorten your life even if I wanted to. I only went to Camille to get information about you and your past. You never tell me anything about your life. And yet you know everything about mine, and she had the answers I was looking for. I never wanted to hurt you like I did. I need you just as much as you need me Magnus, maybe even a little more. But being without you was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life. I blamed myself for losing you, and I felt so worthless, that no one would ever love me again. I just couldn't take it anymore, all those emotions were just so overwhelming that I needed to be relieved of them." I confessed and we both started sobbing again. We took comfort in each others arms until we emptied all of our tears.

"I promise I will tell you more about my past when you ask. In fact I have something to show you when we get back home. You know that large chest that I keep in the closet in my study?"

"Yes" I answered confused.

"Its a box of my life, of my past. The things that I keep hidden and have never told anyone. You will be the first to know, the one person I trust to see the demons of my past. The things that made me who I am today."

After he told me that I kissed him passionately. I knew that what he was going to show me was very important to him. And that there's a possibility that he thinks I'll be afraid of him and despise him after I see it. But what he doesn't know yet is that I don't care what it is, good or bad. I will always love him.

He broke away first and climbed in bed with me. I curled up to his side and laid my head on his chest. My eyes started to droop, I was so tired from everything. The sleepless nights and crying. That I was so relieved to have him back. "I love you Magnus." I said before drifting off to sleep.

The last thing I heard before I was completely asleep was "I love you too Alexander. Forever and always." Then both of us were asleep in each others arms, knowing that we both needed it.
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That was a long one. About 2416 words I think. Well anyways I would like to dedicate this to StormoficeandFire for requesting this. I literally cried my eyes out writing this, but it was worth it. Please don't kill me! And I'm sorry if your crying right now, or cried at all reading this. I am taking requests because I'm running out of ideas and I would like to continue this. *Kneels in a corner and starts crying.