2x17 destroyed me and the promo for 2x18 ended my life. This is how I'm coping. My prediction/hopes for 2x18. Enjoy!
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Of all the things Magnus had ever been sure of, Alec's honesty was at the top of the list.

He felt so incredibly, utterly betrayed. Alec was no better than the Clave. He didn't care about him, really, just his biased, racist society. The seelie queen had been right. Shadowhunters were a lost cause. A hopeless breed of selfish, mindless, brainwashed fools. And as much as it pained him, that included Alec.

After Luke left, Magnus smashed a few more tables before giving up on his anger. He immediately resorted to sadness and whiskey rocks.

Magnus knew Alec had called and texted him numerous times. He'd turned off his phone hours ago. He was in no mood to discuss this right now.

Alec didn't show up that night. It was the first night in two weeks that they didn't sleep in the same bed. Magnus knew he shouldn't feel so empty when he reached over in the middle of the night and felt nothing but cold sheets. But he did.

*******

Alec stood in his office, motionless, tears silently falling down his face for a good ten minutes after Magnus left. He couldn't concentrate on work for the rest of the night. Angel, he hated himself.

He just wanted Magnus to be happy. He didn't want to burden him. He didn't want the warlock to fear as much as he did having to keep the secret.

This was Alec's fault. Again. Magnus wasn't answering his calls or texts. He took that as a clear sign he wasn't welcome at the loft tonight. Miserably, he threw himself on his (significantly less comfortable and silk-sheet-free) bed. His whole room had developed a thin layer of dust on every surface because he was never in here anymore.

Alec didn't sleep that night.

*******

The next morning, Magnus woke up freezing cold. The events of the previous day hit him and he had to stop himself from reaching out beside him in search of the warm body he knew wouldn't be there.

Magnus got out of bed in search of his phone. He knew ignoring Alec would do no further good but stress both of them out.

He was expecting quite a few texts, but upon turning it on Magnus was overwhelmed with the amount of times Alec had tried to contact him.

10:34pm: I'm sorry.

10:35pm: Magnus please.

10:35pm: We have to talk about this.

10:50pm: You were right.

10:52pm: Mags. Please. I'm so sorry.

10:55pm: Answer me just so I know you're okay, I'm worried about you.

11:07pm: Luke told me you got home okay. I'm glad you're not hurt.

Magnus scrolled through a dozen more messages, all asking him to answer. The last few messages were what killed him the most.

3:43am: I can't sleep for obvious reasons. But I felt like I was forgetting something. And I realized it was that I forgot to say goodnight. So goodnight. I love you.

6:32am: Good morning. I hope you have a good day, even if it doesn't involve me. Love you.

7:48am: I shouldn't miss you this much, it's been like 9 hours. I'm sorry for everything. I'll stop texting you. Just please answer me when you're ready. We can't avoid it forever. I love you so much and I know that won't fix anything but please remember that. I know you don't want to hear it, but I was only trying to protect you.

Magnus took a deep breath and typed out a quick, blunt reply. Then he turned his phone off again.

*******

Alec was in the middle of a meeting that he couldn't focus on when his phone buzzed, alerting him of a text message from Magnus.

Immediately, he opened his phone to see it.

9:17am: I'll be at your office in an hour. On a schedule so make it quick.

Alec breathed a sigh of relief, excusing himself hastily from the meeting.

*******

Magnus didn't bother to knock on Alec's door.

Alec was pacing around the room when he walked in. He stopped when he heard Magnus approach.

"I- hey," Alec stuttered, not meeting Magnus' eyes.

"Alexander," Magnus greeted.

Alec seemed fixated on the floor for a moment before meeting the warlock's gaze.

"Listen, okay? You're right. Not telling you was stupid. But I truly didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to put more stress on you. You've been in a bad place lately and I just... I didn't want to put more weight on your shoulders, Magnus," he said quickly.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes," Alec nodded frantically, "I was planning on telling you when I got ho- to the loft. I just didn't want to ruin our date. But I already succeeded on that regardless. I'd never hide something like this from you."

"But that just it, Alexander, you did. You didn't tell me when you had the chance, the perfect opportunity. Did you really think I wouldn't want to know this? That I'd blame you? That I'd be angry at you for ruining out date with information that important?" Magnus fought more tears.

Alec looked away, hurt. "I'm sorry," his voice broke on the last word.

"I have to go. I have another downworld meeting."

"Magnus. Please don't leave before telling me if we're okay," Alec pleaded, stepping closer to him, reaching out a hand.

Magnus didn't take it. "Alec," Magnus sighed, "at the last meeting, the seelie queen offered us a deal. She wants the downworld to unite against Valentine. Against all the Shadowhunters. The vampires agreed. Luke and I didn't. We believed in the Shadowhunters. In you. I chose you over my people. But if you can't trust me... There are difficult decisions I have to make. I need to protect my people. And the only thing holding me back from doing that is you. I need to do my job just as much as you do. We'll talk again when I get back. For now, that's all I know."

Alec nodded. He knew his eyes were filling with tears. He saw Magnus blinking his own back. He couldn't manage to say anything, his mouth opening and closing hopelessly.

Magnus took Alec's hand briefly, squeezed it, then turned around and left, leaving behind a broken Alec.

*******

Alec lasted rest of the day before he cracked and went to Magnus' loft.

He didn't have to knock. Magnus opened the door before he could even raise his hand to it.

"Alexander." He still looked angry. Alec wasn't surprised.

"Can I come in?" Alec said desperately. He needed to know where they stood.

Magnus moved out of the doorway wordlessly, allowing him to pass.

"Look, I know your trust in me is hurt. I know you have every reason not to forgive me, or even listen to a word I'm saying. But I need you to know that everything I did -everything I've done since the moment I first kissed you- has been to protect you. Because you mean so much to me. We had a scare with Max today. He was attacked by Clary's brother. He almost died. He's fine, Dot saved him," Alec said, seeing Magnus' panic, "But even when my brother was close to death, all I could focus on was you. I kept thinking that I was going to lose two of the most important people in my life in the span of 24 hours and I just- I couldn't breathe. Izzy had to kick me out of the room. My point is, Magnus, you are everything to me. I'm an idiot. And I'm sorry that I'm so bad at being in a relationship. But I just-" Alec broke off with a sob when Magnus' hand cupped his cheek.

"I know you're sorry. And I know you didn't mean for this to happen. But I need you to understand that when something involves me as much as this does, you need to tell me, no matter what. I'm not going to blame you for something the Clave hides. But I will if you hide it from me too," Magnus rubbed soothing circles on Alec's cheek.

Alec closed his eyes and leaned into the older man's hand, turning his head enough to press his lips to the warlock's palm.

Magnus finally took pity on the Shadowhunter. He was so young. He was trying so hard. Magnus enveloped his boyfriend in a bone-crushing hug, trying to erase all the pain from both of their minds. They buried their heads in each other's shoulders, just breathing each other in.

Magnus wasn't sure who initiated the heated kiss, but they quickly found themselves in the bedroom. Shirts and pants flew off, sadness and regret turned into passion and love.

*******

Alec awoke to the sun spilling through the sheer curtains. Gold silk covered his naked body. Magnus was pressed up against him, his head resting on Alec's shoulder. Alec smiled, breathing a sigh of relief. He dropped a kiss to his boyfriend's hair, effectively waking him up.

"Morning, handsome," Magnus muttered, intertwining their fingers.

Alec grinned at the warlock's sleepy voice. "More like afternoon," he chuckled, looking at the clock beside him. It read 12:18. They'd been up pretty late, so it really didn't shock either of them.

"We're both getting our asses kicked," Magnus said but tightened his grip on Alec.

Alec laughed. "I'm okay with that if you're by my side," he breathed.

"Wouldn't be anywhere else," Magnus replied with a smile.

They would be okay.
~~~~~~~
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