3x18 broke me, so here's my "I'm ignoring reality and focusing on what happens after the wedding" fic:

Alec wakes up in the middle of the night and considers everything that has happened in the past few months. Cue deep conversations between him and Magnus, some much-needed support, and happy husbands. This is post season 3.
I will warn you that there are mentions of mental illness so if that isn't your thing then please don't read!
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The soft sound of rain against the window woke Alec. For a moment, he stared into the darkness of the room, eyes adjusting, breathing in the scent of sandalwood that permeated Magnus' room- their room.

He craned his neck slightly, glancing at the sleeping man beside him. Like this, he looked so young, free of the recent stress and misery. Alec sighed, brushing a stray lock of hair from Magnus' forehead, soft and free from product.

He smiled slightly at the peaceful expression on his husband's face.

Husband.

The wedding was nearly a week ago and yet Alec remained in disbelief that this was his life now.

Here he was, laying in bed with the man of his dreams, in the loft in which they fell in love- ever so graciously returned by Lorenzo when Magnus regained his title as high warlock- happily married, and completely at peace for the first time in his life. Four months ago, this would be absolutely off the table.

Alec couldn't tear his gaze from the other man's features. In recent weeks, Magnus had been doing much better, his magic restored, his position regained. He knew Magnus was happy again. Truly, he did.

But after everything- hidden sorrow, limited communication, near-death experiences, a brief but heart-shattering breakup, and then nearly losing Magnus to Edom for the second time- Alec felt as though he had a right to worry. But he still felt guilty for not being completely, carelessly happy like he should be this soon after his wedding.

Maybe it was just that Alec had never had the chance to feel secure in happiness before Magnus. Perhaps the rocky beginning to their relationship, rapid progression, and complicated and brief engagement had programmed him to worry no matter what. Maybe it was just the middle of the night and he was being overly-emotional.

What he knew for sure was that he loved the man beside him more than he ever though possible, more than he would ever love anyone else ever again.

If nothing else, this was clear as day; a beacon of light in the foggy aftermath of Valentine, Jonathan, and Lilith's destruction.

Alec scooted closer to Magnus. His head already resting on his husband's bare chest, Alec threw his arm over the warlock's torso and kissed his collarbone.

Tomorrow was his last day of work before their honeymoon. He was almost done filing out paperwork for recent events, documenting the details, and completing mission approvals. After that, they'd be on their way to Europe. Magnus was keeping the location a surprise, but Alec had a sneaking suspicion Greece was at least one of their destinations.

He'd wake up in a few hours to breakfast in bed, conjured by the newly-restored powers of his husband who had insisted on waking minutes before him the last week for this purpose alone. Alec appreciated the gesture, knew it was a sign that Magnus was okay. But he still worried. He worried that everything would be taken away.

The honeymoon would help, he knew. Three weeks away from New York, away from the drama of the shadowhunters and the downworlders. Magnus assured him that Izzy- temporary head of the institute, and Cat- interim high warlock, would be able to hold the city together for a bit.

Alec honestly wasn't sure.

He trusted both women completely, don't get him wrong, however he knew his luck and had a feeling there would be at least a few portal trips back to New York in the coming weeks.

The rain outside was getting heavier. Alec wasn't sure what time it was. He wanted to fall asleep again, he really did. But his mind was full of so many different questions and thoughts that he knew sleep was likely out of the question for at least the next half hour.

Magnus usually helped when he got like this. But it was late and Alec couldn't burden him with ridiculous thoughts like this in the middle of the night.

Tightening his arms around Magnus' torso, Alec tried to regulate his breathing. Being so close to the other man helped, but Alec's heart was hammering now, worries consuming him.

Gently, he took Magnus' hand in his own, placing it over his heart. It's warmth immediately calmed him.

Alec felt the coolness of Magnus' wedding ring over the rune on his chest. Immortality, Clary's wedding gift.

Alec smiled slightly at the memory of Clary presenting it to them after their reception. Magnus had been an absolute mess, sobbing uncontrollably, thanking her non-stop. Alec had been shocked, but one look at Magnus and the dam broke, he, too, saying a tearful thank you to the young woman. The two men had discussed ways to make Alec immortal after an emotional conversation the night of their engagement where Alec confessed his desire to be with Magnus as long as he could. They knew they had time and weren't concerned about it yet. But Clary had plans of her own, as always.

The ring was a stark contrast to the heat of the rest of Magnus' hand, but it centred him, reminding him that everything they fought for was now a reality.

Magnus, as if sensing Alec's distress, stirred, brushing Alec's trembling hand with his thumb, pulling it up to press feather-light kisses to Alec's knuckles.

"Something troubling you, love?" Magnus asked gently, voice rough from sleep.

Alec frowned slightly. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"That wasn't my question," Magnus said playfully, peeking at Alec through semi-closed, tired eyes. And god, Alec would never get over the beauty of this man.

"Just thinking," Alec squeezed his husband's hand. "A lot has happened lately."

Magnus chuckled, opening his eyes fully. "Alexander Lightwood;" he said dramatically, "Master of understatements."

"I believe that's Lightwood-Bane to you, Mr. Lightwood-Bane," Alec corrected him, a last-ditch effort to change the subject, the name still causing butterflies to burst in his stomach.

Magnus beamed.

"Apologies," he hummed in mock-disbelief. "How dare I?"

And Alec was still in awe of Magnus' restored spirit. A few weeks ago, utter chaos rained down and Alec never thought he'd get to see this side of Magnus again. He felt so incredibly fortunate to witness that genuine smiled he'd missed so much.

Sometimes Alec Lightwood-Bane could be a sap. So sue him.

"I overthink," Alec gave in, seeing no point in hiding things. Communication. They'd decided on that after Alec rescued Magnus from Edom and they discussed the terms of getting back together. No secrets. No matter what. Even the smallest ones. That led to Alec confessing his intent to propose and to Magnus bursting into the first tears of joy Alec had ever seen from the warlock.

Magnus tilted his head in confusion.

"After everything that's happened, I can't help but... worry. Always. I feel like this- being safe and happy- isn't going to last, like something is always working against us and that I'll wake up one day and you'll be gone, or that you'll decide that I'm not worth it. I just feel guilty for being happy and absolutely terrified to lose what we've fought for," Alec stumbled over his words, pouring out what he'd been feeling pretty much since they began dating.

"Alexander," Magnus begun, "I know that the shadowhunters don't really cover mental health. But I think it's important for you to know that what you feel is common. You don't have to be scared to tell me. You don't always have to be okay. I know you aren't, I've seen it on many occasions. And I'm glad that we're in a place where you're able to talk about it."

Magnus had seen Alec's struggle with his mental health over the time they'd known each other. His self-loathing from years of concealing his sexuality, self-harm after Jocelyn's death, and now his symptoms of anxiety after the traumas if the past month... well, Magnus wasn't a doctor but he knew Alec struggled and he could certainly relate.

"You've been open with me about your struggles, I don't want to hide it from you. I'm trying not to," Alec whispered, voice lower than before.

"I understand. It can be difficult to open up, even if you may want to. I don't blame you, Alexander."

That offered Alec some comfort. The last thing he'd wanted was to offend Magnus by not sharing his burden.

Alec nodded and buried his face in Magnus' neck, pressing his lips to the soft skin just behind his ear. He just wanted to sleep. They could talk more later.

Magnus tightened his arms around his husband.

"I love you, Alexander," he said, kissing Alec's hair, breathing him in.

"Love you too," Alec mumbled, voice already slurring with sleep.

Magnus knew this wasn't the last time they'd have this conversation. Maybe he could help, and maybe Alec could also be persuaded into speaking to someone more qualified.

Glancing down at their joined hands, still resting above Alec's immortality rune, Magnus knew eventually they'd have to deal with the loss of his husband's family- their family. Talking and trying to get a little better before that happened was far from the worst thing they could do.

As Alec drifted off, he felt a sense of calm wash over him. Tomorrow night, they'd be off on their honeymoon, the beginning of their forever.

Wrapped in the arms of the man he was going to spend this forever with, in a moment of peace and safety, Alec was able to let go of the panic for the time being.

It was a start.