Two years. Two horrible, painful years. That's how long he'd been gone. I couldn't go back to Baker Street, not even to see Dot. I had only gone back for a few days after it had happened until I could find a place to stay, and that had been way to much. I had almost snapped. It just resurfaced memories and emotions and didn't want to face again. I had tried going back to my therapist, but she didn't help. She kept asking me to say why I had come and what had happened out loud, but I couldn't. I couldn't even say it. After the hour long session, I never went back.

I felt like a part of me had been ripped away. Yes he could be annoying and insufferable, but that never stopped me from loving him. I missed the late night violin playing, the mindless muttering, the comfort of knowing that he would protect me no matter what. This empty, gaping hole of a wound would never truly heal, but it might patch up just a bit over time. I say that after two years, and I still feel as raw and vulnerable as the day it happened.

Now I was living alone in a small flat. I had enough money from solving the cases to keep me going for a while. My siblings, Jace and Isabelle came by to visit. When I couldn't tell them what happened, why I was so broken, I told them to go to Clary. Of course, Jace and her fell in love instantly. (Though it didn't always seem like it with all their bickering.) When they came back, pity written across their face... I wanted to yell and scream at their audacity to pity me. I didn't their want pity. They wanted to know what happened. But Isabelle's pity quickly changed to sadness. Tears streamed down her face as she ran to me, and clutched me tightly against her. "Alec, I'm so sorry." She whispered, her tears making a wet spot on the front of my t-shirt.

I held her close, not knowing how long it had been since I had felt physical contact. But I couldn't cry, I was too empty. They stayed with me for awhile, making sure I ate, slept and went out of the house. (Since I hadn't been doing much of any of those for the past two years.) One day, Isabelle decided that her and I would go out for supper. So we could talk and catch up on the last couple years since I stormed out of our family house. I had texted her every now and then, but I never told her about him. I begrudgingly agreed, and let her pick out a nice outfit for me to wear. She seemed absolutely thrilled, and I hadn't seen her in so long, it would be nice to have a distraction from my thoughts.

****************

We arrived a at very nice, very expensive looking restaurant. Isabelle kept insisting that she would pay. I agreed, only so that we could order and stop the waiter from looking so uncomfortable. He escorted us to a table and walked away, saying he'd be right back. Izzy immediately sprang into conversation. "So, I'm assuming you came to London right after you stormed from the house?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"No, I stayed with Aline for a while. Then I realized I just needed to get away from them for a while, so I moved to London." I explained.

"So you moved to London from New York just to get away from them? Without telling me until you had already been gone for a month?!" Isabelle laughed, though it was said like a joke, I could tell she was hurt.

"I'm really sorry Izzy, I have no excuse for not telling you. I guess I just thought you would tell them." I admitted shamefully.

"Alec, I'm here for you, I will always support you no matter what." She replied, smiling softly as she placed her hand over mine. "That's why I didn't invite Jace, so he couldn't ruin us having a nice, sentimental talk."

"I thought you didn't invite him because you knew he was gonna be shagging Clary?" I teased.

Isabelle started laughing, seeing her so happy... something happened that hadn't happened in two years, I smiled. Then I started to laugh with her. Maybe this was what I needed, not a stupid therapist. "Look at you big brother, picking up on the English lingo. You nee have a bit of an accent." She chuckled.

Before I could argue that I definitely didn't have an accent, a waiter came by. "May I interest you in the wine menu?" He asked in a French accent.

"Sure." Izzy replied, and turned right back to me.

"I'll go get the menu then." The waiter grumbled.

"What have you been up to at home?" I asked her, having ignored the waiter completely.

"Oh, this and that. Met a cute boy. His name is Meliorn. We went out for a bit, but mother and father absolutely forbid that their precious daughter date anyone like him." She sighed.

"What was wrong with him?" I asked.

"He was part of a gang. Well, to be specific, a gang that quite hates the army. Thinks their up to something. Spending taxes on other things and blah blah blah." She replied, smiling wickedly.

"You do love to love anyone our parents hate." I chuckled.

"Same with you, liking men. What a disappointment. God, I wanted to punch them so hard in the face." She laughed bitterly.

"Izzy, it's okay. I'm sort of over it now. I think I might even come home." I murmured.

Her eyes went wide in surprise. "Really?! You would actually come home?" She asked, not even trying to keep the excitement from her voice.

"Yeah, yeah I would. There's nothing here for me anymore anyway." I sighed, the sadness threatening to crush this amazing evening.

"Really? We've known each other for so long, and you say there's nothing here for you anymore? Thought we were at least friends." A voice asked softly behind me.

I paled, and slowly turned to see who was behind me. Detective Inspector Lewis stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling sadly at me. I let out a soft, disappointed exhale. "Hey Simon." I replied, turning more so we could properly talk.

"Hey Alec, long time no see." He chuckled, coming closer to the table.

"How's Raphael?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh uh, we uh, just broke up like, two minutes ago. Apparently it wasn't really working out." He replied softly, a sad look passing his face as he crossed his arms.

"Sorry to hear. Work been keeping you busy?" Feeling a bit awkward for bringing it up.

"Well, yeah. Without... without him it's been a lot harder getting things done quicker. Hell, we've arrested the wrong guy at least three times, probably more. But we needed to give the public something. Speaking of the wrong guy, have you read the papers?" He questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. He was nervous, anxious about something.

"No, I've made a point not to read them." I answered stonily.

"Right, sorry. Well, it's all coming out now. The papers are doing a complete 180. There was no Sebastian Verlac. It was always Jonathan. He was lying. I-I should've known, I shouldn't have doubted him. I'm really sorry Alec." He explained, pulling a newspaper from his coat pocket.

I snatched it up and looked at the front page, immediately hit by a wave of grief. On the cover was a big portrait of him, smiling and wearing that damn hat. I chuckled sadly at the pissed off look behind his gorgeous smile. I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall as I read the headline. 'Morgernstern lying! Magnus Bane, not a fraud.' I laughed bitterly at it. It took them two years to realize how wrong they were, and that Jonathan was lying. I tossed the newspaper onto the middle of the table. "About bloody time." I mumbled gruffly, willing the emotions I was feeling not to spill over.

It had been so long since I'd almost snapped, I wasn't going to do it again. I looked up at Isabelle, who looked so lost and confused. She picked up the paper, realization dawning on his face. Her confused smile turned into a frown and tears pricked her eyes. "Is this him?" She whispered, staring up at me with tears threatening to spill.

I nodded and bit my lip. "Don't cry for me Iz, I already cried enough tears for everyone in the world." I mumbled hoarsely so Simon couldn't hear.

At my words, I saw more tears rush to her eyes. But she blinked them away and handed the paper back to Simon. "I-I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Detective Inspector Lewis, but you can just call me Simon." He introduced, smiling a flirtatious half smile.

"I'm Isabelle, but most people just call me Izzy. I'm Alec's sister." She replied, smiling back dopily.

"I'll let you guys enjoy your meal, I hope to see you around again. And Alec, if you're gonna leave, at least drop by and say goodbye first." He said, giving me a sad smile and a pat on the shoulder. He waved at Isabelle before turning to leave the restaurant.

"He's cute. I like him." Isabelle said as soon as he was out of earshot.

"Careful, his boyfriend just broke up with him." I warned.

"Oh pish posh, it'll be fine. Plus, he's a part of the police force! Mom and dad would love him!" She exclaimed.

I chuckled softly, knowing she was going to get him, since she had a certain charm over men.  The waiter finally came back with the wine menu and started suggesting a bunch of different wines. "Um, just a nice red wine will be fine." Isabelle said, smiling awkwardly.

The waiter stated naming off a bunch of red wines he had. Isabelle finally stopped him after five. "Stop, that last one sounded great. Let's do that one!" She exclaimed.

He nodded. "Excellent choice." He said, before strutting off to the kitchen.

"Man, that waiter is weird!" Isabelle whispered.

****************

Isabelle and I had an amazing evening, the food was delicious and the conversation was fun. I couldn't remember the last time I had actually, truly smiled. We left the restaurant after Isabelle paid. (Paying had induced a lot of arguing, causing some tables around us to get annoyed.) When we got back to my small flat, I let Izzy have the bed while I slept in the couch. Jace of course wasn't there, he was off at Clary's most likely. I told Isabelle that I would for sure be going back with them and move back to New York. They were leaving in two days, so I had tomorrow to pack and the day after to say goodbyes. I settled on the couch and dreaded the day I got home and had to talk to my parents.

***************

Yesterday had gone fine. I put the flat up for sale and packed all my things into bags. I purchased a flight ticket for the same plane as my siblings. As I had been packing, Izzy and Jace had gone on a London tour led by Clary. Leaving me alone to my thoughts once again. Today was different, I had convinced them both to come with me to meet my friends while I said goodbye. I left saying goodbye to Dot for last, since I knew it would be the hardest. First place I went was the police station. I went inside and knocked on the door to Simon's office before heading in. He was munching on a donut with a coffee in hand, his feet up on the desk. As soon as he saw Izzy was with me, he sat up and threw the donut into the box, putting it under his desk. "Hey! What're you guys doing here?" He laughed awkwardly.

"I came to say goodbye." I replied.

His smile disappeared and a frown took its place. "Oh." He murmured.

He stood up from the desk and came over to me, arms wide. "Thank you Alec, for helping with everything." He mumbled into my shoulder as he embraced me.

"And thank you too Simon, don't think I could've handled him all the time without your help." I chuckled.

He laughed and pulled away, extending his hand. I smiled and took it, shaking it. "See you around Detective."

"Bye Alec."

I turned and left the office, feeling slightly saddened to be leaving after all we'd been through. Next we went to the hospital lab. It was hard walking towards that hospital, but I had to say bye to Clary. I completely avoided the part of the hospital where it happened, it would've been too much. Instead we took the long way to the lab. Clary was in there alone. It felt weird being in there without him, a sad smile rose on my face as I remembered the first words he ever said to me.

'Afghanistan or Iraq?'

I walked over to Clary, scaring her a bit. "Hey guys! What're you doing here?" She asked, smiling more at Jace then Izzy or I.

"Came to say goodbye." Jace answered.

Clary's smile fell instantly. She embraced my tightly. "Bye Alec, I'm really sorry." She mumbled.

"Don't be sorry. No one could've stopped him." 'Not even me.' I added to myself silently.

She pulled out of the hug and smiled sadly. Then she went and embraced Izzy. "It was so amazing meeting you! We have to stay in touch." She exclaimed, beaming widely at her.

Isabelle smiled. "I'd love that." She replied.

Lastly, she jumped into Jace's arms, holding him tightly. Izzy and I left awkwardly and waited outside the room. "It's been what, two days? And they're already that in love? Jeez, they must've both been really lonely." I grumbled.

"Some love develops quicker than others." Izzy replied.

We waited outside the room in silence for half an hour. Jace finally stumbled out, his clothes all rumpled. He had a dopey grin on his face as he turned to us. I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what they'd done. "C'mon, we still have two more stops." I scoffed, walking away and not bothering to see if they were following or not.

We got into a cab and went to Raphael's office. I warned them to be absolutely silent as we made our way in. I knocked gently in his office door before letting myself in, Izzy and Jace followed. He was sitting in the same armchair he had been when I had confronted him in two years ago. He smiled sadly at me when I came in. "Alec, it's been too long." He said, gesturing to the armchair.

He glared at Isabelle and Jace behind me. "I see you brought friends." He mumbled.

"Siblings." I corrected him, staying standing by them.

"I know." He replied airily. "So, what do you want?"

"To say goodbye." I answered as he admired a cupcake on his desk.

His head turned so fast I thought his neck snapped. "What?!" He yelled, eyes widening.

"I'm leaving, moving back to New York." I explained.

"And you're saying goodbye to me?" He asked.

"Well, yeah. I thought we were friends." I mumbled.

Something crossed his face, something I couldn't quite read. "Oh." He said very quietly.

He rose from his chair and stopped in front of me. He extended his hand and I clasped it, shaking it stiffly. "Thank you for all your help with my dear brother. And I really am sorry Alec." He said, his eyes studying me.

"Nothing could've saved him Raphael." I muttered, looking down slightly as the tears threatened to fall again.

"Where are you off to?" He asked.

I was slightly thrown of by the question, but answered nonetheless. "Of to 221B to say bye to Dot. It's the least I can do for all she's done for me."

He nodded and released my hand. "Well, goodbye Alexander."

"Please... don't call me that." I whispered.

"Sorry, goodbye Alec." He sighed.

"Bye Raphael." With that I turned and left, dreading the next stop.

******************

I stayed silent the entire cab ride, refusing to answer any of Izzy or Jace's questions. I knew I was pale, I was just afraid, afraid of the memories that would come to mind. Some were bittersweet, but most I couldn't think about without sobbing. We pulled up in front of the familiar flat. The dread was overwhelming as I took a few shaky steps to the front door. I raised my hand to the knocked and rapped three times. The door swung open to reveal Dorothea. Her eyes widened in surprise as she smiled. "Alec! It's so lovely to see you. And you brought friends! Come in, come in! I'll make some tea." She exclaimed, opening the door for us.

"I-It's fine Dot, were not staying long." I said, following her to her kitchen.

"Yes you are. We're going to sit down and have a nice chat." She argued, turning to her kettle and added water to boil.

I sat down at the table and sighed, knowing she wouldn't let us leave without having tea. I gestured for Izzy and Jace to sit down, hating that we were even here for more than two minutes. We sat silently while the kettle boiled, when it was done, she poured it into a teapot and added tea to step before coming to sit down. She had a pleasant smile on her face that immediately disappeared when she sat down. She slapped her hand on the table loudly, causing all of us to jump. "Two years! Two bloody years and now you come to see me. I understand what you were going through, but not one phone call! Do you know how worried I was?! You could've been dead for all I knew. The only conformation that you were still alive was updates from Raphael of when you left your flat. Which was maybe once every three weeks to get groceries so you wouldn't starve!" She yelled, fury dancing in her eyes.

"Dot, I'm really, really sorry. It's just... I couldn't come back here. Being here for those few days after it happened was too much. I just couldn't come back. Being here now is even too much." I mumbled, shame coursing through me.

"You still could've called." She whispered. "So why now? Why come now? Is it because you've got a new boyfriend? Are you moving on?"

She gestured to Jace, who looked affronted. Before he could say anything stupid, I jumped in. "No! God no. I could never move on. That's my brother. I came to say goodbye." I explained.

Hey eyes glimmered with tears. "You're leaving?" She asked softly.

"Yes. I'm moving back to New York. Being here is just too much." I answered, smiling sadly and hoping she understood.

"Well, at least you had the decency to say goodbye." Dot chuckled tearfully.

She got up from the table and came over to me, gesturing for me to stand up. I did and she wrapped her arms tightly around me. "I'm gonna miss you. It's so quiet around here now without the lot of you's." She whispered.

"I'm gonna miss you too Dot. Thanks so much for everything." I murmured, hugging her back.

"Why don't you go upstairs? Just to see if you left anything." She suggested, pulling away slightly.

"No Dot, I-I can't." I stuttered, not able to meet her gaze.

"Please, I think you should go up there one last time." She pleaded.

I couldn't deny her, I had out her through so much. "Fine." I mumbled, pulling away from her and turned to the staircase.

I slowly walked up them, shaking. I stopped at the top of the stairs and stared at the door, my hand inches from the handle. I finally willed myself forward and turned the handle. The flat was exactly the way I left it. I thick layer of dusk covered everything. Emotions clogged my throats as I walked forward, so many memories rushing forwards. I walked around the room, looking at the desk constantly cluttered with papers, the mantle where he had stabbed papers with knifes when he needed to remember it, the window where he had stood and played his violin, and the chair he always sat in to talk to our clients. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I smiled. I smiled despite it all. Despite all the pain. Despite all I had lost. I might finally be able to let it all go. "Alexander?" A voice called behind me.

I turned very slowly, lips going dry as I paled. I recognized that voice anywhere. There, standing in the kitchen, with his long coat on with the collar turned up, was Magnus. He smiled and took a step towards me. I backed away, pressing myself against the desk. My breathing quickened as I stared at him. "Alec, it's me. I'm not dead." He whispered, hurt in his voice.

I stared at him in horror. My shock turned slowly to anger. "Y-you're not dead? You pretended to be dead for two bloody years?! Do you know how much pain you put me through?!" I shouted, tears falling down my face.

"Alexander, please listen to me. I had to. They would've killed you!" He explained, taking another hesitant step towards me.

"You could've let me know! You could've said something! One word to let me know you weren't dead. You don't even think do you?! Do you know how many times I almost ended it all?!" I sobbed.

His face fell. "Alec... I'm so sorry... I had no idea..." He whispered, stopping his advance towards me.

The anger was becoming too much, I stormed forward and stopped right in front of him. Without thinking, I reared back and swung, punching him in the jaw. He fell to the ground, holding his jaw in shock. I didn't stop. I kept hitting him over and over again. He didn't try and stop me once. The only thing that stopped me was someone strong hauling me back. Izzy and Dot stared at me from the door in horror. "Enough, Alec!" Jace yelled, holding my arms behind my back.

I looked at Magnus lying on the ground, tears falling down his bloodied face. My anger faded as I realized what I'd done. More tears welled in my eyes and my knees buckled. Jace released me as I sank to the ground. Dot walked over to Magnus and started talking to him in a hushed whisper, but he pushed her away. He stared at me, pain written across his face. "Magnus... I'm sorry." I croaked.

"That's him?! That's the one who caused all this shit?! You have a lot of nerve man." Jace yelled, starting to advance towards him.

"Jace no." I whispered, and he stopped, clenching and unclenching his fist.

"Mags..." I whispered.

He stood up slowly and walked over to me, he crouched down and held my cheek, wiping away my tears. "I'm sorry." He whispered, tears falling down his face as I stared into his amber eyes.

I smiled and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss. He was shocked at first back kissed back quickly. The kiss was desperate and needy. His fingers tangled in my hair and he tugged lightly, making me moan quietly into his mouth. He took the opportunity and slipped his tongue in. It was an amazing relief, after two years, I was finally with him again. I never wanted the moment to end. I pulled him closer against me. We only pulled away when Jace coughed awkwardly. I opened my eyes and was met by his gorgeous amber ones. I couldn't stop myself, I started sobbing. I pulled him into a hug and held him tightly while I cried into his shoulder. He rubbed my back and shushed my quietly. "It's okay Alexander, I'm here now. And I'm never leaving you again."

I smiled up at him, and he pulled me in for another passionate kiss. "I love you." He whispered against my lips.

"I love you too."

(Part 3 for MalecLovely )