(Warning: Get a tissue box ready)

Magnus stared at the flames, a single tear ran down his face. He was distraught, but on the inside, he just felt... empty. Other than that, his guilt threatened to strangle him. He closed his eyes, not being able to stare at the flames as he went back to that night.

Magnus lounged on his couch with a book propped up on his chest. He was absentmindedly skimming the pages, waiting for Alec to come home. Rafael and Max had already been tucked into bed, so they would have a bit of time for themselves. Magnus looked at the clock again, he always felt scared when Alec was on missions. He had come home with injuries varying in seriousness, but it was never anything Magnus couldn't handle. Magnus was interrupted from his thoughts by a banging on his front door, causing him to jump, his book falling to the floor. "MAGNUS!" A familiar voice yelled.

Magnus shot up from the couch and raced to the front door, ripping it open. Jace and Isabelle stood there, blood streaking their faces and clothes. Between them, they supported an unconscious, bloody body. "Alec." Magnus whispered.

Blood flowed steadily from his chest from a long, deep gash. "Bring him in, set him on the couch." Magnus said immediately, jumping into action.

Jace and Izzy nodded before bringing their brother to the couch. They placed him down gently on the leather, backing away as Magnus came closer. "What happened?!" He demanded, using his magic to remove the shredded remains of Alec's shirt and jacket.

"We went to inspect a suspected nest of Scorpios. Our sources only showed two or three. There must have been hundreds, they came from everywhere. We tried to get out. We fought our way to the door, but just as we were in the clear, one of them slashed Alec." Izzy explained, since Jace could barely talk from the pain.

Magnus snapped his fingers and his hands were filled with the warm blue flame of his magic. He moved them over top of Alec's wound. "There's poison coursing though it. Isabelle, I need you to get me these things as quickly as possible from my storage." He snapped his fingers again and a list filled with what he needed appeared in Izzy's hand.

She nodded before dashing to his storage shelf. Jace cried out in pain and grasped at his chest. Magnus felt his heart breaking from how much pain Alec must be in. He got to work using his magic to get rid of the blood, not being able to really heal him until Izzy got the things he needed. Suddenly, Alec's eyes shot open and he cried out in pain. Magnus worked on trying to soothe it, moving his hand over top of the wound to take away the pain. "Shh, Alec. It's alright. I've got you. I'm going to heal you, okay? You just gotta stay with me darling." Magnus soothed, brushing the hair from Alec's sweaty forehead.

"No... Magnus..." Alec choked out, grasping Magnus' arm.

"Save your strength darling, please." Magnus whispered, continuing to soothe the pain.

"It's not going... t-to work. Save your m-magic. Heal them. Please." Alec gasped, staring into Magnus' eyes.

Magnus felt his glamour slip and his yellow cat eyes shone. A single tear ran down his face. Alec reached up and wiped it away, obviously causing himself pain. "Alexander, please. Please let me heal you." Magnus begged, his voice breaking.

"No Magnus. I'm sorry. It's not going to work. I know it won't." Alec whispered, Magnus could feel Alec's strength fading fast.

"Tell the boys I love them, okay Magnus?" He said, his blue eyes pleading.

"Alexander, please. Please hang on. I can heal you. Izzy's just grabbing the-"

"I'm sorry... I love you, Magnus Bane. Thank you for everything." Alec murmured, cutting Magnus off.

"I love you too, Alexander Gideon Lightwood. So, so much. More than I ever thought I would." Magnus' tears fell freely now, his voice completely broken.

Alec brought Magnus down to him and kissed him passionately with all the strength he had. Magnus closed his eyes and savoured the feel and taste of Alec's lips against his own, knowing it would be the very last time. He felt Alec's hand fall from his cheek, and his lips went still. His last breath puffed out against Magnus' lips.

Magnus sat up and stared down at his Alexander, his vision blurred with tears. He wished more had anything to see the life in those blue eyes once more as he gently pushed Alec's eyelids closed. He heard Jace screaming in agony and despair, and the sound of something breaking as Isabelle sobbed loudly... but it sounded so far away. He sat there, brushing his fingers through Alec's black locks. Magnus leaned down and kissed Alec's forehead. "Aku cinta kamu, Alexander. Thank you for everything."

Magnus opened his eyes, hating to relive that memory. He should have healed him anyway. He should have at least tried. He hated that they were burning the beautiful Shadowhunter. He respected Alec's wishes, but he hated that it was this. This was called being honoured.

He just wished he could just be with Alec one last time. Kiss him one last time. Hold him one last time. Get lost in those blue eyes one last time. Exchange 'I love you's' one last time. He hated this empty feeling inside him. This, this gaping hole in his heart. When Alec died, a part of him had died as well.

Magnus looked around him at Alec's family. Isabelle clung to Simon, tears stained the shoulder of the tux. Her eyes were red and puffy from sobbing. She looked like she had been crying since that night. Simon held his wife gently, stroking her hair. Jace looked about as horrible as Magnus felt. He had dark purple bags under his red, bloodshot eyes. His face was pale as he stood beside Clary, seemingly ignoring everything she said. Clary had tears running down her face as well as she tried to comfort her husband. Mayrse and Robert stood near each other, both absolutely distraught over losing a second child. Beside Magnus, stood Max and Rafael. They had been woken up that night by Jace's screaming and Isabelle's sobbing. When they came into the living room Magnus had screamed at them, screamed. He had never yelled at his children, let alone screamed.

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT!!" Magnus screamed, his throat felt hoarse after.

He immediately felt guilty when he saw tears well up in his children's eyes as they dashed away. He just hadn't wanted them to see their father like this. He got up, letting Isabelle and Jace have their time with him. Magnus went to their room and softly knocked on the door before going in. Rafael and Max sat on the same bed, Rafe was holding Max close to his chest as Max cried. Rafael looked at Magnus with such fear in his eyes, Magnus actually flinched. He went over to the bed and sat on the edge, wrapping his arms around them both tightly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

This was it now. This was their family. He would have to stay strong, for them. "Boys." He said, drawing back slightly.

Max and Rafael both looked up at him. They were so little, they didn't deserve this. "You know that your dad loves you very, very much, right?" Magnus started, hating that he had to tell them this.

They both nodded. Then Rafael's eyes widened, filling with tears as he realized where this was going. "Well, your dad, he um..." Magnus felt his voice cracking and breaking, unsure of how to say it.

"Is he... dead?" Rafael asked, barely daring to go above a whisper.

Magnus bit his lip to keep the tears from falling as he nodded. Max began to wail and threw himself into Magnus' arms. Rafael was close behind him, crying quietly as Magnus held them both.

Magnus wiped away another tear as it fell. Both of his kids were crying quietly, Max was clutching onto Rafe like a life support. At least they had each other. There was a small gathering of a few other Shadowhunters here, no downworlders. Magnus was all alone. He had no one to comfort him. No one to turn to. He only had Alec. Of course there was his downworlder friends, but not all of them would understand what he was going through. Especially since none of them were here. He was amazed he was even allowed to be here. Isabelle, Clary, Jace and Simon had probably fought tooth and nail to make sure he was able to.

For Alec, he wasn't wearing any makeup. He also had on the plainest suit he owned. It was a deep purple with the absolute minimum of glitter. Alec had always said how much he loved Magnus, no matter how he looked. Magnus smiled softly, remembering that smile Alec always got when he saw Magnus with no makeup, or with his cat eyes, or just wearing lounge clothes. He always said the same thing: "Magnus, you're so beautiful."

*****************

The funeral ended a little while later. Instead of staying around to comfort Alec's family, he scooped up his kids and opened a portal to Catarina Loss' flat. She shot to her feet as they appeared in her living room. "Magnus?! What the hell-"

"Please Catarina, I'm sorry for coming like this. I just need you to watch them for a while. Please." He said, refusing to cry and have to explain.

"Alright Bane, but you're gonna owe me." She replied, trying to joke.

Magnus wasn't in the mood. He opened another portal to his loft and stepped through. As soon as he was in the comfort of his own living room, he collapsed to the ground. He finally let all the tears and emotion that had been building up inside him go. His sobs racked his body. He began throwing up on his carpet. Emptying everything, so his stomach matched how he felt. Everything just kept coming out until he was just coughing up stomach bile. He snapped his fingers and the vomit disappeared. Magnus rose shakily, making his way to his alcohol table. He poured himself a glass of whiskey, downing it effortlessly, before pouring another, and another. It wasn't helping, he could still feel everything, yet he was still so empty. In anger, he shot a ball of red magic, destroying the small glass table and bottles. He couldn't stop, the anger was overwhelming. He shot them at everything in the room, until he was surrounded by broken fragments of everything.

The only thing that hadn't been destroyed, was a picture frame. Magnus approached it, and stared at the photograph. It was from when they had just adopted Max. Alec was holding Max in his arms while he stared at Magnus, who was staring down at their baby. Alec's gaze held so much love and feeling, it was crushing Magnus. The reality of it all. Alec was dead, and never coming back. He wanted to destroy the picture frame, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Magnus sank to the floor, clutching the picture against his chest. His sobs changed from angry, horrible ones, to sad, desperate ones. The cries of a broken man. He wanted Alec back so badly, he was physically in pain. He opened the picture frame, wanting to get a better look at the picture instead of through some dirty glass. As he pulled the picture out, a small piece of paper fluttered down. Magnus picked it up curiously, when he unfolded it, fresh tears flowed down his face. He recognized that handwriting anywhere.

'Magnus-

If I die early, I want you to know that I love you. I don't know if I said this to you in my last minutes or not, but I really love you. I'm sorry if I die. I don't want to. But it is what it is. Tell the boys I love them, and that I'll be watching over them. (If I can.) (Shit, don't tell them that part.) You are allowed to be sad Magnus, I would be too. Take some time to deal with whatever you're feeling. But you need to be there for our kids. Please get over me. Be there for them. They need their dad.

I love you Magnus Bane. I always will.

- Alexander <3

P.S: If you're wondering, I hid it in this one because I knew you would never replace it. You would only take it out in extreme situations. I know you this well because I love you, like a lot.'

Magnus couldn't help but chuckle at what a dork the man he had fallen madly in love with was. He knew Alec was right. Magnus was going to need to some time to deal with this horrible, crushing sadness. But he would never ever get over him. Maybe he could learn to be happy again. But losing Alexander was the absolute worst thing that could ever have happened to him. Magnus had loved him, now he'd lost him... and it hurt like hell.

(Part 2 contest entry for MalecLovely )