A soul that had always dreamed of being free, of getting the chance to escape her village and breathe the fresh air of the city. A life with no bounds, no rules, no General Sahib and no husband. The city welcomed her with open arms, it took her a few weeks to get used to the freedom but when she did, Maheen felt as if a weight was off her chest. As if she could breath again, nobody was at her throat watching her every move, to punish her for going out of bounds.

It was as if she had entered into a new colourful world, but it scared her. The euphoria, it scared her that this would be snatched away too. Did she deserve to live in this beautiful city... when Afshan laid six feet deep in the village?

Nervously she started fiddling with the necklace on her neck. She traced the penguin shaped pendant, then frowned when she remembered Abdullah. She regretted bringing this along, but the pendant was too cute to let go of and Maheen wanted to keep it because although she hated her husband, he was once her closest friend.

The village had suffocated her, but Abdullah... now that she thought of him, she didn't feel anything except guilt. Why was her heart betraying her like that?

"Penguins mate for life..."

She closed her eyes and sat down on the desk opening her diary, she wanted to address it to someone. Her hands started scribbling and her mind let the thoughts out, "Tumse durr jaana chahti thi, magar ab jab durr aagyi hu toh tumhari yaadein mere peechey peechey aagyi hain.

You used to call me a penguin because of the way I ran, my arms would move with my body and legs would be at a distance. The clumsy little penguin, it became my favourite bird. Don't think that I took the pendant with me because I missed you, I took it because I liked it. And you owe me this. "

She paused, staring at the words she had written. Each stroke of the pen felt like a release, a confession she hadn't realized she needed to make. The city lights outside her window flickered, casting shadows on the pages of her diary.

She continued writing, her thoughts flowing more freely now:

"I see people here, living their lives without a care, and I envy them. They have no idea what it’s like to be trapped, to dream of freedom every single day and then finally grasp it, only to be haunted by the ghosts of the past.

Did you know, Abdullah? Did you know how much it suffocated me, how much I longed to breathe freely? Maybe you did, but maybe you were trapped too, in your own way.

Abdullah, I hated you for so long. For making me stay in that village, for not understanding my dreams. But now, I realize that my hatred was a mask for my guilt. Guilt for wanting to escape, for leaving you behind, for being alive when Afshan is not.

Penguins mate for life, maybe that’s why you gave me the pendant, hoping I’d stay, hoping I’d remember. And I did. But not in the way you wanted. I remember the good times, the laughter, the moments when we were just friends, before everything got complicated.

Maybe one day, I’ll be able to think of you without the guilt without the pain. Until then..."

She closed the diary, feeling a strange sense of relief, there was an envelope in her drawer. She removed it, and her pendant from around her neck placing it inside with the letter she just wrote.

The night air was chilly so she wrapped a shawl around her shoulder. She moved out of the room, and saw Saahil sitting by himself in the hall.

"Mujhpar gussa bohot aata hoga na tumhe?"

He turned to her surprised and shook his head, "Nahi, kyun aayega?"

"Meri wajeh se tum Seher ke saath waqt bita nahi paa rahey", Saahil laughed, "Tum bohot sochti ho".

Maheen sighed leaning on the pillar, as he sat on the sofa, "Kyun tum nahi sochte? Uski yaad nahi aati kya?"

Her eyes carried sorrow as she looked through the window, Saahil hummed, "Tumhe aati hai?"

"Bohot. It overwhelms me sometimes, but then the guilt stops the tears. Aansu bahakar beizzati nahi karsakti uski maut ki, aur agar rodi toh dheere dheere usse bhul jaongi, woh bhi nahi chahti".

"Accha, fir tum ghut ghutkar marna chahti ho uski tarah", her eyes widened as she looked at him, how he did he read her thoughts.

"Meri wajeh se mara hai woh. Maine kaha tha saath bhaagneko, maine marte huey dekha hai usse", she was shedding tears at this point, when she realised she quickly wiped them away.

Saahil stood up, and asked her to sit as he sat at the window sill both of them looking outside.

"Tumne maara hai Afshan ko?"

He asked and she nodded her head, "Haan maine maara hai usse", the pain in her voice, her hands trembled and she held back her tears, punishing herself for being alive.

"Maheen jung ke maidan par kya hota hai?"

"Ye kyun puch rahey ho tum?"

"Arrey tum bataona..."

She thought for a second, "Goliyan chalti hai dono taraf se, log shaheed hotey hai..."

"My friend died infront of me when we were fighting at the war. I saw him taking his last breath, was it my fault that he died?"

Maheen quickly shook her head, "No, people die in wars. He knew he could die.."

"Jaise mere dost ko pata tha ke woh shaheed hoskta tha, waisehi Afshan ko bhi pata tha ki woh marsakta tha. You both were at war against the village, one died and one survived. Then how is it your fault?"

"Magar-"

"Meri baat par gaur karo Maheen, kya Afshan tumhare tarah ghut ghut kar jeeta agar uski jagah tum marti"

She was left speechless, he sighed, "Haan tumhari maut ka dukh banata woh, magar jo tumne uske liye qurbaani di hai usse zaye nahi honey deta. He died so you could live, don't disrespect his sacrifice".

His words echoed in her brain as she nodded her head solemnly, standing up she walked towards her room and then realised the letter was still in her hand.

"Saahil ek kaam karogey mera?"

"Do batao"