I stared at ceiling the deed was done, his back turned to me, my clothes lying somewhere on the floor. He was snoring softly, as I laid there thinking about the life I had before him. It was his bed, I was his bride, wearing his ring but my heart was buried six feet under the ground. It ached, tears burnt as the humiliation and anger evoked inside me. I married a stranger, I let a stranger bed me and I laid on his bed now. The stranger who watched my lover getting stoned to death, the very stranger who held me back as my lover was stoned to death. He wasn't a stranger to me then, but became when he held me back

Abdullah Khan, was the son of my mother's close friend, he was eight years old when I was born, before my mother he had picked me up. As a baby I found peace in his arms, and he spoilt me to the point where even my mother couldn't calm me down. I grew older and the games turned into toddlers, one such game was 'Dark Room', the room would be shrouded in darkness and the seeker would have an additional clothe covering their eyes as they looked for the players. We played that game in teams, and he would always help me hide, and as a seeker he would never seek me because I was a crybaby. He made me win, spoilt me rotten, and showered me with chocolates.

I would blabber for hours, and since I had a lisp most adults didn't understand my words but Abdullah did. He had sharp ears, and was quite intelligent. That's why he went onto became a doctor and I never heard of him after turning ten years old. Slowly he wasn't that important to me, I grew up and years passed. I would hear his name here and there by my mother, but nothing else. And I lost interest.

He suddenly turned and loomed over me, his hazel eyes looking at the tears that ran down my eyes, and he sighed.

"Maaheen...", he uttered my name with so much regret, I didn't turn to look at him, I just covered my body with the thin blanket. I sensed his watchful eyes, I could hear my beating heart and I could feel the tension in the room, when he suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist and spooned me. I couldn't say anything, I wanted to but my lips were tied. My heart was broken and my body was used.

"I hate you", I couldn't help but say, he made patterns on my stomach with his finger. I tried to break the hug, but he was far too strong and I was embarrassed so I didn't fight back. What was the use now? I should have been fought him when he had kissed me here, when he had touched my body and when he had entered mine. The deed was done the sheets had the proof, and for extra measure the man came inside.

I might be pregnant already with his kid. He heard me sob all night in his arms, his hands rested on my stomach, but he didn't utter a word which I was thankful for. How pathetic was I? Resting in the arms of the enemy after he had used my body... after he had made sure I was ruined for somebody else, after he had made sure the man I loved didn't breath anymore.

As I closed my eyes, my thoughts went to a few weeks ago. I was coming back from college when I had heard Afsan's voice call out to me. He used his name to grab my attention, and I steered my cycle away from my usual path as he followed behind closely. Today was my last exam and would be my last day in this village. We had a plan, as I steered my cycle towards the bridge we came across the tea, I picked my disguise and he picked his, wearing the labours clothes, rubbing mud and granite on my face I started cycling, the day was ending and this disguise would be more effective.

The bridge was empty, there was no one from the panchayat, it seems me and Afsan hit the jackpot as I rolled my bicycle with excitement I heard Afsan scream at me, "Maaheen there is a trap! Stop!"

But my cycle had caught speed and it collided with something making the cycle fly along with me. The cycle dropped on me and I groaned, before I could look up I was grabbed by my elbows, "Inform General we caught another couple".

We were thrown at his feets, I knew father was standing right behind General, he was the police commissioner who was incharge of catching the runaway couples and today his own daughter laid at the General's feet.

General didn't speak letting the tension remain in the air but we knew how it ended in most cases. Afsan was trembling beside me, and I gave him a look, everything will be alright when I knew nothing would be.

"Iqbaal", he called her father out, "Is this your daughter? (Ye tumhari beti hai?)"

Iqbaal Khan nodded his head, his eyes meeting mine, "You ran away from School? (School si bhaagi thi?)"

He asked, I nodded my head, dropping to the ground as he removed his stick. "How dare you! I took loans to pay for your education, and this is how you repay me. I shouldn't have let you live, you are a disgrace to our family!"

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to her father's harsh words. I had known this moment would come, the moment when I would face my father's disappointment and anger. But I hadn't expected it to be this painful.

General turned to Afsan, his expression cold and unforgiving. "And you, boy, what do you have to say for yourself?"

Afsan remained silent, his eyes downcast, knowing that anything he said would only make matters worse.

"I loved her... I wanted to marry her", General stood up, his head starting to ache. He turned to Iqbaal, "You know how it goes..", only one of them could live. Iqbaal nodded his head knowing what he had to do, he went the young man and held his face up by his hair, "It was your plan wasn't it, to runaway. You fed her all this wedding and love nonsense, haven't you?"

I was about to speak but my father gave me a look and I shut up, "Young boy if you accept it, then I will let the two of you go", he whispered so only Afsan heard it, his his eyes brightened up, "You promise?"

"Yes I do", the man agreed not realising he was walking to his death as he followed Iqbaal closely.

General stood there and a few men were called, some from Iqbaal's side including Abdullah Khan who had a gloomy look in his eyes as Iqbaal talked to him. I noticed the exchange and Afsan standing at the spot. More men came, Afsan's elder brother and father when General asked Afsan to start speaking.

"I made this plan, I liked Maaheen and...", he looked over to me and sighed, "I convinced her, pressured her to runaway with me".

And I saw the stones being brought up, Afsan's father started begging, pleading to forgive, "Please sir he will never do this again, please I beg you. Both of them committed a mistake, then why is son getting punished?"

I stood up from the ground, picking my dupatta up as I walked towards my father, "Baba he is right, and Afsan why did you lie-", before I could speak, my father backhanded me. "If you uttered another with that tongue, I will shoot you right now", the edge of his rifle dig in me stomach with a force, and I fell over clutching it.

General gave his order, "Start the stoning", I stood up and tried to run towards but somebody held me back. I turned to look and it was Abdullah, he held my arms tightly, "They will kill him", the tears trickled down my eyes as the fear took over. And they were about to do so, "I know", he said softly.

And I couldn't believe this was the man who I knew as a kid, "Please... please I beg you don't...", the stoning started I heard his groans of pain, I saw every stone being thrown on his body, his every scream of pain, the tears stopped, I couldn't scream anymore, the ground under me was weak and the arms that caged me in now held me up so I couldn't fall. The smell of blood, the sight infront of me and his screams were now playing in my brain. My eyes were wide open, my hands trembling, as I saw the nauseating side.

"Please... it was my fault", I tried to speak but nobody heard me, I wished to die.

"Stop!", Jahangir Shaikh shouted and there was a silence, I don't know but hope started raising until he said the next words, "He is dead".

Maybe I was hallucinating, as now when I looked at the man, I couldn't breath. His eyes were wide open, blood dropping from his head and forming a pool below. His clothes that were navy blue were now coloured red with his blood. Lips were torn, and the man was unrecognizable.

I stood there looking at him, for fifteen minutes until a body carrier was bought and he was picked the men who threw stones at him will now give him his last rites. Abdullah's hands left my waist and I fell over, finally collapsing. The men conversed talking about the food they will have, about their daily lives because this was a daily occurence for them.

I didn't move, stayed on the Earth, I couldn't think, I couldn't feel. There was a buzz, my world was moving too fast, there were so many emotions, but shock had taken over.

"You know what has to be done, don't you?" I heard Jahangir Shaikh speak.

"Yes, I will marry her off by dusk itself", The words reached my ears but I didn't react, my father pulled me up and dragged me back home. I remained silent, my mind still on Afsan's dead body, an hour passed and my mother started dressing me. I stared at the mirror still in shock, the white lehenga would have suited me if I was happy. If I was getting married to Afsan, if Afsan was still alive.

Afsan was dead...

I felt an ache in my heart, it was slowly slythering inside, poisoning my heart.

The kajal in my eyes smeared, as the tears dropped. My mother hugged me, I felt nothing.

"I could never tell this to you, but Maheen do you know what happens on the wedding night?"

Afsan was dead and I was getting married.

"They should have killed me!" I cried out, my body trembled, as my mother held my hand, "I can't marry his murderer. Mamma Baba killed him, Baba murdered him, he stoned him to death".

My mother placed her hands on my shoulder, "Maheen... Abdullah is a good man, he is kind. He is not like the men in village".

Her words they were lies, this was all manipulation, "No... he was one of the murderers, he let him die, he stoned him to death..."

"Maheen!"

I heard my Baba's voice, my mother quickly placed the ghungat on my head. "Why isn't she wearing the nose ring?"

"Her nose isn't pierced-", he cut her off.

"So pierce it now, it was her dream to get married, and now I am making it true. I want her to know what a bride should be like".

As my father left my mother brought the twig from the branch outside, as I looked into the mirror, and felt a force tugging my nose.

I screamed as blood dropped down my nose and onto my neck staining the white blouse, "I am sorry my jaan", my mother hushed me, as I sobbed.

She set my makeup again, sliding in the large nose ring, my nose was red, but I didn't complain. She placed the maang tikka on my head, along with the jewelleries. How many times I had played pretend and wore her lehenga? I couldn't remember but now as I sat infront of the mirror. I didn't feel the same happiness, or excitement I had thought I would. I felt trapped, it was taking over me, I felt numb.

"You look so beautiful!" my mother exclaimed.

I could see the dead look in my eyes, the person staring back at me was irrecognizable. Dark eyes, hooded lips and beautiful hair, I didn't look like a young girl. I looked like a woman.

My mother gathered the lehenga and helped me stand, she lowered the ghungat and I sighed in relief, I wish I could hide behind the ghungat forever.

"Maheen my dear, if you don't understand what's happening then I would advise you to let Abdullah take lead, don't protest, don't turn your back on him", she held my trembling hands and kissed it. Her embrace made me feel protected as she held me in her arms, "And the next morning, the woman would come over for proof, Maheen are you still a virgin?"

I gave her a look, what the hell... They would come over tomorrow to check if the deed was done, "Why?"

I was nauseaus, disgusted by the thought of it, Afsan was murdered and I was to sleep with one of the perpetuators.

"To make sure you weren't compromised..."

"And if I was?" I couldn't help but ask. She looked at the sky, "Then you will be stoned to death, Maheen incase that's true take this pin with you so..."

I laughed with no warmth, "I would choose dying over this..."

The nikkah ceremony unfolded like a surreal dream, the solemn words of the qazi echoing in the ornate hall as Abdullah's gaze bore down on me with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. His eyes held a mixture of determination and something else, something I couldn't quite decipher-a silent plea, perhaps, or a hint of remorse buried beneath layers of obligation.

As the qazi turned to me, his voice a steady drone against the backdrop of my racing thoughts, I found myself frozen in place, unable to form the words that were expected of me. My silence hung heavy in the air, a palpable tension that seemed to stretch on for an eternity, until even the soft rustle of fabric felt deafening in the silence.

And then, as if awoken from a trance, I felt the weight of my father's gaze upon me, his eyes boring into mine with a silent urgency that demanded compliance. But beneath the surface, I sensed a flicker of hesitation, a lingering doubt that mirrored my own inner turmoil.

But as the qazi's voice rang out once more, a silent command to speak the words that would seal my fate, I felt something shift within me-a quiet resolve building in the depths of my soul. And though my voice was barely a whisper, barely audible above the hushed murmurs of the gathered crowd, the words came, hesitantly at first, then with a growing conviction that surprised even me.

"Qubool hai," I said, the words hanging in the air like a solemn oath, a declaration of surrender to a fate I had never chosen for myself. And as the final syllable fell from my lips, I felt a sense of finality wash over me, a resignation to the path that lay ahead.

I felt a sudden surge of claustrophobia, as if the thin veil were suffocating me, trapping me in a world I never asked to be a part of.

I couldn't bear to meet my father's eyes as he approached, a solemn expression etched on his face as he reached out to bless me. But I couldn't bring myself to accept his hollow gestures, not when his actions had condemned me to this fate. Stepping aside, I sought solace in the comforting embrace of my mother, burying my face against her shoulder as tears threatened to spill over.

The air outside was thick with tension as we made our way to the waiting car, the weight of the impending ceremony hanging heavy in the air.

As I climbed into the car, I cast one last glance back at the home I was leaving behind.

___

The next chapter is long would have fit it in here otherwise...
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