The song is alway killing me and I thought about it when I first thought of one of the scenes in this chapter. The pain is real.

We will reach the Top and the Rock Bottom today, so brace yourself....I was emotionally done after I wrote this. 

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This was it. Today was the first exam. Drama. They rehearsed the play or the scene. Countless times. Louis had taken over the role of the director this time because he had the least text. He was afraid what their teacher thought of their variant of the scene. Harry and Louis stood on one side, Eleanor on the other. The two pretended to talk and Eleanor opened the imaginary door. So it started.

"What's going on here?" Eleanor asked indignantly.

Louis and Harry both jumped and turned to face her. Panic on their faces. "I can explain everything, darling" Harry said defensively.

"Oh, I'm looking forward to the explanation" she snorted.

"I umm .." stammered Harry, holding back Louis, who just looked at him in disbelief.

"You um? Let me guess, it looks different than it is? You did not cheat on me with him? You did not completely fool and lie to me?" she became louder.

"It's not like that. Well, I cheated on you, but I never wanted that to happen. It just happened. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. You're too important to me. Look at me, you know me. I'm not a bad guy just cheating on you for no reason" Harry tried to explain himself.

"I thought I knew you, but the last time I checked you were straight and you liked women and now I get to know that you have him. How can that be Harry?" Eleanor was close to tears. Wow, she was good.

"I don't know. From the moment I looked into his eyes, everything changed. I never wanted to hurt you, but I can't change my feelings" Harry answered honestly. 

"I understand. Then that's it, I guess. I hope he's worth it" El said defeated.

"He is, it's ...".

"You cheated on her? With me? How could you do that?" Louis spoke up.

"Let me explain" begged Harry.

"He didn't know that? Harry, I can't believe it" Eleanor was surprised.

"Oh, I didn't know anything. Monsieur here said he had broken up and everything would be fine between you two" Louis replied sarcastically.

"That doesn't surprise me now. He has probably become a liar" she shook her head.

"Lou, please listen to me. I can explain that" Harry implored him.

"What are you trying to explain? You're a cheater, Haz" Louis didn't want to listen to him.

"No, I am not ... Yes, it happened once, but there I already wanted to end it. It was the best day in my life, because I only had you. I know you would never have let that happen if you had known but I couldn't stop it in that moment. Forgive me" Harry explained desperately.

"You could've just told me. You never wanted to lie to me Haz. How do I know this is not just a game for you?" Louis lowered his head. The last sentence was planned differently.

"It's not. It never was. Lou look at me" Harry lifted his chin. Carefully they looked each other in the eye.

"It's not a game. Not for me. I would never do that to you after everything you've been through. You're so important to me. More important than anyone else, more important than my own life. You make me a better person by just being there. I want to be better for you. I wanted to talk to her today if everything went according to plan, but it never does. Believe me, that's the truth. You know when I'm lying" Harry looked deep into his eyes. Louis had to swallow hard. It was so hard for him to just feel that as a role and not take it seriously.

"For real?" he breathed softly.

Harry put a hand to his cheek and rubbed his thumb over it. Okay, that was not part of it. Louis got goosebumps everywhere.

"For Real. Damn Lou, I just want you" Harry said too convincingly and came closer to him.

Louis was frozen in that moment. Harry's face got even closer to him and before he knew it, he felt Harry's lips on his. Harry cupped Louis' face with both hands and closed his eyes. Louis didn't understand anything any more and his eyes closed on their own. He knew that Harry was just improvising because it suited the moment, but he didn't care. This moment would never come again and his heart longed for it so much. Their lips were just above each other. No movement, no hassle. Just a little too long soft kiss that Louis will never forget.

"That must be true love" Eleanor sighed, tearing the two out of their bubble. They broke away, but didn't look at each other. Louis almost forgot where they were. Fortunately, Eleanor decided to say one last sentence that wasn't planed at all.

The class was quiet. Too quiet. Out of nowhere everybody started to clap. Everyone was in awe. Their teacher also seemed enthusiastic.

"Wow. This was unique. Unexpected and very emotional. The anger was well played, Miss Calder. And then how it went from anger to disappointment was great, Mister Tomlinson. But that love, I could feel it. Very real. And you don't get to see a kiss often. Especially not one like this. You very impressed me" the teacher praised  them.

Relieved the three of them sat back and breathed out. One less load. "That worked out great" El said happily.

"Yes, you were great" Louis praised her

"Thanks. But you too. Both. Very convincingly" she grinned. In that moment Louis knew that she knew what Louis felt for Harry.

"That's how it should be. Convincing" Harry said.

"Too convincing" she turned away from the two and looked at the scene of Cami and Haiz.

Louis also tried to concentrate on it, but he still felt the kiss on his lips, this tingling. Harry didn't had know that he had little experience in it and that he was only the second guy he had ever kissed. Yes, there was Kyle, but that was just the one time, after which he was more likely to attack him with kisses on his neck or something. Yes, there was the full moon, but that was totally different and he wasn't himself. This was just his second real kiss and it wasn't even a real kiss. Just Harry's lips on his for five seconds or so for a stupid scene.

"Um, sorry, Lou. I didn't mean to ... no idea where this came from. It just fit in. Sorry, I didn't want to take you by surprise. Sorry" Harry whispered to him.

"That's alright. I know that you have improvised. All good" Louis swallowed the lump in his throat with his dignity.

"So everything is fine between us and you're not mad?" Harry asked.

"Why should I be mad? Everything is good. Just a kiss" said Louis, but didn't look at him. For Louis it was more than just a kiss, and Harry would notice that right away.

"Exactly. Just a kiss. Didn't mean anything" said Harry, visibly relieved.

"Jap, nothing at all" Louis mumbled hurt, popping the P. Even though he knew that, those words hit him very hard spoken by Harry. He had to forget him once and for all, and that's best today in this very moment.

Zayn hopped nervously on the spot. The pictures were exhibited for all classes today. He didn't know what the purpose was if she could just view and rate the pictures on her own. Why show everyone? Zayn wasn't satisfied with his work. It had been difficult for him to paint a paradise, but at some point he had an idea. When he thought of the feeling of safety and security, it struck him like lightning. Hopefully she will like it.

He stood nervously in front of his picture and looked at the blue sea, the white fluffy clouds, the free birds flying through the half dark sky, the setting sun that coloured the sea in orange tones. The rising full moon on the other side, approaching the magical island. A perfect moment. His paradise.

"Zayn, that's great" Louis marvelled next to him.

"He's right. The painting is great. Quite extraordinary. You can feel the peace and quiet right here" praised his teacher Zayn.

"Thank you" Zayn blushed.

"And you were worried" Niall grinned.

"How was it with you?" Zayn asked distractingly.

"Fantastic. I'm almost a golf pro" Niall laughed.

"Course you are. Everything was alright for me" Liam said amused.

"Everything was more than good with us. There was even a little lip action" Eleanor threw an arm around Zayn from behind.

"What?" Zayn was confused.

"Someone was kissed" she pointed to Louis.

"Seriously?" Niall asked in surprise.

"It was just for the scene" Louis said.

"That wasn't in the script" Eleanor noted.

"Improvisation, not more" Louis denied everything.

"If you say so. Hey, the picture reminds me of something" Eleanor looked at the picture more closely.

"Is that Mako Isalnd?" she wondered and looked at the boys, who all looked down.

"Why am I even asking?" Eleanor sighed disappointed.

Zayn looked at Liam, who nodded in agreement. Then he cleared his throat so Louis looked at him. He nodded to El and then to the picture. Louis looked at him wide-eyed but understood without another word. They had talked about it and they all agreed. Of course they had reservations. Some more than others. Cough Harry Cough. But in the end they all agreed. That was the moment and Louis should do it.

"Come with me" he said softly to El and took her hand.

"Where do we go?" she wondered.

"I want to show you something" he said, pulling her behind him. There was no return. That was it.

Hand in hand, Louis and Eleanor went down to the beach. The fear rose in him but he knew that it had to be. He stopped shortly in front of the water and just looked at the waves. Slowly, he released her hand and turned to face her.

"You wanna know my secret?" he asked nervously. Eleanor just nodded, confused.

Breathing heavily, he turned back to the water. With big steps he went to the sea. He felt the water on his legs. He walked a few more steps and then dived into it. The familiar tingling in his legs was felt and his tail appeared. He knew that Eleanor must have seen it by now. He appeared cautiously and opened his eyes timidly. Eleanor stood rooted to the spot and looked at him. His tail was sticking out of the water now. He waited for a reaction from her.

Surprisingly, Eleanor ran into the water. She disappeared and reappeared right in front of him. "Cool" she smiled brightly and hugged him happily.

Louis was never so relieved in his life yet. Not only did he not have to lie to her any more, she was also totally okay with it.

Afterward she told her everything from the beginning and she just listened. The story was pretty weird. In the end she promised him without it coming from him that she will keep their secret and will help them as much as possible. He sent his friends a message with the good news and half an hour later Liam and Eleanor were sitting on a rock on the beach far from crowds.

"Welcome to the club" Liam joked. Eleanor just smiled at him.

Louis, Niall, Harry and Zayn were wearing swimming trunks and walked past them. Before they went into the water, they turned around again and waved to their two friends. They waved back. Then the four ran into the water and dived in. Liam and Eleanor watched them brightly beaming. The four of them swam through the sea. They hadn't done that in forever. Their previous routine had been lost in the stress. They had missed that. The feeling of being part of the sea. With wide grins, they looked at each other and felt as good as ever. Their two friends outside were always there for them and they had each other. Now nothing could break them apart any more.

The same day was the next full moon. It was easy to forget that. Eleanor offered her help, but they gratefully refused. The next day was their next exam so they went to bed early for both reasons. Everything was sealed and the alarm rang only after complete moonset. That was the first full moon on which nothing went wrong. They slept calmly and woke up with full consciousness. And more important, with memories. Nothing happened.

The rest of the week was a mix of exams, rehearsals and Liam's experiments. Since the party was on Friday, he was trying to develop a special deodorant spray that would make them water resistant. For that he did test. Many tests. Did the guys mention that in the exam week they only had to come to the respective exam and otherwise were free? So, Liam had plenty of time for that.

In addition, they rehearsed a lot for their last performance before the holidays on Saturday. Zayn wasn't there during the holidays and they didn't want to play without him.

They diligently rehearsed the new songs. Together they wrote Story of myLife. It was important for them to write a song with a message. Louis' song Alive, they've turned into a real rock number. The song had something of a hidden coming out song. Nobody knew exactly what Louis had written about.

The song by Zayn and Louis was called Little White Lies. Liam and Harry first felt like the song was addressed to them but both said no. Whether that was true knew only the two of them.

The other song by Louis and Zayn that they had finished with Liam was Last First Kiss. Here there was no denying what the two had thought of. As Liam read the text, his expression changed to confusion. He probably wondered whom they might mean. Harry's reaction was very own. He seemed almost sad or downcast. No idea why. Only Niall sat grinning broadly that day and looked as if he was the only one who knew something.

With Change your Mind, Louis and Zayn were next in line with the question marks in their heads. Liam and Harry wrote about best friends who felt more than friendship. Also in this song Niall acted as if he was the only one that had the perspective.

The song caused Zayn to have false hopes. The whole week was all about exams or dates for the party. Zayn had the hope through the confusing text Liam would ask him, but nothing came. With each passing day, the disappointment grew. On the Friday after the final exam, Harry,Niall, Louis and Zayn sat near the beach and enjoyed the freedom. Niall had just asked Hailee if they would go to the party as friends and she said yes. Zayn still hoped for a miracle but nothing happened.

"Unbelievable that the party is already today" astonished Louis.

"And in the JuiceNet. Will is really the best" Niall rejoiced.

"I really thought they wouldn't find a place for it" Harry confessed.

"Well, but Will has saved the day again" laughed Louis.

"Zayn, are you alright?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, it's just ..." trailed Zayn off.

"Liam" Harry finished his sentence.

"I can't go on like this" Zayn moaned helplessly.

"He's pretty distracted. Maybe he forgot" Louis mused.

"How do you forget that? It's practically everywhere" Harry said. Louis glared at him.

"I know that he doesn't want anything from me, but I still had the hope we could go at least as friends" admitted Zayn sadly.

"Call him. One last chance. If not then that's his misfortune" Niall suggested.

"You're right. I'll do that" Zayn said with renewed energy. He took out his cell phone and dialled the number.

"Yeah Hi, didn't you wanted to ask me something else earlier?" Zayn came straight to the point. He heard clinking glass in the background.

"What do you want to ask me?" Zayn urged. When he heard Liam's question, he grimaced.

"Yes, of course. Bye" he hung up.

"And?" Niall wanted to know.

"He wants a sample of my earwax" Zayn choked disappointedly.

"Wow, that's... disgusting" Louis said at a loss for words.

"That's enough" Zayn breathed out and stood up.

A few meters in front of him were a few of their classmates and enjoyed the sun while playing volleyball. He went to one. "Hi, is your offer still available?" Zayn asked bluntly.

"Always for you, sweety. We'll all outdo everyone with our beauty. Get ready. I'll be wearing something short and tight" Gigi told him.

Disgusted, he went back to the others and took a deep breath. Did he just do that? 

"Wow, that was short" Louis marvelled.

"And tight" Zayn added desperately.

"Hey Guys" Luke came to them.

"Hi, everything alright?" Niall greeted him.

"Everything's great. Louis, can I talk to you for a minute?" Luke asked nervously.

"Sure" Louis replied, following Luke a bit away from the others.

"I know it's short-term but are you going to the party with me? We can go there as anything you want. As friends. As whatever... As...?" rambled Luke.

Louis had to grin and stopped Luke's rambling with a shaking head. "With pleasure".

"Honestly? Wow, that's great" Luke was pleased.

"Yeah. It is. See you tonight" Louis said.

"Yes tonight. I'll pick you up" beamed Luke.

"Okay" said Louis and went back to the others.

"One is beaming" Niall commented, half singing.

"Did he ask you?" Zayn squeezed him out.

"Yes, but only that's clear. We're going there as friends" Louis clarified.

"Of course and then they're pregnant" grinned Niall.

"That makes no sense, Niall" remarked Louis. 

"And with whom are you going Harry?" Zayn asked curiously.

"I go as a free man and just dance with everyone" snorted Harry. Zayn and Louis frowned.

"All the Old Womanizer" joked Niall.

"Exactly" Harry rolled his eyes.

The evening came faster than expected. Niall was just picking up his clothes and Zayn put on his dark blue shirt. They were in Zayn's room and Harry was watching the two of them amused by the bed.

"For not having any real dates you're pretty stressful" he laughed.

"Shut up. Not everyone can be a free spirit like you" hissed Niall. Harry just stuck his tongue out at him.

"I've got it. It's done" Liam stormed in.

"What are you talking about?" Niall looked at him funny.

"The Deodorant Spray is ready. You're safe now" Liam said breathlessly.

"Well, can't go more than totally wrong" Niall took the spray and wore it on. Then he threw it to Zayn.

"Wait, why are you so dressed up?" Liam wondered. Nobody said a word. He had actually forgotten.

"Oh shit. The party is today, totally forgotten" Liam smiled laughingly.

"Hailee is waiting downstairs. I'll go" Niall announced and left the room.

"How could I forget that? Sometimes I'm really stupid" Liam stated.

"You're right about that" Harry agreed ambiguously.

"Zayn, I ...".

"Zayn, here is someone for you!" called Zayn's mother from below. With an apologetic look, Zayn went downstairs.

"Who's here? Who's he going with?" Liam wanted to know.

"You will not like it" sighed Harry.

Together, they went downstairs. In the hall Gigi was standing all dressed up and with a short tight dress. As she had said.

"Let's go" Niall said. Hailee took his arm and they left the house. Gigi pulled on Zayn's clothes.

"Well, you look good. Really tasty" she winked. She totally ignored his parents and his parents totally ignored her.

"He's going with Gigi?" Liam whispered to Harry.

"She asked. Why? Would you rather have gone with him?" Harry smirked.

"Me? How do you come up with that? I just have a weird feeling" Liam denied.

"Anger or sadness when you see them together? When you are not with him?" Harry hooked.

"Um, I think so" Liam stammered.

"My friend, you're jealous. You like Zayn, more than just a friend. And don't even bother to deny it. Your face says it all. It's okay" said Harry knowingly.

"But what do I do now?" Liam asked, trying not to argue.

"We're leaving" Zayn announced.

"Are you not coming?" Gigi asked her question to Harry and Liam. Liam just shook his head.

"I'll change first. I'll come later" Harry said.

She just shrugged and moved outside. Zayn's mother stood next to Harry and Liam with a frown on her face.

"And you let Zayn go with her?" Zayn's mother wondered.

"I don't have a say in that" Liam mumbled.

"Nonsense. He's almost only talking about you" she let him know.

"That's true" Harry agreed.

"And you Harry? Not on the way to Louis?" she asked in confusion.

"What? Why should I ... ? No, I um, he's going with Luke and... me alone" he stammered overwhelmed.

"Mh two idiots" she mumbled barely audible.

"What?" Liam and Harry asked. Nobody understood her.

"Not so important. Let's go now" she shook her head.

"I don't know if .." Liam started.

"Go ahead. You're better than her" Zayn's mother patted him on the back.

"Exactly. Get your man" Harry motivated him.

Together they left the house. Harry went home to change and Liam went determined to the party. With absolutely no plan what he should do.

In his room, Harry quickly changed and looked at his phone. It was way too early to leave again, so he dropped back onto his huge bed. He didn't feel like this stupid party, but Liam was now there with newfound feelings for Zayn, who was with Gigi because he thought he could never have Liam. What a mess. Harry hoped they would sort it out and finally come together. Each jerk saw that the two belonged together. How could Liam not notice his own feelings for so long?

From Zayn and Liam his thoughts wandered to Louis, who would soon be picked up by Luke. Louis, who was far too good for the world and deserved only the best. But for Harry, that wasn't Luke.

Louis, who was still hiding something from him. Something Harry still hadn't found out. He thought of the party and what the party might be lead to for Louis. At this thought his stomach tightened. He suspected that he was scared Louis could do something he'll regret.

Again the uncertainty gnawed at him. He needed to know what Louis didn't tell him. Moodily, he rolled over and picked up his notepad and scanned his list. He'd started a list of things he'd noticed a while ago, but so far everything didn't make sense in his eyes. He went through his memory and added more stuff.

=> He is afraid to talk about it. -- That is probably the most important point. He can't talk about it. In Harry's dream, Louis wanted to tell him but couldn't do it because he was afraid. Afraid of more scars and maybe rejection?

=> He has major trust issues. -- He noticed that early on. He used to think it was funny, but now he wondered why. Why did Louis think everyone would leave him and betray him? Why didn't he trust anyone? Nobody except Zayn, Liam and Niall.

=> Louis flinches at the slightest physical contact. -- That was a point where Harry got a guilty conscience. He had exploited this insight without a hitch to torture Louis. He stiffened immediately if you came too close to him. At first especially with Harry but not any more. Although there was a relapse when Kyle was around. With Zayn, Louis suddenly no longer knows this fear. Was Louis beaten earlier? No, his mother wouldn't do that. Maybe his father? But it was just certain body contact. Mh, what could it be?

=> Kyle. -- This ass that suddenly appeared. When he was here Louis behaved particularly strange. Harry was sure that Kyle was guilty in some way. Now Harry had to think carefully. Louis had said he came from America, they were at one school and he was an ass. Harry also knew that Louis had lived in America. He also remembered that when he mentioned Malibu, all four suddenly looked like someone had died. So Harry concluded that Louis had lived there and knew Kyle and that something had happened.

He remembered this note again. He had called him a Worthless Piece Of Shit, as had Harry before their last vacation. To hear these words again was probably disturbing. Harry will never forgive himself for ever saying that. But why did Kyle say that? Sure, he was a disgusting asshole, that had advised Louis to kill himself, harassed him, and repeatedly referred to him as a bitch. Was Louis perhaps not as innocent as they all thought? Besides, Kyle wanted Harry to join in ... In what? What was Kyle doing at the time?

=> He was beaten in an old school. -- By the time the thing was with Aidan, Harry had accidentally learned that it had happened before. His mother was worried but he wanted to cover it up. Why should you beat him? Was that also in America? Was it Kyle? Or was that somewhere else? Was that in England where he had talked to only one person because of ....because of what? In England,  a "friend" had killed himself because of Conversion Therapy and homophobic assholes. That had certainly left a negative mark on him, but according to his story he was already marked before. So whatever it was happened before.

=> Louis is very insecure and not convinced of himself. -- He had noticed that early, for example at the first rehearsal. You could hurt him so well with comments on his voice. He doesn't think good of himself. Thinks he could not write lyrics, would have a terrible voice and be replaceable and insignificant, which was nonsense. Who had destroyed his self-esteem that way?

Louis said every little word can trigger something and people would ruthlessly offend people who are already on the ground anyway. Again and again he stressed how hurtful words can be. Therefore, Harry could imagine that Louis had to hear many bad things. Like his dead friend or Kyle. Kyle again.

=> Zayn and Niall wanted to kill Kyle. -- When he was there, they threatened him if he would come near Louis again they would hurt him. But even before Zayn threatened to kill someone in Malibu. He probably talked about Kyle. Both are peaceful people. What did Kyle that they want to kill him?

=> One night when they thought Harry was sleeping, Niall said Louis was a burnt child. He said Louis shouldn't ask too much of himself. -- This confused Harry until today.

=> Louis cut himself earlier. -- Harry knew that for sure. He still hadn't processed that and Louis didn't know he knew it. You don't do that without a reason. Harry looked at the dots above and concluded that the beating, the bad words and the uncertainty could have led to it. Maybe Kyle ...

=> Zayn and Louis are not each others first choice. -- No idea how Harry got into that now, but it suddenly came to him. They mentioned that once. At that time, Harry wondered who was the first choice. Zayn's was obvious, but what about Louis? Was he unhappy in love?

=> The recurring marriage joke of Zouis.-- Someone had told him, he thought it was Niall, that was their way of dealing with certain things in a funny way. They made jokes about running away from problems, which they could lock up together. Was that the case in Malibu again? What happened back then?

=> Sexual Innuendos. -- That was something that Louis used over and over again. Once the subject of sex was mentioned, he ridiculed it or made it dying dirty. Harry knew that was a kind of protective mechanism. But for what? Louis forcedly said he regretted the kiss with his ex, but didn't want to tell at Truth or Dare why they had split up.  His last relationship could also be a reason for that, Harry thought.

=> Niall and Ashton consider Larry problematic and unrealistic. -- How so? What was so strange about it? And why on earth did he think of that now? Harry could think about that another time. Now there was a more important puzzle.

=> Harry had once overheard Louis and Jay and she said he would close himself up and was more reserved. So she didn't know what had happened. Zayn had also determined that and was appalled. Louis told her almost everything. So it had to be really bad.

=> The incident on Louis' bed after a rehearsal. -- Harry would never forget that. He had sexually harassed Louis as he pleased and made fun of his anxiety in that moment. The thought made him sick. But why did it seem to him that the rigidity wasn't just because of that? Not only because of him?

=> Louis was strictly against sex without feelings. -- That was a big thing for Louis from the beginning. He disapproved of sex without feelings. He hated nothing more. That Harry slept with so many girls, Louis found cruel. He always made fun of it or showed his dislike. He insisted that it was better with feelings, but how did he know that? Through Niall, Harry knew that Louis was a virgin, and the full moon was the first real experience of it. Why was Louis so sure then? Or was he just against sex without feelings for personal reasons?

=> The cheating topic Louis didn't like at all. -- When he suggested it, Louis was immediately against it, as was his role. Sure it is something bad but that seemed weird. He seemed so traumatized. Like every time someone spoke of how great it had to be to fuck him or mention his ass. Every time you could see pain in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes in which Harry lost himself so often and didn't know why. They contained so much pain and anxiety.

Slowly it began to work in Harry's head. He stared at the notes. And a few things stuck out like flames. Kyle was connected with everything. He had left Louis in a terrible state. Besides, Louis never seriously talked about sex and cheating was like a red light for him. A while ago, Harry had the idea that Kyle was Louis's ex, but he thought it was ridiculous because Kyle was an ass. But with all the points and parallels, Harry couldn't miss it any more. Kyle was Louis' ex.

He must have been awful, he had experienced it himself. Louis was totally intimidated and Kyle clearly showed his hatred. Sex was unthinkable for Louis without feelings. Kyle didn't seem that way. Louis was a virgin...

Oh, Kyle had cheated on him and due to that he had all these problems. But why did he do that? Didn't want Louis for too long?

So that was the big secret. Louis' asshole ex had cheated on him. Not a nice experience, but was that enough reason to develop a trauma? To be over dramatically paranoid?

Yes, that certainly hurt, but maybe he shouldn't have kept him waiting for so long. Not that Harry's good with that, but he knew how great sex was. To Abstain on Sex despite having a boyfriend was certainly frustrating. But he also called Louis a Bitch and visibly hated him. Did Louis maybe cheated on him and isn't an innocent virging as everyone thinks? No, he would never do that. So Kyle cheated on Louis once.  Was cheating enough reason to distrust everyone? Harry had expected something worse and didn't think Louis would overreact like that. He had to talk to him about that soon.

Harry closed his notepad, packed it into his packed bag, and tugged his clothes right. He had to go to the party. As he walked out of his door he heard noises from his father's room. He knew this kind of noise. He had heard it too often. Yes, sex was a disturbing topic sometimes. He could understand Louis better than he thought.

He softly opened his father's bedroom door to tell him he was leaving. That may sound strange to others, but it was normal here. His father didn't let that bother him and Harry had seen it too many times to be shocked.

He looked through the crack of the door and looked at the bed. Shocked was still nicely expressed. There his father was wild and loudly pounding balls deep into someone. But it was not a woman. An unknown man was lying underneath his father, panting heavily. He could see both dicks. One between them dripping with pre-cum. And one rocking in and out of the guy's ass. The picture was disturbing.

His father was a heartless guy. The guy didn't look like he liked it. His face was painfully distorted, but that didn't seem to bother his father at all. Ruthlessly, he pushed into him again and again. Harry had read about something like that. Let's say the guy will not be very happy afterwards.

Distraught and shocked by the sight, Harry closed the door again, grabbed his bag and just ran out. He couldn't and didn't want to think about it any more. His father was a cruelly brutal person and he had just seen it with his own eyes. He didn't know where he ran to. His thoughts were everything he perceived. The entire world seemed to revolve around him and it was difficult for him to breathe. He kept running until he finally stopped. He looked up, panting, and found himself in front of Louis' house.

Louis walked back and forth in the living room with his phone in his hand. He felt awful. He had just ditched Luke with the excuse that there was a family emergency. That was a lie. Louis just couldn't go with him. It didn't feel right. He wanted to give him a chance, but that wasn't possible. It was too early. Louis decided not to go to the party but just stare at the wall.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. He went in amazement and opened the door. He looked surprised in Harry's panicked face.

"Harry, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the party?" he wondered.

"May I come in?" Harry asked quite done.

"Sure, come in" Louis let him in. They sat down on the sofa and Harry pulled his knees against his chest.

"What happened Haz?" Louis worried.

"I caught my dad having sex with a guy. He didn't even notice, he was too deep in. I ran out of there and then I was suddenly here" Harry said, shocked.

"I don't want to imagine how cruel that had been. I don't want to see my mother like this" Louis shuddered.

"I've seen it too often before, but that was a shock. How can he?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Is it so bad that it was a guy?" Louis inquired hurt.

"Oh god no, that's not it Lou. You have to believe me. It's just .... my dad ... ironically him" Harry made clear the problem was elsewhere. Louis not urged him to continue talking but just waited.

"This guy will most likely regret it at this very moment. My dad was anything but considerate. He'll probably have kicked him out in the meantime. Hopefully the guy's fine. I don't want to imagine what my dad .... I can't even say it " Harry covered his face with his hands.

"I understand what you want to say. Unfortunately.... That must have been terrible" said Louis understandingly.

"Cruel. My dad is a monster. What if I'm one too?" Harry feared.

"You're not. This conversation proves that. You find your father's deeds cruel so you would never do that yourself" Louis assured him.

"Thank you, Louis" Harry hiccuped. Louis smiled encouragingly at him.

"What's in the bag?" Louis noticed looking at the bag next to the door.

"I decided to visit my mother and find out what happened. I had already packed the bag and took it with me when I ran out. I don't want to go there today. Let's see if my mother recognizes me again" Harry explained.

"She doesn't know you're coming?" Louis asked confused.

"No, I had no possibility to contact her before. And my dad doesn't know either that I'm going away. He would try to stop me. I just have to know what happened" Harry said desperately.

"I understand that. That's a good idea. Fathoming the past is always good" Louis encouraged him. At this Harry looked at him for the first time and Louis wondered what he was thinking.

"Lou, I need to talk to you. It's important" Harry suddenly became dead serious.

"Okay, what about?" Louis asked sceptically.

"I know what happened in Malibu" Harry blurted out.

"What?" was Louis taken back.

"I'm not completely stupid. I can count one and one together. Lou, why didn't you tell me?" Harry wanted to know.

"I just couldn't. I um..." stammered Louis helplessly.

"I know that wasn't great, but you told everyone else except me. Why couldn't you say such a thing to me? What's so terrible about it that I wasn't supposed to know?" Harry didn't understand.

"What's terrible about that? Are you serious?" Louis couldn't believe it.

"I know he hurt you, but is that reason enough to not trust anyone, always jerking away and loathing sex? I've noticed these things, Lou" Harry said indignantly.

"Just because you add Lou everywhere, it's not less offensive" replied Louis cheeky.

"There. You're doing it again. I can't talk about it seriously with you. You're always blocking, but only with me. I thought you trusted me" Harry got angry.

"I do, but this topic is difficult for me. I can't just talk about it" Louis justified himself.

"But you do with the others. Don't be so over dramatically paranoid. Yes it was bad, but no reason to treat me so badly, push everybody away or cut yourself. Why don't you talk to me?" Harry snapped.

"How do you know?" Louis referred to the cutting in horror.

"I saw the scars on your arm and Zayn's worry. I'm not that stupid" Harry explained annoyed.

Louis looked ashamed to the ground and tried not to cry. It was so hard for him to talk about it and now Harry mocked him so baselessly.

"Don't you want to say anything?" Harry became impatient. Louis shook his head.

"That's really childish. I know it anyway, why is it so hard for you? It's not that bad" Harry rolled his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Louis' head now shot up.

"Still Kyle. Yeah, he cheated on you, but that's not the end of the world. Of course it's shit and it takes a lot to process, but you could have told me. To get cheated on because you don't want to fuck is shit, but I wouldn't have judged you, Lou. Why should I?" Harry just didn't stop talking bullshit.

Louis shook his head in disbelief and stood up. "Unbelievable" he sighed.

"Lou, no one reproaches you. This happens" Harry wanted to reassure him.

"You're so stupid Harry. I just can't believe it ... You think that happened and really believe that's my own fault because you should just give in if anyone wants it?" Louis was horrified.

"I didn't say that" Harry contradicted.

"But hinted. Fuck Harry! You've noticed all these things, connected them and come to the wrong conclusion. Congratulations" Louis clapped his hands.

"What do you mean by that? Did Kyle not ...".

"No, he didn't cheat on me, but nice to know that you think that's harmless. You really never had a broken heart" Louis interrupted him.

"What is it then? Just tell me. I'm tired of it" snorted Harry.

"Oh really? How nice of you that it's all about you. That's exactly why I'm not telling you" replied Louis stunned.

"What do you think how I feel as the only one to be left out?" he almost shouted at Louis.

"I know that's shit, but I just can't" Louis shouted back and wanted to leave the room.

Harry jumped up and grabbed Louis by the arm. "You're not just leaving. Talk to me. Now!" Harry demanded.

"Fuck Harry! You were there when Kyle was here. You fucking saw it and you don't get what happened? You think something "harmless" like cheating triggered my sex trauma? I would have ditched Luke today because I was cheated on once? Cheating destroys you, even if it was only once. My God, use your brain. Stop forcing me to do it!!! I just can't. My head doesn't let me, although I want to. Every time I think about telling you I see this one day in front of me where I wanted to tell you everything, but you fucked everything up. I was so close to telling you but then you let me down. I don't want to relive this moment. Even if I wanted to I couldn't do it. But right now I don't want to, not after what you just said" Louis shouted at him. Harry jumped back, unused to Louis' sudden outbursts.

"Think for once not only about yourself" Louis added softly. Tears in his face.

"I just want to know like the rest" Harry clarified stubbornly.

"Yeah, like it's super exciting. I'm telling you, It' s not. You have wrong reasons. It's not a great surprise. It's a secret. It's my life. My incurable scar. I'm scared to tell you. Scared of a new scar because of you. I just can't" Louis let out the tears. He tore his arm out of Harry's grip and ran to the door.

"Louis" Harry called after him, but Louis kept walking.

He just kept running. Tears were already all over his face. Harry was so fucking stupid. He had to do something about the pain. He had to numb those feelings. There was only one good option. Alcohol. Much alcohol.

Niall danced with Hailee to a song by Ariana Grande and had the time of his life. But after a while he realized that Liam was standing in the corner, sad and that neither Louis nor Harry had appeared. Gradually he was worried.

"Haiz, I'll go over to Liam, okay?" he whispered in her ear over the loud music.

"Do that. He doesn't look very happy. I go and look for Cami" she replied understandingly.

Niall squeezed through the clutches of dancing students. On the way he passed Zayn and Gigi. She tried to seduce him, but he kept avoiding her. Someone had to urgently shake this girl awake.

"Well you fun gun, who are we watching?" Niall threw an arm around Liam.

"No one" Liam blurted out too fast.

"Your face betrays you. Do something or you'll regret it" Niall told him.

"Why did everyone know about it except me?" Liam wondered.

"From the outside, it's often more obvious. But believe me I've already asked myself. No idea how you couldn't notice that for so long. But you're not the only idiot" Niall replied.

"And the worst part is, I told him very clearly that I wouldn't want there to be more between us, so I destroyed every little chance" Liam recalled.

"Not that I have one at all. Look at him and then look at me. He's perfect" Liam added.

This self-pity Niall could no longer bear and slapped Liam therefore once. "Stop this crap. Zayn is always talking about you. You two can't be without each other. You two are so stupid. You like him, he likes you. Where is the problem? Talk to him ".

"Feelings aren't my strength. I only understood that today. How am I supposed to tell him? He sees me only as a friend otherwise he would have told me after the full moon" Liam pointed out.

"Urgh, you two are driving me crazy. Talk to him, what's stopping you?" Niall got frustrated.

"He's here with Gigi" Liam said.

"Do you really think he is here with her voluntarily? Besides, hello, he is gayer than a unicorn. Just get your man" Niall couldn't stand it any longer.

"That's what Harry said too" Liam said.

"That Zayn is gayer than a unicorn?".

"No, that I should get my man" Liam corrected him.

"He's right. By the way, where is he?" Niall looked around.

"No idea. He was going home to change, but that's a while ago. He'd be here long ago" Liam said.

"Louis is nowhere to be seen too" Niall remarked.

"Didn't he want to come with Luke?" Liam asked.

"Yes why?".

"Because Luke is over there, but alone" Liam pointed to the table against the wall.

"Funny. I'll ask him" Niall said.

"Hi boys, want to dance Liam?" Lauren was shaking her hips at them.

"No thanks. I'm here with my friends" Liam refused.

"A dance doesn't hurt" she ignored the refusal and pulled him onto the dance floor.

Niall watched in disbelief. Liam had to learn to say no clearly. Niall saw Liam mouthing "Spray Time". Then Niall remembered the special deodorant. He took it out of his jacket pocket, sprayed in, and then walked over to Luke.

"Ey Lukey, where did you leave your date?" Niall stood next to him.

"What date?" Luke didn't understand.

"My man Louis, of course" grinned Niall.

"Oh, we didn't have a date. We would have come as friends. There's nothing between us" Luke clarified.

"Whatever, where is he?" Niall didn't believe him.

"At home. He cancelled, probably had an emergency" Luke shrugged.

"Oh okay. I better write to him" Niall pulled out his phone.

From Nialler to Tommo:

"Louis, what kind of emergency is Luke talking about? What happened? Are you okay? Do you know where Harry is?"

"Everything's alright? Are you too warm?" Luke wanted to know.

"All the best, why?" Niall didn't understand.

"You're very red in the face" Luke let him know.

"What?". Niall touched his face and it burned instantly. He was looking directly for Zayn. When he found him, he saw that he had noticed. He was also totally red. That had to be the deodorant. What had Liam done this time?

Immediately, Niall ran over to Zayn and pulled him toward the exit. They passed Liam and Lauren. Niall just glared at him and then left the cafe with Zayn to swim to Mako. The party was over for them.

Liam pulled away from Lauren, but she stopped him immediately. "Where are you going?".

"Zayn and Niall need me" he answered curtly.

"They can handle it on their own. It's a party, you can't just go" she said uniterested.

"These are my friends. They are more important than this stupid party" he spat.

"Friends who don't begrudge you anything?" she tried to make him stay.

"I've had enough of your games" Liam broke free and ran after them.

He ran to the pier and watched over the sea. He knew exactly where the two were now. He ran quickly to his boat, but someone was standing next to it. Perrie.

"You tried to help and it went wrong, am I right?" She looked at him knowingly.

"Why do you always know everything? You know what, don't answer. I don't want to know. I need to go to Mako" Liam wanted to pass her.

"Simplicity is the key" she hinted.

"What's that supposed to mean now?" Liam turned to her.

"You can't fathom and explain everything. Try not to force it" she advised him.

"There is an explanation for everythin. I just have to ...".

"There are no formulas or explanations for magic" she interrupted him.

"There is no thing like magic" claimed Liam.

"And how do you explain all this logically? How do you explain the impact of the moon on your friends? How do you explain the wonders of nature?" she came closer to him.

"How do you explain what's going on in there?" she pointed to his heart.

"But if there's no explanation, how can I help? What should I do?" Liam was at a loss.

"Be their friend. Be there for them" Perrie revealed to Liam.

"That's all?" Liam asked.

"That's all" Perrie said.

Liam looked over at the island over which the moon was rising.

"It's that simple. Just accept it and give yourself to the magic" she advised him.

"I'll do it. Thank you Perrie" Liam thanked her.

"And now go. He'll be waiting for sure. Get your man" she shooed him to the boat.

And that's exactly what Liam did. He jumped into the boat and drove as fast as he could to the island.

Niall and Zayn watched their feet come back. They had spent a while in the Moon Pool. Through the water the redness of the irritated skin had subsided.

"Almost back to normal" Niall looked at his face in the water surface.

"But too late for the party. If we show up again, our dates have replaced us" sighed Zayn.

"Would that be so bad? I mean you never wanted to go with her anyway" Niall listened. Zayn knew exactly what he was referring to.

"Maybe I had hoped for a different evening" Zayn admitted.

"You'd be surprised" Niall murmured softly.

"What? Why?" Zayn didn't understand.

In that moment they heard footsteps coming out of the tunnel which approached them. Both stood up and the next moment Liam appeared.

"Oh God, here you are. I thought so" gasped Liam relieved.

"Only here we could go in the tomato outfit" joked Niall.

"That was good. I am so sorry. I didn't want that to happen. You have to believe me. Looks like an allergic reaction" Liam apologized.

"What was in there, please? "Niall asked.

"I don't know. I just wanted to help, but not everything can be fathomed" stammered Liam paralyzed.

"Doesn't matter. It's too late now. Haiz is already dancing with someone else" Niall sighed.

"When I left she was waiting for you" Liam let him know.

"Really?" Niall couldn't believe it.

"Really. If you hurry ..." Liam started, but Niall already jumped into the water and swam back. Now Zayn and Liam were alone.

"Gigi sure is wondering where you are" Liam said awkwardly.

"I just went with her because no one else asked me" Zayn confessed, not knowing where it came from, but this place made him.

"Am I this no one else?" Liam asked hopefully.

"Yeah, but you didn't seem interested" Zayn honestly answered. Liam stood there nervously.

"What's a pity because I'm interested in you" Zayn revealed hi sfeelings to Liam out of nowhere. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. That was it.

"Really?" Liam's head shot up. Zayn nodded tentatively.

"Wow, Zayn. I don't know what I to sa .."

"You don't need to say anything. I know you don't feel that way, but I just wanted you to know that" he cut him off.

Liam grabbed Zayn's hand and sat with him on the edge of the Moon Pool. "I'm not good at this and I've realised it way too late, but...I like you too, Zayn" stammered Liam nervously.

Zayn didn't trust his ears. Did Liam say he liked him too? Like in more than friends? That couldn't be true.

"But I can't handle that. I don't know what to do. If I have no instructions or can explain it, I'm hopelessly lost. I pushed you away after the full moon, though it should have been clear to me there. I don't deserve your understanding. You deserve something better. Someone who can handle feelings" Liam was very desperate.

"Maybe, but I just want you. I tried, but I can't help it" Zayn moved a little closer to him.

"And what do we do now?" Liam asked uncertainly.

"What does your heart say? Can it give in?" Zayn hooked up and put a hand against Liam's chest, his heart beating fast.

"I think so. I just give myself in to the magic" Liam decided and looked Zayn deep in the eyes.

Zayn loved those eyes so much. And now they looked at him with the same love Zayn looked at him with. It was like a dream. There was really Liam in front of him and said he would try. Zayn's heart nearly exploded in his chest.

"Works for me" Zayn smiled at him.

He approached Liam's face even further and then did what he would never have thought of himself. He kissed Liam. His lips felt so soft against his own. Now his heart really exploded in his chest. It was just a quick kiss, but it was perfect. The moon pool. The moon. Liam.

"Oh, I think I can get to like this magic" stammered Liam as they broke away from each other.

"Sure you can Liam" Zayn grinned and kissed him again.

This time, Liam returned the kiss. Hesitant but not timid. Their lips molted together and Zayn had never felt better. No tongue was involved. Only sweet cautious gentle kisses. Soft and slow. It was magical.

How much he had drunk, Louis didn't know any more. He sat at the bar of some gay bar and downed one drink at a time. The alcohol was burning in his throat, but he still didn't stop. On the contrary, he just drank more. The burning distracted him from his pain.

His crush was just too much for Louis. He felt so terribly guilty. The argument bothered him. He was so incredibly angry and stunned. Harry really thought cheating would be harmless and no reason not to trust someone. Besides, he had told Louis it was even his own fault just because he didn't want to fuck immediately. Cheating was okay if you didn't give in and therefore was your own fault?

That even made sense in Louis' clouded head. He always had the feeling that what had happened was his fault. He should have just given in, because that's the way the world works. Harry had made that clear again today.

Harry. Louis' feelings for him were clearly stronger than he realized. When Harry arrived today and was so shocked about his father, Louis would have done anything to make him feel better. Really everything. And when he shouted at him, forced him to talk to him and told him he was over dramatically paranoid, Louis felt himself as small as he hadn't ever before. Harry was right. Louis was an absolute sissy. He couldn't even go with Luke to the party and started to cry when he was despaired. And then he just ran away.

Louis hated himself. He hated himself for being so weak, so emotionally unstable. Hated himself for wanting Harry. For that he couldn't only see him as a friend, but his feelings became stronger with each passing day and it was hopeless for him. And he hated that he couldn't tell Harry. He wanted but it didn't work. Not today, not before. Not at all. Every time he wanted to, and that was very often, he saw again how Harry had exposed him the day he wanted to tell him for the first time. The fear that this happened again was constantly there and unconsciously gnawed at him. He understood Harry's anger. He hated himself for it. How could Harry not hate him now? Through his stupid paranoia, the person he probably will love one day hated him deeply.

The knowledge and his guilt he drowned in even more alcohol. His vision was blurry and he was already dizzy when sitting. Maybe these last day of schooling in clubs and bars wasn't great. Who sold alcohol to minors? Well, the people on the last day of school before the holidays.

What was happening around him, Louis barely noticed. His brain didn't work any more. He staggered to his feet and reeled across the room. Control loss and balance disorders were his two new best friends.

His cell phone beeped and indicated that his battery was nearly empty. He saw an unread message from Niall. He could barely see what was written there, his vision was so blurry. But the words emergency, Luke and Harry Louis could recognize. Again his guilty conscience began to eat him up. Clumsily and uncontrollably, he typed on the screen but no sentences came out. 

From Tommo to Nialler: 

"Hfjg ditched niell Hazzy hioemge ssex".

Then he scrolled down and punched Zayn's name on the screen. He felt so free and carefree. So very different. So absolutely pissed off drunk.

"Zaynie Boy, I miss you. John's bar is so empty without you. Uhh hello stranger. Nice hands" Louis slurred against his phone. Then his battery gave up and the phone went out.

He had no idea if the message was sent because his concentration was disturbed by the stranger rubbing against him from behind. Strong hands lay on his waist and pulled him closer to the strange guy. Louis began to move his hips, causing friction. The guy groaned and pinched Louis' ass.

"Sexy ass, baby boy" he blew seductively against his ear.

Louis shuddered and stifled the oppressive feeling in his stomach as he touched his ass or mentioned it. The coward Louis had to disappear.

He grinded his ass against the cock of the guy in the rhythm of the music. Both were panting heavily. Greedy, he attacked Louis' neck and sucked and pulled on it. He let his tongue wander over it. Louis closed his eyes and moaned softly. He was half hard and the guy too. Louis could feel that on his ass.

"It's getting hot in here. Let's go outside" he breathed against his neck. If he had been in his right mind, Louis would never have done that. But the alcohol clouded his senses and his reason, so he simply nodded and followed him to the back door.

As soon as he got out of the door he was already pressed against the wall and the next moment he had the guy's tongue deep down his throat. Louis just did the same thing because he didn't know what else to do. They grinded their hips against each other and breathed heavily in each other mouths.

They were snogging and dry humping for a while. By now both were rock hard. Painfully hard. Louis was still not used to that feeling at all. The alcohol affected his brain and he didn't knew what he was doing when he started to unbuckle the guy's pants. He pulled the pants down to his ankles and ripped of the guy's boxers. His dick was huge but nothing compared to Harry. He heavily shook his head. He really had to stop thinking like that even when he was drunk and so close to suck off an unknown guy.

Louis took the cock in his hand and started palming and stroking it, causing the unnamed guy to moan loudly. He grapped Louis' hair and tucked on it. Then Louis licked over the tip, feeling the guy shiver under his touch. At least there was one thing he was good at.

Without a warning he took him completely in his mouth and started bobbing his head up and down. The moans and the panting became louder and faster. Louis picked up his pace and went faster and faster. He didn't look up at the guy once.

"Oh Fuck" screamed the guy as he came hard and unexpected down Louis' throat. He gagged slightly and swallowed it all.

Before he could proceed what was happening the guy already pulled down Louis' pants and boxers and started palming his throbbing cock. He turned Louis around harshly so that he was now pressed with his back against this guys chest. The palming got faster and sloppier. Slowly the alcohol subsided and he came back to his senses. With muffled moans Louis came fast into the guy's hand, panting heavily.

The Half Moon came out behind the clouds and fell directly on Louis' face. It was like it washed the effects of the alcohol away and made Louis think clearly again. He opened his eyes and realised what just happened. Automatically he felt so terrible and dirty. But this was exactly what everyone thought about him. Now he just became like that for real.

"Enough with the teasing. Let me fuck you hard against the wall now" the guy growled impatiently against Louis' neck.

Louis was frozen in shock when he was pressed against the wall. His still sensitive cock was burning from the feeling of the cold bar wall against it. The guy's hands grapped his ass and pulled his cheeks apart.

"No. I don't want to" cried Louis silently.

"Seemed different to me when you sucked me off so willingly, little bitch" the guy hissed back, grapping Louis' waist with one hand to make him stand still.

Louis started silently crying. It was happening again. This just proved what he was thinking all the time. He deserved this. Back then and now. He was worthless and a dirty slut. Nothing more. He accepted his fate here in this dark alley behind a club. He felt the guy's dry cock ready on his entrance and just prayed it would be over soon.

"Lay your hands off of him now or you'll regret it" he heard someone threatened the guy, causing him to take a step back.

"That's none of your business. We're just having a little fun, right bitch? Take another corner" the guy told the stranger with the familiar voice. 

"Oh this is definitely my business. Now let him go" he grew angrier. Louis recognized that voice. He couldn't believe it. It was Harry.

"Don't tell me this little bitch is your boyfriend? Sorry to tell you that but he just cheated on you a minute ago and he was liking it when he sucked my dick" spat the guy at Harry.

"Doesn't look like it for me. Get your hands off of him now" Harry glared evilly at him.

"Ai, calm down. You can have him back after I'm finished here" he slapped Louis on the ass, causing him to flinch.

"Now or you're dead" demanded Harry very angry.

"He's a whore. Nothing more" said the guy.

Louis felt himself get pressed against the wall again. His head and cock hitting the wall pretty hard. Suddenly the guy shoved his big dry cock deep into Louis. This was horribly painful and Louis screamed out of pure pain he felt in his ass.

Before the guy could thrust into him again he got pulled away from Louis. He heard the slapping of skin and assumed that Harry must have beaten the guy. But Louis didn't care. Trembling and wincing he pulled his pants back on and sank to the ground. He sat cowering against the wall with his legs pulled to his chest. The pain in his bum was unbearable. Louis felt infinitely dirty and worthless. Everyone treated him like a toy. Probably he was no more than that. Three times meant he deserved it exactly like that.

"Keep your little cunt" swore the guy and disappeared back in the bar.

Harry ran to Louis now and knelt down to him. "Lou. Oh my god, Lou. How are you? Can I do something?" he asked worriedly.

But Louis didn't say a word. He just stared into the void. Tears on his face. He was in shock. Unable to do anything. Harry took his hands and pulled Louis to his feet. This movement made him wince. The pain shoot through his bum. Harry grabbed him by the legs and back and picked Louis up. He automatically rested his head on Harry's shoulder and carefullyHarry carried him home.

When he arrived at Louis', Harry carried him to his room and set him down on his bed. Harry handed him a glass of water but Louis shook his head. Slowly he awoke from the shock and everything that happened pattered on him.

"How did you know ..?" croaked Louis out.

"Zayn" Harry said, sitting down next to him. Louis looked at him questioningly.

"He got your message and immediately panicked. Liam was luckily with him. He told me, and I went to look for you right away. I was going to talk to you anyway and apologize. Thank goodness he called me. How did this happen Louis?" Harry explained to him.

"I'm not sure. I felt so shitty and was so angry with myself that I wanted to numb the pain and the simplest solution was alcohol, but even that way I didn't get rid of the guilt. So I kept drinking more and more until I couldn't think clearly any more" Louis reflected his actions.

"What kind of guilt?" Harry didn't understand.

"I hate myself for you hating me. And you have every reason for it. I'm pathetic" sniffed Louis.

"Louis, I don't hate you. I couldn't do that. You didn't do anything wrong. I was the idiot, and to top it off, I'm also to blame for all the crap" Harry replied guiltily.

"That wasn't your fault" Louis muttered.

"It was. Without me, you would never have gone there. How did that happen? Who was that?" Harry wanted to know.

"I dunno. I just sent this message to Zayn when that guy came from behind and danced with me. Just like normal people while partying" Louis vaguely recalled.

"He said you sucked him off and he had his hand on your cock, which I wouldn't call normal partying" Harry remarked.

"I wasn't sane, pissed off drunk. Did you had to mention again that I had a cock in my mouth? I would never have done it if I'd have been in my right mind.  It just had to happen again" Louis moaned brokenly, hiding his face in his hands.

"He wanted to fuck you against your will, that's rape. I could ... wait, what do you mean by again?" Harry suddenly realized Louis' choice of words.

Louis looked nervously at Harry's face, clearly recognizing concern, then back to his knees. He pulled them further and clasped them in his arms. Harry had seen this guy ram his cock in him. It didn't matter anyway. It couldn't be worse.

"You know, I've moved a lot. I've lived in America, also in Malibu. It was a typical high school as in a movie, especially the little games of the cool guys. The worst thing was to be new, everybody was mean and terrible. All but one" started Louis telling his story.

"Kyle" Harry exhaled. Shock and realization were written in his face. As well as the surprise that Louis actually told his story and didn't block it.

"Yes. He was nice to me, talked to me normally and showed interest in me. I had a huge crush on him. One day he came to me and said he was gay and nobody but me knew about it. He also showed me he had feelings for me and naive as I was I believed him every word. One day he just kissed me. A soft kiss. My first kiss and then the last one. From then on, he was constantly attacking my neck and sucking on it, but something was wrong because I didn't like it. No reaction. Nothing. He was getting more compulsive and demanding. He always touched me, especially my bum. He always tried to touch me through the clothes, but I didn't want all that. He was so rude and intrusive, but tha tdidn't matter to him. After just two weeks his patience was over. Two weeks. God, I was 15. I didn't give in, but that made things worse. Maybe I should have given in" Louis tried to tell as emotionlessly as possible. All the memories came back and ate him up. He felt every single touch.

"Don't say that. You shouldn't have done that" Harry said quietly.

"But I should have. You were right. It was my fault. On that one day he came to my house. I was alone. He was demanding and pushy and before I knew it he hovered over me. Against my protest, he took off half of my clothes and of himself. I've tried to fight back and wriggled and rolled under him but he just firmly pinned my arms to the bed. Then suddenly he took me in his mouth. From then on, I was frozen. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe. I was in shock. He was visibly frustrated when he got no reaction, but the only reaction from me was fear. Instead of quitting, he just pushed me down and started to touch himself until he was ready. Forcibly, he got me in position and hit me on the bum. Over and over again. If my only "friend" hadn't come by accident he would have pulled it off. He would have raped me. I felt so dirty and insignificant. So ashamed.

Since then, the topic is difficult for me. Not only talk about it but also in general. Only Zayn knows that, but since the incident my body has completely shut down. No reaction. No needs. Nothing. I even thought I'd become asexual. But it was more of a trauma. Back in school, hell broke out over me. He had begun to spread lies and present himself as the victim. Told people I tried to fuck him against his will. Everyone believed him, but it got even worse. Then it came out that everything was a lie. He wasn't gay... far from it. He and his friends have had a game going on forever, whoever gets the new ones the fastest. He was the only one who put his disgust aside to get me in bed. Mockery were normal from that day on. And the hunt for me too. This was the beating my Mom talked about. Since that time I have my trust issues and all that stuff.

The ridicule was too much for me and I broke down. I started to cut myself to feel something again and live with the shame. Then we moved back to England. I lost myself there. I cut me off completely. Everything that made me me. Then I met Brandon. I told you about him. I didn't let anyone get in touch with me, but he didn't even try. During detention, it then came down to an emotional revelatory discussion. At that time I promised him to quit. Of course I didn't think it was a serious promise, I mean we weren't friends. But then he killed himself. That was when I decided to be strong and become myself again. The move to Australia was like a fresh start. But it went differently than expected. You have unconsciously woke up the memory of him again, but through Zayn, a lot of things have returned to normal. It got better. Until he was at the door" Louis ended his story, tears falling to his knees.

"And he tried again and wanted to finish it. He even asked me to join him. He wanted me to rape you with him and I didn't get it. No, I snapped at you and was frustrated because you didn't talk to me. I'm such an ass. I'm sorry, Louis. For everything. I only made it worse. I understand why you couldn't tell me for so long. Shit, I harassed you here on this bed. Made fun of your fear of contact, exploited it to torment you. I reproached your ex would have been with you just out of pity for you and urged you to tell me just because I felt left out without taking you into consideration. Without worrying why you can't tell me. You just couldn't trust me completely even though you wanted to and that's just all on me. I'm a dreadful terrible person just like my father. Forgive me Louis. I was too blind to see it" tears were streaming down Harry's face. This sight was cruel to Louis. Harry had never cried, and now he had made him cry.

He leaned forward and wiped his tears away. "Don't blame yourself. My complexes are my burden, not yours"

"But it's my fault. I hurt you and I was too stupid to see Kyle's true intentions. And then this today ... again my fault because I urged you to talk to me. The guy would never have touched you if I hadn't been. How are you doing now?" Harry was angry with himself.

"It hurts, but I deserve it. It will happen again until someone isn't stopped and brings it to an end. I am nothing but a useless bitch. People just use me for their fun and their lust and then throw me away worn out. You were right. I'm really just a Little Worthless Piece Of Shit. Maybe I should just offer me and let it happen. Swallow my tears and let me get fucked until I bleed and then rot in the gutter. Then fate doesn't have to keep trying" Louis sobbed quietly.

Harry looked at him shocked and stunned. "Never say that again. You don't deserve that. You are not worthless, do you hear me? Louis, you are very special. You are great, cheeky, funny, beautiful, helpful and the most kind hearted person in the world. Everyone sees this immediately. They just want to ruin, wreck, destroy and break you, but you can't let that happen. You are too precious for that. You have friends here who are always there for you. Go to war for you. You always see only the best in people and are the bright sunshine of our lives. You only deserve the best. Don't give in to these people. You are stronger than that. You are strong. Your friends make you strong. Maybe even me... You make me strong, Louis. You make me a better person. Since you've been in my life, you've improved it and you're doing nothing. You are just there. You change me Louis. I want to be better. For you. Never think again you're not worth it, do you hear me?" Harry counted all the great things about Louis.

Hearing Harry say all this things warmed Louis' broken heart and he believed him every word. Louis just nodded and Harry spread his arms wide. Still crying, he fell into Harry's arms and Harry pulled him close. Harry's presence was doing Louis well now. He felt safe. He felt at home

"Does it still hurt a lot?" Harry asked worriedly.

"It got better. Hurts more emotionally. But you're here, it's helping" Louis answered honestly and very tired.

Harry smiled against Louis' hair and stroked lightly over his arm, stopping at his wrist and drawing small circles over it. Louis looked down. Then from his old scars he looked up into Harry's sad eyes. His other hand put Louis on Harry's. They just looked each other in the eye for a while. Louis kept closing his eyes because he was so tired.

"You should sleep" Harry said, letting go of Louis.

Carefully, Louis lay down without putting pressure on his bum. Harry covered him with his blanket and unexpectedly kissed his forehead. Louis felt like a baby, but he was too tired to complain.

As Harry walked to the door, Louis straightened up in confusion. "Where are you going?".

"Home. You need to rest" said Harry, taking his bag.

Louis didn't want Harry to leave. On the one hand, he knew how reluctant Harry wanted to go home. And on the other, Louis felt protected and secure with Harry, and he needed that today. Harry became his home if he wanted it or not.

"Stay" he asked softly. It was almost a plea.

Surprised, but happy Harry nodded, put down his bag and lay down next to Louis. Both fully dressed. Dead tired and already half asleep, Louis snuggled up to Harry. He still noticed how Harry inhaled sharply but then relaxed and then pulled Louis into his arms. Harry's hand was around his waist while Louis lay against his chest. Grateful for Harry by his side and all his kind words, Louis fell peacefully in a nightmareless sleep.

-------------------------------A/N-------------------------------------------------

Fuck, I'm so done after that....I need to breath. I was wating to write this for weeks now and I wasn't ready at all!!! It hurt so much

But...Ziam finally kissed :)

Harry knows now...but our baby Louis hit his Rock Bottom...:(

And we had a try of some Nailee....Should this be it?

And Eleanor is now part of the secret. Did you see it coming?

There will probably one more filler chapter after this and then the second term is over. 

What do you want to happen in Term 3 ? Any ideas what could happen? 

love you all my loves <3