POV Phil

When I woke up Nathan wasn't in the room. That made part of me sad because I really, really, liked him. But the other part wanted him gone when I woke up. He hates me doesn't he? Why do I have to ruin everything!?

No one likes me, I have no friends in school, my teachers give me weird looks and my family kicked me out. And now, now, that I find someone, now that I find a cute guy even, who actually seems to like me, who helps me, I kiss him without thinking and ruin it all again.

It's a miracle he didn't leave me there. I even remember snuggling onto him and acting like I'm his boyfriend before selfishly falling asleep. I could at least have carried the stuff back! I'm such an idiot.

He brought me along on such a beautiful day and made me forget all the pain I had felt, he made me feel. I just let it go, let myself go. I didn't think when I kissed him, I didn't think when I cuddled into his arms and refused to stand up, I didn't think when I fell back asleep, I couldn't think in that moment.

A small sob left my lips, right at the moment the door opened. Nathan stepped in his head held low, a small flinch coming from him, whenever I sobbed. I let my head fall again too. The ground seemed to be the most interesting thing ever for both of us.

"So you wanted to talk to me?" he asked. His voice sounded so broken, he seemed so hurt. What have I done?

"Um yes, about yesterday..." I started but the tears flowing down my face broke me off mid-sentence.

"You hate me right?" That surprised me. Even enough to stop my tears from falling. "That's what you wanted to tell me wasn't it?" his words were shot like poison.

"No, I..." I started but he interrupted me before I had the chance to explain.

"Oh so you don't? What else was it that you wanted to tell me? That you actually cared for me? That you like me more then you should? That you actually didn't want to hurt me? WHAT WAS IT?" loud sobs restarted to leave my lips again at that point. I just couldn't bring one word to leave my mouth, not one word 'yes'. That was all I would have had to say but I just couldn't, because it was not true.

For one part 'yes' could have fixed all my problems. Or all the problems that really mattered at this point: him. But the other... The other wanted him to think I hated him, wanted him to leave. That half just stood there and separated me from my happiness.

After a while of Nathan simply standing there and watching me sob, he came over to the bed and sat down beside me. "That hurt me more than you, I think." He whispered.

"Sure? Because that hurt damn hard." I whispered back.

"How could that have hurt? It's not like you'd like me."

"It's not like you'd like me."

"No! I like you, why else should that have hurt me so much?"

"Because you like me very much and why did it hurt me that much?" He was silent for a second.

"...Because you like me too?" his eyes seemed to sparkle at the thought. "No!"

And I thought he had it. "Because you like me very much as well!" Ok I take that back he's got it. I only answered with a nod while smiling at him. "Come here and let me cuddle with you." He said while already pulling his shirt off and then pinning me to the bed.

I locked my eyes with his. He was checking me out, letting his eyes roam my body. My heart skipped a beat when his eyes finally met mine. I just stared at them, lost me in them and I ardently let myself go.

I placed my lips on his, pulling him back down with me and rolled us over so that I was on top. "You call that cuddling?" I asked ironically. "I can feel you poking me, you know?"

"It's not like I'd be the only one poking here." he said seductively. "But..."

"...but?" I asked.

"...But my dad's home soooo..."

"let's just cuddle?"

"yeah" he seemed upset but still happy at the same time. I didn't want to think about it though, so I just cuddled into his arms again. I enjoyed the silence of the room, his calm breathing, his slow heart beat, the heat emitting from his skin, just everything at this point.

But still something wasn't right. Something didn't feel right. Maybe the part of me that wants him to leave? Maybe that something that hates it when I'm happy apparently and always wants to shove everyone away? I moved my body away from him so that there was a small gab between us, making the feeling stop.

"What's wrong?" he mumbled turning to me and enclosing me in his arms again.

"I don't know... Something didn't feel right. Part of me just... just had the feeling to move away from you." I answered in the same voice level. But I couldn't bring myself to snuggle out of his arms again, even with the feeling getting stronger again.

"You've been through a lot. That feeling wants to protect you from getting hurt, trust me I'd know. It wants to cut you off from any too close interactions so that no one could hurt you. But I know that it overreacts sometimes. I can assure you I don't want to harm you; all I want to do is make you happy."

For some reason that didn't stop the feeling but it wasn't as apparent anymore. Could what he had said have been true? Could the feeling be something I developed? I have no clue but I trust him so I'll just go with it. After all he was doing all he could to help me. He did all he could to make me happy. He did all he could to make me forget and that without someone asking him to.

"I've got a question." He said a little nervous. "And I know it's a little early, so you don't have to answer right away..." he breathed in and out one time to calm himself down. "but I um... I like you for ages already and now that you're this close..." he went silent again, maybe he needed a little nudge to ask what he wanted.

"And?" I was oblivious to what he wanted.

"and I just wondered if you wanted to be my boyfriend or date me?" he seemed to relaxed after he told that. I turned to look at him and locked my eyes with his. Was he being honest? Did he really want someone as dumb as me? "It's ok if you don't want to ans..."

I broke him off by placing my lips on his. He seemed surprised at first but passionately deepened the kiss and begged for entrance. I opened my mouth enough to let his tongue slip in. Mine played with his, dancing in my mouth, acting like one. What his did, did mine too.

When I broke our kiss I asked: „Is that answer enough?" with a smile on my face. Even though part of me didn't want him to get too close, that part had failed, he already was. The first night I slept here he was in my heart already. I never had a chance to block him out like I did with everyone else that easily. It seemed like destiny for me to find him.

"Yes that is answer enough." I heard him say before he connected our lips again.