Wynn

"I always thought you and Wyatt would figure things out," Lana chirps, examining her French-tipped manicure. "Cole's definitely not a bad alternative, though. I think you should go for it."

Colby watches me as I take a seat beside her, uncertainty painting her features. I just sat down, and I'm already contemplating taking my lunch elsewhere.

Morgan nods in agreement with Lana, shoving another fork full of leafy greens into her face. I roll my eyes at the ditz twins, only Lana catches it, causing her thin lips to curl into an ugly sneer.

"I thought he'd never stop chasing after you, Wynn," she adds with vicious joy. Sure, she doesn't know my history with Cole, but she has a knack for getting under my skin. "I guess he got bored. " She snorts at her own remark, gazing at her lunch bag that's gotta be filled with some new diet fad.

"You're probably right," I say, my tone nonchalant, though her words sting far more than I'd ever let on. "He and Colby are better suited anyway."

Colby and Morgan eye me warily. I'm not known for pacifism, but I simply don't have the energy to deal with Lana's crap today.

"What's that?" Morgan asks, her nose scrunching at the scent emanating from Lana's lunch, just like mine is. I can't say it looks particularly appetizing to me either, but I have a serious aversion to vegetables... minus potatoes, because potatoes make fries and chips.

"I just slightly altered the carrot salad recipe from Chick-Fil-A," Lana announces. She's still speaking, but my mind wanders into an alternate reality where I'm flipping the bowl of orange and purple shreds right into her stupid face.

Morgan takes a small bite of the concoction, wincing before the food even passes her lips. She starts to chew, and I watch tears form in her eyes. Bless her puerile little heart, she's still trying to be polite.

"Spit it out!" Colby urges, and I don't even attempt to stifle my laughter. She can't bear to see anyone struggle—probably because she knows the feeling all too well. Colby reaches for Lana's lunch bag, holding it under Morgan's chin, where Morgan dribbles the mangled bits of salad into the bag.

Lana crosses her arms over her chest. "You're such a drama queen," she whines, while the rest of us laugh freely at her expense.

"I was not being dramatic," Morgan says, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "That had to be the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. How much vinegar did you put in that?"

"The bottle slipped, okay," Lana admits, throwing Morgan a dark look. A giggle bursts out of Colby, and Lana rises to her feet, removing herself from the confines of the cafeteria table. "I'm gonna go get some water," she huffs, storming away.

Morgan's eyes follow her, and I think she might be scared for her life. "I should go apologize."

I'll never understand why she lets Lana dictate her life. She deserves better, but doesn't fight for it. "By all means," I say, sweeping my hand in dismissal. She scampers off after Lana, her ever-loyal pet.

Colby pushes her cold mac 'n cheese around her flimsy plate, and I watch as it trails dotted streaks of yellow grease behind it. "I didn't want to ask while they were around," she begins.

Again? Ugh...

"But are you sure you're alright with Cole and me?" She looks up from her plate, undoubtedly surveying my reaction.

"B, I told you," I reply, donning my most genuine smile. "Cole and I are friends, and barely even that. Why would I have a problem with the two of you trying something?"

She smiles, nodding as she continues eating her vile lunch.

I work to quell the frustration that's building within me. She hasn't done anything wrong. I know that, but I hate her for asking me if I'm alright with them pursuing one another. She's continually leaving me an opening that's difficult to pass up.

And I know her. All I'd have to do is say that I have feelings for him and it would be over. Colby would never proceed with anything if she knew, but then my on/off cycles with Cole would be sustained in an endless, agonizing loop.

I can't let that happen.

"As long as you're sure," she says, searching my eyes for a truth I won't allow her to discover.

"I'm positive," I assert, and she grins. She does like him. Then again, how could she not? "He's a great catch."

"Oh, I know," she agrees, her tone distant and dreamy.

Guilt gnaws at my insides. They aren't officially together, but dragging Cole to our closet of secrets was wrong. They're trying to start something, and I threw myself directly in their paths. Hell, I'm the one that instigated their new romance.

It's official: I'm a terrible person. But then again, I've always known that deep down.

I've tried countless times to end things with Cole, but this time I have to. I can't protect my friendship with Colby if I'm still carrying on with Cole behind closed doors, and I can't defend Cole's heart if I continue to play with his feelings.

It's got to be over.

I pick up my phone and type out a quick message to Cole.

Meet me at our park after school.

I hit send, placing my phone face down on the table in case he replies while Colby and I are still together. My pulse races at the thought of seeing him later, even though what I have to do is breaking me in two.

He'll never fail to have that affect on me.

...

He agreed to meet me. Part of me wishes he hadn't, so that I could put off the inevitable a little while longer. This is what I have to do, though.

I've never been worthy of him, and I've believed that all along. Still, it was thrilling having somebody as extraordinary as Cole pursue me. Unreal.

He loved me so deeply, fought for me so tirelessly—it was all much more than I deserved. I think part of the reason my resolve has always faltered was that I wanted him to keep fighting for me, to continue loving me even when I was unlovable...and he has. But it isn't fair to him.

I've been selfish. So, so selfish. Cole loving me has led to literal pain for him, and that will only continue. Were we to somehow miraculously survive Harris Galloway, there would be the family businesses on the other side, waiting to devour our love whole.

It wasn't meant to be. It shouldn't have started in the first place, but it's too late for that now.

I've never been enough. Not for my parents, not for my teachers or coaches. I became a wild child as a result, seeking love and attention from questionable sources. The spotlight came, certainly, but there was no value to be gained in that.

I've grown into a disappointment for so many reasons. I was blessed by my friendship with Colby, who can take sole responsibility for me making it by as long as I did in our youth. And then there's Cole, who knows me, in many ways, even better than B. They gave me a purpose and helped me feel of some worth.

But being with me would only serve to bring Cole down, to hold him back. We both need to fly on our own now. Well, I do. Maybe he will take flight with Colby...

"Hey," Cole says, catching me off guard. We're at a little park a few towns over from Tyler—a place that we discovered during the brief time we were a couple. We couldn't meet in Tyler, so we were fairly resourceful.

"Hi," I breathe, willing myself not to crack.

He takes a seat beside me on the bench and leans in to kiss me, but I turn so his mouth lands on my cheek instead of my lips.

This is where I would crumble, but I can't.

"Today was a mistake," I say in a matter-of-fact tone. "You're with Colby now."

"I'm not with Colby. Just say the word and that's over," Cole returns, reaching for my hand. I pull it away, all the while hating myself.

"Stop it, Cole. You're great for each other. Besides all that, I'm tired of this back and forth between us. I realized when we were together today that I'm ready to move on. This, whatever it is or was... I'm over it," I say sharply, averting my eyes for fear that I'll lose it.

"Look at me, Wynn," Cole demands. "Tell me to my face that you're finished."

My eyes meet his, blue with boundless depth and full of hurt, and my resolve waivers. My throat is tight with grief over the pain this is causing us both.

No good. You're no good for him...

"I'm done. This is over."

"Right," he scoffs, shaking his head. "Okay. Thanks for the quickie this afternoon. That's a great note for us to end on." He rises to his feet, refusing to look in my direction. "Bye, Wynona."

"Goodbye, Galloway," I whisper.

...

This is the last place I want to be right now.

Everybody in the gym is pumped for the homecoming game, but Avalon is putting a damper on all the manic excitement with her incessant droning during the assembly. To make matters worse, I only have a few minutes before I have to go down to the floor to place the laurel wreaths on all the senior boys' heads, a stupid tradition that could put me face to face with Cole, depending on how the team lines up.

Needless to say, we haven't spoken since I cut things off.

Really, I trashed everything, including our friendship, and it makes me ache to my core. Still, I know it was the only way. A clean break. We can't be together, and we can't be only friends. There's too much history.

Too much desire...too much passion...

Avalon continues blabbing about her quest for a transfat free school, and I fold in half, too sick to my stomach to think about food. My period must finally be coming. Truth be told, I was starting to sweat it a little bit, but Cole and I were always safe.

Always...

"Maybe if she followed her own stupid trans fat rules she wouldn't be twenty pounds overweight," Lana snarks as I tune back in to the inane conversation amongst our quartet.

"And maybe if you didn't eat the whole box of hundred cal packs, you wouldn't have to 'diet' all the time," I bite, finger quotes and all. I can't handle this shit today.

"What rat crawled up your cranky ass?" Lana says, scowling at me.

"I'm not cranky, I just get tired of your obsession with dieting," I say, and now that I've started, I can't seem to stop. "You are quite literally on some new diet kick every week, and what does it do? Nothing. You start the diet skinny and end it skinny. Why torture us every day talking about it?"

"How 'bout we talk about what's important right now," Morgan suggests calmly, which only aggravates me further. "What was up with that C-Squared make out sesh we were all lucky enough to walk in on?"

The words C-Squared and make out sesh smack me in the face. Hard. Thank goodness I wasn't there to witness that in person. Just the thought of Cole and Colby locking lips has me equal parts hurt and enraged, though I know I have no right to be.

"I mean, he's cute," Colby says casually, as if she's completely indifferent.

Are you freaking kidding me?

"That's it?" I snap. "You keep stringing him along, and it's total crap. Everyone knows you're still in love with Wyatt, so why are you wasting his time? You're being really selfish, especially after the way he defended you with the whole Greg thing."

Cole has been nothing but perfect for Colby. He even got Greg Hayword expelled after the roofie incident at his party a few weeks ago, and yet Colby's still vacillating, having been talking about Wyatt all week. Unbelievable. If only she realized just how lucky she is.

"What in the eff did B do to you?" Morgan demands, and I'm done.

"I just think she should consider someone other than herself for once," I say, rising to my feet. I glance at Colby, who looks like I just kicked her puppy, and I feel... I feel nothing.

She's playing games with Cole, just like I did, and it makes me furious.

I make my way down the bleachers, clad in a stupid toga for spirit week. Coach Castillo spots me making a beeline for the door, putting a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Where are you headed?" he asks.

"Oh, I...I need to change my tampon," I say, clutching my stomach. Men can't handle menstruation, so I figure I'm home free, even though I have yet to start my monthly.

"Yeah! Uh...right, so just..." Coach says, his face turning a deep shade of red.

"Thanks." I dart through the doorway, only feeling slightly guilty for ditching Colby. Now she'll have to put the wreaths on everybody alone.

She's introduced, walking cheerfully toward the line-up of senior football players. One by one, she places the wreaths upon their heads, all the while smiling brightly- the perfect cheer captain.

Maybe I was too harsh. I knew she was hung up on Wyatt when I pushed her toward Cole. I think I expected that Cole would win her over quickly, just like he did with me, only I didn't account for the intensity of her lingering feelings.

I suppose I can relate.

Colby steps before Cole, and he grins, pulling her toward himself and kissing her fiercely. My classmates lose their minds, shouting and clapping their approval for the display.

It brings me to my knees.

Further down the line, I see Wyatt, his expression mirroring my own.

Damn. Looks like I finally got what I asked for. If that isn't moving on, I don't know what is. I wander away from the scene, finally allowing my tears to fall.

What a mess I've made.

Typical.