I muttered and mumbled incoherent words under my breath as I kicked another pebble across the path. Of course she had forgotten! I thought to myself furiously, of course my mother would forget it was my birthday! What was even worse was the fact that I was spending my birthday literally alone, without my ‘parents’ it was understandable. But even the Cormack family were out of town. My birthday was during the Summer/Christmas holidays and the Cormacks were off visiting family. So they said they wouldn’t be home until the weekend. Sure they had sent me text messages throughout the day wishing me happy birthday but it just simply wasn’t the same.

As for Eli I had no idea where he was, he arranged to take me to the movies. Not once when he organized it did he say happy birthday or remember. It was like he forgot it was birthday! I had just spent a good half an hour or more outside the cinemas waiting for him to come. But he never showed, so here I was walking home, the walk to or from the cinemas being a good twenty minutes and I was grumbling and sour as could be.

I sighed sadly as the rock fell down the drain, ruining all my fun. Bitterly I stomped passed it and up the front gate with my tub of ice cream and other junk food and a bottle of alcohol – today was me turning my legal age after all, no wonder why it was such a big deal to me of all birthdays – in a plastic bag I had picked up on the way home sulking.

Unlatching the door after unlocking it I stepped into the foyer as I rustled around in my bag to pull out the bottle of vodka and coke. Maybe this will make me feel better I thought bringing it up to my lips.

“Melissa you put that down right this instance!”

I squealed startled as the bottle hit the ground smashing all around my feet, the stench and the feel of it against my bare legs making me look down and scrunch up my nose. I looked up again to find a swarm of people in the dark standing in my lounge room. I squinted as I tried to see who it was but I was fairly certain who it was with a voice like that.

The lights flipped on and Erin gave me a half hearted “Surprise!” she sang weakly, their surprise obviously killed from her mum going all mum on me – which I cherished more than they knew, that was a birthday present!

I looked around at all the faces, Liam and Eli stood over to one side behind a couch waving as they gave me sheepish smiles. Than there were Sharon and Aaron Cormack standing in the centre of the room, Sharon’s arms folded and Aaron struggling to keep his lips straight. Lastly there was Erin in front of them all by the light switch holding a giant birthday cake in hand with candles lit and everything.

I was on the verge of speechlessness, tears even as I looked around at all the streamers and balloons scattering all the room. There were few people but these people were the only people that mattered. Everyone I loved and needed was right here in this room.

“H-how…you guys were meant to be back ‘till the weekend!” I spluttered shocked, my tongue tied.

Sharon nodded eagerly “That’s what we told you, but Erin arranged all of this before she even left. She got Eli organize something with you to get you out of the house so we could set up-“

“Yeah, sorry for standing you up.” Eli mumbled rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

I laughed “You guys.” I cooed walking straight over to Erin who held the cake out impatiently for me, the wax dribbling all over the amazing cake she most likely made “I love you all so much, thank you!” I pressed honestly feeling touched beyond understanding.

“Here.” She pressed eagerly and with impatience.

I leant forward and she relaxed a little but I shocked her by leaning around the cake and kissing my best friend on the cheek in thanks. This was the best birthday party ever!

ೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋೋღ♥ღೋ

I ran my fingers through my hair for the hundredth time as I blew out a shaky breath “You did the right thing.” I reassured myself for the millionth time as I washed the bowl in the sink from where I had given myself a hefty amount of ice-cream. If I kept my reliance on ice cream up as comfort food soon I wouldn’t be able to fit into my favorite pair of jeans!

I looked out the window with a deeply furrowed brow as I thought back to only an hour or so ago where I had told Liam, how his fists had curled so tightly into the back of my shirt I thought he’d tear it like the Hulk does when he breaks. Instead though he turned on his heel without another thought and left slamming the front door leaving me utterly stunned, the wind knocked out of me.

I’m not sure how long I simply stood there with a thundering heart as it lodged itself in my throat. Finally though I moved myself over to a bowl of ice cream by the bench and just ate it in a daze, my heart was in my throat and I felt so detached from myself. Dozens of scenarios rolled before my eyes like a film of Liam and Erin, would she lie? Would Liam come back still unbeknown and I’d have to tell Liam? Or would she finally tell Liam and would all of us finally uncover all of these hidden secrets and lie, would it all go back to what it used to be?

I soon found myself in a daze at the sink washing out the bowl; I wasn’t sure how long I’d been standing there staring out the window. All I could focus on was Liam’s face when he had pulled back; I’d seen Liam angry before countless times, especially when it came to his sister. But today for the first time I was beyond terrified, I was beyond speechless and mostly I was beyond control. He loved his sister with everything within him, I just dropped it on him; I didn’t give him answers or calm him down as I watched him think the worse. I shuddered at all the possible scenarios winding through his head, how extreme they mostly were.

“You did the right thing.” I murmured to myself once again, I knew, despite what raging terror was unleashed upon me it was utterly worth it. Erin was willing to take on Jed’s threats and abuse for my safety and I was more than willing to take on Erin’s wrath for dobbing her in.

We were being stupid, I could see that now. I was afraid on so many levels with the news Erin came racing to me about, she told me as it all started barely giving me time to think. By the time I heard she was getting hit it was too late, she was already out of dangers way – or so we hope.

But that didn’t mean anything, I knew she was trying to protect me and it means the utter world to me that someone was willing to put their life out there for me. I’ve never experienced that before, not even with my mother or father had I experienced someone that fiery protective of me that they’d take all this harm, put their lives in risk. I was fearful of losing that, stupidly I was fearful that by telling on her and making her mad at me that I’d lose that. I couldn’t lose the only person that loved me that much.

Then there were all these other things that kept me at bay; I could agree with Erin to a degree; I didn’t want the whole town to know, even the boys to a degree. I knew if we confronted them or even tried to threaten Falan or Jed it’d only cause more problems, I knew that’s what they were looking for; a reaction. I was selfish at times, and I knew that, a big part of me was protecting my heart because I didn’t want to risk losing Liam or even Eli, I wasn’t strong to endure another fatal blow of rejection to the heart. I hadn’t told Liam straight away and because of that no matter what he wouldn’t be pleased but I was stuck in a tight spot, by either not telling or even telling I was at great risk losing one of the best things that ever happened to me. If I lost one you’d lose the other, that was the thing when it came to the Cormack twins, they literally were a package deal.

Everything has changed so much though, I mused to myself as I looked out the kitchen’s window at the sink. All four of us had gone on such a bumpy and radical journey that I didn’t think any of us could ever be the same again. It seemed Erin and I had switched roles and attitudes in life. Erin was shying from the light, the truth. Yet here I was, taking on the truth, powering it down as I stepped out from the shadows. These days were changing, the times were different and things were fresh and new, not only with fresh and new scars but also adventures, beginnings.

My gut was churning, coiling as tight as a snake ready to strike and yet for the first time I’d never felt so light in my entire life. I realized that by not telling Liam of the truth he deserved that I was being selfish, I loved the Cormack twins with everything within me but when you love someone you care more about how things affect them than how it affects you. By not telling them I was keeping both sides happy, keeping the peace and keeping them both. I knew that telling the truth to them would affect them more than blissful ignorance and yet they needed to hear that truth, they needed to be close again, Erin needed her brother – despite how much she’ll hate me – and the Cormack twins had to become the package deal they once were again.

No matter what Erin deemed when she comes storming over – as I knew she would – it was utterly worth it. I’d prefer her brother to be over protective and mad at her and even me than something happening to Erin when I could prevent it this time. I didn’t know the first time to prevent it ‘till it was too late but I wasn’t going to let that happen again. If she cut all ties with me and we became strangers in a hallway I could accept that because at least I knew I was a best friend ‘till the very last minute.

It didn’t mean the nerves were sitting well with me, what was more tormenting was Liam’s reaction to her. I knew he’d be mad, furious more likely. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had destroyed their beautiful home or if he told their parents and they were at the station right now filing a report. What was worse was that I tortured myself by imagining Liam rocking up on Jed’s front porch with a gun claiming revenge. It was the anticipation and waiting for what had happened and what they had both decided was what was agonizing. Nobody liked the waiting game, nobody.

I nearly missed the quick movement out of the corner of my eye as I stared out the window, the street outside now dipped into darkness. It didn’t matter though, because the wall rattling slam was enough of a heads up for me followed by the loud stomps that warned me of the catastrophic tantrum coming my way.

Before she even walked into the room I turned around with an exhausted sigh as I folded my arms and folded her. I knew she was going to argue and I knew I was going to fight my case, try and make her see why I told Liam and yet I was exhausted, I was so exhausted. Wasn’t Erin exhausted after everything that has happened, having to keep up with all the lies and secrets and trying to cover our tracks? Didn’t she want to just give up and go to sleep praying for a new day? I know I surely did.

She stormed into the room and I couldn’t deny instantly I became worried at the sight of her swollen eyes, I expected the rage, anger and even disappointment at what she’d call a ‘big mouth’ but tears? Everything in her seemed disconnected and yet so wound up, like anything could pull a trigger and she’d explode, what was worse was that I didn’t know if it would be an explosion of rage or an explosion of tears. It frightened me that she looked upset, hurt even, I imagined that underneath all the rage at me and being caught there’d be relief being able to confide in her brother. Yet the red swollen eye blotched still from tears told us otherwise.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” I insisted thinking the worse, maybe Liam hadn’t found her because Jed had found her first “Is everything alright?” I practically demanded searching for battle wounds despite her scars being on the inside.

“What’s wrong?” she cried incredulously, her voice sounding so sarcastic “What’s wrong? How on earth could you have told him? I am your best friend!”

“I am your best friend.” I pointed out for the hundredth time, our arguments seeming to becoming almost identical.

“No!” she shouted shaking her head crazily “A best friend keep secrets, a best friends keeps their words to promises and best friends tell each other things!” she cried her voice rising more and more.

“What, like you sleeping with Eli?” I shot back, unable to bite my tongue “I’m sorry but I don’t remember us having that conversation.”

She practically recoiled back, looking that stunned “That doesn’t…what…who told you?” she stammered, the question at the end sharpening.

I shook my head unable but to let the hurt show “It should have been you.”

“Right, just like you should have told me about your dad? Or your mum?” she fired back getting riled up once again.

I sighed heavily, not even having the fight in me as I let the kitchen counter take my weight “I told you my dad was visiting, I didn’t tell you I confronted him because we haven’t been talking since I told you to tell your brother I would.” I pointed out “And” I stressed beating her before she could argue more “I didn’t tell you about my mum because it only happened like two freaking hours ago, you slept with Eli before all of this happened.” I pointed with a pointed glance.

She looked up at the ceiling as if seeking strength “My life was messed up enough as it was, I didn’t need that added drama and heartache to the list either.”

I shook my head “You could have avoided all of this Erin,” I murmured dejectedly “all you had to do was tell us as soon as Jed took that first swing.”

Erin shook her head not meeting my gaze and although she was acting like a child I knew on some level I was getting through to her. When you weren’t getting through to her she was arguing back, screaming and chucking a tantrum as she listened to nothing you had to say. Here she wouldn’t meet my gaze, it was something I recalled myself doing once upon a time, it was simple; it simply meant she didn’t want me or anyone else to see the weakness and vulnerability in her gaze. She didn’t want anybody to see the battle scars on her battered soul.

“It doesn’t matter,” she murmured her voice not as strong or sure “it’s been deleted and there is nothing else to do.”

“What about Jed’s threat?” I murmured studying her closely “Are you really willing to risk Eli getting hurt?” I asked amazed “Were you two getting together really a mistake and that’s it?” I asked wanting a reaction, I couldn’t imagine her to be so cruel and lack compassion to put Eli at risk. Fair enough to risk your own heart to save yourself but would she put someone else she supposedly loved in harm’s way for her own selfish reasons?

Her head snapped up and the fire was back and I couldn’t help but let my lips curl the faintest in relief knowing she still had the strength to fight for Eli and that she hadn’t given up on him. The two of them were becoming so exhausted and withdrawn with their own battle scars I worried that soon they’d wave a white flag.

“You didn’t tell Liam because you were worried about that threat! If I was worried I would have done something by now!” she cried back and yet for the briefest of moments I saw the flicker of doubt upon her face "You were just trying to save yourself from Liam hating you!"

I couldn’t deny I felt like I was slapped in the face, her words stung that she’d think so low of me. True, I could be a selfish person that acted upon her own demons but I wasn’t selfish enough to let my best friend – my sister – take on such monsters! Now I was revved up, that was another thing about the Cormack twins; they knew more than anyone else how to rev you up

“I was trying to protect you!” I screeched back at her, making her blink for only the faintest second stunned “I gave you a chance to come clean, to give you that chance with your brother and you never! I love you Erin, I do and because of that I came forward, true maybe a bit later but I came forward before anything bad could happen whilst I knew!” I cried “What kind of friend would I be if I hadn’t?” I breathed, could she really not see I was doing it for her?

She tore her gaze from me and I could deny my heart ached; it was like she didn’t believe me. Had we really lost each other so much she didn’t believe me when I said I loved her more than anything?

“Ez,” I tried talking low and soothingly “you walk around like you have to prove yourself and strength to everyone else.” I shook my head in stunned amazement, when has she ever been weaker than us? “You already were strong, but not reaching out was a weak move!" I pressed, holding my hands to my heart as I begged her with my eyes to see the light.

She shook her head, the corner of her eyes tightening “Don’t patronize me Mel,” she murmured almost sadly “your actions were based solely off the fact that Liam means more to you than what I want, your supposed best friend.”

I gaped at her for only a moment before my jaw locked, before I was exhausted and before I was sick and tired of the arguing, the fighting and I was missing my best friend. But now, now I was furious, I was burning mad as eyes narrowed and my wrist flicked.

“This is a bigger story than you Erin!” I cried my voice such a roar I watched her startle “You may think this is about you and all that bullshit you believe about proving yourself but it’s a lot greater than that. This isn’t affecting just you, you know?” I demanded a part of me just wanting to grab her by the shoulders and rattle some common sense into her.

“Your brother has been in ruins trying to figure you out, trying to find his sister! Then there’s Eli who is simply just a broken hearted man!” I watched her cringe at my words “Than there’s me, you practically locked me in a tight corner Ez, I had to choose between right or wrong and either decision I betrayed someone. You had me betray your brother when you know how I feel about him! How could you do that to me? To your brother?” I asked her, my wide eyes pleading for an answer.

“This has always been about more than you, and I don’t think you’ve realized how much more drama it’s caused, have you?” I asked her softly stunned that Erin, the smart little book nerd was being so stupid “I know you wanted some pride and dignity, I know you didn’t want the talk and gossip – trust me I know – and I know that there is this huge part of you that felt inadequate so you felt you needed to prove yourself but if you just came forward it wouldn’t be this bad, you wouldn’t be hurting so much and you would be safe, happy Ez!” I insisted, my voice crackling with all this domineering emotions.

“I was trying to protect you, why won’t you believe me?” she cried back her eyes finally meeting mine and I found wide shiny eyes, glistening under the threat of tears.

“I do believe you, but I can look after myself Ez. I’ve been doing it for a long time you know?” I smiled wryly at her, the smile weak.

I was even more shocked by this reaction than any other. I watched as her face crumbled and she broke down into a flood of tears. I frowned anxiously as I reached out for her and without a thought or protest from her I crushed her in my arms as I held her close. Maybe I wasn’t able to protect her before but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let her get hurt again, this girl was the reason behind my strength.

“What? What’s wrong?” I murmured anxiously, brushing all the hair in her face out of the way.

I couldn’t help the rueful snort that startled us both, what was wrong? God, what wasn’t wrong more likely. There were so many twists and turns, so many secrets and lies, so many different stories and riddles that I honestly couldn’t keep up anymore. We were all so exhausted, I could see it, we were all to the point now we just didn’t care how hurt or betrayed we felt, we just wanted to sleep for a month or two. Was this really what life was like when you’re a teenager? What happened to your teenager years being the best part of your life? If that was true I felt entirely ripped off.

“What?” Erin sniffled looking up at me through blurry eyes.

I shook my head humoursly with tipped lips “What isn’t wrong?”

Erin choked on a laugh which in turn made me laugh in turn, than we were laughing clutching each other as we laughed almost upon the verge of insanity. It was crazy and a little surreal but I guess when things get this tough and this pointless all you could really do was laugh it off, right?

“God,” Ez sighed as I laughter came to an end, the two of us sitting on my kitchen floor leaning against the counters shoulder to shoulder “things really are messed up?”

I looked up at the ceiling smiling miserably “I’m hoping from here it can’t get any worse.”

“I feel like we’ve hit rock bottom.” Erin murmured beside me.

“Well at least we know the only way is up.” I pointed out ruefully.

Ez sighed letting her tip back as she closed her eyes looking utterly exhausted, drained if anything “I hope so.” She muttered.

I smiled sadly at her wishing I could just force her to do the right things that would make all this go away, that would make her the happy and hopeful best friend I once had. “Are you still mad at me, for telling?” I clarified.

Ez peeked at me through one of her eyes before sighing sadly “No, I can’t be mad at you.” She murmured.

“Was he…was Liam hard on you?” I asked hesitantly, was he really that harsh? If he was he’d get an earful alright, now more than ever did Ez need her big brother.

Erin snorted this time as she shook his head “He was mad at first, really mad. He thinks I was an utter moron and I know he is disappointed in me, I didn’t expect any better.”

“He’s just worried about you, he’d be terrified and feeling utterly guilty knowing what’s been going and he hadn’t been there.” I tried assuring her “Not to mention right now he’d be so pent up with rage he’d want to murder Jed.”

Ez snorted “Oh I know.” She added bitterly.

“So if you’re not mad at me,” I hesitated “who are you mad at?”

“Liam, Eli, myself, you a little and than even me again.” She rattled of dismally.

I frowned at her “I’m not….catching you.” I admitted.

She sighed haggardly “I don’t know Mel; I mean I was sitting there telling him and he was mad and disappointed but I wanted…I wanted that brother that used to let me sleep in the same bed as him after a bad movie.”

“Maybe it was a lot of information to take in all at once, a lot of emotions too.” I tried reasoning for Liam, it was Liam after all!

She turned to give me a look “After I told him we laid there on my bedroom floor and all he could talk about Mel was you.” She murmured honestly and the look in her eyes frightened me, they looked so distraught.

I couldn’t help but gape at Erin, Liam? Surely not. That boy loved Erin more than anyone else I knew and a part of me knew that if anything happened between Liam and I – if I allowed anything to happen – I still wouldn’t be his number one priority, his sister was always going to be number one.

Yet looking into Erin’s eyes I could see the painful honesty in her eyes, the raw torment there and it had my heart lurching. Could the man I loved be so awful? True I loved him but to hear him even gushing about me seemed to taint the moment more. He was gushing about me who was best friend with his little sister who had just confided in him, who was obviously battered and bruised – figuratively and literally.

“He did what?” I gritted out.

She shook her head looking up at the ceiling again and I knew she was fighting back the tears as I ran my fingers through her hair comfortingly “I mean true I asked him about you, but…” she trailed off chewing on her lower lip nervously.

“But what?” I whispered afraid of what I could possibly hear.

“I feel like all you’ve guys are moving forward and you are all happy without me.” she breathed, her breath hitching ever the slightest yet I caught “I feel like I’m stranded all alone in this and I-I don’t know how- what to do!” she choked, her voice cracking as her eyes began to shine all over again.

“Oh sweetie.” I breathed reaching out for her as I pulled into my arms once again, tucking her head under my chin like big sisters do.

“I don’t know what to do anymore!” she cried hysterically her fingers curling tightly into my shirt as I watched her grow hysterical and inconsolable, just watching was breaking my heart.

“Hey come on now,” I murmured rocking her back and forth “you have us there for you, you’re not alone in this.”

She shook her head crazily “I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life!” she sobbed brokenly into my clutches.

My heart panged as I felt so entirely helpless, how do you make someone realize that they truly aren’t alone? If she hadn’t felt so alone and isolated in the first place she wouldn’t be here, she wouldn’t be so broken. But I think the main reason why my heart literally shriveled by what I was witnessing was because more than anything I could so entirely relate, oh so much. I’ve been there before and I still am these days as Liam gradually pulls me to the surface. Despite how many people are surrounding you and are there for you and waiting to help you. You feel so alone, so disconnected and just too far away to think anyone would care, that nobody wants to listen or help and mainly that you don’t think you can find your way back home. The worse feeling on earth is being ripped from your own home and convincing yourself there is no way back.

I had experienced that since I could remember; I became introverted and curled in upon myself when I lost both my parents and even my carers. I had my friends; Liam, Erin and Eli and yet it wasn’t enough, if your own blood couldn’t fight for you, who honestly would? I was so insecure, vulnerable and guarded on the inside and on the outside I put this brave careless smile on my face and pretended I didn’t give a crap; I partied hard, I let my grades slip, I became known as this rebellious girl and I was stupidly proud of that. I’d felt so desolate and alone and I thought the only way to cure the pain and to make the day’s move faster was by pretending I didn’t care, acting like I was okay when I was from it.

Slowly but surely I was coming back home and that was solely Liam who was fighting for me with everything and slowly helping me face these demons. I now know that if I had simply spoke up, reached out and asked for help and confided in people a lot would be different, a lot would have been better or happier and I wouldn’t have lost my virginity in such a sickening way. I had no respect for myself and that was changing, I was feeling worth it because Liam was making it clear that I am worth it. And as much as I regret my mistakes I can’t hold those grudges, I have to let them go and accept it, move along and agree that they made me stronger and opened my eyes, without experiencing the awful I wouldn’t cherish the great.

Here before me, curled up into my side and clutching onto me for life was my best friend – my sister – going through something so similar and yet finally she was reaching out, she was asking for help. I couldn’t be more than relived, I didn’t want anyone to experience what I did and for so long, being unsure and confused by even yourself that you felt numb and disconnected, like you weren’t programmed ‘right’. I vowed long ago that this girl was what kept me anchored and now it was my turn to be her anchor.

“I’m right here.” I told her strongly, trying to reach through to her and break down those walls “I am right here and we’re going to get through this, if I can you can.” I spoke confidently.

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do.” She repeated over and over again shaking her head back and forth as she cried.

I stroked her hair “What do you mean you don’t want to do?” I asked her “You keep living; you keep going on as you live the life of a teenager ‘till you grow up.” I murmured, it was such a funny thing because it was so true, at the end of the day that’s all you do – all you can do – you keep living.

“B-but there’s so much crap!” she wailed her voice rising again.

I nodded “Yeah, there is.” I agreed “But we’re here and we’ll work through every bit of it, together.”

She sobbed “What else is there to do?” she protested “It’s over, it’s finished.”

I shook my head “Maybe with Jed but you can’t keep going on lying and hiding from both your brother and Eli.” I murmured honestly “You’ve got to face those demons and the truth or you’ll struggle Ez.”

She sniffled “I did tell Liam Mel, I told him everything and look where that got me!” she protested “He practically acted as if nothing happened!”

I shook my head as I brushed the hair from her face “No he didn’t, he was mad, disappointed, furious and knowing him he probably went crazy – that’s not acting as if nothing happened.” I murmured soothingly.

I mentally reminded myself to call Liam later and give him an earful though; he cared for her and he reacted but he bloody hell could have done better! Better was exactly what Ez deserved and he needed to learn to shove his own emotions and fury away and be there for his sister when he needed her.

“I don’t think anything is going to be the same again.” She whimpered.

The corner of my lips tipped at that comment “No, it’s not.” I agreed making her head snap up to look at me, shocked at what I admitted rather than smoothing it over “But we’ll all come out stronger and closer right? We’ll learn things, grow and it’s for the best.  Not all change is bad after all.”

She looked at me almost amused in amongst her awe inspired expression “When did you become so wise missy?”

I smiled crookedly “Growing up does that to you.”

She smiled wryly back as she wiped under her eyes “He said he isn’t going to do anything.” She murmured suddenly “I asked him not to since it’ll only make it worse and he agreed.”

I narrowed my eyes uncertain “Are you sure?”

She nodded almost sadly “I know right? I couldn’t believe it also; do you really think he’s going to keep his lips shut?”

I shook my head stunned beyond belief; he was going to do literally nothing? Hell, this literally left me speechless. Surely he had to be lying? What was going through Liam’s mind? In this moment I wanted to do more than give him a flogging, I’d like to beat the living shit out of him. I didn’t care if I loved him; I’d always love my best friend more.

“I-I’m not sure…” I stammered still trying to grasp what Ez just said, maybe Liam heard Erin differently?

“So w-what do we do?” she asked unsure, looking so lost and helpless like I little puppy.

“We don’t let it control our lives,” I said determinedly “you said it’s over so if you think so it’s over. Still it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be a little cautious at first, keep an eye out.”

She nodded and I could see she was just as much as I trying to persuade herself it really was over. I was nervous and utterly unsure if it was truly over, would it ever be over? It’s not exactly like you can delete them out of your lives; you could run into them solely by chance. We couldn’t evade them forever. We deleted the video and Jed approached Ez threatening Eli since he now knew the guy she slept with was him, really the ball was in their court. We just had to be vigilant and cautious, make sure we didn’t do anything stupid and we had the ones around us for support.

“Are you going to tell Eli?” I murmured gently watching her.

She practically flinched under the question before shaking her head “No, I don’t think so. Not just yet anyway.” She murmured “Right now I don’t want to make him feel guilty or pity me and I don’t want to even think about that mess.” She grimaced, her face etched perfectly into pain, heartbreaking pain. Her heart just like Eli’s was in ruins.

I couldn’t help but sigh, hadn’t she learned yet that keeping secrets and lying literally got you nowhere but in a darkening abyss of depression? I couldn’t do or say much though, she had to realize that in her own time and if anyone should go tell Eli if Erin wouldn’t it’d have to be Liam. Maybe that was something else I’d have to discuss with Liam…

“So, you confronted your dad and mum, that’s pretty big yeah?” she asked suddenly drawing me startled out of my thoughts.

I blushed a sheepish and almost shy red “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I mean you’ve been dealing with so much and you were mad at me and-“

She shook her head laughing humoursly “I’ve been just as bad,” she interrupted “I didn’t even know of half of the things going for you! I feel awful!”

“How about me, I didn’t even know Jed was threatening you ‘till it was over!” I protested just as guilty as my voice broke.

“But I knew about your dad and did nothing!” she argued back.

I shook my head “It was my dad, big whoop!” I cried “I shouldn’t have let you convince me to let you delete the video and do nothing!”

Erin shook her “I’m the terrible friend for cornering you in to doing it! I shouldn’t have made you choose between Liam and I, that was terrible and-“

“Okay, let’s just both agree we’ve both screwed up and have been terrible!” I interrupted her rampage, trying to end this back and forth argument that had me dizzy.

She nodded breathless with a grimace “Yeah, we’ve both been pretty terrible.”

“We’ve made a whole bunch of stupid mistakes and we regret them but we’re here now, that’s all that matters yeah?” I coached us through this discussion gently, wanting to avoid the blame game. It was funny how it was now me controlling our conversations and playing the ‘wiser’ role, oh how tables had turned.

“You’ve changed so much Mel,” she murmured as if reading my mind “you’ve grown up and grown so much stronger.” She murmured in awe with a faint smile.

I smiled back at her faintly “It took me a while to realize that keeping people close by isn’t going to make you weaker but rather stronger.” I admitted wryly.

Erin nodded thoughtfully “Liam really has done wonders for you.”

I smiled softly “He’s saved me in more ways than one.”

Ez chuckled ending it with a sigh as she looked up at the sky “I think he would have saved you a lot earlier if he could, I don’t think any of us realized how drastic things had become for you ‘till we found out about that video.” She murmured.

I hummed in agreement “It isn’t your jobs to save me and read my mind; you’ve got to speak up and fight for yourself. If you won’t even fight for yourself what’s really the point?” I murmured honestly in thought of all these past years.

She hummed in agreement “I’m happy you’re happier Mel, you deserve it.” she murmured honestly with a smile “I’m glad you’re with Liam too, I couldn’t be happier to have you two dating each other.”

I chewed on my lower lip nervously and she noticed shooting me a quizzical glance as my stomach churned “We aren’t exactly…together.” I admitted sheepishly.

“What?” she cried stunned “Why not?” she demanded.

I gulped “I haven’t….I’ve been unsure.”

She narrowed her eyes “Why?”

I chewed on my lower lip some more “I wasn’t sure…how you’d feel.” I admitted.

I was shocked by her reaction of full blown laughter as he clutched over and laughed to the point she had tears in her eyes.

“What?” I cried “What is so funny?” I demanded sobering her up a little “I didn’t want to risk our friendship, you mean more to me.” I admitted.

She looked at me almost amazed at my words as she offered me a tender smile that only best friends could share as she placed her hands on my shoulders “Mel, you love him.” she murmured.

“And I love you.” I stressed back, couldn’t she see that she was just as important to me, if not more?

“But it’s a different love, can’t you see?” she murmured.

I pursed my lips nodding; obviously it was a different love. I loved Liam in the fiery way that I couldn’t live without him, I loved him in the way where I wanted to wake and spend every waking second with him and share my future with him. Than with Erin I loved her too, I felt protective and even responsible for her and I wanted to share all of my life stories with her – all of the life stories that I wanted to share and live with Liam.

“You love me as a sister and you will always be my sister no matter the distance or silence.” She murmured softly giving my shoulders a gentle squeeze of affection “But you love my brother in a way where you can’t breathe without him for even a day.” I blushed “I couldn’t ask you to give up on someone you’re meant to love forever.”

“So you’re okay with it…with us?” I murmured unsure.

Erin’s grin grew “God yes! I’d prefer he dated you than anyone else just like I’d prefer you’d date him than anyone else!” she said with an excited squeal “We can literally be sisters than!”

I held up my hands “Woo, woo.” I cautioned “We aren’t even dating let alone marriage.” I protested.

She shrugged “It’ll happen.” She sang.

I chewed on my lower lip nervously, the thought alone was terrifying. It was a huge step for me to gradually accept and believe Liam’s love and to even accept him as a boyfriend let alone marriage! I had seen what happened with my parents’ marriage and I don’t think I could do it knowing where it led. One step at a time I coached myself reassuringly as my heart thundered.

“Well I haven’t even told him how I feel yet so hit the brakes alright?” I warned her with a pointed glance.

Erin pouted folding her arms with a huff and I couldn’t help but smile faintly, she hated being this ‘naive dreamer’ as she told me and yet she was still that very same person without even knowing it.

“What about you and Eli than huh?” I teased “Are you two meant to be together forever?”

I was startled by how quickly the smile vanished from upon her face and a dark and haunted expression came across her face “I-I don’t think so.” She whispered and I could literally see how much it physically hurt to say that.

“Come on Ez,” I murmured giving her a reassuring nudge “you two slept together, that has to mean something.”

I watch her shake her head sadly “It was amazing, don’t get me wrong.” She murmured blushing faintly like the innocent shy thing she was “But I’m not sure either of us could be strong enough to try, I’m so terrified of hurting him again not to mention I feel so god damn inadequate to him. Then he….” She trailed off gulping.

I frowned “He?” I pressed.

“He said we were friends, just friends.” She whispered her expression darkening and falling even more, her expression seeming so aged and broken.

I gaped at her speechless once again, just friends? What on earth was going through Eli’s head? Surely Erin had heard him wrong! I know he was heartbroken but surely if he could he’d be with Ez in a heartbeat, he said he would fight for her and yet he went and did this! I was seething rage as I realized just how alone she felt, I thought at least she had Eli as he fought for her and I find out this? He wasn’t putting the pieces back together but rather stomping all over them some more!

“Fucking men.” I seethed shaking my head; first Liam I hear is treating her like crap and now Eli? What on earth was this world coming to! Those boys loved her more than I had seen anyone else love anybody and I hear this? What next, Jed turns out to actually love her and be sweeter than Liam and Eli put together? The world was going crazy!

Erin nodded glumly as she fought back the tears so hard as my heart broke again “It’s okay,” she gasped, her voice thick with emotion “I should have expected that also.”

I shook my head, what she should have expected and receive was the two boys in her life to actually love and support her as she deserved! I thought to myself fuming. Looks like I wasn’t going to be only having a word with Liam but now also Eli. Why were men so messed up and clueless? It isn’t so hard to understand women but men…God they made you just want to rip your hair out!

“Do you remember the days we spent out under the willow tree?” she murmured thoughtfully, her voice sounding so distant and almost monotone; she was literally exhausted – mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it.

 “Mmmm.” I hummed in agreement thinking back to all those blissful days.

“I wish we were all back there.” She murmured “It was less complicate back then, everything was so happy before all this crap. I wish we could go back than where there was none of these secrets and dramas, where we all just oblivious to the truth before us of who we missed, who we hated, who we did and didn’t love and who we wanted to notice us. I wish that party had never happened.” She murmured wishfully, her tone pleading for that wish to be granted it almost broke my heart, almost.

“But we now know the truth, we know what we want and we’re on the way to being happy rather than a breakdown like we’ve had.” I murmured softly as I thought back to how as much as I hated what we’ve all endured I couldn’t wish for it to never happened or I wouldn’t be where I was now.

“How did we get like this?” She murmured softly breaking the silence as we had been reflecting back onto the past and the ‘what ifs’ “You and me.” she clarified.

I shook my head having just as few answers as she; we had drifted so much apart, sucked into our own lives and dramas to face alone. It seemed that now we were dealing with them and taking a step forward that we were being bought back together again to take more steps forward but now together as better and stronger people.

“We promised ourselves in that bathroom that we wouldn’t get here again.” She murmured sadly “We said we wouldn’t push each other aside.”

I smiled miserably at the truth, “It doesn’t matter,” I reassured her “we’re still going to be there no matter what, we just had to deal with some things first.”

She hummed in agreement “Next time let’s just go to each other for help?” she suggested.

 “Even if we are just trying to protect each other.” I added nodding.

She nodded smiling as she held out her hand “Deal?”

I grabbed it without thoughts “Deal.” I agreed shaking her hand.

“You know that’s what I was trying to do anyway, right?” she murmured speaking up after we sat in a peaceful silence, lost in our thoughts and feeling lighter already.

“Trying to do what?” I asked puzzled.

“Protect you, you know, by staying with Jed during it all.” she explained “I said the same to Liam.”

I furrowed my brow “Said what to him?”

“I told Liam that I think that deep down I did it for you, a way for making it up to you for being such a crappy friend.” I went to protest “No, listen, I sat back for so long when you were getting worse and worse and I did nothing, I didn’t pick up on some of the signs and the rest I thought you were just going through a phase like teenagers and you’d come to me when you were ready. Now I know better that even when you’re drowning it doesn’t mean you are going to ask for help.” She shook her head sadly “So, I thought by deleting that video and saving you from one extra bad thing to happen I’d somehow make it up to you and save you a lot of pain, help you.” She murmured.

I looked at her, studying her and unsure of what to say. Don’t get me wrong it touched me beyond belief that she loved and cared so much for me. It also enraged me that she’s so stupid to put herself in harm’s way, to think I’d prefer her to get abused rather than a stupid video in comparison being leaked. Mostly though I was just over it, the past and all that happened, I don’t need reasons anymore because it had happened, there was no changing it. I just wanted to forget it all, move on and most importantly have my best friend back.

“What did Liam think?” I murmured softly, interested.

She snorted “He thought you’d dislike me more by doing it, that it’d just make you feel guilty and responsible.” She murmured and I could hear the guilt in her voice, she knew just like I did that deep down I felt more responsible and guilty than I probably should.

I shook my head not wanting her to feel such negative emotions and also wanting her to find the positives and take a step forward with me “I think,” I began catching her attention “that I love you for caring about me so much.” I admitted doing just what I wanted, focusing upon the positive rather than the negative.

She smiled faintly at me and I could literally feel the gratitude waving off her, the gratitude that I didn’t blame but rather shoved all differences and mistakes aside. We had both screwed up royally to such levels that there was nothing we could really say except accept our mistakes and reasons and move forward.

“I’ve missed you.” She murmured almost shyly as she twined her fingers with mine as we held hands.

I smiled down at her almost amused; she was just so shy it was adorable! “I’ve missed you too.” I murmured honestly.

“Do you…” she began to only pause capturing her lower lip as she hesitated “Do you think Eli really is at harm Mel?” she asked voicing a question I knew she fought hard to avoid.

If I said ‘yes’ or it becomes true than she’d be admitting it wasn’t over and she’d have to face the fact that it didn’t work out ‘okay’ although obviously it hadn’t already hadn’t despite what she thinks. I knew if something happened to Eli it’d only haunt her more and drastically, I don’t think she would be able to live knowing that and the thought of her reaction terrified me.

I hesitated torn between being honest and telling her what she wanted to hear. A part of me wanted to live in the blissful denial also and think that it was over and all was okay. Yet deep down I was nervous, restless knowing the threat Eli received, he was a big boy and so was Liam but they didn’t know the full story, he was clueless at how severe this all was and that just made it all the more dangerous. I couldn’t deny that it didn’t sit well with me, my gut was churning in fear as I realized I’d need to talk to Liam also and make sure that Eli knew or the least he dealt with it somehow and didn’t brush it off.

As if my thoughts were written on my face I watched as Erin’s face fell, all false hope lost as she succumbed to where this had led us. Her hand holding my own tightened its grip as she squeezed it to death but I didn’t say a thing. No, instead I wrapped my other arm around her and bought her into my side. We leant against each other for strength as we prayed that we’d all meet up back under that willow tree, not as the same people but finally all together again. 

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