“Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?” I begged showing him my puppy dog eyes in the passenger seat.

Eli sighed heavily, looking up at the ceiling of car as if praying to God, the sight having my lips twitch into a smile.

“Fine.” He heaved finally “But if I’m taking you to a damn bookstore, than you’re shouting me a muffin and a drink.” He bargained.

I held my hand out “Deal.”

He looked over at me, briefly shaking hands with a small smile.

I sighed leaning back in my seat fiddling with the iPod that was playing through the car’s speakers “I still don’t see why we had to go in separate cars.” I mumbled under my breath.

Eli sighed also, “I already told you Ez, Liam wanted some alone time with Mel. He practically had to beg me.”

I couldn’t help but feel as if he has struck me. He had to be persuaded to go in a car alone with me? Was I truly that bad? Didn’t he like me? I mean, I know he’s only my brother’s best friend and we weren’t that close anymore since we aged and I was dating now and all. But still…..

“Ez?” he asked softly, waving a hand in my face.

I swatted it away “What?” I sulked.

I could feel his eyes shoot to me, quickly. Worried. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

I shook my head looking stubbornly out the window like a five year old. Suddenly the thought of being alone with Eli as we made our way to the town over to go camping wasn’t anything fun or to look forward to. And to think I had to go home with him too! Kill me now!

I could feel Eli’s gaze on me, flashing back to me every few moments, his earnest gaze trying to figure out what was wrong or what he said. I knew that boy would spend the next thousand years if needed trying to figure out what he had said wrong. He was just that sort of boy, he always worried.

Not that I knew why, he didn’t even want to be stuck in a car with me for an hour.

Pulling up in the town I looked up to see the bookstore, a happy smile tugging at my lips. I held it in though, not wanting Eli to see it. Turning I opened the car’s door.

Li’s hand shot out though, curling around my wrist and halting me, he leant over “If it makes you feel any better, it was actually me who suggested separate cars.”

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I am more than willing to admit that before I was an oblivious, naive person. A small, ignorant girl that honestly was clueless to the world around her and the reality of life. The reality of not only the people around me but also myself.

How had everything come to this?

Right now, over these past weeks I had more time in my entire life to dwell on how opaque and vague my sight is to everything. How oblivious I had been to those around and how stupid I honestly have been. They always say live with no regrets but I honestly cannot, I live with millions and each one of them isn’t some petty regret like going for B in my last maths multiple choice exam.

I regret so many things, and I’m the one who is to blame, me and my ignorance. Why did I have to be such an absorbed dreamer? Why did I burry my heads in romance novels so deep and gullible that I believed any guy was fixable? That no guy would hurt me and the first one that came waltzing in would be my savior? Why was I so naive and gullible? If it wasn’t for that stupid, senseless dreamer in me I wouldn’t be here, I would have listened to the caution bells when Jed first walked to my side and I wouldn’t be where I was right now.

Why did I have to believe there was good in everyone? That there was a prince in everyone?

I didn’t have answers for myself anymore, at all but now I realized there were just some people – a lot of people – that truly weren’t prince material. It was like someone had clicked their fingers in front of my face, startling me and waking me up from being hypnotized into reality. A reality where teenagers very rarely meet their one true love and it sure as hell is never their first crush or boyfriend and if it is than that person is mighty lucky. I had awoken to reality where things aren’t as easy as boy meets girl and it sure as hell as hell isn’t anything the books tell you how the story goes.

Stories lie.

There were so many things wrong with my dreams and naivety, how I thought it would happen to straight away, hell people were getting married and finding their so called soul mates at the age of fifty! Another fact was that I believed it was the first boy I laid my eyes on and it’d be the cliché way a novel goes, a popular jock – Jed – comes to talk to the book nerd and it’s a scandal and yet so romantic. How had I honestly fallen to believe that was even possible? Yet the worst one was that I was gullible and ignorant that I practically convinced myself that there are no monsters in the world, that every guy that talks to me legit wants to love and cherish me, that there are no man that are sick and crude and just want you to give them some sugar.

They always say there’s one flaw about yourself that you hate so fiercely that some days your reflection can make you scrunch up your nose in utter sheer disgust, more than ever before. It wasn’t ‘till my huge wakeup call did I know mine, did I realize how much damage my one dangerous flaw had bought to me.

Dreaming.

I had dreamt my entire life, since my mother used to tuck me into bed and read to be the old nursery rhymes and fairytales from our old thick leather bound book that held all the glorious and enchanting nursery rhymes and fairytales. The book belonging to my great grandmother. From there I had literally delved myself into reading, living more in my stories than I did in my own world, in reality. I lived and craved for those stories so drastically, so deeply, that I never woke up to around me to see the blinding truth of reality. If I had I would have realized when Jed walked up to me that there was a possibility that he wasn’t my prince and I would have listened to my heart rather than the book in my hand.

None of this would have ever happened and I wouldn’t be where I am right now, nothing this bad would have happened to me except maybe a devastated heart that over time would heal and mend like any break up it came with some sadness and some more extreme than the other.

I just cannot get over the fact that if I hadn’t been so absorbed in those damn romance novels I would have seen Jed for who he truly was! How had I never noticed how much of a jerk he was? I can admit that at first he was the sweetest boy going and now I knew it was only so I’d date him and maybe let him throw away my clothes earnestly. Yet over time he gradually showed his true colors until I was cowering on the janitor’s floor with a swollen cheek. Yet I had turned a blind eye, convincing myself he was just being a boy, doing what boys did and that he was my so called prince and it didn’t matter because he loved me.

I had been such a fool!

I couldn’t be more angry, agitated and loathing towards myself, for all my actions and stupidity. I wanted to beat common sense into me and until I was numb, right now I honestly couldn’t care less if he struck me again, I was to angered at myself to honestly care. A part of me wanted him to hit me, I felt as if I deserved it. Hell there’d been so many signs and my little family had all subtly warned me and yet I just didn’t realize it because I had my head stuck in a book.

It had been over a week more since Jed had struck me and by hell a lot had changed. I had gone to that school skipping, wearing Eli’s shirt with the full intention of ending my relationship with Jed before walking into Eli’s arms with no regrets or guilt and to just be loved and pure happy. It all seemed so easy, so simple and so damn exciting. Little did I know that I wasn’t going to get rid of regrets and guilt but to only build on it all, escalating it to catastrophic lengths.

A lot of things had changed and not any for the best, instead they went in the opposite direction, as if to punish my ignorance that was in all honesty more blissful to the reality I had been awoken to.

After being struck, your initial response is to either fight back or cower and shield yourself. It’s human instincts and your choice is based on your opponent. My opponent was Jed, a stocky, burly tall man that looked more threatening than the scary bouncers at some clubs. I knew I honestly couldn’t take a stand against him, especially in the confines with no one in sight so I took option two, I cowered shielding myself. I think deep down another reason behind my actions was solely because I was never a vocal person or too strong, I never took a fierce stand that was a strong and powerful as Mel was and I knew I never would be. Me taking a strong, powerful stance was like a vegetarian shark, laughable. At the end of the day I was always going to be a more so weaker person that rather conquered my issues through common sense and wit rather than vocally or even physically like Mel could be at times. Another part even hatter admitting it more that I was always a girl too that expected and craved to be saved by someone else, preferably a sexy prince, which came from my stupid dreaming.

After Jed striking me I curled in on myself, uselessly protecting myself in cowering fear. Just being near him had my skin prickling cold with goosebumps and freezing cold. My body was rigid and always knew when he was near; it was like a prey’s instant reaction to their weakness, their predators. I was petrified of Jed, being just near him bile would claw up my throat, my body would begin to shake and sweat and my eyes would lower down and build with burning tears of fear.

I became a submissive fool.

I clung to Jed’s side, keeping him happy in any way possible so he wouldn’t strike me, pretending that I was trying to fix the relationship as he had put it. it didn’t take much, mainly all I had to do was sit by his side like a trophy wife as he sat and talked to all his mates and ignored me as if I wasn’t even there. Those moments were blessings but it never meant I let my guard down, I’d simply sit stiff in his arms, curled into his side as he held me close and tight and just sat there like a numb, stiff zombie.

I did that for the entire day at school, once school was over I’d run like there was no tomorrow to escape. Jed never thought anything of it and honestly didn’t care, he only wanted me when he needed something to show his somewhat trophy bride like material off to. When he didn’t he just laughed as if nothing was wrong and call me such a book nerd. The sad part was to escape I couldn’t even go to the own sanctuary of my house or anywhere else that it’d be obvious that’d I stray to. I simply couldn’t.

Why?

Because of my extended family, all of them were worried, curios and at any chance on my toes demanding answers. I had avoided all of them to the point it was pure skill. I didn’t come home until it was well after midnight and I left in the morning before anyone else was awake. Liam had soon caught onto the habit and tried staying up later or getting up earlier and that only meant I had to change my tactics, I began sneaking in and out my window and locking my door so he couldn’t get in. from what I knew, Liam was none the wiser.

Mum and dad were simply just worried; they knew nothing of what was going on, literally nothing. I didn’t know what Liam told them and I honestly think he hadn’t told them anything since they weren’t as urgent and pestering as Liam. I honestly think in some ways he was covering for me even if I was running from him. By the way my parents treated me on the rare occasion I saw them they honestly didn’t know I was getting in late, which only worked to my advantage. I had pulled the line of being studying and caught up in school for a lot of my absence, the rest I lied more saying I was simply staying at Mel’s since the house was getting lonely. Something that wasn’t rare of me doing before all of this. At the end of the day my parents were oblivious to the full severity of the situation and solely thought that I was just pushing myself with upcoming exams and being in my final years of schooling.

I had no idea why Liam was lying for me, but I was eternally grateful.

At times I had been truly tempted to actually hide out at Mel’s but I knew I couldn’t. I just couldn’t because I’d be questioned and interrogated and right now with all that had been happening I couldn’t tell her the truth of what happened, not a thing. It was too dangerous what with her growing relationship with Liam, who knew if she’d tell him? Hell, it wouldn’t be Liam punching Jed, it’d be Mel herself. Yet no matter what I left her be, especially when as days passed Liam and Mel became less harassing towards me and I realized it was because Mel was facing issues on her own.

It wasn’t until later that I found out what.

I found out one day when a sense of anger, courage and common sense came back to me. I had been hiding out in a café that teens basically never went to, a place I knew Eli wouldn’t dare to try and look when like somewhat of a light bulb I grew a backbone. Sitting there I realized how absolutely stupid I had been, I had been running and hiding from all my support and network, I had been hiding and running for utterly nothing. Hell, all I had to do was tell them what was going on and they’d all be on Jed in two seconds and problem solved. I had been acting on simply these petrified fears of mine, trying to keep myself safe when really all I had to do was just talk to them.

With a new sense of determination the next day, I had gotten up during lunch to march over to my brother, my best friend and practically my sister and the boy who stole my heart. It was a bold daring move that I had purposely chosen to do simply so that Jed could see I wasn’t afraid and it was in public, where if he tried anything my little family not so far away would be all over him in a second, if the burning eyes in my back where any proof.

I honestly thought it’d be that simple, that’d it’d be that easy. There was nothing else keeping me by Jed’s side beside fear, that’s all it was, fear. It could easily be destroyed and I could be easily supported all by simply telling my family behind me what was happening, telling them truth.

I could never have been more wrong, Jed’s hand had shot out like a snake going in for the kill, tightening and winding around my wrist as he dragged me in close, and tight. He tugged me to face him, face to face and my nose nearly touching his. His eyes were honestly blaring but I didn’t shrink back, much. I knew he couldn’t do anything in public, that’s why he was squeezing my wrists tight, inconspicuously. His eyes dared me to react and I did, I cringed. A silent way of challenging him and telling him I wasn’t keeping his little secret anymore. That I wasn’t scared of him as much anymore and that I had broken through the fear to see the possibilities of escape around me, the fear clouding my vision.

Jed seeing it diminished the freedom that was on my horizon by asking Falan simply for his phone. Falan slid it over watching us closely and it was in that moment that I knew Falan knew just as well what had been going on with Jed and I and it made me sick that he was just watching on without any morals or decency.

It was as Jed shoved a video under my face that I understood Mel’s actions, how Liam was focused more son on Mel than I because of what had been going on in her world. It was why in somewhat ways I had only Eli fighting for me. at first I had hated that, that my own brother chose my best friend over me. sure they were in love but I was his sister! Yet in that moment seeing that video I finally understood why.

The video was…..gut wrenching. The sight of Falan videoing him having sex with a drunk Mel that honestly had no idea what was going on had bile thickly rising in my throat, I felt light headed and in all honesty I just wanted to claw my stomach out and empty the contents of my stomach before curling up into a shriveling ball to cry my eyes out.

It was disgusting, I wouldn’t honestly call it rape, she was drunk and had consented….to the sex not the video. Yet after having slept with Eli and knowing how cherished and loved you can be treated, seeing Falan and how he acted and how drowsy and out of it she was…it just had my eyes burning, wanting to gouge it out.

I honestly couldn’t believe though that Mel hadn’t told me. It was in that moment that I had realized that I wasn’t only oblivious to the males and dating life around me, yet also my best friend. How did I not know of this? Why didn’t she tell me? Why hadn’t I noticed she wasn’t okay? A part of me knew she had just simply acted fine, perfectly and yet it still hurt knowing I hadn’t noticed even the slightest of details and simply that I just wasn’t there. I had never felt more guilty, selfish or just plain awful in my entire life.

I had literally failed all the people around me I had loved.

Jed had just taken the phone out from under my nose, chuckling softly with Falan as if my appalled and paper white skin was amusing, as if the video was amusing. Did Mel even know there was a video? Who else knew of the video?

The next threat sealed my fate. Jed threatened me, bribed me that if I didn’t keep my mouth shut and put up with this, the video was going to be leaked and not only to all the students around us, but the internet and the adults of the town, lastly her mum.

My thoughts had wandered a million miles a minute thinking of ways to make both Mel and I safe, there had to be something. At first I simply thought hey I'd delete the image and what do you know, it’s gone! Common sense told me that the boys weren’t stupid, if that was Jed’s phone than how many copies would Falan have? Lastly my last option was to go to the police and yet if I went to the police than I’d have to confess also and the thought of going to the police frightened me. Would I go to the police for Mel? Sure, would Mel want me to go to the police about it? Hell no! Mel was if anything an independent that took help from literally no one, she wasn’t the most trusting and she wouldn’t want to look weak in the eyes of anyone, including the cops. She was stubborn and I knew she wouldn’t forgive me if I went to the police but if I let it be leaked than she sure as hell would.

It left me with no options, no options at all. Or so I thought, as my mind raced a mile a minute I realized there was one other option; I could suck it up and keep by Jed’s side as much as possible, finding out as much as possible about all the copies and once I knew I could delete them. Than there’d be no threat against me and I could simply walk away once done free with no more threats or possible bribes.

Yet was I willing to stand by Jed’s side longer at risk of being hit or worse?

I honestly thought I could do it. There’d been countless times Mel had stood strong for me and at my side, she’d jump in front of a bus for me and I’d certainly stand in front of Jed’s fist for her if necessary. I had failed her one too many times and it was here and now that I was going to make it up to her so I was going to get rid of those videos without her knowing that I was bribed – she’d kill me if she knew – and I was going to save my non blood sister because out of everyone she needed more than anyone else.

Determined I had forced my body to relax against Jed’s tight grip, my wrists swelling and I knew later would have a bruised ring around my wrists. I nodded stiffly and Jed had smirked thinking victory, little did he know that I was now working against him but I couldn’t be obvious. Nevertheless my decisiveness didn’t make me fear Jed any less, having to literally walk on egg shells only made me more timid and afraid, thinking at any moment he’d realize what I was up to and I’d be done for.

To seal the deal, Jed had demanded a kiss.

It had been over a week, nearly two and I had been strong, utterly strong. Slowly Mel and Liam backed off having some of their own issues to deal with that I now understood to an extent. I kept avoiding my family and I kept by Jed’s side living in fear and walking around feeling like a bruised and stone cold person. As days wore on I felt detached and I just had to keep reminding myself who I was simply doing it for, I was doing it for Mel.

So I made them all believe that I was simply in love with Jed and we were working things out.

My emotions were scattered, like they were all thrown and splattered on the four walls caving in on against me. They were broken and falling apart on the walls, dripping like blood and leaking off their true feelings, overwhelming me. I lived now in a lot of despair, where no matter what I do I was scared and fearing for what could possibly happen. I was afraid, I had never been so terrified, I’d dread going to school, wanting to just fall to the ground to cry. I’d force myself to go though and I’d live those hours on stiff alert and agony. As soon as the bell would ring I’d be out of there, racing for the hills only to wallow in my darkness as I was forced to isolation where I had nothing to do but to dwell on my sad, miserable life.

A part of me, so many times wanted to cave and pick up the phone and call someone. I found myself daily having the digits somewhat typed in before I pulled myself out of it. I knew I honestly couldn’t, if I did they’d only scold me for the truth and talk me out of my plan. Yet I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t let that video to be leaked. I felt as if I had to do this. After all the shit I had put people through, and failed them I felt like I needed to do this to earn not only their respect but my own.

So I simply never picked up the phone.

Sitting beside Jed and acting was my biggest test. If I wanted to find out all I needed to know about those videos I needed to stop hiding and cowering from Jed and act as if I was actually wanting this so called relationship with Jed. If that meant sitting on his lap some days at lunch, or having to skip class for a makeout session then so be it. I was willing to do that much.

Of course there was a place and limit where I drew the line and that was anything that involved clothes off. It wasn’t as if Jed hadn’t insisted or practically demanded for it. I however had in a quick moment concocted an idea of pure brilliance in my opinion. One day I had hung out with him and his mates and stuff at a café – I had only agreed cause I needed to win points and because it was in a public place – Jed had caught up with me near the toilets and demanded why I couldn’t whore around with other guys – especially from the footballs opposite team, which I honestly didn’t know how that’d be the worst thing of all – when I couldn’t with him. I had told him that we couldn’t until I was tested for sexual diseases, telling him that we hadn’t used a condom and that for all I knew I could be pregnant or with sexually transmitted diseases. That had instantly had him straightening up like a scared little boy, before stuttering and racing back to the booth with the boys.

It had me smiling seeing him for the slightest weak and afraid and I was tempted to lie to him that I was pregnant. Would he go running than? Either way, the lie kept Jed’s hands above my clothes and it kept me from feeling grotesque. To me, that was the only positive things out of all of this.

I had to reassure myself that sooner or later things would get better; I wasn’t going to let my life turn out to be like those other victims to abuse who allowed themselves to be in this rut. After all of this and this huge wakeup call more than ever had I grown a backbone and was determined than ever to have a new fresh me, who wouldn’t let themselves be pushed over the edge.

In a weird and demented way I was luckier than other victims, I wasn’t forced into sex or rather rape and I wasn’t hit or struck again by Jed. After that one time in the janitor’s room he hadn’t struck me again. Sure he had threatened me and made me scared waiting for the next blow but he didn’t. I didn’t know what it was, maybe he knew that if he hit me again it’d make people suspicious or maybe underneath all that spur of the moment rage he didn’t want to hit me or anyone. I knew when we first dated that he had rage issues; he had told me that he couldn’t control his rage sometimes. I honest to God wasn’t making excuses up for him, I loathed him but maybe it was a reasonable explanation. However some marks were left on my body, my wrists had bruised slightly from the grip when he had tightened them, and other smaller type marks appear from such moments when I test his patience and he threatens me. He wasn’t deadly rough yet he wasn’t gentle.

No matter what I was waiting always for the next actual blow.

I think the hardest thing was forcing myself to act happy and lovingly towards Jed, just the thought had bile rising in my throat. Let alone the sight of him or him touching me or telling me loved me. I just wanted to cringe away, or slap him. But I didn’t, I acted like a professional and kept up the façade, doing what needed to be done. It didn’t mean I liked him though or was happy by it, the entire time my body shouted out profanities and protests, squirming dangerously as my stomach churned threatening to empty my stomachs or break down cowering in the corner at times.

I think the thing I hated the most about him was how innocent and naïve he himself acted. He could sit there daily, with his arms around me, laughing and joking with his mates like any other teenager, looking so normal. You wouldn’t guess him to be abusive, threatening or dangerous. You wouldn’t pick him for it at all; sure he looked rough but nothing so serious. I hated watching others look on at me at jealous over Jed, or love or lust to Jed or even just fondness. I wanted to scream at them, slap them silly and tell them what he really was like, show his true colors. That was sickening and frustrating enough let alone how infuriating it was that he could just sit there and act as if he was the victim, as if he was pure at soul. It sickened me and only made me loathe him greater, it egged on my desire and determination to beat him in this gay.

I was determined to switch places, he’d become the mouse and I’d become the cat.

***

Walking down the deserted halls, it was class time and I was going to the toilets, it had been a little over two weeks and I just needed a few moments to have some time to myself before I had to go back out there at lunch and act as if everything was fine. I just needed a breather.

Taking my time, I let my feet basically drag along the school’s halls wishing I could walk even slower, wishing I could freeze time. If only….

Walking by oblivious, a hand shot out from a room and grabbed me, wrapping around me and pulling me in. their grip tight and strong, clearly not wanting to let go at all. The sudden grip and advancement had me yelping softly in fright as I was pulled back into the small room. The room was pitch black but by the smell of paint and glue, and the cramped style I had a funny feeling we were in the art rooms supply closet next door to our art rooms.

The grip and abruptness of it all, not to mention being pulled into a small room again had my heart pumping in fear, thinking it was Jed. I squirmed against his grip relentlessly not wanting this right now; I had gone to the toilet with the intention to escape his smothering hold only for a while! Was it too much to ask?

“Jed, get off me!” I hissed, shoving pointlessly and uselessly at his chest “Not now!” I grunted, squirming like a worm.

“I’m far from Jed baby girl.”

The voice alone had my body tensing, goosebumps on my skin and my heart thrashing all for another reason other than fear. My body was fuelled with excitement, pumping with all of these emotions that lit me alight and for the first time in such a long time making me feel better, lighter and safe.

That is until reality came knocking on my front door.

Things with Eli and I had basically been nonexistent, I had yet to over these two weeks be in touch with him. I ignored his calls, his texts and hid from him in every way possible. He tried less at school as if knowing school was the worst possible way, which it was since I was literally glued to Jed’s hip. Out of school though, it was relentless and that was the main reason why I was never home, because Eli was determined to find me.

A lot of things over all this drama broke my heart but Eli….. The thought of what Eli must be feeling right now, so confused and hurt, rejected. It tore me apart, I literally had never felt so worse and I hated myself for what I was doing to him, crying myself to sleep night after night. A part of me knew I simply just didn’t deserve him, he had put up with so much; he put up with watching me date and “fall in love” with Jed and have to watch it, than have his hopes rise to only be shattered that lunch he saw us. He may not believe that I didn’t hear his shout out of pure broken anger but I did and it ripped me apart.

I had failed him also.

I had to avoid Eli, not only so I could work this all out and help Mel and not only so I could keep up my act and so he wouldn’t find out the truth. But I also had to avoid him because I was beyond scary at what I would find and see when I looked into Eli’s eyes. Jed was nothing compared to running into Eli. The hurt that I’d see in his eyes, the betrayal and most of all the hate. I couldn’t bare myself to see that in his eyes aimed at me, I just simply couldn’t do it.

So it was Eli I had hid for more than anyone else.

I had spent so many nights more determined than ever to fix this mess and rid of all possible threats and bribes so I simply could go racing back to Eli’s arms, curled in his safe, supportive and warm arms and he’d lull me to sleep, convincing me that all was okay and he’d protect me, that he’d forgiven me. It was those dreams that kept me sane throughout it all and gave me the strength and determination to go on and wake up every morning.

Another part of me though knew now that this wasn’t a fairytale or a story book, this was nothing like it and I had learnt that already. So who was to say that when all this was over that Eli would even be willing to look at me? Even if I explained all, who was to say that he could forgive me yet again and still want me?

There’s only so much someone can take.

Gasping softly, with a chest rising and falling sharply I tried to take everything to memory in that moment knowing that this simply could be the last time. I would never reject Eli and mean it, but he sure could reject me. so I catalogued everything, how his body warmth filled into me, feeding me making me feeling warm, blessed, safe and fuzzy. My mind would instantly cloud over with this warmth and tingling electricity, taking away all these other fears, problems and doubts but leaving me in simple love. I took in how his warm hands sat low on my hips pulling me closer, tighter as he nuzzled his face into the curve of my neck leaving me breathless with weak knees. His scent attacked and tickled my nose, making my insides flutter and my mouth build up with drool, the scent intoxicating and only wanting me to taste him. He put me under such a spell and my body guiltily gave into his touch, betraying the truth as all self control flew out the window as I was washed into pure heaven.

Or so I thought I was in pure heaven.

Eli showed me what pure heaven truly was as his hands trailed up from my hips, slowly racing and running up my body as if he was remembering every inch of my own body, making me shudder under his lethal touch. His hands ran higher, just the tip of his fingers touching, stroking and tracing my body before his fingers and hand cupped and molded around my face. His warm, large hands encased my face tenderly, my eyes fluttering weakly under his hypnotizing gentle touch, the lights suddenly turning on as he looked down at me like that.

Then he wasn’t so gentle.

His lips crashed against mine, kissing down on me with so many burning desires and emotions that I literally felt my body sway and weaken beneath me. it didn’t take me long to react, my entire control and thoughts flying out the close door as I threw my hands around his face, my fingers knotting deeply in his hair, tugging harshly on his hair, desperate for more. Eli only groaned loudly against my mouth, thrusting his tongue deep into my wide open mouth as I egged him on.

My entire body was burning like a wild fire out of control, passion and desire fueled through my body so heavily I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew I needed Eli like I needed oxygen. I needed him so bad that I was choking up in sobs partially, needing him so bad, my body shaking dangerously under his touch, needing his touch.

I needed him.

Our lips were locked and molded together, fused at the seams as we kissed each other vigorously and passionately. There was no tenderness about this kiss, this was pure passion and an explosion of pent up emotions. I knew Eli was in ways also staking his claim, trying to kiss me senseless as if to remind me who he was and what we had, as if I could forget. Yet, how could I forget?

“Li.” I sobbed, clawing at his hair, knotting it so roughly any other time I probably would have hurt, but Eli didn’t complain, only groan deeper as he curled his tongue around mine and sucked harder, his lips bruising mine just how I wanted them to be,

“Shhh,” Eli shushed me, cooing softly against my lips pulling back briefly for air “I got you baby girl, I got you.” He growled softly, his lips taking claim of mine again.

I felt like at any moment I was literally about to combust into flames and either way I wanted to either combust into those fiery flames or I wanted to be put out, I just wanted this burning fire within me to be released as it was screaming to be done.

I moaned into Eli’s mouth, the taste of him and the feel just unbearable, I couldn’t get enough. I finally knew what the definition of an addict and I finally knew what it was like to be addicted, because I was addicted. I didn’t know how I had lasted all my life and now all these weeks since I had finally gotten a taste. I didn’t stop though, hungrily and desperately I sought out eagerly his touch and taste, cataloguing that too.

Eli was just as eager and hungry, as his mouth leashed onto my own, massaging, tracing, stroking and tasting me ‘till I was just a mound of weak, satisfied flesh his hand reached down to my hip again, the other curling into my hair as he slanted my lips against his, the difference nothing to complain about.

I could feel my body weakening against his, not able to hold myself up at all. My heart was breaking my rib cage to the point I thought it’d be crippled for life, for eternity as my heart created havoc. The blood pounded heavily and hard through my body, making it hard to hear except our labored breathing.

My knees were swaying and I think Eli knew it, as his hands both went to my hips, hoisting me up as I squealed softly in surprise. His voice making a throaty, husky chuckle as my legs shot out and clawed around his waist, my grip tight. Eli didn’t complain as he slammed me up against the wall, pressing us tight to each other, the impact of being pressed and grinded up against a wall and Eli making me throw my head back and moan softly.

The loss of my lips didn’t dishearten Eli though, his lips only latched on around my exposed neckline and throat, his mouth leaving my flesh throbbing like an unresponsive pile of goo. His sinful mouth sucked, traced, licked, kissed, bit and anything else possible to my skin and I couldn’t understand where this man had such skill to be able to turn me into mush. I wasn’t disheartened though either, my hands reached up to knot both my hands deep into his hair, tugging and running my fingers through his hair.

Things were all hot and steamy and I couldn’t believe it was all happening in the art supply room. I had always scolded and looked down my nose at all those people that had makeout sessions in school rooms let alone this. I suddenly felt like such a slut but with the way Eli was making me feel I just didn’t care.

A hand of mine trailed free from his hair, running down the back of his neck and over his shoulders, running my fingers and nails gently down his back, tracing and feeling him out. A soft moan of approval meeting my ear from Eli told me that he more than liked it. The feel of Eli’s chest pressed tight up against my chest, my breasts swelling through my shirt against him had me eager again to feel his skin, to see that glorious chest of his. My hands ran further down his back to curl underneath the hem of his shirt at the back. Roughly and more than eagerly I pulled it up at the back, desperate for his skin and body heat. I pulled it up, struggling against my shaking his hands that were caught up majorly in the moment.

Eli’s shirt was soon finding the ground and Eli didn’t complain. No, instead his hand reached up, whilst the other sat on my hip holding me to him. His hand ran up my buttoned up blouse, unhooking the buttons around my bust so he could see my bra. His eyes absorbing my exposed chest below him suddenly making me feel shy as he watched my chest rise and fall sharply, the action drawing more attention to my concealed breasts.

Eli moaned softly, nuzzling his face in between my breast and the middle of my bra, inhaling my scent deeply making my skin tingle and shudder beneath him. He ran his nose up, gliding ‘till it reached the base of my neck and I shuddered only deeper, pressing my pelvis harder into his own causing him to grunt.

“Eli.” I begged softly, almost a whimper as my hands ran up and down and all over his chest and back, tracing and absorbing.

He responded, his hand trailing down to slide under my skirt, sliding under my school skirt and the thought of being in the school grounds and doing this with the chance of being caught only amplified the excitement of it all. Who knew I was such a whore?

Eli’s hands ran higher on my skirt, bunching it up along the way to my hips. His calloused and yet gentle and warm hand gliding up my most delicate skin had be shuddering and breathing harder, his lips quirking as he continued nuzzling his face into my bra and neck. His hand reached high to my now drenched underwear and my heated middle, before he ran his hands back down.

I let my body arch further against the wall, pushing my hips tighter in against him as I moaned softly in frustration, biting my bottom lip. Eli grunted as I grinded my hips hard and fast against him, his jeans stretched and hard, bulging. I moaned softly again at the friction and I relished in Eli’s shudder.

His hands reached higher up to my panties edging them down and releasing the great, dense heat. His hands eagerly drawing them down my body to my knees or so. It was in that moment that I realized how bad and wrong this was. Not only because it was in a school and it certainly wasn’t because I was technically dating Jed, I didn’t care of Jed’s feelings anymore. No, it was wrong because this conversation was going the exact opposite I needed it to be for things to work, I had to be pulling away not going to him!

“Eli,” I said, my body stiffening against his, my eyes opening as I looked up at the ceiling.

Eli groaned this time in frustration, his face nuzzling back into the crevice of my neck “No….don’t….don’t do this to me…..don’t take this from me.” he murmured softly, begging. His voice never sounded so vulnerable in my entire existence, that it ripped my heart apart.

I whimpered softly “Eli I-“

“I love you, so god damn much baby girl.” He murmured huskily into my ear, my eyes closing shut tight as I had to bite back the three words on the tip of my tongue “Don’t turn away….just….stay. Please.” He begged, his voice strained.

I shuddered unable to form words. My entire body wanted to cry and give into him and tell him how much I loved him but I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t tell him I loved him because than I’d be ruining all this plans. Why couldn’t I be strong just a little longer? Why? I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs in frustration, this was torturous!

I could honestly just say nothing and let him….yet what difference would that make? It’d make me even worse, even a bigger heartless bitch when I had to walk away. I couldn’t do that to him, I just couldn’t. I had hurt him more than enough and this, agreeing to this right now than walking out I knew would be the final straw and I didn’t want to lose that final straw. I needed that final straw.

I didn’t even have the chance to deny him though because Eli was sliding himself into me, a startle gasp passing through my lips before a moan of pleasure, all thoughts and reasoning flying out the window.

My back arched against the wall, as I threw my head back against it, squeezing my eyes shut tight as I moaned softly. Eli groaned himself, tightening his hands on my hips and shuddering slightly that it nearly went by unnoticed. He filled me, entering me entirely ‘till I felt as if he was stroking my spinal cord and I honestly had never felt any better in my life, the moment making me think of home.

Home.

Eli drew himself slowly out before drawing himself slowly back in and I gasped, clawing my fingers into his hair the greater I arched against the wall. “Oh god.” I panted softly, my breathing picking up again.

Eli kept doing it, slow strokes causing me to feel like I was being punished and I probably was. Yet I didn’t care because what was to come would be all so worth it. Eli kept to his pace and punishment and I breathed harshly, my back arched against the cold and refreshing wall as I panted and sweat with a creased brow, gasping to hold that feeling before he took it away. Eli reached up, his fingers pulling my bra down so my breasts were released and he cupped them with one hand, fondling and playing with them escalating the torment.

“God Li.” I breathed softly, begging him.

“What do you want?” he murmured softly, lovingly as he nuzzled my breasts.

I shuddered “Faster.” I gasped.

“Pardon?”

I shuddered again “You….Faster.” I struggled.

My hands reached down curling in his hair before I drew his lips crushing against mine, slamming his lips to mine as I devoured his own lips. He kissed me back just as hungry and passionate; pulling my body apart to the point I thought I’d combust. Eli groaned, his hips thrusting into me quicker, faster and harder. I moaned loudly against his mouth, his mouth swallowing all sounds luckily as he kept thrusting into me deeper and deeper, my back hitting the wall each time softly as we kissed like our lives depended on it.

It just kept getting better and better as Eli thrusts quickened and the coil deep in my stomach and core tightened and tightened, burning more and more out of control. Soon I couldn’t breathe at all and I didn’t even have the strength or breath to kiss him, my control spasming out of control. We both pulled back, our foreheads resting against one another as he kept thrusting up into me, my body tightening greater and greater around him.

“God. God……God….God.” I chanted over and over breathlessly, my brow creasing and my eyes shut tight, biting on my bottom lip so I didn’t scream out.

“God….girl what are you doing to me?” Eli groaned softly his sweaty forehead against mine, thrusting up into me harder.

“You feel so good.” I breathed, breathless as I contracted tighter and tighter around him.

Eli groaned “So do you….you’re….killing me.” he panted as I wrapped around him tighter and tighter.

I whimpered “Oh god.” My nails curling into his back.

Moments later I was sent over edge, dropped into oblivion to the point that I felt as if I was about to turn into goo. My body was showered and kissed in breathless, sweet, cooling kisses and I shuddered, tremors racing through me as Eli muted me as he locked his lips back on mine again, the kiss less rough and passionate but rather tender and sweet. My hips tightened greater and greater around him until Eli followed through himself moments later, the both of us muffling our cries of sheer, raw pleasure through our locked lips.

Finished and spent, Eli leant against me, our sweaty slicked bodies pressed up together tight against the wall, our foreheads still touching as we both heaved and panted labored and so stated, the fire gone and now just left with a feeling of molten lava circulating through my veins. Eli leant in further, nuzzling against my nose and lips breathing out my name softly and I only sighed back, letting my head fall onto his shoulder hoping I’d never have to move ever again.

***

“So are we going to talk about the past couple weeks or are we going to act like nothing happened?” Eli asked me softly as he reached over for his shirt.

I watched him, ready to cry as I buttoned up my shirt “Li….I….can’t.” I whispered softly, looking away.

“You’re not ready to talk?” he sighed “That’s fair, but I do want an explanation, I think after these past weeks it’s the least I deserve.”

I pushed the tears back “No, Li….I can’t…..do this.” I whispered softly, gesturing between the two of us.

That had Eli looking up, even if I wasn’t meeting his gaze.

“Can’t have…sex in the art supply room?” he asked softly, yet beneath that I could hear that he knew what I was talking about, the tone beneath fragile and wavering.

I sighed softly “No, we can’t…..be together.” I finally whispered as I kept extra attention to my shirt.

Eli suddenly strode over pushing my hands away as he reached for the buttons of my shirt buttoning them up. I reached up, wanting to shove him away, knowing too well what would happen if he was closer and I couldn’t let that happen again. I just couldn’t.

Nevertheless, as much as I tried to shove Li’s hands away he’d come straight back, not moving and inch. “Sit still. What do you mean we can’t be together? I thought that- What happened to your arm?”

I cringed slightly, regretting that I had even tried shoving off his hands now that he had noticed. His eyes blazing on a burn mark near the indent of the inside of my elbow that Jed had “accidently” given me. he had been good, nice even in that demented way of his, yet yesterday seeing me looking at the back of Eli’s head and later on seeing me have my phone out – not knowing he was present – with a message from Eli and my hands on the accord ready to reply. Well, that didn’t go too nicely and he accidently burnt me with his cigarette, the skin red raw and disgusting, most likely infected. I knew I’d most likely need to go to the doctors for that.

Yet this was exactly why I couldn’t even go to Eli and get him to help me with all this drama. Not only would he go to the police, kill Jed and absolutely reject my plan but also than the video would be leaked. I couldn’t do that, especially now that Jed had a fair idea that I’d go running to Eli, his eyes were more open and watched on Eli, I was trying to protect him.

That was why I did what I did next.

I shoved Eli’s hands off, walking to the other side of the room as I buttoned up the rest of the way. I shrugged my acting skills more natural than ever “I burnt it on the oven.” I said simply “Look Eli, what I meant was we can’t be together, simple.” I said sighing as if frustrated.

“Okay.” He began, drawing it out slowly making this all more agonizing “So that night after the party….the word I love you….that means nothing because?”

I sighed taking a deep breath, before looking him right in the eye, the next words tearing me apart just like I watched the same thing happen to Eli before my eyes. All because of me.

“Because I don’t love you.”

I was met by the searing silence.

I sighed again, my pain slithering through “Look….I was drunk…and I honestly thought….I’m with Jed and….we have something.” I couldn’t force myself to say that I loved Jed for even the acting “So….I chose Jed.” I stranded out, a mess of words, my drawn out words making it more real sounding awkward and guilty when it was really all pain, like I was literally falling apart inside.

I would have preferred a reaction, to him fight for me, convince me that it wasn’t true and to demand the truth. I would have loved to hear him yell and scream at me, telling me how disgusting I was, how much I sickened me and how much he hated me. I needed to hear something, anything.

What I got made it ever worse.

The sound of the door to the art room slamming shut met my eyes and I was there, standing alone in the small, empty, cold room. The silence was echoing and it didn’t take long for it to bring me down. My body slid down the wall, falling on a box as I cried my heart out, feeling so helpless and broken. I didn’t know how anything could get any worse. Salt seared in torrents down my face and I gasped, clutching at my chest wanting to rip my heart out as I let myself come undone for the millionth time this week.

I said I’d never reject Eli and mean it, because that rejection right there I didn’t mean.

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I hope the length makes up for the lateness! Took me ages to write!I also was never going to do thesex scene, so what do you think; prefer the brief loving/happy part or prefer it not at all? Also, I kinda need to know/make sure there are no loop holes, so what would have you done if you were Erin?
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