“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eli asked me softly, crouching down to my height as I rubbed my head with a grimace.

Curse football. I had, when playing touch football on the lawn with a bunch of family and friends been hit in the head by the ball making me hit the deck.

I nodded stiffly rubbing my head as I pushed myself up off the ground swaying slightly, I grunted to Eli in acknowledgment “Yeah, I’m fine.” I muttered “I’m just going to head inside for a drink of water.”

Making my way inside I tried to walk straight and act indifferent, all fine and not as if I was about to faint. Because I felt as if my sixteen year old gangly body was about to hit the deck any minute as my head pounded heavily and my stomach churned.

Making my way into the kitchen having everyone fooled I took a greedy gulp from the glass of water, my body swaying slightly and the room still spinning beneath me. It wasn’t until I turned around at the sound of the back glass door opening startling me that the dizziness and I spinning around sharply took control.

My body stumbled as I held my head groaning, an arm wrapped around my waist steadying me and holding me still. I grumbled under my breath as Eli held me close and tight before hoisting me up onto the kitchen counter and sitting between my legs.

Li brushed the hair from my eyes as he looked me in the eyes “Why didn’t you tell me you felt dizzy?” he murmured softly.

I shrugged wiping under my eyes “It doesn’t matter, I didn’t want you guys to stop playing.” I grumbled hating being treated like a fragile girl.

“I don’t want you lying to me, no matter what alright?” he asked seriously looking me right in the eye “You tell me straight away.”

I nodded causing me to groan, my head still pounding. Eli sighed softly as he wrapped his arms around my face and bought my face into his chest and held me there and still, the spinning room stopping and his scent lulling me to a point of content and tranquility.

I could get used to this.

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I sighed softly, stirring from my slumber. I let my face nestle deeper into my pillow, a smile slivering along my lips, the back of my neck tickled softly at the warm breath on the back of my neck, causing me to shiver. I smiled greater as nestled myself closer and deeper into the tantalizing warmth and scent.

I didn’t think anything of it until suddenly I felt something that was sitting heavily yet protectively in my own hands, holding them, moved along my skin. My body stilled, my breath hitched as I kept my eyes close shut tight.

What was touching me?

My eyes fluttered opened hesitantly before I looked slowly, hesitantly down. My breath was caught as I glanced down to find someone’s hands curled and holding my own hands in theirs. Their arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me close. The more I let my sense turn alive did I realize that this stranger was lying behind me, their front pressed into my back. Yet that wasn’t that scared me the most, what scared me the most was the fact that I couldn’t feel the barrier of clothing between us. Skin was touching skin, my body heating and scorching under the sensual touch.

We were both naked!

My mouth went dry, and my head was thumping – harder than it already was with such a hangover – my heart was beating heavily and my chest hurt, I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Who the hell had I slept with?

I felt beyond afraid, I was scared. Who had I lost my virginity to? It was a totally messed up scenario but of all guys I prayed that it wasn’t my boyfriend that I lost my virginity to. I didn’t want to lose my virginity to my boyfriend, and here I was and I had lost my virginity to someone that I didn’t even remember who the hell they were!

I couldn’t remember anything from last night!

I took a huge and deep breath, trying to gain some sort of strength before I looked over my shoulder. Taking one final breath, I turned slightly cautious so I didn’t startle and wake them. Clenching my eyes shut tight, waiting for something bad to happen like they’d wake up. I finally was front to front with this person and I could feel their hot scorching breath tickling along my collarbone and along my naked breasts. The sensation of it all was beyond erotic and I felt my toes curling in the sheets. The sensation of their heat feeding into me was beyond sensual and I found my eyes – that were already closed shut tight – rolling into the back of my head about to be lulled to sleep.

I tore my eyes back and I gasped softly at the sight before me.

Eli.

Eli laid before me utterly naked, press tight to my front with hands sitting on my hip in a rather intimate way. There was a happy smile on his lips and in all honesty he had never looked more gorgeous and utterly sexy in my entire life. I wanted to reach out and run my fingers through his hair, I wanted to take claim of those swollen lips of his that looked beyond sinful and I honestly wanted to curl into his chest and go back to sleep in his arms.

Yet instead I let the beyond petrified side of me take control, the logical part of me. So I slid myself out of my bed utterly cautiously, I glanced around me on the floor looking for clothes, it was there that I saw the scatter of both of Eli and my own clothes from last night on the floor.

My heart beat more loudly then possible.

I blushed crimson as I tried to think of anything else other than the possibilities of what I had done last night, what we had done. No matter how much my heart fluttered and shivered in utter pleasure and desire.

That’s how I found myself sliding into my most comfortable jeans, my black skinny jeans, and finding a comfortable long sleeved charcoal shirt that hung to my body. I found my ugg boots and slid them on my feet, lastly grabbing my wallet, phone and making sure I looked presentable still wearing last night’s makeup and in my curls from last night that had turned into sex hair. With that done I ran like hell out of the house and made my way into town.

What the hell was I going to do?

I had slept with my brother’s best friend. I had cheated on my boyfriend. I had slept with the boy I was in love with and I don’t remember a thing of it.

Did he think I was easy now? Was he drunk also? Or did he think that since I was drunk he could take advantage of me?

Rubbing my face roughly with the back of my hand I made my way down the street, it was utterly cold outside and I wish I had grabbed a jacket. I hugged my body closely, trying to keep the warmth and still my weak and stolen heart wanted to make my way back and curl back up into my warm, heated bed.

I couldn’t remember a thing and I knew that to figure all of this out I either had to remember or ask Eli and the hell I had the courage to walk up to Eli and ask him what happened, right now I didn’t know if I should feel like a slut or happy or what.

Making my way inside our local little corner café I made my way hastily to the counter and grabbed the large hot chocolate and a choc chip muffin needing some sugar and just something in my empty stomach. Paying for it I made my way out of the store I popped back an aspirin and made my way next door to the bookshop.

I particularly didn’t know what I was doing all I knew is that I couldn’t go back home or anywhere else until I had answers and to think properly I needed to sit down, get some food and substance in my stomach and fight off this god forbidden hangover.

I needed somewhere quiet to do that and I wasn’t going home, not with Eli there. I don’t know the circumstances of us sleeping together but I certainly wasn’t going anywhere near the house or him until I was entirely sure of all of the circumstances. I wasn’t going to Mel’s either, she didn’t need this weight on her shoulders and I realized that it was time for me to be a big girl. Besides, I couldn’t go giving her answers that could be false and right now I was utterly and completely embarrassed with myself.

Standing inside the book store I turned off my phone, getting rid of all the electronics ‘till the end of time. I made my way around the bookstore suddenly not caring in the slightest how many books I bought today – especially since I knew what books I was hunting for – and just piled them up and took them to the counter ready to drown myself in so many stories that I’d forget all of these worries and troubles.

So that is exactly what I did, I bought those books and made my way to the local library. I knew there was an utter dismal chance that anyone from our year would be out today on a Saturday especially after the party last night. Nevertheless I made my way to the back of the library, curled up in the kids’ area with the bean bags, with the hot chocolate and muffin and my pile of over five books.

I sat there for a bunch of hours and then I made my way next door to one of our towns local café and bought myself a truly greasy meal, a burger and chips as I shoved my face greedily in need to sedate my empty stomach and my head.

I sat there for I don’t know how long; my eyes were kept glued to my mobile phone. I had turned my phone on once coming in here, surprisingly there were no messages from Mel or Liam and I just gathered they’d still have hangovers or just having a drowsy day. There however were two messages from Eli and finally I had the courage to open them, them reading:

Eli: Hey you, where are you? X

I read it and didn’t think much of it, though the ‘X’ had my heart fluttering.

Eli: Baby, you’re scaring me. I’ve gone home, drop by mine and we can chat okay? Xx

My heart stuttered and flared, first he called me baby and the double ‘Xx’ had me in a pile of goo. Did he actually care for me, legit? Was tonight actually something meaningful for him?

What the hell had happened?

Sighing in frustration I grabbed my belongings and made my way back to the library and having some kids steal my bean bags I made my way to a back table and desk and hid in there for more hours until the library shut up.

It didn’t take long for my head to hit the table, resting on my arm and stack of books wanting nothing more than to sleep. My eyes fluttered closed and I tried to rest my eyes and just relax. Nothing of last night was coming back to me.

It was like a film flashing before my closed lids that last night came back to me as I rested my eyes.

….As soon as our lips found one another all thoughts, worries and especially that little voice in the back of my head were utterly shoved aside and ignored. Everything was swept aside and my focus was solely on Eli, on how his warm lips felt against mine; his lips urgent and through with this raw animalistic passion that had my toes curling. The way his hands curled and wrapped around my body possessively, and passionately; one curling on my hip bone as he tugged me closer and closer and the other curling deeply in my hair....

….“You’re so beautiful.” He murmured softly, his eyes starring deeply into mine with such intensity I felt my insides tremble….

…. Eli didn’t hold back either as he continued exploring me, his fingers touching and tracing foreign parts that no one had literally ever been to before. It was all just so much that I thought I was about to explode already and that frightened me. It frightened me so much about how much will power Eli had over me and what he bought out of me….

….“I love you.” I murmured faintly, the lower part of me coiling more and more.….

And then finally.

….Before we knew it we were falling apart, the two of us falling over edge and being dropped into oblivion, beautiful and sweet caress that were cool and blissful washed over me. Eli’s name left my lips that were with a burning hunger and I thrived in my name leaving Eli’s lips also as he kissed me back with so much adore. Just Eli alone releasing within me as he continued thrusting had me coming undone again as I was thrown overboard again. We laid there clinging to each as the last of the convulsing passed by and we were just lying there in utter bliss and happiness, a feeling of utter joy as if it was a white light was deep within me leaving a placid smile on my lips. My body slumped in against Eli as he planted millions of kisses along the top of my head, face and down along my shoulders….

My eyes turned to the size of saucers as everything came back last night, starting from me downing and drinking back countless cups and bottles of alcohols. To me dirty dancing and flirting with Eli like some confident girl and acting as if Eli and I were dating. I remembered from there on in too, dancing in the middle of the street with Eli and than me, daring Eli to kiss me. Than my mind recalled all the intimate, toe curling madness from the kisses, the intimate and heat scorching touches right down to me screaming his name beneath him.

Yet that wasn’t what bothered me, it was the fact that I recalled myself telling Eli, I told Eli I loved him and he told me the same, that he loved me! The man I had been in love with for I didn’t even know how long reciprocated the same feelings and last night I had lost my virginity to him the most amazing way possible!

I sat there with the biggest smile on my face as I pulled my phone out of my pocket ready to text Eli and to ask him to meet me here or anywhere, just to see him.

That was the plan, until my phone suddenly vibrated and I received a text message off Jed.

Suddenly my entire being deflated, I had cheated on Jed! The thought alone alarmed me greatly and I felt queasy. In all honesty I didn’t give a crap about Jed’s feelings – after all he had according to Mel cheated on me dozens of times – what I cared about honestly was my morals; I had utterly given all up on my morals. I never wanted to be the girl that slept with another guy whilst having a boyfriend; I never wanted to be a slut.

Yet I was!

Groaning rather a loudly in a library I let my head hit the desk – and it hurt – because I knew what I had to do. I knew what I had to do so that I could keep my morals into check, to gain back my integrity.

That meant that I wasn’t going to talk to Eli until I told Jed the truth and broke it off. I owed it to everyone, Jed, Eli and myself included. I knew for me to feel utterly content with myself and actions I needed to do this and I knew I honestly couldn’t talk to Eli or anyone else until done. I knew it was the only way to live without guilt and to make myself feel better.

That’s what caused me to send Jed a text message in reply, utterly ignoring his previous message.

Erin: Hey, can we catch up today?

I sent the message with the set goal to come clean and get this all off my chest and to go to bed tonight a single girl and maybe even having the time to talk to Eli before tomorrow.

That is until Jed replied.

Jed: Hey babe, I can’t, I’m not hm yet. We’ll talk Monday morning yeah?

It was then that I realized that I’d have to give the silent treatment to Eli ‘till Monday morning and I’d be hanging out in the town’s local library for one extra day.

Well at least I bought a pile of books today.

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