"Whenever you need me, whenever want me. You know you can call me, I'll be there shortly. Don't care what your friends say, 'cause they don't know me. I can be your best friend, and you be my homie," Roll Up, Wiz Khalifa

"S-So Korina, if you don't mind, could you go ahead and start the format of the presentation?" I mumbled to the brown-eyed girl, who nodded in enthusiasm. "Of course, you're the leader, Ezra!" Korina beamed and I blushed, wanting her to stop saying such things like that. It really messed with my mind.

"And Andrew, please format the information that I sent you in the email and make sure that it is adequate and matching," The boy nodded as he began to type away at his computer, a breath of relief leaving my body. I didn't know how this group project came to be like this, but Professor Rollins wanted us to create our personal world as we would have it, fictional or real. It could be set at any time with any other elements but it had to include some elements from our current world.

"Travis," I turned to my best friend who was smirking, waiting for my words. "Yes, Mr. Moore?" He teased and I blushed once again, not liking to be addressed like that. "Can you help me with the remaining parts of our video?" I questioned. "I got the explanations and animations done, but I want to go through and make sure that I didn't forget anything. Y-you know, just so we can all get a good grade?" I meekly stated and Travis grinned, nodding in ease. I had no clue how our roles came to be designated but I was the one who saw the flow of the team and made it work. Though, I was absolutely no leader.

"I-if that is all, I thank you guys for meeting me here," I pushed my glasses up, switching between their eyes. "No problem, Ezra. I'll reach out if I need anything," Korina smiled at me gently before leaving the picnic table that we were sat at. "I need to get some food so I can work on this," Andrew stood, pushing his black hair out of his face. "But you the man, Ezra," He winked at me before departing and I blinked, body feeling hot to the touch.

Man, I was so gay.

Travis put his stuff in his bookbag, leaning back on the bench next to me, his earthy cologne calming my raging senses.

"So, you never really told me how life was working for the rich people," My best friend snorted and I pushed his head away with a laugh. "Don't be fuckin' ignorant. Of course," I was about to relay in all of the details of everything that I had seen thus far, the way Leon acted so shady when his wife around, how Natalie was so weird when she called me Ezra with every sentence, how all of the staff looked at me with pity in their eyes every day I came to work, but then I remembered the confidentiality agreement. No matter what or who the person was, there was no way I could say anything.

Not if I valued my life and reputation.

I'd rather not risk being blacklisted way before I get the job that I desire. "Life is great there," I put on a smile, pushing up my slipping glasses. He didn't have to know every single thing that went down. "It's good, I'm gettin' money, yo," I replied and he snickered, shaking his head at me. "Remind me why we're friends," He ran a hand through his hair and I stuck my tongue out at him. "Because you love me and you c-can't imagine your life without me!" I beamed, throwing my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug.

Travis groaned in mock annoyance, wrapping his arms around my own. "Yea, I guess I do," He muttered affectionately, ruffling my hair as he looked deeply at me. "There's no one else who can put up with you as much as I do," With a snort, he flicked my cheek, making me pull away from him in pain. 

"God damn you, Travis Walker!" I clutched my cheek, pretending to whine as people passed by, wondering what the hell we were up to. "First, you make me spend all of my money out on the town like I had lots to spend," He rolled his eyes, counterclaiming. "No one made you do shit. It was just you and your hungry ass," He retorted. "T-then you hit me like I mean nothin' to you!" I cried out, knowing that I would ever only be this loud if I was with Travis.

He brought out that side in me.

"I just flicked you." He deadpanned, leaning against the railing of the bench as he stared at me, his eyes twinkling in amusement. "S-semantics, man, semantics," I folded my arm, taking in his godly good looks. It made me wonder why he was my friend, looking the way that he did. "You're too cute, Ez," He flicked my nose and I scowled, not believing his words.

I shifted away from him, not liking intense eye contact. It wasn't just with him. I hated making eye contact with anyone for more than three seconds because it gave me anxiety. "Whateva' ya say," I mumbled, looking off into the distance. I hated when people complimented me because it wasn't as if I believed their words. It was the exact opposite. My fingers drummed against my knee, eyes darting between people as they continued to walk. "Hey, don't be like that," Travis poked me on the side, garnering a hiss from me as I turned to glare at him.

"There we go!" He grinned. "No need to look so upset," He smiled brightly and I couldn't help but follow suit. Despite not knowing the facts about why I was closed off and afraid to meet new people, he stood by my side from the day we first met as roommates. He was the first to make the bloom of this flower was this friendship because otherwise, I never would have approached him. He reminded me too much of the guys that bullied me in high school: attractive, preppy, and loved by everyone in the student body.

I was sure everyone wondered why Travis Walker would waste his time with ole me. I never questioned it and I wouldn't start. He was my only friend at UTSA and I didn't want to lose him. 

"Do I need to say something funny to make you laugh?" Travis's face leaned in closer to mine, his pupils dilated in his pretty eyes. "N-no," I stammered, wishing my life was as perfect as his deep voice. The problem with being gay is that I couldn't fall for my only friend, even if he was dreamboat sexy and sweet all in one.

Such things wouldn't turn out great so I threw that thought out the window.

"I'm fine. Your annoying voice humbles me," I rolled my eyes, watching him smirk in glee as he winked at me. I bounced my leg up and down in nervousness, wondering what it was that I had to be nervous about. "You know," Travis piped up and I looked at him curiously. "You never really talk about your parents," He said, gauging my reaction and I gulped, unsure of how to proceed. ABORT MISSION. "Why is that?" He questioned and I could feel my hands starting to sweat as I blinked at him slowly, trying to think of a way to con myself out of this. 

Because I really didn't want to tell him that I no longer considered my parents to be parents or why, for that very reason. It was just too much to tell and I didn't want to potentially ruin my only good friendship. 

"I uh," I paused, watching as he narrowed his eyes. "I'm not on good terms with m-my parents," It wasn't exactly a lie because it was what it was. "I just don't like talking about them," Just thinking about them made my blood pressure rise. Their cruel words and antagonistic actions directed at me because I was gay, did not leave my mind. Ever. In fact, it was the only way that I remembered them so wherever they were, they could rot.  

"Why?"

I gritted my teeth, forcing myself not to fly off the handle as my face started twitching. There was no way I could tell him that it was because I was a homosexual. If anyone had that idea, I would advise to shoot themselves because obviously, they hadn't been through my walks of life. From telling my mentor that I was gay, to being content with myself, to being constantly thrown in the trash and beaten within an inch of my life, to telling my parents that I was gay and being thrown out, I would hope that someone would understand why exactly I couldn't tell my only friend that reason. 

Being gay had everything to lose.

It wasn't as if I knew how Travis felt about the LGBT community. I knew how Nishan Lawrence felt and it was enough to make me want to stay in hiding. I knew that this city was iffy about gay, bisexual and transgender people. There were always remarks in this Lone Star state. We had some supporters, but I never knew if it was enough to counteract those slur of homophobia. I didn't know if it was enough to assume that Travis cared about homosexuality or not.

"Cuz." I frowned, not wanting to elaborate. "It's not something I like to talk about." I whispered as he tilted his head at me, sensing that there was more to the story than I was letting on. He finally then nodded, reluctantly letting it go. "Whenever you want to talk, Ez," He reached for my hand, rubbing my palm. "I'll listen," He smiled gently and I thanked him for being such a good friend despite not having heard anyone of my secrets.

"So then if you don't mind me asking," His eyebrows wiggled as he leaned forward, placing his arms on my legs, looking up at me with the most mischevious grin I had ever seen. "A-ask me what?" I was taken aback. "You're twenty, soon to be twenty-one, Ez. Why are you still single?" Travis question with the raise of his brow and I gulped, unsure of how to answer. "I mean," I squeaked. "I really haven't found anyone decent enough to date. You know I'm not exactly popular around here," I muttered weakly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I don't think that's true but you never had a crush. I mean, I would know," He motioned to himself. "I'm your best friend, your other half, yanno? You tell me everything," Oh, how wrong he was. I only told him what I wanted him to know and now that it was blatantly obvious and exposed, I felt wrong for lying to him. It wasn't exactly a lie, but I was keeping things from him, and I have been for a long time. 

It's just hard when you put your all into the only friend you have.

"I guess I have a particular taste," I winced at the obvious lie that left my lips. Of course, I had a particular taste. I liked men, for fuck's sake. Though I didn't have a specific type, I liked men. I was just about virgin as they came.

"Hm," Travis replied, completely unconvinced. I would have told him the truth and nothing but, but there are so many things that I was uncertain about, even if Travis had been by my side through everything. "Yee haw," I muttered and he chuckled, clutching my leg as we looked up at the beautiful blue sky. "Y-yanno I'll be there for you if you need me, Travis," I meant what I said. He was my best friend, so I had to do right by him. "Huh?" He hummed, a look of confusion on his face. "I should be the one saying that to you and you know it. Whatever it is that you're hiding, it's not gonna bother me one bit." He clicked his tongue.

Sometimes I wished I believed his words.

Though I didn't like anyone, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Nishan Lawrence. He was such an asshole, a stone-cold homophobic asshole who thought about no one but his rich and snobby ass. He seemed to know how to act because everything he said was so fake, that I applauded him internally. He knew it was complete bullshit, but he had a way with words and he had the ability to make even the meanest words sound so nice. That had to be the reason why everyone still treated him with the utmost respect as if he genuinely deserved it. No, what he deserved was my damn fist in his face.

Not that I would ever do that because I was too scared to think about it.

I just wished that he was someone better because I couldn't stop my mind from going back to that photoshoot, to that interview. He was so attractive and his voice was so smooth, and I hated that he was all I thought about despite only having met once. If he knew that I was gay, would he have given me the same treatment that day when he pulled me over?

Hell naw.

'I need to stop these gay thoughts,' My mind relayed this sentence over and over, prompting myself to stop pondering about what could be with Nishan. There was no way that the two of us would work. He was too much of a homophobe for me. There was just no way that we could do this. I could do better, find someone who actually liked the LGBT community. A person who I wouldn't have to worry about switching up on me because they would've already been through the works. Someone who was gay, in fact, because straight people almost always reverted back to their original ways.

Not speaking from experience. 

Even so, there was no way that I could find someone, regardless of it being Nishan or not. I was too timid and I was incapable of speaking up for myself, despite what others may think. That was just what happened when you were kicked too many times and there was no one there to lend you a helping hand.

Moments like this and the thoughts that were plaguing my mind made me wish that I was in the arms of that sweet lady, the lady who had given me the strength to continue and find my dreams, no matter what others told me. She was the pillar of light in my abyss of darkness, someone who I never knew I needed. She was that someone that pushed me to go and chase the world and to not let anything keep me from being Ezra Moore.

"They told me that I'll never be happy," I pouted, wanting to cry as a body came close to mine, pulling me into an embrace. "They t-told me that I was worthless," I could feel tears springing to my eyes. Those boys had no idea how cruel their words hurt. Sure, their beatings could've killed me but that pain healed. Their words stayed in the back of my mind. "You can choose to let those words make you who you are," I looked back into the amber eyes of Celina Trapp, my mentor from Houston, Texas. She was a middle-aged woman who had found me beaten to the point that I was unconscious, and she took me to the hospital. From there, she took me under her wing, even after I was kicked out.

"Or you can choose to move on from it and be who you truly are."

I frowned, wishing it was that easy. No one walked in my shoes. No one cried as much as I did nor wished that life would just be easier. No one had taken those punches and kicks to the spine nor coughed and choked on their own blood like I did. No one had taken their breaking point of their parents kicking them out with absolutely nothing like I did. "I'm not saying it's that easy because I know it's not. You just need to find that strength within you and find your own worth because you are extremely worthy, Ezra." The woman chuckled as she looked at me with happiness in her eyes. 

"You're too pure for this world, Ezra," Celina ran a hand through my hair, comforting me. "That is why I think that there will be too many people who'll try to taint you." She murmured, causing me to frown in confusion. "Sweet boy, you gotta believe in yourself and don't mind the haters because they come and go," She chuckled and I thanked her mentally for being the mother that I needed in this rough time. "Who knows?" She hopped off of the counter, drying my tears with her thumb. "One day, you'll see." She pointed a finger at me. "What do you mean?" I questioned, wanting this life to be over.

"One day you'll find someone who has been through more than you. Through them, you'll learn to heal. Who knows?" Celina let out knowing laugh, glee filling her home and my heart.

"Maybe, you'll learn to love."