"Love won't hurry away. He will hold me fast, I'll be home at last. Not a loser anymore like the last time and the time before. Everybody loves a winner, so nobody loves me," Maybe This Time, Liza Minnelli

Somehow my car made its way to my parking spot.

"So tomorrow night, we're going out?" I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and I nodded, looking into the eyes of Travis Walker. "Yea, I done already told you that we were, so stop bitchin'," I rolled my eyes and he chuckled, finding amusement in the situation. He had bugged me for days upon days about going to this new restaurant that had just opened up on Main and he was turning into an annoying little rat.

"I'll come pick you up. Who knows?" Travis clapped his hands together, a smirk coming to his lips. "We could even have a sleepover like we used to back in freshman year." He sounded so happy with himself, that I just wanted to rain on his parade a little bit. "...we had to because we lived together," I rolled my eyes, watching him pout and fold his arms like a kid in timeout. "Really? Just how old are you, you little loser?" I poked his cheek and he playfully scowled, returning his arm around my shoulder.

"Just for you, I'm four," I held back a snicker, hearing the chatter of the students behind us. I unconsciously flinched when Travis's finger brushed against my neck and he looked at me with a worried expression, watching my gaze flick away. "You good, Ez?" He asked, peering closer so that the smell of his cologne was hitting me in the nose. "Y-yea, I'm fine," I stuttered, willing myself no to remember that slimy touch of Easton. He wasn't anywhere near me, but I could still see, hear, and feel everything from that night. It was only two days ago.

I wasn't sure how to cope. I wasn't sure if I was starting up my depression again or having a lapse of anxiety. This had never happened, and I was still reeling from the shock that it actually happened.

"Why are you not wearing your glasses?" He asked, reminding me that I had told him that I got them back. "I didn't want to," I confessed, knowing how hard the adjust was going to be, now that I had already gotten used to wearing these eye traps. That and the fact that I didn't want to go back to wearing the glasses. When they fell that night, everything else started opening up to me and I could finally see beyond the walls.

"We also got to work on our project," Travis ruffled my hair and I hissed, pushing his hand away. "You're messing up my style, dude!" I looked at him like he just told me that he set my house on fire with my cat in it, questioning what drugs he was on. "You god damn twat," I growled, watching him laugh it up like the idiot that he was. "Only you can make me laugh this hard, Ez," He mused, looking at me with the stars in his eyes and I frowned, uncertain of what to say back. It was my job to make him laugh as his best friend.

"Aw shit," I could feel the timer vibrating on my phone, telling me that it was time to go. I rarely had time to myself anymore with school and work. It was a miracle that Travis and I made time for each other. "Come on," Travis pulled me along towards the parking deck. It always seemed like we could only talk to each other when it was time to leave. "You gotta let me come by their house, bro. I'm dying to see what it looks like," My best friend pleaded with me and I stared at him as if his entire life was a joke.

"One day for sure," I lisped dryly, approaching my vehicle. It was time to pay bills and get some pizza and that was what I was going to do tonight because I was an adult. See children, being an adult is tough.

"Love you, man," Travis opened my door and watched me get in, blowing a kiss to me. I caught it, of course, because I wasn't heartless, smirking when he closed my door. He motioned for me to go in, pulling out his phone at the same time I waved goodbye, pulling out of the parking deck. I wished that I could tell him about what happened and confide in him, but the truth was that I needed answers before I opened my mouth about anything. When I was on the main strip, I felt my phone vibrate and I looked at it quickly, smiling softly.

Bad Boi Trav: Text me when you get there so I know you're safe. 

Travis Walker, always the same old worrier. 

"I'd rather be anywhere, anywhere but here," I sang lowly, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel as I sped down the street, full knowledge of the fact that this was where Nishan liked to patrol. I wished that he would stop me. Hehe. 

Once I reached the street that belonged only to the Lawrences, I rolled up the pathway, hoping that today would just be a regular day, like it was before Easton arrived and accelerated the motion of this house. I just wanted some time to think about how I felt, how he made me feel, how Nishan made me feel. I needed time to process everything and make sure that my heart wasn't beating rapidly for no reason. I needed time to make sure that this was what I wanted.

Once I parked my car, I took a deep breath, willing myself to be calm and not drive myself into another asthma attack. I nearly had one that night in front of Easton and it was a miracle I didn't because then, there would've been no hope for me. The way things started pissed me off because I could only blame myself for being in that predicament, but I was happy with the way things ended. I got out of my car, gripping my hair as it hung over my ways, making my approach towards the house.

I paused in my step, an uncertain smile creeping across my lips as I looked to see the door of the house opened, a person standing there. "Huh?" I gaped, seeing Nishan standing in the doorway, dressed in casual pants with a button-down tucked in, Noelani perched in his arms as she looked around the large parking lot. He had her hand in his, pretending that she was waving at me because there was no one else in the parking lot but me.

Aw, that was kind of cute.

"W-what are you doing?" I questioned, internally slapping myself for stuttering. "We just wanted to make sure that you got in safely," There was no hint of disgust or contempt in his voice as he looked at me, and I wanted to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. I twiddled with my fingers, my skin warming to the touch at his words. It sounded like he cared. "Oh," I tilted my head, blushing sheepishly. "Thank you," I rubbed my neck, listening to him clear his throat. This wasn't really happening, was it? I stepped on one foot to the other as I stood in front of him, doubtful of how to act. This would be our first conversation in the foyer where he didn't call me every slur in the book and we had an actual conversation despite our contrasting views.

"But isn't Easton gone?" I asked, watching his face contort into pure wrath, a sneer forming on his lips; someone really did not like Easton Foxworth. "...for now." Nishan shook his head, clicking his teeth and I got the feeling that things were happening behind the scenes. "Okay," I sighed, hoping that the bastard took a hint and stayed away. I had no idea what happened the night that Nishan allowed my body to sit in his arms and in his car after we left, but I knew that the police better had been involved.

"Hi, little baby," I cooed as the baby cheered from the crook of Nishan's arms. I walked closer into his personal bubble, unbeknownst to me but known to him,  reaching up to pinch Noelani's cheeks. One would never think that I would be in this situation. One would never think that the number one supporter of the anti-LGBT would allow me, a mere closet gay, so close to him to the point that I had to look up at him instead of straight at him. Wow, shit really didn't seem real at all. "Natalie will be back today," I nodded, not understanding why he was telling me when Michael usually told me everything. That, and the fact that I had no clue what to do with the information of Natalie's diagnosis. It made things a lot clearer for me now, but it just meant that I took another fall and tangle in their spider web.

"You know," Nishan's deep voice hummed, filling up the silence of the foyer as I turned to look at him hesitantly, wondering what he wanted from me. Judging by his calm stare and relaxed smirk, it was nothing for me to be worried about. "You make contacts look good." 

I tilted my head, my heart thumping at the compliment as I looked at him, thinking that I misheard something because there was just no way. "But you still look stupid all the same," He retorted with no heat in his tone and I scowled, glaring at him. "Y-you little—

"I'm going to go put her down for a nap and then you can feed her later, if you like," He offered with a grin, using his free hair to push his curls back, giving me an intense look that pinned me to the floor with a gulp. "S-sure, I will," I nodded, feeling utterly awkward and out of place as he gave me one last stare before walking away, taking Noelani with him. He was similar yet totally different from the man that I first met. The only difference was that he was allowing me in.

Who knew?

"Ezra!" I heard a voice and I turned to see Chevonne running towards me and within the speed of light, she wrapped her arms around me, obviously happy to see me. "H-hey there, Chevonne," I rubbed her arm awkwardly as she beamed up at me, letting go. "What's the matter?" I asked, seeing the pout on her lips. "You took my job," She whined playfully, hitting me on the shoulder and I stared at her as if she grew a dick out of her ears. "W-what?" I stammered, trying to comprehend what she was going on about.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" With a tilt of her head, a mischevious smirk came to her lips. She took a step back as if she was performing on a stage, her dramatics coming through. "The dear butler of the Lawrence household, Michael told me that our ever so dashing and mysterious Master Nishan requested that all of his meals, snacks, and drinks are to be delivered to him only by our one and only resident cutie," She pointed at me and my eyes widened slowly, my brain mulling over her sentence. "And that would be you, Ezra Moore." 

I squinted at her, making sure to pinch my shaking hand to fully put together this reality because what the frick frack— "There's j-just no way he said that," I waved my hands at her, my face burning red at what the insinuation meant. It just meant that Nishan wanted to keep me invested in this house. It meant that he was telling me without words that he wanted me to stay. It meant that he was telling me with this small change that he trusted me. It meant that he saw me for me.

"No, Chevonne. Are you sure?" I bucked my head at her and she nodded. "Of course. If you don't believe me," She winked, pointing down the hallway that Nishan went down. "You can go ask him yourself." She seemed so amused by the situation, oblivious to the death inside of me. This couldn't be happening. Why was it happening and why was my heart racing so fast? Why was I sweating nervously? What the hell?

"What the master wants, the master gets."

Chevonne blew me a kiss, skedaddling with her hair flowing behind her as she went into the kitchen, leaving me standing here with my kit and apron in hand to absorb the incoming funeral that was going to happen. It was mine and everyone was invited to attend. There was just no way that was possible because I was me and he was him.

"Ezra, please do me a favor," I heard Eve's heels long before I saw them and I looked up to face her, unsure of how to act since her brother tried to force himself on me. I had no idea what they decided to do with Easton and his sliminess, but he hadn't come back. It was better that he didn't because I couldn't bear talking about it with this family. "Yes?" I replied, placing the broom against the wall. "Do you mind cleaning up Nishan's bedroom?" I frowned, knowing that she watched me walk out of that room yesterday and it hadn't been touched since.

"Um, I already did yesterday," I cleared my throat and she shook her head. "No, his childhood room," I stared at her as she pointed up to the last level of the house, handing me a key with her other hand. "It hasn't been cleaned in a while and I'm afraid that he might have all of that old junk everywhere. Just make sure that's the only room you go into," Eve rolled her eyes, tapping my shoulder as she walked away and I looked at the key in grasp, realizing that the door needed to be unlocked.

"Oh, and Ezra," I looked over my shoulder to see Eve paused in her stride. "Please don't tell anyone about Easton until after I handled it," I furrowed my brow in confusion as she continued on, wondering what she had to do. There was just no way that I could keep that to myself. If I had any integrity and any honor, I was going to let someone know. This was too big of a scandal for me, and they knew it. I sighed and continued on with my day.

Well, it looked like I was taking the elevator today. 

I stepped off of the shiny gold elevator, this being my first time on the third level. Eve told me that the second level and below was all I needed to clean, so the fact that I was here was a bit alarming. I started walking toward the door that had a big and blue N on the door, holding the key out to put it in the lock. I wasn't sure what I was going to find here, but I knew that no one else had any idea that I was in here. Eve made that pretty evident with her shifty stares. "What bumpkin hell is this?" I stared into the blue-tinted room, seeing clothes everywhere, the bed unmade, pictures scattered, and dust sprinkling the air.

It was official. I was going to die here.

"This is gon' be as easy as pissing up a rope," I groaned, entering the stale room, the need to cry in French slowly creeping up. I walked over to the dresser, placing my kit on top of it. "Oh shit!" I staggered a bit when a navy blue journal fell from the dresser, landing on open pages. "Not again..." I whispered, crouching down to pick up the fallen papers. Cursive handwriting caught my attention as I took in the words.

November 11, 2005.

It was all my fault for what happened to Naomi. 

If I hadn't told her to try to help me, she wouldn't have gotten caught. It's all my fault that my big sister is gone and I can't tell anyone the truth. They would blame me and I don't want that. It just hurts so much that I can't do anything about it. That evil man said that she drowned, but nothing could explain all that blood. Nothing could explain the dark marks around her neck, the knife marks around her skull.

Nothing could explain why that evil man was so happy when the police finally left but he didn't know that I knew. Just like Naomi was watching, I was watching him. I couldn't do anything to stop him from hurting her. She tried to help me, she tried to do everything she could, but she could only do nothing in the end. Here, I sit writing this journal with an empty mind and a pained heart, angry with myself and everyone that it took her death for it all to end. 

I miss her. I miss her so much. I wish that I could tell her that I'm sorry for everything and that I never meant for her to die. It was all my fault she was killed. If I never told her, if she never saw me that one night and told me to open up to her, if she never said anything, at least she would still be alive. But that man killed her.

He killed her because she saw him. 

And I'll never forgive him.

n.r.l

Wait, those initials. I knew those initials. This journal didn't belong to Natalie because her middle name was Thalia, and it couldn't be Naomi's because someone was talking about her in this entry, so it had to be Nishan's. This was thirteen years ago when Nishan was fourteen years old, and around the time that Eve said Easton went away and never came back.

"...what happened?" I asked out loud, a horrifying realization coming to mind. Nishan knew a lot more than he told anyone. He was the core part of this entire family's secrets and that made this situation all the scarier because one could see the intense and hidden turmoil that was threatening to unleash from beneath those green and brown eyes, sucking us all in.

But even so, I had to know what made him this way.