15| high hopes

taehyung huffs annoyed as he walks down the long corridor, aiming for any room that can clear his mind. he would preferably choose the one with the piano, but he better not does so, knowing that room means a lot to jeongguk. he invented in there once, doesn't happen twice.

and his thoughts are a chaos. a literal one.

he doesn't know where one thought ends and the other begins. he doesn't even know where he was walking to, his feet kept carrying him from their own, while his eyes studied the floor.

he was annoyed because of something seokjin and jimin had told him.
they said jeongguk cared for me?

"pff as if." taehyung mumbled to himself. yeah, pff as if. why would jeongguk, the so great and ruthless mafia leader care for the fragile and soft taehyung?

"he fucking hugged you!" jimin had squealed.

taehyung rolled his eyes again.
"means nothing."

"he wasn't angry when you entered jaehee's practice room." jin had said.

"maybe he was just surprised that i can play the piano." taehyung mumbles to himself, walking forward, gaze down.

"he calls you princess."

"yeah, i was wearing a fucking bride dress on our first encounter and now he mocks me." he spat, knowing no one can hear him.

"he literally told you to take care."

taehyung stopped remembering these words from seokjin.

he doesn't know why, but remembering jeongguk indeed said this, makes him feel warm inside. and then again, he hates it. he knows what is going on inside of him, what all these feelings and thoughts are about whenever he sees jeongguk. he knows it, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it.

he can't acknowledge it.

jeongguk means danger— the dark haired male had demonstrated it to taehyung clearly for him to understand.

but taehyung likes playing with fire— but he knows it's wrong. so he wants to keep the fire away, scared that it'll brighten inside of him and burn him down completely.

taehyung shook his head and again he realizes what his thoughts were doing to him and how his tummy filled with one of this annoying feelings.

he groaned in frustration, hating that jeongguk seems to live in his mind now.
"he should pay me fucking rent."

the blond stops walking when he reaches some stairs, that go downwards. curious in what he can find downstairs, he looks around. when he spotted no one, he shrugs and started trotting downstairs, back to being lost in his own thoughts.

it were more stair steps than expected and taehyung was contemplating wether he should just go back upstairs, since he doesn't know where this steps are leading. "probably the basement?" he asked himself.

yeah the basement would make sense if these stairs go all this way down.

he shuddered a little, remembering how jeongguk had pushed him into one of these empty rooms on his first day here. taehyung scoffed. "see, he's just bad. he hurt you, so stop thinking about him." he kept reminding himself, yet all in vain.

taehyung's small feet continued to walk him down, it's by now making fun walking down the stairs, so he speeds up, sometimes skipping steps, giggling to himself.

he stops when he reaches a huge metallic door. "there's no way i'll go all this stairs up again." he said, thinking the door might be locked. surprisingly— it wasn't.

taehyung pushed that heavy thing open, expecting to see cellars or just a normal basement— but not this.

it was a huge dark room, on every free space on the wall were weapons; pistols, knives, revolvers, you name it.

"wow." taehyung breathed out, closing the door, flinching when he heard the door click. he looked around until he spotted another door.

he knows for sure he wasn't allowed to be here, because jeongguk would end things ugly for him, but maybe that's exactly what he wants. teasing jeongguk, showing him that kim taehyung isn't someone he can shove around the way he wants.

yes, he would love to tease jeongguk more, but how long is he going to be strong enough to do it? taehyung has been broken so many times, he wants to be strong just this once. he might not seem faced by jeongguk's threats, but he is. the older scares him, even if he denies it.

taehyung opens that door too, walking along the small long hallway, gasping when he reached the end.
"how big is this basement?" this 'room' was huge. there were small cabinets out of glas in a line and 20m in front of them were wooden targets in the form of humans. yes, this room was to train shooting with guns.

and taehyung's heart accelerated when his eyes fell on a certain black haired male in a cabinet that was pointing a gun to one of the targets. taehyung was standing there like a lost puppy now, eyes glued to the male in black, as one thought crossed his mind.

'guess i'll take the stairs back up.'

he doesn't want to see jeongguk. he's confusing him and he doesn't want to be confused. he wants to be able to control his own life now that he has the freedom to. now that his family is out of his way, he maybe can achieve that. if it wasn't for jeon jeongguk.

so what's better then running away of your problems?

he was about to turn around and leave, when the loud sound of the gun frightened him and he let a small scream out.

jeongguk turned around in alarm, his eyes widening when he saw taehyung.

"fuck, he saw me." taehyung whispered to himself, before straightening his posture.

jeongguk lowered the gun and left the cabinet he was in. "what are you doing here?" the older asked, now standing in front of the blond, he cursed internally at how hot jeongguk was looking.

wait—what?

"just taking a walk." he said and jeongguk chuckled. "how do you alway get to places, you shouldn't?"

"don't know that, but i can go everywhere i want in this building." taehyung crossed his arms.

"princess, did you walk down all these stairs?" taehyung's breath hitched as he gawked at jeongguk— because his voice was so soft. taehyung had expected him to yell or to threaten him, not to ask him that.

taehyung just nodded and jeongguk chuckled. "you could have taken the elevator you know?"

"i wasn't intending to go here, it just happened. and don't call me princess anymore." the blond reminded in a bored voice.

"why aren't you mad at me?" taehyung asked, surprised by himself for even doing so.

and jeongguk frowned. yeah, why am i not mad at him?

"i am mad at you." jeongguk said and taehyung eyed him confused.

"you... you didn't shout at me and you didn't even glare. you asked about the stairs and told me to use the elevator next time. yes, you sound so mad." the blond rolled his eyes.

jeongguk knew taehyung was right. he couldn't explain what was going on inside of him.

he wants to be mad at taehyung, but he can't. he wants to dislike him and be an asshole to him— but he just can't.

he can't treat taehyung like he would treat anyone else. like a stranger.

jeongguk sighed. "just go up again, this place isn't for you." jeongguk changed the subject and now it was that want of showing jeongguk he has no control that the blond was feeling.

"nope, i'll stay here. this whole building isn't a place for me, so it doesn't matter. besides that, i get to go and stay wherever i want."

now there was a small glare in jeongguk's eyes. taehyung smiled at that, flicking jeongguk's chin. "now that's the jeon i know."

the older's expression lightened the moment he saw taehyung's smile and he gulped after the touch that still left lingering tingles on the spot.

"anyways, jeon, continue your doing and i'll watch. make sure to impress me."

jeongguk growls lightly, now clearly disliking the way taehyung was shoving him around. taehyung smirked, wanting to let jeongguk know— he isn't in charge here.

"you don't get to order me around."

"you don't get to order me around either." taehyung said and his eyes fell down to jeongguk's lips, but whatever thought crossed his mind right now was gone as quickly as it came and he looked back up, piercing into jeongguk's eyes with his own.

at this point jeongguk realized, taehyung is breaking his facade.
and he is letting him. but he can't.

he just can't let someone break the mask jeongguk has build up over the past years. he wants to be feared, strong, he wants to be the monster. he thinks he deserves it. after all that he has done, he can't get soft, he can't get soft for taehyung. he can't feel.

because after what happened 4 years ago— it were feelings and emotions eating him up. jeongguk had promised himself to never let emotions show, to never let them control him like they used to.

emotions and feelings make you weak. they can break you, destroy you, turn you pathetic.

kim taehyung though, the small blond that jeongguk randomly almost hit with his car is causing emotions to form again. jeongguk hadn't really acknowledged that fact till now, but he does now. taehyung is making him feel something. and he already knows it'll break him.

he can't let taehyung break him.

taehyung yelps, when he is hardly gripped by the shoulders and got pushed back against the dark wall.

his chest heaved up and down as he looked with wide, shocked eyes into jeongguk's with wrath filled once.

he can't let taehyung break him.

"i might let you go around this whole building, mark everything with your disgusting presence, break rules i've set and mess up a fucking mission, but you don't get to order me around! you have nothing to fucking tell me, there's nothing you can do to me! i regret not dropping you out of the car, when i wanted to!"

these were jeongguk's last words, before he let go of the younger's shoulders, pushes him harshly against the wall one more time and then walks off, taking the stairs up.

taehyung was in shock, in a daze. yes, he was telling himself that all that jimin and seokjin have said was a lie, simple wrong assumptions by two males with a perfect love life. taehyung was just trying to convince himself though, cause deep down he was feeling it too.

the way jeongguk sometimes looks at him, the way jeongguk's body felt so warm and inviting when he hugged him. the way he sometimes talked to him. the piano play.

"princess"

"i have to admit, kim taehyung, i'm stunned by your courage."

"you are a good pianist."

"no one is gonna touch him. ever again."

"take care."

...

"you don't get to order me around."

"there's nothing you can do to me."

"i regret not dropping you out the car when i wanted to."

taehyung smiled.

he should have known that what he was secretly wishing for won't ever be reality. it's jeon jeongguk— what was he thinking?

he hates him, right? so why was he craving for him like crazy.

jeongguk is a no one for taehyung.

right?

a no one that rules his heart?

oh my god no, taehyung should cancel that thought.

but thoughts can betray what a person wants. taehyung wants to hate jeongguk, to hate him more than anything else, just like he did in the beginning. he wants to look at jeongguk and feel disgusted just knowing that he's there.

but he can't. this wants are made by his mind, but his heart was telling him otherwise.

taehyung can't seem to get himself to hate jeongguk, he can't seem to look at jeongguk and not feel something inside of him stirring.

he had high hopes. too high hopes.

hopes that maybe jeongguk really cared about him, liked him— but just like life was always mean to him, it was again.

taehyung laughed.

author

i hate online school

...

i hate school in general