18| admission

jeongguk needs to talk to seokjin. so badly. he just needed someone who he can share his frustrations with and jin was always the best option, because he first listens, then talks and gives advices.

he walks towards his brother's room and just like always bursts in, but he froze on the spot when he finds a small blonde fluff ball curled up on his brother's bed.

oh hello frustrations!

he blinked twice, then slowly closed the door behind him and walks towards the bed, his heart beating rapidly, though he tried to ignore it.

he tried, because the closer he got to the sleeping boy, the faster it started to pound against his chest.

the ravenette stopped in front of the bed and admired the sleeping beauty, internally admitting that he could gawk at taehyung's beauty all day long.

it's the first time he noticed the details on the younger's face; his pink pouty lips, that kinda looked inviting, the moles under his lip, eye and on his nose, the one on his cheek.

from the beginning on, jeongguk never denied that taehyung was extremely good-looking, beautiful in fact, but it never affected him.

why does it affect him now?

and why isn't he complaining.

what he wanted to talk about to seokjin was, that he feels strange around taehyung, these feelings so unfamiliar to him, the it drives him crazy. also, that he realized something. he said— no, he almost swore, that he can't let taehyung claim more of him, creep under his mask and see the man behind the strong mafia leader facade. this mindset was deeply engraved on the inside of his mind; he won't let taehyung get to him.

yet, here he is, admitting that he only wants that now.

he wants taehyung to ask him a million question and never stop talking until he knows every little bit about jeongguk. the ravenette would be ready to answer every question.

realizing what jeongguk was thinking, he shook his head. no, this is not the path where he is supposed to go through. taehyung hates him and he doesn't like the blonde either, it makes fun to tease him and he admits, he loves when taehyung talks back and gets frustrated, but there is nothing more about that.

sure, the smaller boy is 24/7 in his mind now, but it has no meaning, right? oh yeah— and his heart is speeding up knowing taehyung is around just for nothing.

who are we kidding?— he just can't figure it out himself.

he doesn't know what all of that means, so that's why he ignores it and tries to keep useless confusion away.

he denies almost everything, but not that taehyung is different from others. very different. jeongguk never felt comfortable with anyone, besides his hyungs and jimin. though, jimin arrived later to bangtan and he needed almost a half year to accept him around.

but taehyung... it feels like taehyung has always been here. close to him.

jeongguk didn't know how he ended up sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing his hand through taehyung's satin-like hair. it felt nice.

"what are you doing to me?" he whispered, eyes never leaving the smaller's face.

taehyung scrunched his nose and stirred a little  in his sleep and jeongguk quickly retreated his hand in panic. but the younger only smacked his lips and continued sleeping like an angel.

and the adorable act caused jeongguk's lips to curl up on the edge. he smiled. just a little. but he still did something he hasn't done for years. smile.

"cute." he whispered.

"ehem." someone cleared their throat from behind and jeongguk quickly stood up, fixing his posture, poker face on.

"hyung, what are you doing here?" the mafia boss asked and the male in the door chuckled.

"this is perhaps my room, gguk?" seokjin said, trying to hold his laughter back. "do you, maybe, wanna tell me what you were doing?" he smirked and jeongguk scratched the back of his head.

"i searched for you and then i found taehyung here and there was euh small fluff in his hair and i brushed it away, a-and—

"gguk, don't lie to me, you know i can see through your lies." jin said and jeongguk sighed. 

"h-he is just so pretty." the ravenette said and jin looked at him surprised, eyes softening.

"you like him, no?"

jeongguk turned back and looked at the small male. "i don't." he said and jin raised an eyebrow.

"your smile said otherwise though." seokjin tilted his head a little and jeongguk tried to stay calm and keep his unbothered expression. "don't know what you've seen brother, but i didn't smile." jeongguk plainly said and looked back up to his older brother.

"gguk, you haven't smiled for like ages, i can immediately tell that you smiled. don't play dumb, i may be old, but my eye sight is still good." jin scoffed and jeongguk rolled his eyes.

"seems like your eye sight is tricking you though."

"shut up, you little shit and admit it."

"don't call me that and admit what?"

seokjin sighed.

"i won't admit that i smiled when i didn't." jeongguk crossed his arms and seokjin shook his head.

"that's not what i'm asking you to admit."

jeongguk raised an eyebrow. "what do you want then?"

"admit you like taehyung, admit that he makes you feel like no one else does, admit that he is the cause you indeed smiled..." jin tried to stay cautious with his words, so he said them in a calm way. not one you usually hear when people argue.

and jeongguk? oh there is no one who can help him anymore. he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know what he thinks. but besides this collections of "don'ts", there is one thing he now knows.

seokjin is right.

denying that taehyung doesn't make him feel some type of way is useless now. he can try to push the feelings, thoughts and all emotions away, but in the end they'll come down on him in big waves again.

he realizes, that dream can't be pointless. his heart beating faster by only knowing taehyung is around can't be pointless. and the warmth he feels when touching taehyung can't be pointless either.

he knows, he wants to keep taehyung by his side, see him smile, laugh, hold him tight, protect him.

"hyung... why is he so different?"

seokjin smiled at him. "that's how our hearts work, brother. they pick a human for which they want to beat for. wether that human's heart beats back for you the same way yours does, or not."

"please repeat it in a way not only namjoon can understand." jeongguk said and seokjin chuckled.

"you are in love, jeongguk."

jeongguk's eyes widened.
funny, how this one sentence made jeongguk finally understand everything. his feelings, emotions, thoughts... he can now order them. he can now put them in one drawer, the drawer with the name tag "love". this drawer hasn't been opened since ages, but it simply opened again for a boy who he almost hit with his car. taehyung fit perfectly in that drawer.

jeongguk felt weak in realization. he sat down on the edge of the bed again, careful not to wake the blonde boy.

"h-hyung, tae... i-i..." his throat literally felt dry.

"you don't need to say it gguk. you don't have to say anything, just... be conscious about what you feel."

jeongguk looked back at taehyung and with the knowledge about his feelings, his heart started beating even faster than it ever did.

"now admit it, you smiled." seokjin sat next to him and nudged his shoulder.

jeongguk chuckled now, his lips curling up a little again. "yeah, i did."

seokjin smiled too, trying to hold pathetic tears away as he looks at his brother smiling. he slowly, but hesitantly wrapped his arms around the younger, hoping for him not to move away. but almost immediately he got hugged back and that's also when seokjin let some tears fall. after years of not seeing his brother smile and not getting to hug him, he just experienced both within one day.

"i missed you." jin said and jeongguk just felt the urge to hug him tighter. "i...missed you too."

seokjin smiled, letting go. "i need to tell you something though... choi's men, they said they want to get what requested and gave us a week, unless we wanna get attacked."

jeongguk furrowed his eyebrows now. "i won't let them touch taehyung."

"calm down, alpha." seokjin chuckled and rolled his eyes. "none of us will let taehyung get harmed, but we probably need to get ready for an attack."

"i hate them." jeongguk growled. "call the team together."

"taehyung too?"

"no... let him sleep."

"i just asked to test you, anyways, let's go." jin walked out of the room and jeongguk followed, glancing one last time to the male that was sleeping soundly, before he closed the door.

"they what?!"

author

I'D BE DEAD

thank you so much for already 20k reads, i didn't notice it at first , but now i did and i'm so indescribably thankful!
love you, love you, love you!❤️