~Clara~

It is Dad's birthday today.

But here I am, in a different country, hundreds of miles away from him and with no way to contact him just to say that I love him, miss him, and wish for him to have the very best birthday he can.

I sit in the living room, the tiny old fashioned lamp in the corner emitting a gentle dusty amber glow to the room. In my hands I hold the letter from him that Nona gave me on my first day here and a framed picture that Nona keeps on her bookshelf behind me. A tiny frame about the size of a small matchbox, pretty much hidden to the eye amongst the books, ornaments and other photos she keeps up there.

The photo is slightly faded due to the age of the photo and the camera quality. Dad stands with his hand in his pocket, a miniature smile on his lips as he rests against the wall of some sort of church. He looks to be at a wedding of some sort?

He looks so young here. Almost shy. This was way before he was the Don, probably his grandad was still the boss as he looks to be not that older than me here.

He's celebrating his birthday without me, without Milo, without Nona. His whole world has been torn apart over the last few years but I still can't remember a day where he didn't smile at least once. Even when Mum left.

I miss him so much. So so much.

I can't tell Milo and Nona this though. They'll only worry, I guess I'll have to keep it bottled up and get used to not having him around.

Unless...

My teary eyes spot my phone, left alone on the bottom shelf of the book case, untouched and lifeless. I lean back in my chair; still staring across the room at it, drumming my fingers against the arm rests of the dusty pink arm chair.

This is where Nona sits to knit, or write to dad, or let the cat sit on her lap whilst she watches television. But most importantly, this is where she sits to think, sometimes with the radio on in the background, drinking a cup of tea or staring out the window. Sometimes she'll multitask and think whilst she knits, or she'll let her mind wonder when we watch a programme.

I tilt my head, resting my chin in my hand that has its elbow on the arm of the arm chair. I debate wether to actually do it or not, surely it's too late?

I'm here if you need anything. Just give me a buzz.

He probably won't give a flying fuck about my problems, but what choice do I have? It's not like I can just ask Nona to call the bloody Mafia up, that's not really possible unless in certain situations or times. I need to talk to someone.

You know what? I'm going to take him up on his words.

My limbs click as I get up from sitting down for so long, putting the photo and letter onto the coffee table and then I get up and creep over to the book case.

I grab my phone hastily, when I hear a creak on the floor boards upstairs. Stuffing it into the pocket of my grey joggers, I freeze to the spot, listening hard for anything.

Must've been the heating or something, maybe Ruby crossing the landing.

When in the kitchen, I rub at my sore and tired eyes, keeping one eye trained on my hand gripping the glass filling with icy water between each firm rub.

I stop the tab quickly and lean against the counter to sip the glass carefully. My teeth aching from the iciness of the temperature of the water. I turn off the light on my way out and make my way up to my bedroom.

Ruby is sprawled out on my black and white bed covers, fast asleep, with ribbons of moonlight stripped along her slowly moving body. Her ear twitches as I step on an awkward floor board but he doesn't stir. I turn on my desk lamp, the whole room taking on a blue glow as I close my bedroom door.

I settle in my bed, holding my phone as I sit by the pillows. I enter my password and then proceed to text him.

To Elliot:
Hey, you awake?

My finger hovers over send, I contemplate his words from earlier in the day...well yesterday now, when he left once again from my house after a graphics folder meeting, maybe he was kidding? Or it was a figure of speech?

No Clara. This is Elliot we are talking about. Sweet and kind and thoughtful Elliot.

Before I can look back and think of more reasons not to hit send, I do.

And then I wait.

And wait.

And wait,

And...well nothing.

I sigh, putting my phone to my chest as I lay down staring at the ceiling, my arms wide at my sides and and hair screen messily over the mattress.

I feel Ruby curl into my leg in her sleep, burrowing towards the warmth of my leg. I rub at her head with the tips of my fingers and I feel myself beginning to forget about Dad, after all it is only just his birthday, and I need to sleep.

My eyes begin to grow heavy, my arms relaxing and my head turning to one side when my phone buzzed on my chest. I jump, my eyes widening as all my guilt rushed back and I sit up slowly as to not to disturb Ruby.

From Elliot:
I'm awake, r u alright?

Okay what now? Umm.

To Elliot:
Just thinking I suppose.

Almost immediately he replies.

From Elliot:
About?

To Elliot:
It's my Dad's birthday and I feel guilty for not being there.

From Elliot:
Well I wouldn't stress it Clara, ur Dad has other people with him right? And you can always call him.

To Elliot:
Yeah he's got his colleagues. But Milo's here with me and I can't call him as

As what?!

...as the line over there isn't working.

Yeah that works. Smooth Clara, smooth.

From Elliot:
I'm sorry to hear that, why don't u send him a card or something, saying ur thinking bout him and that u miss him or just give Milo a message for him for when he heads back. When's he off back to Italy?

To Elliot:
Soon I guess. Not sure. He's been here a while, but he hasn't mentioned leaving.

From Elliot:
Oh. Still.

To Elliot:
Okay I might just do that then. Thanks. I was just stressing out aha :)

From Elliot:
No problem cupcake :)

To Elliot:
That's Hugo's thing ha

From Elliot:
I can steal it for now. He doesn't need to know. Don't tell him, he'll be mad.

To Elliot:
So why are you up so late then?

From Elliot:
Oh just thinking. Some things on my mind.

To Elliot:
Alright. Won't intrude. Good things?

From Elliot:
Yeah according to Hugh *rolls eyes*

To Elliot:
That doesn't give me much to go on.

From Elliot:
He's just got something in my head is all. Don't worry bout it. I'm just overthinking.

To Elliot
K

From Elliot:
Just K?

To Elliot:
Uh yeah?

From Elliot:
K for Kellogg's? K for Krusty Krab?

To Elliot
This convo took a weird turn.

From Elliot:
Yeah lol. Anyway I'm gonna try sleep. Church tomorrow fgs.

To Elliot:
See you there. Nona's dragging me along again.

From Elliot:
So you don't like seeing me then? I'm offended. Ha lol. :)

To Elliot:
Are you drunk or something?

From Elliot:
No just exhausted aha.

To Elliot:
Night E :)

From Elliot:
Night C :D

I get up, turning my screen off and I grab a piece of paper and a pen.

Dear Dad I write then my eyes feel heavy, Elliot's words lifting the guilt. I place the paper on my windowsill and I lean back and let sleep engulf me.

~Elliot~

Come on. Come on. Pick up.

"Hey it's Hugo! Leave a message and I'll get back to you ASAP"

"Hugh pick up. I need your guidance, I think there might be some truth to your words....Hugo? For gods sake I don't want this I..." I run a hand through my hair, tapping my foot on the stone floor of my balcony "I can't go through this again"

"Stop your whining E for gods sake" I cut myself short at the sudden jolt of Hugo's voice.

"Oh thank god"

"What time do you call this El? I was catching up on beauty sleep" his tired voice still hints humour even at this early hour.

"You know how you said that you were certain that I was going to end up liking Clara?"

"OOOH early hour confessions with Elliot Samuels. It's been a while, but must say I'm excited"

"Don't be. I see where you're coming from but..."

"But what? You know how you felt the first time you saw her"

"That's hardly relevant"

"Right..."

"I just!" I sigh, ranking my nails over my arm and watching the pink lines raise up in my dim light. "I can't do this again Hugh. What am I going to do?"

"Ring her up- 'Honeywookums, I fear I may be enchanted by your beauty, let's run away together and live in a magical forest full of little pixies''" he says, completely deadpan, them erupts into waves of laughter on the other side of the line, although muffled by his bad signal.

"Oh piss off. I'm being serious!"

"When am I ever serious?"

"Hugh please. I think she's really great, but I am petrified of being hurt and if I rush into things she might stop talking to me or take it wrongly. I just...please help" I plead, staring at my distressed face in the mirror, my eyes slightly sunken and my hair disheveled.

"Okay fine. You're right, I'm wrong. You barely know the girl, and you're suddenly having sessions with her outside of school I help her catch up and she texted you because she was upset. And say in the future you end up seeing her in a different light. So bloody what?! She might not be like the others Elliot"

I stay silent, surprised he's actually being serious, there is no laughter, no muffle of him covering the microphone to giggle to himself, no hint of humour. Pure sense and advice.

"I was only doing it to wind you up. Stop being so paranoid" he concludes, I nod, but then realise he can't see it.

"Okay cool, thank you so much, sorry for waking you"

"And if things get confusing and you don't know where else to turn. Maybe you should call Ed. He'll know"

"Alright. Thanks Mate. See you at church in a few hours"

"Shoot me" he replies and I laugh, shifting myself further back onto my bed.

"Night"

"See you"

I end the call and pull the duvet over myself, snuggling into the cozy warmth. I lean over and switch my lamp off, turning the whole room black.

I stare into the dark, going over everything in my head. I draw to the conclusion I am rushing myself, and I am being too paranoid.

At least...I think that's what it is.

And with the inky sky slowly leaking orange, the song of a bird in the distance, and the slight ring of silence. I let myself sleep.