"We've searched all around the area. There's still no sign of her. Not even in the surrounding villages." A man reported to Qadeem.

Qadeem sighed and rubbed his face. It had been weeks since Anissa Ghulari went missing after the attack on Shehryaar.

"Keep searching. She can't have gone far." Qadeem commanded, his voice low yet authoritative.

"Sir, I think it would be smart to consider other possibilities. We haven't been able to find her and it's been weeks now. Maybe, now we should consider the possibility of her being in the enemy's hands."

Qadeem looked at the young man sharply. "If that were the case then we would've heard something from them by now." He said.

"Keep searching. I want the whole area thoroughly searched! No one sleeps until we've found the mistress! Is that understood?!" He said in a loud voice and it was strong enough to make his underlings shudder in fear. Qadeem dismisses them immediately and sighed deeply when they were left alone.

"Fuck!" He rubbed his face in dismay. It had been weeks and still no sign of Anissa Ghulari. Where could she have gone to? Was she alright?

Shehryaar was still in a coma. He was out of harms way after multiple resuscitations but he was still out. The Saeen was down and for the first time, the MMM Mafia was left completely vulnerable. And it was his responsibility as the second in command to keep things in order until the Saeen could take charge again. But he wasn't used to this. He was used to field work. He had never imagined that being the Second in command would be such a tough job.

Glancing at his left, he saw Zameer. Even though they were rivals, he was grateful that Zameer was helping him manage all these stifling affairs.

"Zameer." Qadeem called. But Zameer showed no response.

"Zameer?" He called again.

Zameer kept staring into space.

His mind was still in a state of shock.

It was as if his brain had ceased to function.

His mind was blank and his eyes were empty.

As if in a stupor.

But it was good this way. At least this way, he couldn't feel or think. And he was doing this on purpose. He didn't want to think at all.

It had been one whole week since that fateful day.

Since that day, he couldn't seem to control his overwhelming emotions.

"ZAMEER!"

Zameer jerked in his seat, his head snapping up when he heard Qadeem's booming voice.

Qadeem was glaring at him. "What's the matter with you? I've been calling you."

"Yeah? What's wrong?" Zameer said dryly. Qadeem had been noticing his change in behaviour. He understood that Zameer was not in his right mind. After the whole fiasco of having the Saeen badly wounded and ending up in a coma and Anissa's disappearance, Zameer wasn't being his cool composed self. He was working tirelessly to find the mistress and always stayed by Shehryaar's side. But for the past few days now, he seemed even more gloomier than usual.

And Qadeem had to admit, it wasn't him who was keeping everything in control during these devastating times. It was Zameer.

"I'll get it done." Zameer sighed when he got his orders and stood up.

"See that you do."

Zameer nodded and exited the room.

As if on autopilot, his feet carried him all the way down to the underground parking and before he knew it, he was speeding away.

Everything was blurred around him.

He had lost sense of time and space.

All he knew was one destination.

And when he arrived there, he didn't do his usual routine of checking up on Shehryaar's well-being. No, he went straight for the room where she was.

He halted when he got closer to the door.

His heart started to pace so fast that he thought it might burst. His palms began to sweat as well as his forehead. Cold shivers crawled down his spine and tears welled up in his eyes.

He felt weak in the knees. His lungs constricted and suddenly, he found it so hard to breath.

Even now, after a whole week, he couldn't bring himself to face her.

Even though, behind that door, she was lying in deep sleep. When he had found her that morning, she was badly injured from her escape to the forest and being a diabetic, she needed immediate medical attention. However, it wasn't the scarps and bruises on her body that he was worried about; he was more concerned about her mental health. After what she had been through, he wasn't sure what her reaction would be.

Would as react violently?

Would she react impulsively?

He had no idea so he took precaution. He had her sedated so her body may heal properly. Thankfully, she wasn't in any danger. Unlike the last time when her injury was left untreated and she ended up with an infection, she was coping well.

But for Zameer, he couldn't bring himself to face her even when she was unconscious. He couldn't bring himself to see her even.

He was afraid of what he might feel.

Just now, without even seeing her, he could feel self loathing and disgust towards himself as his guilt crawled at his heart.

After what he had done, he didn't deserve to even look at her.

How could he do that to her? How could he treat her that way?

He loathed himself for what he did to that poor sweet girl.

She was his ward and he was suppose to protect her. But he ended up being the one who harmed her.

Why? Why wasn't anything going in his favor?

First, he failed to protect the woman whom he had promised to protect and now, he failed to protect the girl whom he was responsible for.

As he started to think, flashes of those broken moments rose in his mind and his heart shuddered in fear.

Fear.

He never thought that there would come a time where he would feel fear for anyone other then Shehryaar.

But he did.

And towards a girl he deeply respected no less.

Yes, he feared Sadia now. He feared what she might do once she would wake up. And he feared what might become of him once that happens.

He held himself accountable.

His conscience held him accountable.

Clenching his fists tightly and gnashing his teeth together, he tried to get a hold of himself. It wasn't like him to show any signs of emotions when he was on the job.

He had no interest in anything anymore and even if he dared to allow himself to think, the whole thought process would start and his mind would blast from anxiety. And he hated feeling like this. He was restless and his emotions were out of control.

So, once again, he shut down his emotions.

After a report from the nurse, he retreated back to work.

**********

'I can't.....believe it...," I heard Shahzeb slur in a low voice.

'What's up now?' I asked nonchalantly as I sorted through the papers on my desk. I glanced in his direction and saw him walking in my general direction, holding a bottle of vodka in hand.

'Why should..,' He hiccuped and took another swig from the bottle. 'Tell you anything? You're always busy kissing his ass.'

I chuckled at that and stared at him with a raised brow. 'Well he is my boss so-'

'Yeah, he's.....' hiccup. 'He's the boss.'

'Don't sound so dramatic man, it doesn't suit you.' I chuckled. I tried to pacify him but I could easily tell that he wasn't in the right state of mind. Ever since we found out about that girl that Shehryaar has taken a liking to, Shahzeb had been constantly on edge.

'If you were working....,' hiccup. 'For me, you wouldn't be this busy.'

'Yeah well,' I resumed back to studying the papers. 'You know quite well where my talents lie.'

He was suddenly silent. I looked up only to see him staring at me with an intense gaze. His usual cold sharp brown eyes had suddenly gotten soft and there were a myriad of emotions in them that I couldn't recognize. And the expression on his face was one of dead seriousness.

'What?' I asked with a frown. He was sort of creeping me out.

'You're a good man, Zameer.' He muttered under his breath. I was taken by surprise at his words.

"What?" My eyebrows jumped up in astonishment. But there was no trace of humour on his face.

'You heard me.'

'Yeah,' I sighed. 'I did. But why would you say that.'

'Cause,' he paused and stared at me for a few seconds. His eyes were observing me closely as if gauging my reaction but i made sure to keep my poker face up. I hated it whenever someone tried to figure out what I was thinking. And Shahzeb was doing just that.

Why is he saying such things? He's never talked so openly and so freely before. Is he okay?

'You wouldn't have turned out this way of it wasn't for Shehryaar and I. You would've been living a normal life by now.' He said. I frowned in dismay.

'As if.' I scoffed. I would've died somewhere in a gutter if I hadn't met with them. I don't know what he's thinking. Why is saying such things?

'Why are you-'

'You're not like us,' he uttered and placed the vodka bottle on my desk. 'You're not like me and Shehryaar. You have normal aspirations and wishes and I pray that one day, you finally get the chance to fulfill them.' He looked up at me, his face full of solemness.

I was left shocked. How? How could he possibly know that about me? We're good friends no doubt but I've never shared this part of myself with him or anyone else.

'Why are you saying all of this?' I mumbled under my breath.

'Because I know you.'

'You're a good man Zameer.' He said again and I was about to retort back when he raised his hand in silent order for me to stay quiet. And his hard eyes commanded me to obey. Automatically, I understood and stood up from my chair.

'That's why, I'm placing you in charge of that girl's safety. Keep her safe from Shehryaar. I know that sooner or later, he will succeed in getting his way and there will be nothing I could do to stop him. So, make sure that Anissa Ghalib is safe and sane. I'm counting on you for this job.' He stipulated.

I nodded with full affirmation.

He nodded as well and turned to leave but I stopped him.

'Shahzeb?'

He stopped but didn't turn to look at me.

'Why do you say that I'm a good man? What makes you think that?'

He was silent for a few seconds as if deep in thought.

'Because you are, Zameer. You've acted as Shehryaar's Conscience all this time. And you know how to use your emotions properly. But the part that makes you a good man, is the fact that you're empathetic.'

Zameer woke up with a start. He started to breath heavily, finding himself covered in cold sweat. And his cheeks were wet as well and that's when he realized that he was crying in his sleep.

Why now? Why now? He thought as he rubbed his face as his thoughts ran amuck, his emotions slowly resurfacing.

Why did he dream of that memory?

Sadia.

How ironic was it.

Sadia. You hurt her.

Was his conscience mocking him?

Sadia! You tainted her.

And he couldn't seem to get over it.

'You're a good man, Zameer.'

No, I'm not. His heart was bursting with guilt.

I hurt her. You were wrong Shahzeb. He thought in despair. I'm not a good man. I've hurt and scarred an innocent girl who never did me any harm.

Suddenly, he felt as if he was being watched.

He squeezed his eyes shut only to see a pair of blue brown eyes glare back at him.

There was so much pain and anguish in those eyes.

Zameer's eyes snapped open.

Sadia!

He felt his chest tighten and tighten until he could hardly breath. His heart was palpating inside his chest and his ears were ringing.

He Couldn't breath. He tried to take in the air surrounding him but failed.

Breathe. He needed to breath.

But his body failed to communicate. His brain refused to follow orders.

It was as if it was seeking only one thing.

One glance.

One confession.

He needed to see her and confess.

He needed to see if she was alright.

Jumping out of bed, he didn't care if he was bare chest, he donned his pants and grabbed his keys and phone and was flying out of the apartment.

Sadia.

He needed to see Sadia.

He knew that he won't have any peace of mind until he confessed to her what was in his heart and begged for forgiveness.

As he ran towards her, his heart felt heavy. His limbs were shaking and the fear he felt engulfed him entirely.

But he needed to see her.

He needed to face her.

Carefully, he opened the door to her ward.

There she was, lying unconscious, the signs of her hurting clear on her face. Even now, he knew that she was having nightmares.

Again, his emotions overwhelmed him. With staggering feet, he approached her and stood by her side.

He found these feelings so strange.He had killed and slaughtered hundreds. He had cheated and manipulated so many for his gain and he would never feel a thing. His conscience never interfered. But he did this girl wrong from the start and now, his guilt and remorse were killing him. They had deprived him of his peace of mind.

This girl. Sadia, so young and innocent. He took away her purity.

How much she must've suffered and is still suffering at his hands.

A tear fell from his eye and landed on her cheek.

His hand stretched forward to wipe it away but halted immediately.

No, He couldn't touch her. If he touched her again, he would sully her even further.

He was a dirty lowlife and she was too good to be touched by him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. He was glad that she wasn't awake to hear this.

All he wanted now was for this pain and guilt to go away.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never--" His throat constricted with a lump and he couldn't bring himself to say anything further.

Now he knew, this was something he will have to live with for the rest of his life.

This guilt.

This pain.

It was his to keep forever.

***********

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