Rollie: zach, what are you doing...?

Zach: Making chocolate pudding.

Rollie: It's four in the morning, why the fuck are you making chocolate pudding?

Zach: Because, I've lost control of my life.

_____
Kacklie: Why does zach always do the laundry so loudly?

Rollie: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.

Zach, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

_____
Rollie: Truth or dare?

Zach: Truth.

Rollie: How many hours have you slept this week?

Zach:

Zach: Dare.

Rollie: Go to sleep-

Zach: I don't like this game.

_____
Rollie: zeze, you know i love you, right?

Zach: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

_____
Zach, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick!

Rollie: Moose Tracks is good!

Gile: What the fuck is that!?

Rollie: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo-

Gile: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.

Zach and Rollie: what?

Gile: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?

Zach: You done now?

Gile: Yeah ok.

Zach and Rollie: ...

Gile: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

_____
Rollie: Thank God you were there, zeze. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die!

Zach: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead.

Rollie: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting them out of their shell

_____
Zach: What are you doing here?

Rollie: I could ask you the same question.

Zach: I live here. This is my house.

Rollie: I should probably ask you a different question.

_____
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*

Eddie: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

Rollie: No, Eddie. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.

Eddie: No, that’s not part of it—

Rollie: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?

Zach: I would want to live with no legs.

Rollie: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Zach. You don’t do anything.

Eddie: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him. *Rollie pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

Rollie: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Gile: How’s that gonna help you?

Rollie: I will divide and then count to it.

Gile: Right.

Eddie: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

Rollie: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.

_____
Gile: I have issues.

Eddie: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept-

Gile: With you.

_____
Zach: Are you laughing at that video of Gile and Eddie fighting?

Bon: No.

Bon: I'm laughing at the comments.

_____
Gile: Don’t go picking a fight with me. I could make your life difficult.

Zach, sarcastically: Wow. I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life.

_____
Eddie: Made you all playlists!

Eddie: Axie, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Eddie: zach, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Eddie: And Bon has the ABBA Gold album.

_____
Bon, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?

Rollie: Blue flavor!

Bon: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?

Rollie: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!

Bon: Blue is not a flavor!

Rollie: BLUE FLAVOR!

_____
Rollie: Stressed.

Zach: Depressed.

Bon: Possessed.

Axie: Obsessed.

Rylee: Impressed.

Gile: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Gile: I just wanted to join in.