For a brief moment, as the sixth course of our seven courses rolls out, I think about crawling across the table, grabbing the expensive bottle of wine and downing it as fast I can.

But I don't.

I behave myself, which is more than I can say for Niamh or Geraldine, who have made it their mission to get as drunk as they were the night before. For all her talk of a hangover, Niamh seems to be chasing hair-of-the-dog extremely well.

I wouldn't have minded usually, but Niamh did force me to drive here which meant I'd have to drive back home, sober, with only my thoughts for company.

Geraldine has been going out of her way to paint me as some moronic evil spinster who is only going to taint Ollie to anyone that will listen. Especially to Ollie's sisters. It's been relentless for the entire evening, and Niamh is currently dancing arm-in-arm with her like she's a delightful human!

I would love to drown myself into a drunken haze like they are, let my inhibitions go and act a fool, but I can't because I have to drive back. 

"You're thinking about him," Niamh slurs at me, not too quietly either.

"I'm not." I say, defiantly.

I have been. I always am.

I can't fight the attraction in my mind, or my heart. I can't just stop the sheer magnitude I feel. I wish more than anything I kept my relationship with Ollie light and fun, casual, because this is nothing but painful.

Her eyes are glassy. "You are."

"I'm not, but even if I was it doesn't matter. I can't stop my feelings."

Niamh waves a hand, "I know that. You're my best friend and he's going to be my brother. Practically, anyway. But, Sinead, I really can't worry about you and also prepare for my wedding at the same time. You're the maid of honour. He's the best man. You need to just get on with it, if not for your sake then at least for mine."

Something about her words seem hurtful and selfish. I doubt if the shoe were on the other foot Niamh would just 'get on with it' for my sake, but still, I say, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Don't get me wrong," Niamh bulldozes on, "You've been the best maid of honour I could have asked for but you really should have kept your distance from the best man, it's making my wedding complicated."

For the first time in my life I get the strange urge to slap her. I remind myself she's drunk, and there is no point in defending myself or my feelings for Ollie. I had no idea he was the best man when I met him, and knowing wouldn't have helped my feelings anyway.

I just nod at her, and squash down the emotion clogging my throat.

By the time we need to leave I'm shoving Niamh onto the mini bus and practically running for the car. I don't immediately set off when the bus does, I sit in silence for a moment.

I'm surprised when tears spring to my eyes and down my face.

How was this morning so joyous and in a blink of an eye I'm back to five years ago, keeping a lid on everything, crying when I'm alone? I learnt then just as I am learning now; people only want the truth, only want to help, when it's not inconvenient to them.

My fall out with Ollie is inconvenient to everyone, except maybe Geraldine who will take great pleasure in finding out I'm nothing but a dirty mistress. I'm expected to just move past it. Move on with the fact he's already married, act like it doesn't hurt to find out so.

The same way everyone thought I would ignore Paddy cheating on me, but I didn't, I ran away instead.

I drive around for ages not keen to go back to Niamh's and face whatever may be waiting for me.

When I stop on narrow country lane to let another car past, miles away from the main road the bus would have taken, I notice there's a red light flashing on the dashboard. I'm pretty sure it wasn't there five minutes ago.

When the the other car has finally squeezed passed and I press on to move, Niamh's car sputters forward a bit, the engine making a hissing noise and then completely cuts out.

I try and turn it on again but nothing happens. I've broken down in the middle of nowhere on my way back. You couldn't even make it up. I must have done something seriously hideous in my previous life.

Even worse is moments later when Paddy's face pulls up in a car next to me. I groan as he gets out. If anyone rescues me, it's going to be myself and certainly not this dryshite.

"What are ye doing out here?" Paddy asks as he yanks open the passenger door.

"The cars stopped."

"I can see that, you're an hour from Callan. What are you doing here?"

"I'm on my way back from Niamh's hen."

"Get out." Paddy says, pointing to his car.

"I'm not going anywhere with the likes of you." I tell him, crossing my arms to my body.

"Fine," Paddy says, slamming the door and getting back into his car before revving the engine and driving off.

"Rotten bastard!" I scream after him, his car going so fast it leaves a trail of dust behind him.

I wait until it's gone from view before reaching for my phone, I've got one bar of service which in this part of Ireland is a blessing. I try and call the local garage but nothing rings through, so I send everyone I can think of a text telling them I'm stuck and my location, hoping just one of them gets it.

After two hours, the sun is starting to dip in the sky and my phone is on less than four percent, I feel like crying. Not a single other car has come. Paddy hasn't come back, no one else has
passed this way, and now it feels like it's too late to abandon the car to get help. The walk from here will be at least another two hours.

My little SOS message says it delivered to Dan and Niamh. Surely one of them will send someone to look for me? Or maybe leaving me to rot out here solves the complication of me having feelings for their best man.

I'm about to break down in complete despair when I see Ollie's car come over the far hill, it's going way too fast for a lane as narrow as this. He's going to get himself killed, but there is some sort of relief it's him hurtling towards me.

He screeches to a halt next to me, worry etched on his face as he flings himself from his car and round to the drivers side of Niamh's beetle.

"Oh, thank God." He breathes as his eyes land on me. "You're okay?"

"I'm fine." I tell him.

"Good, come on."

"No. I'm not going with you. I didn't call for you." Because despite my relief at seeing his beautiful face, I know if I'm forced to go with him I'll be forced to confront things that I'm not ready to yet.

"I'm not going to argue with you about this. I have just raced from Kilkenny, scared out of my mind something might happen to you." He yanks my door open. "Get in my damn car, Sinead."

A loud clap of thunder sounds from above us, making me jump.

"Now."

"Alright, alright." I say, scrambling out of Niamh's car. "Keep your hair on, Jesus."

Ollie clambers into the drivers seat and pulls away before I've even properly closed my own door.

"Wait! We can't just leave her car there!"

"Dan's gone to get some guy named Kenny for the car and I came to get you. They're about fifteen minutes behind me."

I nod and explain, "Kenny's the town's mechanic."

"Yeah," Ollie says, "I don't really give a shit about Niamh's car. I just had to make sure you were safe."

He's in a foul mood so I clamp my mouth shut. Maybe, like me, he's not ready to untangle the mess we've weaved ourselves into.

Rain slowly pours down on the car as Ollie drives onwards. We say nothing for forty-five minutes, not until I realise we've been heading away from town.

"Wait, you're heading to Dublin?"

"Kildare, actually."

"What, why?"

"I need to get away."

"From what?"

"My sisters. Molly. From my mother. And from anything wedding related."

"I'm wedding related."

"No, you're someone who has just given me the biggest anxiety attack of my life." He throws me a look, somehow he's relieved and angry at the same time. "Why the hell were you driving down country lanes by yourself? Why didn't you just follow the bus?"

"I've driven that route hundreds of times and never had any issues, it's not my fault Niamh is scared of mechanics and her battery died."

"Anything could have happened to you."

"You're being dramatic. It's Ireland. Not Murder Valley."

He lets out a laugh devoid of humour. "You think no crimes are committed in Ireland?"

"I don't think I was going to be murdered at five in the evening on a random Saturday."

"You don't know that. What if you walking out Niamh's door was the last time I ever got to speak to you?"

I cross my arms to my chest, huffing, "Then I think everyone would be happier for it."

Everything about him softens, his grip on the wheel, his shoulders, his jaw, and his back. "I would never be happier without you."

I don't know what to say, so I say nothing.

"I just keep thinking why didn't I meet you at Freshers instead? How selfish was I to marry her and not wait for you to come into my life?"

The admission strikes itself right into my heart.

"Ollie," I whisper his name, but I don't know what to say.

"Don't say anything. Can we just drive? Drive somewhere else. Somewhere new. Where we're not maid of honour and best man. There is no Molly, or Dan, or Niamh. We're just Ollie and Sinead."

There's a begging to his voice that makes me want to throw my arms around him, and I know in that moment that I'm going to forgive him, and I'm going to love him forever.

I give him a small smile. "Okay, Just Ollie. Take me on your adventure."

-

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